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“AITA For Refusing To Do My Husband’s Laundry Anymore After He Had A Go At Me After Surgery?”
“AITA For Refusing To Do My Husband’s Laundry Anymore After He Had A Go At Me After Surgery?”
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“AITA For Refusing To Do My Husband’s Laundry Anymore After He Had A Go At Me After Surgery?”

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Whether you live alone or with someone else, there’s always one thing waiting for you at home – laundry. It’s there on good days and bad, through thick and thin, calling your name from the laundry basket brimming with dirty clothing.

Unfortunately, laundry doesn’t care if you have health issues, which was the case with this redditor. But since she had a surgery to go through, her husband took over laundry duty. Though, the second she was back, he had comments about it. Scroll down to find the full story below.

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    Laundry is something that will likely be by your side for the rest of your life

    Man doing laundry at home, viewed from inside a washing machine.

    Image credits: asphotostudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    This man made a comment about laundry after his wife had just come home from surgery, which didn’t make her feel any better

    Text discussing refusing to do husband's laundry after gallbladder surgery, highlighting frustration over post-surgery comment.

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    Text about feeling groggy after surgery, recovering at home with family, and enjoying comfort.

    Text about feeling tired and sore after getting home from surgery, with no more morphine, wanting to rest and see kids.

    Text about a woman returning home, seeing laundry done by her husband amidst family challenges.

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    Text about husband speaking to wife after her surgery regarding laundry.

    Text about laundry issue after surgery, highlighting frustration over putting football shirts in the dryer.

    Text screenshot expressing frustration about discussing laundry after surgery.

    Husband jokingly asks about laundry instead of wife's surgery recovery needs, leaving her angry.

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    Text about forgetting laundry tasks, mentioning washing machine and dryer.

    Text about laundry mistakes and drying clothes, mentioning football shirts and a daughter's school cardigan.

    Man in a kitchen comments on laundry, woman reacts angrily, illustrating post-surgery relationship tension.

    Image credits: ufabizphoto / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    Text describing frustration over ruined uniform not replaced, related to wife's reaction after surgery.

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    Text from an angry wife addressing her husband's comments on laundry after returning from surgery.

    Text discussing stay-at-home mom's thoughts on doing laundry and feeling petty after a comment post-surgery.

    Image credits: i_hate_my_username4

    Many couples argue over who should do the chores

    Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Whether we like it or not, there are always chores waiting for us. More times than not, there are dishes to be washed, laundry to be done, things to be put away, and if not that then floors to be mopped, you get the idea.

    Having to constantly take care of things like that can be seriously annoying and even strain people’s relationships who live under the same roof who are also responsible for the chores piling up. However, the same people can make it easier to tackle it all, too, if the tasks are somehow shared among the residents.

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    A survey of adult Americans, carried out by Yelp and OnePoll, found that chores not only can but do strain the relationship of many couples living together – as much as 80% of respondents admit they have disagreements with their significant other over housework; one-fifth of the 80% say they have them often.

    According to the survey, the most common causes of chore-related disagreements relate to the questions of when to do chores, how to do them, and who should do them. Seeking to avoid such disagreements—or to avoid having to do certain chores—some people go to great lengths and even lie to their partner or purposefully do a bad job at tidying up or cleaning.

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    Women are more likely than men to take on the responsibility of doing laundry

    Image credits: krakenimages.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    Yelp’s survey found that men are more likely than women to make an effort to get out of doing chores. So, it’s no surprise that women continue to bear more responsibility regarding the main household tasks, Gallup reports. According to said source, married or partnered heterosexual couples (in the US, at least) tend to divide chores along largely traditional lines, with the females being primarily responsible for doing the laundry (58%), cleaning the house (51%), and preparing meals (51%), while men take on the responsibilities of keeping the car in good condition (69%) and doing yardwork (59%).

    Gallup revealed that while 58% of respondents say that laundry is usually taken care of by the woman in their household, 13% say it’s the man who braves the laundry basket more often, and 28% tackle it as a team. Be that as it may, for many people—male and female—doing the laundry is not that big of a burden; some might even enjoy it. According to the American Cleaning Institute’s (ACI) 2019 National Cleaning Survey, laundry is the cleaning task Americans enjoy doing the most (followed by cleaning countertops, vacuuming, and doing dishes, respectively).

