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Wife Wonders If She’s Really A Jerk For Not Granting Her Husband And His Grieving Girl Friend Some Privacy
Most people will probably agree that friendship is what gives life its luster.
It’s an absolute necessity that contributes on every level, boosting our happiness and giving us a sense of purpose and self-worth.
Plus, friends act as our anchors in trying times. You know you can always count on them to lend a sympathetic ear, be it because you broke down in the middle of nowhere, lost your job, ended a long-term relationship, got rejected, or, like in this case, learned some terrible news about your pet.
However, there are other circumstances – namely, when a friendship develops between people of the opposite sex – when it might raise a question or two.
We hear it time and time again: there can be no true, lasting cross-gender friendships without a sexual element. So, is this truly the case? And does the author of the post have a right to feel uncomfortable?
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
When one partner has a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex, even the most secure relationships can be shaken to their core
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
“AITA for refusing to leave the room when my husband told me to?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members whether she’s indeed a jerk for refusing to give her husband and his female best friend some privacy. The post managed to garner over 20K upvotes as well as 8.9K comments discussing this rather fishy situation.
Woman asks if she’s indeed a jerk for refusing to give her husband and his grieving female friend some privacy
Image credits: Corners113
The woman began her post by unveiling that her husband’s best friend, who happens to be a woman, recently got some devastating news about her dog and its cancer diagnosis. She said that he would call her every day until a couple of days earlier, when she came over to visit.
On that day, the woman answered the door, greeted her and escorted her to the living room, and then went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water when her husband requested her to – however, when she came back, they were no longer there.
The best buddies, as it turns out, went into the guest room and shut the door.
The author of the post heard some sobbing and rushed inside to see them crying and holding each other. She was standing near the door when her husband halted and instructed her to “give them a moment.” The woman went on to say that she didn’t feel comfortable with his request, so she remained standing there – but the man wasn’t having it.
The author’s husband’s best friend, who happens to be a woman, recently learned that her dog had cancer
Image credits: Corners113
Naturally, the author expressed her concerns, stating that it is her home too and that he couldn’t tell her where she could and couldn’t stay. The man became enraged, urged her to go, and said that they’d talk later, but she refused once again. He then chastised her for failing to see how stressful the situation was and for denying them privacy – but, the author stated that they didn’t need to close the door for any reason, no matter what it was.
The spouses kept arguing, so the friend ended up leaving. After that, the man exploded at her, calling her “unbelievable” and accusing her of having no regard for him or his friend, who was going through a very trying time.
He called the woman overbearing for acting the way she did in front of his dear friend, but she remarked that it was strange that they closed the door merely because they were crying.
When the grieving woman came over to visit, she and the author’s husband walked into the guest room and shut the door
Image credits: Corners113
Ever since then, the man’s gone completely radio silent and is acting like the woman booted his friend out or treated her poorly.
Sometime later, when the post blew up and gained quite a lot of attention, the author decided to edit it and add some extra commentary for context. She revealed that the individuals engaged in this event ranged in age from 26 to 31 and that the woman has known her spouse for over 8 years.
She entered the room when her husband halted and instructed her to “give them a moment” – however, she refused as it made her uncomfortable
Image credits: Corners113
Image credits: Charlotte May (not the actual photo)
The author of the post said that the friend has a tendency to be really sensitive and emotional. They don’t get along because she frequently crosses boundaries and acts in ways that give the woman the impression that she doesn’t know her husband as well as she does. What do you think about this situation? Do you believe the post’s author responded excessively?
Fellow community members shared their thoughts and opinions on this situation
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What do you think ?
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
Nah that friend doesn't respect boundaries and the guy enjoys it
Venice 3 years ago
I am more shocked at the comments here about the woman not allowing husband and " best friend" to cuddle in grief then the actual issue. Doesn't this woman have other friends and family to provide support? OP do you realize that you have been "sharing" your husband with this woman. You don't run to a married man's house, then go into a bedroom with a closed door to cry on his shoulder and expect his wife to skidaddle. I see zero boundaries here from the best friend AND your husband. Not sure what to make of him crying as well because that's just so damn weird, but whatever. Your husband's reaction is very troubling cause he's eating his cake and having it, quite frankly. Time for a serious sit down. He can't be married and single. Cause from where I'm sitting, that's no " friendship". He's dating her under the auspices of " friendship", that's why it was okay in her head to come and cry on his shoulder knowing he's married. NTA
Tarih 3 years ago
Exactly wth is he crying for has he raised this dog as well, so odd. You're right on all counts. I bet if the shoe was on the other for he wouldn't be having it either😂
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Emie N. 3 years ago
NTA. And I'm honestly shocked at how many BP users have clearly not read about the OP talking about how his friend talks down to her and tells her she's not good enough for her husband. That's why she doesn't get along with her. If any of you guys took the time to read that, mixed with how bizarre it is to close the door. Then you all might be more on the wife's side.
