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Husband Refuses To Take Less Hours At Work Just Because His 6 Kids Are Sick
Husband Refuses To Take Less Hours At Work Just Because His 6 Kids Are Sick
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Husband Refuses To Take Less Hours At Work Just Because His 6 Kids Are Sick

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Trying to juggle being a great parent, working enough to provide for your family and maintaining a loving relationship with your partner can be overwhelming at times. Parents rarely get to take any breaks at all, even if they’re not actually getting paid for their labor.

Below, you’ll find a story that a father recently shared on Reddit, detailing a disagreement he and his wife have had recently about how many hours he should be working.

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    Having one parent work and one stay at home is a common way to divide labor

    Image credits: bernardbodo (not the actual photo)

    But conflicts arose for this man when his stay-at-home wife started pressuring him to work less hours

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    Image credits: AnnaStills (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: wayhomestudioo (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Head_Ad6803

    Later, the father responded to several readers and provided more information about the situation

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    Surviving on one income can be challenging for any couple

    Plenty of people who don’t even have children have a hard time surviving on one income nowadays, so it can be even more challenging for families to do so. According to Gitnux, 61% of married couples with children in the United States have dual-income households. But this dynamic can take a toll on relationships, as couples who both work tend to spend 35% less time together than those in single-income households.

    While it’s not possible for all families to have one parent stay home and manage the household, this can actually save money in situations where childcare is a huge financial burden. The First Five Years Fund reports that over half of families in the US spend more than a fifth of their income on childcare, and 43% of parents admit that they struggle to even find childcare. When ensuring that children are taken care of is so expensive and difficult, some families decide that it’s better for one parent to stay with them, rather than shelling out thousands to nannies and daycare centers. 

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    Being a stay-at-home parent doesn’t mean that you’re not working though. In fact, some experts believe that if moms and dads who stay at home were actually compensated for all of the responsibilities they have to juggle, they would be earning between $126k-$184k annually. This is because they often take on the roles of chefs, housekeepers, gardeners, nannies, chauffeurs, therapists, tutors and more.

    Even parents who stay at home have many responsibilities to juggle

    Clearly, staying at home isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. But both working parents and stay-at-home parents have lots of responsibilities to juggle. When all of the income a household is earning is coming from one person, that’s a lot of pressure for them to bear. The average family in the US with two children will spend around $310,605 on each child by the time they turn 17, and obviously, the more kids you have, the more costs add up.

    Having 6 kids means more food to buy, more clothes to buy, more water usage in your home, the necessity of having a bigger house and a larger car, more children to put through college, more Christmas presents to buy and so on. This arrangement can put an immense amount of stress on the family’s sole earner. If they lost their job, the family might not be able to put food on the table or have a roof over their heads. And there might not be any funds to fall back on when one parent’s income is covering everything.

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    It’s key for working parents and stay-at-home parents to be on the same page about their arrangement

    It’s certainly nice to have your partner home all day ensuring that there’s dinner ready, laundry done and clean floors. But it can be difficult for each partner to understand the other’s situation, especially when they live such different day-to-day lives. 

    60% of Americans believe that the ideal arrangement for families is for one parent to stay at home, so as long as there is a fair and agreed upon division of labor, this can be a great set-up. But when resentment starts to build on one end, due to financial stressors or the feeling that the other parent isn’t contributing enough, it’s easy for conflicts to arise.

    In fact, Romper says that there are several common battles that working and stay-at-home parents fight, including debating about who works harder, who’s more tired and who deserves more time off. Balancing work and familial responsibilities is something many people struggle with, especially when they have children, but it’s important for couples to find a way to avoid arguments and fight on the same team, rather than against each other.

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    We would love to hear your thoughts on this post in the comments below, pandas. And then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing division of labor, look no further than right here

    Readers had mixed reactions to the father’s post, and some shared suggestions for the couple

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    Adelaide May Ross

    Adelaide May Ross

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    Read less »
    Adelaide May Ross

    Adelaide May Ross

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    What do you think ?
    Pittsburgh rare
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ANOTHER BP post on the hardships of SAH motherhood. They willingly had 6! kids and now she is overwhelmed. The husband is working insane shifts and apparently no one is happy. Why couples still do that is beyond me.

    VioletHunter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's pointless to rag on them for this after the fact. It's not like they can just drop off half the kids at an orphanage now and the guy already got the snip.

    Load More Replies...
    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These parents are in over their heads. If there was one financial set back where the dad needs to put in more hours of work for much of the year, or longer, then some of those kid's extra-curricular can take a back seat for now. I'm assuming those are separate activities from the school run ones. The kids can sign up for ones in the school. (Don't get started on the "What if they're doing these to be a professional one day?" That is so rare and not guaranteed, and missing a year is not that detrimental.) If the mom is so stressed out, it could be just for the moment, as she's juggling sick kids. It happens. She's only human. If he's okay with her being at home, then that's their business. I'm wondering more about why he's going to the internet for advice on the big boy decision he made initially. He's the father. He's an adult. He can work out his own issues. His wife is NTA. She just had a normal, human reaction to a situation.