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    It’s unclear whether or not the OP or her husband enjoys doing the laundry, but it has to be taken care of, nevertheless. And while it is usually the OP that does it in their family (as she shared in the comments under the post), her husband took over when she had the surgery, which was followed by him making a comment that split netizens into camps about the situation.

    The woman provided more details in the comments

    Screenshot of a Reddit comment thread discussing laundry tasks done before surgery.

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    Reddit conversation about husband bringing up laundry right after wife gets home from surgery, causing frustration.

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    Reddit comments discussing a husband's reaction to his wife about laundry after surgery, with users debating the situation.

    Comment discussing timing after surgery and questioning household chore split balance.

    Text discussing relationship dynamics and communication after surgery, mentioning chores and time management concerns.

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    Reddit discussion about feeling undervalued after surgery, with comments on housework and post-op recovery.

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    Text discussing ADHD and autism, reflecting on neurodivergent individuals' connections.

    Text post analyzing the impact of tone and context in communication about laundry after surgery.

    Text post detailing a wife's frustration over a laundry comment after returning home from surgery.

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    Many netizens didn’t think the woman was a jerk in the situation

    Text comment discussing laundry frustrations after surgery, with user sympathizing with both sides.

    Reddit comments discussing handling relationship tensions after surgery, focusing on laundry and damaged shirts.

    Text post discussing a husband’s untimely comment about laundry after his wife got home from surgery.

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    Text discussing a man prioritizing laundry over wife's surgery recovery, causing her frustration.

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    Reddit comment criticizing a husband's focus on laundry after wife's surgery.

    Comment on Reddit post: "NTA. He's a grown man. He can do his own laundry.

    Online comment about a husband complaining over laundry after wife returned home from surgery, sparking frustration.

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    Comment about husband unhappy with laundry results, leading wife to insist he do it himself.

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    Reddit comment about refusing to do laundry to avoid mistakes with delicate clothing, relieving a household chore.

    Discussion post about a husband overwhelmed with household duties and a wife's reaction after surgery.

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    Text describing a wife frustrated with her husband's laundry demands post-surgery.

    Some people believed that everyone involved was a jerk

    Reddit conversation about laundry issues and misplaced football shirts causing tension after surgery.

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    Comment discussing a couple's reaction post-surgery, mentioning laundry and a suggestion to talk things over.

    Some redditors took the husband’s side

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    Text exchange about laundry argument after surgery, showing differing perspectives on prioritizing household chores.

    Comment discusses a man prioritizing laundry over wife's recovery, suggesting it's petty revenge and advising a mutual apology.

    Screenshot of a Reddit exchange about a wife's frustration over her husband's comment on laundry right after she returned home from surgery.

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    Poll Question

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    Miglė Miliūtė

    Miglė Miliūtė

    Writer, Community member

    Read more »

    A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

    Read less »
    Miglė Miliūtė

    Miglė Miliūtė

    Writer, Community member

    A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

    What do you think ?
    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone's hung up on the shirt issue, whereas I'm seeing a bigger problem. She's not only in pain, she's recovering from the anesthesia. So, already not in the best frame of mind, nor memory. At this time he chose to tell her to stop doing something she's not exactly remembering she has done, but then accepts she has and then recalls last year she was told by him is okay to do. He's well aware how mentally and physically vulnerable she is. He couldn't bring it up before her surgery, or remind her? "I don't mean to have a go at you" is equivalent to "I don't mean to sound rude but..." You know this is their way to have a pass to start something. I've been in this type of manipulative relationship, so I know what it sounds like. She's being gaslit. (I know it's an overused word, but it is appropriate in this situation.)

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He should have said something a long time ago but didn't, leading me to believe that he may have been the one to actually do it. He's just blaming her because he has to cover for her while she heals. Most men with a stay at home maid don't like that.

    Load More Replies...
    dandylilah
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Why the f**k would you bring that up right now?" is what OP should have said, instead of sorry.

    justagirl
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...op is recovering from surgery. the timing is just...wow.

