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Woman Refuses To Live In Husband’s Shadow, Chooses Her Hard-Earned Promotion Over His Tantrum
Everyone aspires to have a supportive spouse who will celebrate their successes with them. Unfortunately, some people end up with insecure partners who would, instead, pull them down.
A woman had made the necessary sacrifices to get her long-awaited job promotion, but instead of being proud, her husband manipulated her into thinking she was putting her profession over their marriage.
The author began realizing her husband’s twisted idea of having a wife, but she nonetheless wonders if she was wrong about taking the job.
RELATED:
Some people end up with spouses who would pull them down during moments of success
Image credits: Iakobchuk / Envato (not the actual photo)
A woman couldn’t celebrate her promotion because her husband guilt-tripped her for taking a “bigger job”
Image credits: zoranzeremski / Envato (not the actual photo)
The author endured more manipulation, making her wonder if she was wrong about choosing her career despite her husband’s wishes
Image credits: AerisDewlyn
Men tend to feel threatened by their female partner’s successes
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s husband may be part of the statistic of men who are insecure about their partner’s successes. A study published by the American Psychological Association involved an experiment where 32 couples underwent a problem-solving and social intelligence test.
Findings revealed that men who believed their partners scored in the top 12 percent exhibited lower self-esteem. According to the study’s lead author, Dr. Kate Ratliff, it could be a way of projecting their insecurities.
“This research found evidence that men automatically interpret a partner’s success as their own failure, even when they’re not in direct competition,” Dr. Ratliff explained.
Experts like psychologist Dr. Douglas LaBier explain why, connecting such behavior to outdated beliefs about traditional positions of power in society, including romantic relationships.
In an article for Psychology Today, Dr. LaBier explained that some men may feel “terrified” about losing that power, which they often equated with “manhood” and having a successful life.
It is necessary to deal with a spouse’s manipulation tactics
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In the story, the husband used a manipulative approach to communicate his message, something licensed psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, deems as narcissistic tendencies.
In an article for Choosing Therapy, Gillis’s top advice when dealing with manipulation is to set healthy boundaries by limiting interactions. Picking your battles also helps, wherein more pressing matters should be the priority.
However, when worse comes to worst, Gillis urges cutting ties or seeking professional help. Choosing the former is a must when dealing with a spouse who could put you in potential danger.
Regarding professional help, Gillis advises against couples or family therapy because a narcissist may weaponize the information gathered during the sessions. Instead, she recommends emotionally-focused therapy, which delves deeper into relationships between feelings and emotions.
Attachment-based therapy is another option, as it explores anxiety triggers and avoidance reactions. It dives into the root of the problem and provides potential solutions.
The author is in a tough spot. It would be foolish to throw away her marriage because of a job, but it also won’t be fair for her to endure her husband’s lack of support and manipulation.
The couple may benefit from seeking professional help. This should help them decide on the next best move.
Most people sided with the woman
However, a few readers criticized her for being “married” to her job
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What do you think ?
Scott Rackley 8 months ago
Sounds like hubby has some serious self esteem issues. That or he was raised in the church.
Hidalgo 8 months ago
First stop counseling, 2nd stop attorney, third stop joint counseling to make path to divorce easier, and then divorce. No way this can be reconciled. Hubby is a dickweed.
Ace 8 months ago
Glad to see the unhinged YTAa are out in force on this one. Always good for a chuckle.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
They are aren’t they lol control freaks all of em including the woman ! she screams control freak , I can smell em a mile off even on this , cos I’ve been the controlled wife the abused wife for to many yrs from 18. -34 two marriages so I can see it , 60 now n it really gets me when I see these posts where it’s clear that’s what’s happening n the YTA lot appear eugh vile inhumans the lot of em but as u say always good for a laugh n an eye rook right 😂
Load More Replies...
WonderWoman 8 months ago
The minute the words "If you really loved me" get uttered - the relationship is OVER!! Tell him to pack his bags and get the eff out!
sweet emotion 8 months ago
She did put money over marriage, and in this case it's a good thing - she'll be able to support herself after the divorce. She just needs to file for that divorce before husband gets too comfortable living off her earnings and demands alimony.
Emilu 8 months ago (edited)
Does he want OP trapped under his thumb? Not jumping to any conclusions here, but this is how a*****e relationships can start, by making one party financially dependent on the other to make it that much more difficult to leave the relationship. Edit: Seriously BP? A-B-U-S-I-V-E. It still happens even if you censor it. FFS.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
It’s exactly how it starts been there done that got the scars mentally n physically ! N I can smell em a mile off even, it’s exactly what he wants his wife the doormat at home knee deep in dirty nappies while he brings home the bacon n she’s no longer who she really is 100%
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 8 months ago
I hope she leaves him. He was never honest about what he wanted. Men and women can be ambitious, and men and women can be stay at home parents. Sounds like she knew what she wanted and worked hard to make it happen. The money that came with it would have benefited both of them.
Dog Mom to Zoe 8 months ago
In this day and age, women are 'STILL' having to deal with $hit like this.