    Justin Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A norman human reaction is to blame the only person in the house who brings in money and acting like work is a vacation from kids?

    Load More Replies...
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    Alexandra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh for heaven's sake! 6 children? What did you two expect? Shouting won't change anything. I get that this couple feels hard done by, I really do, and it's hard, but it's not helping right now, is it? Get together, put your personal resentments on hold and explore possibilities, taking into account budget assistance, perhaps some support from your company (companies here have often special benefits for employees who are also care-givers) and figure it out. If you don't, well, it doesn't take a genius to know what will happen then.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too late and therefore not helpful.

    Load More Replies...
    iseefractals
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, wife is way in the wrong here. . Totally acceptable to demand more from him, but when more is required of her? Well he's somehow the AH for not making things easier? So he works extra hours during the week because she wants their kids to continue optional activities, while she gets 7 child free hours during the day, and then on his days off he takes over all her responsibilities....but now that the responsibility load has increased for her, now HE'S not doing enough? What if he said "hey, since the kids aren't there during the day, how about you get a job so i don't have to work these extra hours? Or how about when i'm spending my time off taking over parenting and household duties, you go find a job that will bring in some money" Doesn't matter if it's mom staying at home, or dad staying at home. You agreed to that division of labor, don't expect the terms to change in a way that serve only to benefit you.

    Barrygirl1943
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah those six kids taking out of her bon bon and soap opera time. Who exactly is grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, etc for 8 people. Not to mention running everyone around.

    Load More Replies...
    MR
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ETA. Sorry, but having 6 kids on a single income is irresponsible. Especially when it takes only a small crisis or two to bury you. The two of you made bad choices and now you're both in hell, stressed out, and can't function and care for the kids. You can't work the hours you're working before it kills you. And she can't take care of the kids by herself for much longer before she collapses. You need to cut back. Yes, that sucks for the ECs. But having two dead parents is a weird trade off.

    Mbfsc63
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Irresponsible???? It's bats##t crazy!!!!

    Load More Replies...
    Donna Peluda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder what swanky region these hillbillies practice. Condom's for Christ sake. 6 foorking kids in this day an age is irresponsible.

    Krysta Pandoo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    6 kids is a lot but they are all school age and have extra curriculars - doesn't that equal a huge chuck of the day where she's at home by herself? When they're sick, that would be hard, but it's defo not the norm. Even on the school hols, the older ones don't really need much attention as teens, maybe the odd planned day out. Other then the mum needing a reality check, I don't think anything should change. Dad works all hours and she deals with school runs and evening dinner and bed. Seems equal to me.

    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The post is overly elaborate. The mother's point of stress was during caring for her sick autistic child. Having a child with a disability means more appointments with specialists and doctors, and meetings with the school. My own was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay. She had speech therapy, developmental assessments, eye and hearing tests, as well as her usual doctor appointments and days she was sick, and the school often wanted meetings for various reasons. I had one job that was shift that rotated week by week among the staff for evenings, weekends and days. Most other jobs I had didn't last because they didn't want to accommodate my reasons for time offs because it was about my child and not me. So, if I needed to take my daughter for a dr's appointment it wouldn't be excusable like it would if the the dr's appt. was for me. The father did say the only reason he picked up all those extra hours was because of a financial set back. So, before then, they were fine.

    Load More Replies...
    CatLady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What sticks out to me here is that wife appears to be on the verge of a major breakdown, and she is in dire need of professional medical assistance. She's obviously exhausted, overwhelmed, and beyond the ability to reason. There's also a condition called "compassion fatigue" where a caregiver gets so overwhelmed they lose their emotional ability to care, which would not be good for the children if she gets there. A psychiatric evaluation is in order, along with some marriage counselling so they can better communicate and understand each other's needs as well as how to best manage the family. For those who are saying the older kids should be pitching in more... "parentification" leaves lasting psychological damage. I mean, kids should have chores, and age-appropriate responsibilities. But the older kids shouldn't be raising the younger ones. Children need to be children.

    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t get how folks are saying that kids’ extracurricular activities should be cut. Sports, music, etc are absolutely necessary in today’s US. These folks are in a terrible bind and need both marriage and financial counseling. Also double check all expenditures. I question why he doesn’t get a vasectomy or his wife doesn’t get tubes tied though.

    Load More Comments
    Pittsburgh rare
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ANOTHER BP post on the hardships of SAH motherhood. They willingly had 6! kids and now she is overwhelmed. The husband is working insane shifts and apparently no one is happy. Why couples still do that is beyond me.

    VioletHunter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's pointless to rag on them for this after the fact. It's not like they can just drop off half the kids at an orphanage now and the guy already got the snip.