    8Yorkies-and-33cats
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am appalled that we are even talking about the viability of the shirts. Gallblader removal is a life-changing surgery. What she eats or drinks from now on, for the rest of her life, will be heavily affected. Also the pain and discomfort which leads to someone needing this surgery is extreme! The word "shirts" shouldn't have been mentioned in that household for at least three months post-surgery. And she even apologized??

    Tiffany
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I learned by letting my husband repair my glasses the other day. You need to take care of and DO your own stuff that others might mess up. He needs to wash his own shirts. He needs to learn from this. Because it doesn't work any other way.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Meh, if i understand correctly she was home same day as surgery and likely on oxycodine or at least a heavy painkiller. If he has a lick of sense he will realise his mistake in having any such conversation at that time and apologise or communicate calmly in the following days to move past it.

    Cerise Hood
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is probably in pain due to the painkillers wearing off, she is valid for feeling upset when someone brings up an issue that can wait till after recovery time. If this was so important to him, then he should do it himself so it comes out the way he likes it.

    Schmebulock
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, he's an AH for bringing it up right then, but other than that WGAF!

    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    N also lol football shirts re replaceable ! your wife IS NOT LOOK AFTER HER op plz show this to him lol

    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m From the uk n female lol n 60 and trust me poxy football shirts can be tumble dried in fact I’ve always put everything I wash in the dryer even dry clean only …have I ever had issues NO ! so his s**t given your surgery was uncalled for end off if he doesn’t like em being in the Dryer wash them yourself dude ! n look after your wife n learn to read the room simples Blessed be op I hope your doing ok now. Xx

    roddy
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I doubt if there is anyone on earth who does laundry and hasn't messed something up by accident at one point or other. It happens. I'd apologize for the shirt and for being snappy and say it's because I was feeling wretched when you brought it up. And point out that he's also made laundry mistakes, so he should not be judgmental about it. Then let it go. I don't get the impression he's a bad person, he was just being a bit thoughtless.

    Leonard Davey
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everybody Needs to Reread What OP Actually Wrote,it Wasn't About The D**n Shirt,it Was About His Absolute S**t Timing,The Husband's The AH,&,Needs to Man The F up,&,do His Own Laundry

    Panda Panda Bo Banda
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know what "have a go" means but if it's anything other than asking a simple question in the appropriate context then you might be wrong.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was a badly timed comment but valid. But leave it to Reddit to make a mountain out of a molehill.

    Margie T
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    LittleTeapot
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NYBS. Not your best self. Either of them. They were both stressed - her recovering from surgery and him from single-parenting three kids plus house chore catchup while she was at the hospital. They were both snippy but otherwise from the info given seems like a good relationship. If they can, they should both apologize and get on with the good work of being married with kids.

    LittleTeapot
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And anyone who says he should just suck it up is talking out of both sides of their mouth - being the single person responsible for three kids while anxious about a loved one in surgery and taking care of house stuff is a reasonable reason to be stressed.

    Load More Replies...
    Callie Ge
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless their arms are painted on every Adult should be doing their own laundry. My kids were all doing their own laundry by the time they turned 13 or were tall enough to reach into the washer.

    G A
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    D1ck move on his part, but overall, storm in a teacup.

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are times when one has to say something that is on one's mind, regardless of the situation. Men tend to deal only with what's on the top of their list. Sometimes it's also a way of deflecting any feelings and not facing what might be possible. It happens but it's something that a strong relationship should be able to move past. Some people just don't deal well with illness in their partner, especially if it's serious - this could just be a subconscious way of trying to get back to normal.

    jmdirks
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yet another story where everyone has ADHD.

    CP
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would if I could but I live here. I hope everyone around the world does. We deserve it! Edit: A World Cup boycott would be amazing!

    Load More Replies...
    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone's hung up on the shirt issue, whereas I'm seeing a bigger problem. She's not only in pain, she's recovering from the anesthesia. So, already not in the best frame of mind, nor memory. At this time he chose to tell her to stop doing something she's not exactly remembering she has done, but then accepts she has and then recalls last year she was told by him is okay to do. He's well aware how mentally and physically vulnerable she is. He couldn't bring it up before her surgery, or remind her? "I don't mean to have a go at you" is equivalent to "I don't mean to sound rude but..." You know this is their way to have a pass to start something. I've been in this type of manipulative relationship, so I know what it sounds like. She's being gaslit. (I know it's an overused word, but it is appropriate in this situation.)