N Miller 3 years ago
For everyone wondering about the "going against the masses", the actual result was NTA overall.
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
So it was just the person who made this article that felt like YTA ans cherry picked the answers they liked best?
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ZeroCapacity 3 years ago
All of these NTAs come from that claim opposite sexes can be friends then jump to the conclusion that they are having sex. I make women friends and no we aren't attracted to each other. If the interests are the same we get along whose business is it anyways. This woman is most likely jealous of their relationship and needs to grow up. If she doesn't trust her husband get out the marriage. It is doomed anyways and the likely outcome will be nasty and bitter.
ZombieGirl 3 years ago
I would be angry too if my husband left the living room to go into a closed door bedroom to embrace his girl friend. It is inappropriate. He has quite a few girl friends and I don't feel jealousy for them at all. But if he took them to another room, no matter the reason, to hug or hold each other in private, then he is absolutely doing something wrong. If he did it in the living room, I would have no issue at all because friends can hold each other when one is crying. It's the secrecy that is wrong.
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Zedrapazia 3 years ago
I might get downvoted for that, but I say YTA about this one. Some people just don't feel comfortable being vulnerable around someone they don't get along with (according to OP) standing in the room silently staring. I can see why that's uncomfortable and they'd like to have the door closed. I also find it weird how jealous and non trusting OP is with her own husband and his long-term best friend. If it was two women or men crying together, she surely, wouldn't have bat an eye.
Emie N. 3 years ago
Did you read her list of reasons why she doesn't get along with his friend? It's right in this same article. She's always telling her she doesn't know her husband like she does. That is a HUGE boundary issue.
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Andy 3 years ago (edited)
If she feels she cannot even trust her husband to be alone in a room with a crying woman without the door open, then clearly she has bigger issues in this marriage. The woman's dog is seriously ill and may die, I doubt her first reaction was this would be a great opportunity to come round and try and shag her husband
David Andrews 3 years ago
The fact that she heard the woman crying rather than doing anything suspicious, and still went in and stood there demanding that she must be present is just plain weird. What did she was think was going to happen if they were left alone for 5 mins? Poster does not like this woman, and doesn't seem like the type of person who would have hidden that from her, so I can understand if the husband saw his friend was breaking down he may have taken her aside
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kath morgan 3 years ago
Idk, I think shutting the door is pretty weird. If they behave like normal friends, they cry in the living room, no red flag gets raised, no argument happens. They’re not acting like normal friends, they’re acting like people who expect to be caught out. It’s not the gender of the friend that’s the problem, it’s the squirrelly behaviour.
Cristina Dullanty 3 years ago
I would be shocked if one of my male friends escorted me to a room because I was upset about something, and closed the door, because his girlfriend was home. That is as rude as it gets. He's in a relationship with someone else and his "friend" needs to respect that, completely. His "friend" needs to apologize to the OP for causing a problem between them. The OP is the only one that's NTA.
kath morgan 3 years ago
Another good point about how they’re not acting like normal friends. If a guy friend tried to isolate me while vulnerable and hide it from his partner that would have lit up a whole parade of red flags…
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pug nose curly tail 3 years ago
IMHO, She is NTA. I totally get having good friends of the opposite sex. No harm there. But the door closed? Nah. And I feel if the friend is also innocent, why would she want to something that would cause an issue??? She's definitely pushing the boundaries and not in a positive way. Again, JMO
Libstak 3 years ago
Right? If this was about something deeply personal like recovering from an assault, rape or something you would sincerely only want one or two people knowing I'd be fine with that. But she came by because she lost her dog, that's serious but not something you would really feel needed to be kept secret fgs, why the shift into a bedroom and the closed door? She could also have asked him to go see her instead of having the wife feel like a third wheel in her own home.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
Nah that friend doesn't respect boundaries and the guy enjoys it
Venice 3 years ago
I am more shocked at the comments here about the woman not allowing husband and " best friend" to cuddle in grief then the actual issue. Doesn't this woman have other friends and family to provide support? OP do you realize that you have been "sharing" your husband with this woman. You don't run to a married man's house, then go into a bedroom with a closed door to cry on his shoulder and expect his wife to skidaddle. I see zero boundaries here from the best friend AND your husband. Not sure what to make of him crying as well because that's just so damn weird, but whatever. Your husband's reaction is very troubling cause he's eating his cake and having it, quite frankly. Time for a serious sit down. He can't be married and single. Cause from where I'm sitting, that's no " friendship". He's dating her under the auspices of " friendship", that's why it was okay in her head to come and cry on his shoulder knowing he's married. NTA
Tarih 3 years ago
Exactly wth is he crying for has he raised this dog as well, so odd. You're right on all counts. I bet if the shoe was on the other for he wouldn't be having it either😂
Load More Replies... Emie N. 3 years ago
NTA. And I'm honestly shocked at how many BP users have clearly not read about the OP talking about how his friend talks down to her and tells her she's not good enough for her husband. That's why she doesn't get along with her. If any of you guys took the time to read that, mixed with how bizarre it is to close the door. Then you all might be more on the wife's side.