    Load More Replies...
    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These parents are in over their heads. If there was one financial set back where the dad needs to put in more hours of work for much of the year, or longer, then some of those kid's extra-curricular can take a back seat for now. I'm assuming those are separate activities from the school run ones. The kids can sign up for ones in the school. (Don't get started on the "What if they're doing these to be a professional one day?" That is so rare and not guaranteed, and missing a year is not that detrimental.) If the mom is so stressed out, it could be just for the moment, as she's juggling sick kids. It happens. She's only human. If he's okay with her being at home, then that's their business. I'm wondering more about why he's going to the internet for advice on the big boy decision he made initially. He's the father. He's an adult. He can work out his own issues. His wife is NTA. She just had a normal, human reaction to a situation.

    Justin Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A norman human reaction is to blame the only person in the house who brings in money and acting like work is a vacation from kids?

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    Alexandra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh for heaven's sake! 6 children? What did you two expect? Shouting won't change anything. I get that this couple feels hard done by, I really do, and it's hard, but it's not helping right now, is it? Get together, put your personal resentments on hold and explore possibilities, taking into account budget assistance, perhaps some support from your company (companies here have often special benefits for employees who are also care-givers) and figure it out. If you don't, well, it doesn't take a genius to know what will happen then.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too late and therefore not helpful.

    Load More Replies...
    iseefractals
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, wife is way in the wrong here. . Totally acceptable to demand more from him, but when more is required of her? Well he's somehow the AH for not making things easier? So he works extra hours during the week because she wants their kids to continue optional activities, while she gets 7 child free hours during the day, and then on his days off he takes over all her responsibilities....but now that the responsibility load has increased for her, now HE'S not doing enough? What if he said "hey, since the kids aren't there during the day, how about you get a job so i don't have to work these extra hours? Or how about when i'm spending my time off taking over parenting and household duties, you go find a job that will bring in some money" Doesn't matter if it's mom staying at home, or dad staying at home. You agreed to that division of labor, don't expect the terms to change in a way that serve only to benefit you.

    Barrygirl1943
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah those six kids taking out of her bon bon and soap opera time. Who exactly is grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, etc for 8 people. Not to mention running everyone around.

    Load More Replies...
    MR
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ETA. Sorry, but having 6 kids on a single income is irresponsible. Especially when it takes only a small crisis or two to bury you. The two of you made bad choices and now you're both in hell, stressed out, and can't function and care for the kids. You can't work the hours you're working before it kills you. And she can't take care of the kids by herself for much longer before she collapses. You need to cut back. Yes, that sucks for the ECs. But having two dead parents is a weird trade off.

    Mbfsc63
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Irresponsible???? It's bats##t crazy!!!!

    Load More Replies...
    Donna Peluda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder what swanky region these hillbillies practice. Condom's for Christ sake. 6 foorking kids in this day an age is irresponsible.

    Krysta Pandoo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    6 kids is a lot but they are all school age and have extra curriculars - doesn't that equal a huge chuck of the day where she's at home by herself? When they're sick, that would be hard, but it's defo not the norm. Even on the school hols, the older ones don't really need much attention as teens, maybe the odd planned day out. Other then the mum needing a reality check, I don't think anything should change. Dad works all hours and she deals with school runs and evening dinner and bed. Seems equal to me.

    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The post is overly elaborate. The mother's point of stress was during caring for her sick autistic child. Having a child with a disability means more appointments with specialists and doctors, and meetings with the school. My own was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay. She had speech therapy, developmental assessments, eye and hearing tests, as well as her usual doctor appointments and days she was sick, and the school often wanted meetings for various reasons. I had one job that was shift that rotated week by week among the staff for evenings, weekends and days. Most other jobs I had didn't last because they didn't want to accommodate my reasons for time offs because it was about my child and not me. So, if I needed to take my daughter for a dr's appointment it wouldn't be excusable like it would if the the dr's appt. was for me. The father did say the only reason he picked up all those extra hours was because of a financial set back. So, before then, they were fine.

    Load More Replies...
    CatLady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What sticks out to me here is that wife appears to be on the verge of a major breakdown, and she is in dire need of professional medical assistance. She's obviously exhausted, overwhelmed, and beyond the ability to reason. There's also a condition called "compassion fatigue" where a caregiver gets so overwhelmed they lose their emotional ability to care, which would not be good for the children if she gets there. A psychiatric evaluation is in order, along with some marriage counselling so they can better communicate and understand each other's needs as well as how to best manage the family. For those who are saying the older kids should be pitching in more... "parentification" leaves lasting psychological damage. I mean, kids should have chores, and age-appropriate responsibilities. But the older kids shouldn't be raising the younger ones. Children need to be children.

    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t get how folks are saying that kids’ extracurricular activities should be cut. Sports, music, etc are absolutely necessary in today’s US. These folks are in a terrible bind and need both marriage and financial counseling. Also double check all expenditures. I question why he doesn’t get a vasectomy or his wife doesn’t get tubes tied though.

    Load More Comments
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