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He should have said something a long time ago but didn't, leading me to believe that he may have been the one to actually do it. He's just blaming her because he has to cover for her while she heals. Most men with a stay at home maid don't like that.

    Load More Replies...
    dandylilah
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Why the f**k would you bring that up right now?" is what OP should have said, instead of sorry.

    justagirl
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...op is recovering from surgery. the timing is just...wow.

    8Yorkies-and-33cats
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am appalled that we are even talking about the viability of the shirts. Gallblader removal is a life-changing surgery. What she eats or drinks from now on, for the rest of her life, will be heavily affected. Also the pain and discomfort which leads to someone needing this surgery is extreme! The word "shirts" shouldn't have been mentioned in that household for at least three months post-surgery. And she even apologized??

    Tiffany
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I learned by letting my husband repair my glasses the other day. You need to take care of and DO your own stuff that others might mess up. He needs to wash his own shirts. He needs to learn from this. Because it doesn't work any other way.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Meh, if i understand correctly she was home same day as surgery and likely on oxycodine or at least a heavy painkiller. If he has a lick of sense he will realise his mistake in having any such conversation at that time and apologise or communicate calmly in the following days to move past it.

    Cerise Hood
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is probably in pain due to the painkillers wearing off, she is valid for feeling upset when someone brings up an issue that can wait till after recovery time. If this was so important to him, then he should do it himself so it comes out the way he likes it.

    Schmebulock
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, he's an AH for bringing it up right then, but other than that WGAF!

    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    N also lol football shirts re replaceable ! your wife IS NOT LOOK AFTER HER op plz show this to him lol

    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m From the uk n female lol n 60 and trust me poxy football shirts can be tumble dried in fact I’ve always put everything I wash in the dryer even dry clean only …have I ever had issues NO ! so his s**t given your surgery was uncalled for end off if he doesn’t like em being in the Dryer wash them yourself dude ! n look after your wife n learn to read the room simples Blessed be op I hope your doing ok now. Xx

    roddy
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I doubt if there is anyone on earth who does laundry and hasn't messed something up by accident at one point or other. It happens. I'd apologize for the shirt and for being snappy and say it's because I was feeling wretched when you brought it up. And point out that he's also made laundry mistakes, so he should not be judgmental about it. Then let it go. I don't get the impression he's a bad person, he was just being a bit thoughtless.

    Leonard Davey
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everybody Needs to Reread What OP Actually Wrote,it Wasn't About The D**n Shirt,it Was About His Absolute S**t Timing,The Husband's The AH,&,Needs to Man The F up,&,do His Own Laundry

    Panda Panda Bo Banda
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know what "have a go" means but if it's anything other than asking a simple question in the appropriate context then you might be wrong.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was a badly timed comment but valid. But leave it to Reddit to make a mountain out of a molehill.

    Margie T
    Community Member
    9 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    LittleTeapot
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NYBS. Not your best self. Either of them. They were both stressed - her recovering from surgery and him from single-parenting three kids plus house chore catchup while she was at the hospital. They were both snippy but otherwise from the info given seems like a good relationship. If they can, they should both apologize and get on with the good work of being married with kids.

    LittleTeapot
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And anyone who says he should just suck it up is talking out of both sides of their mouth - being the single person responsible for three kids while anxious about a loved one in surgery and taking care of house stuff is a reasonable reason to be stressed.

    Load More Replies...
    Callie Ge
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless their arms are painted on every Adult should be doing their own laundry. My kids were all doing their own laundry by the time they turned 13 or were tall enough to reach into the washer.

    G A
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    D1ck move on his part, but overall, storm in a teacup.

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are times when one has to say something that is on one's mind, regardless of the situation. Men tend to deal only with what's on the top of their list. Sometimes it's also a way of deflecting any feelings and not facing what might be possible. It happens but it's something that a strong relationship should be able to move past. Some people just don't deal well with illness in their partner, especially if it's serious - this could just be a subconscious way of trying to get back to normal.

    jmdirks
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yet another story where everyone has ADHD.

    CP
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would if I could but I live here. I hope everyone around the world does. We deserve it! Edit: A World Cup boycott would be amazing!

    Load More Replies...
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