N Miller 3 years ago
For everyone wondering about the "going against the masses", the actual result was NTA overall.
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
So it was just the person who made this article that felt like YTA ans cherry picked the answers they liked best?
Load More Replies... ZeroCapacity 3 years ago
All of these NTAs come from that claim opposite sexes can be friends then jump to the conclusion that they are having sex. I make women friends and no we aren't attracted to each other. If the interests are the same we get along whose business is it anyways. This woman is most likely jealous of their relationship and needs to grow up. If she doesn't trust her husband get out the marriage. It is doomed anyways and the likely outcome will be nasty and bitter.
ZombieGirl 3 years ago
I would be angry too if my husband left the living room to go into a closed door bedroom to embrace his girl friend. It is inappropriate. He has quite a few girl friends and I don't feel jealousy for them at all. But if he took them to another room, no matter the reason, to hug or hold each other in private, then he is absolutely doing something wrong. If he did it in the living room, I would have no issue at all because friends can hold each other when one is crying. It's the secrecy that is wrong.
Load More Replies... Zedrapazia 3 years ago
I might get downvoted for that, but I say YTA about this one. Some people just don't feel comfortable being vulnerable around someone they don't get along with (according to OP) standing in the room silently staring. I can see why that's uncomfortable and they'd like to have the door closed. I also find it weird how jealous and non trusting OP is with her own husband and his long-term best friend. If it was two women or men crying together, she surely, wouldn't have bat an eye.
Emie N. 3 years ago
Did you read her list of reasons why she doesn't get along with his friend? It's right in this same article. She's always telling her she doesn't know her husband like she does. That is a HUGE boundary issue.
Load More Replies... Andy 3 years ago (edited)
If she feels she cannot even trust her husband to be alone in a room with a crying woman without the door open, then clearly she has bigger issues in this marriage. The woman's dog is seriously ill and may die, I doubt her first reaction was this would be a great opportunity to come round and try and shag her husband
David Andrews 3 years ago
The fact that she heard the woman crying rather than doing anything suspicious, and still went in and stood there demanding that she must be present is just plain weird. What did she was think was going to happen if they were left alone for 5 mins? Poster does not like this woman, and doesn't seem like the type of person who would have hidden that from her, so I can understand if the husband saw his friend was breaking down he may have taken her aside
Load More Replies... kath morgan 3 years ago
Idk, I think shutting the door is pretty weird. If they behave like normal friends, they cry in the living room, no red flag gets raised, no argument happens. They’re not acting like normal friends, they’re acting like people who expect to be caught out. It’s not the gender of the friend that’s the problem, it’s the squirrelly behaviour.
Cristina Dullanty 3 years ago
I would be shocked if one of my male friends escorted me to a room because I was upset about something, and closed the door, because his girlfriend was home. That is as rude as it gets. He's in a relationship with someone else and his "friend" needs to respect that, completely. His "friend" needs to apologize to the OP for causing a problem between them. The OP is the only one that's NTA.
kath morgan 3 years ago
Another good point about how they’re not acting like normal friends. If a guy friend tried to isolate me while vulnerable and hide it from his partner that would have lit up a whole parade of red flags…
Load More Replies... pug nose curly tail 3 years ago
IMHO, She is NTA. I totally get having good friends of the opposite sex. No harm there. But the door closed? Nah. And I feel if the friend is also innocent, why would she want to something that would cause an issue??? She's definitely pushing the boundaries and not in a positive way. Again, JMO
Libstak 3 years ago
Right? If this was about something deeply personal like recovering from an assault, rape or something you would sincerely only want one or two people knowing I'd be fine with that. But she came by because she lost her dog, that's serious but not something you would really feel needed to be kept secret fgs, why the shift into a bedroom and the closed door? She could also have asked him to go see her instead of having the wife feel like a third wheel in her own home.
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