Gavin Johnson 8 months ago
He needs recalibrating to 2025. She’s a wife to support, be proud to stand beside and to celebrate. She deserves way better.
Agat 8 months ago (edited)
That's a tough one - from perspective of someone married to a VERY busy person. She described how much she had already sacrificed in the last years. All those late nights and additional projects. So the very likely scenario is that her husband has missed her for years, and has hoped that she would get promoted and then it would settle down a bit. You know, how you give it your all for some time, but then get rewarded and can slow down. But then it turned out that the promotion came with even longer hours + more time spent travelling. If it was me in his place, I would have a really hard time with this. Not because I'm not supporting, but because i have been - for years - but we only have one life, and being alone in a marriage is difficult. I don't like either of them here. Her - for not giving two craps about what he feels and where this comes from. Him - for how he tried to guilt trip her into just going along with him. Also, I believe that if the situation was reversed, everyone would understand and support. How often do we see miserable women who admit that they are *always* alone because their husbands basically live at work? It's just tough.
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago (edited)
It does t seem like either party is willing to talk. What was going on that her marriage was in enough trouble that a promotion would injure the relationship? Maybe it was the years I'd long hours and not talking. Husband may be being unreasonable,, but she doesn't seem to be able to explain his point of view which means she probably doesn't understand it. The reaction shouldn't be a surprise, because if you have open commication you would know how he felt about work etc. He didn't decide overnight to have whatever objections, and she immediately assumes he just wants her to be small, so that must be in character. Terrible relationship, end it quicky. So good that this came to a head before they had kids.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
My take? Husband does not like being outshone and needs a trad wife. Hope the divorce is smooth.
Kristen Woehlke 8 months ago
First started dating my now ex... We worked together. I got laid off and became a correctional officer and we started living together. I told him that in about 3 years, give or take, I'd make Sergeant. He was like "cool!". My time came to take the test (he went back into the military) and I got this, " we're getting stationed in Ft. Hood, Texas!" "But I'm going for sergeant!". He looks at me like o punched him in the d**k! " It's time for you to be a military wife! You need to quit that job and come to live with me in Texas! ". I was stupid and in love so I didn't see any red flags! Someone kick me!!!
Miriam Insidecor 8 months ago
Men choose career progression all the time. Women are perfectly entitled to want and pursue successful careers.
Sue Ellen Bowen 8 months ago
I guess having a better career than him impugned his masculinity. Sucks to be him.
Damned_Cat 8 months ago
As someone who made more money and advanced my career quicker than my spouse, I think that this issue is pretty common. I've heard of it happening to many other women who worked hard to get ahead and gained particular esteem for their abilities. Sometimes counseling helps to get the husband back on track to being supportive instead of jealous. If not, I hope this woman does not waste a lot of time being made to feel bad about her own accomplishments and leaves the husband behind.
LooseSeal's $10 Banana 8 months ago
Somehow there are NAH and they both suck. Neither one seems to understand marriage. If this was a dating couple, he's TA no question, but a genuine marriage grounded in compromise and united goals changes the calculous. He has no business telling her no, but neither should she expect him to be ok with her working more hours.
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
OP will need to watch out for hubby’s stupid tricks. Things like sabotaging birth control, to baby trap her. Planning “important” events that will conflict with her work schedule, followed by guilt-tripping her to strong arm her to attend, to the detriment of her job. Calling her to pick a huge fight, for no other reason than to totally distract her and put her off balance, ten minutes before she has to make a presentation at an important meeting. Accept a job offer, though not one with a promotion and pay raise, that’s all the way across the country in a location with no jobs for her, and insist she quit her job and move with him. You know, all the dirty b******t tricks a******s play to p**s all over someone else’s dreams and ruin their life, out of nothing but pure jealousy and ego. OP needs to get out and away from this a*****e, because she could end up in a DV situation—-or worse—-if she keeps challenging him. Don’t think that has never happened, believe me. Hubby fully deserves to die alone.
kayteeisdabomb 8 months ago
So they have discussed starting a family, and having a family is very important to a lot of people. We're not getting the full story here. Was there an agreement of when to start trying for children? Does this job put off having kids? She's trying to make her husband look like a villain in her story, but theres not enough information here to make a sound decision
Kate Johnson 7 months ago
Good that he showed you who he really is. He's too small and insecure for you. He's a "wife as appliance" bro, and they are always terrible partners.
Old but wiser 8 months ago
Really. If your husband truly loved you he would be your biggest supporter. Let him go, he's holding you back out of pure jealousy. Shame on his family too... you'd be sorry later in life if you did what he "wants".
Fellfromthemoon 8 months ago
According to OP's account, both parties entered the marriage with the assumption that OP wants to build her career. It would've been okay, if husband realized earlier that this kind of relationship doesn't work for him and initiated a conversation. Waiting to the big promotion that OP wanted for months to years, and then dropping emotional blackmail are both on the no way! side.
Shelly Thibodeau 8 months ago
Never let a man steal your joy. You only have one life and you shouldn't have to make yourself less just because your husband is threatened by your success. A true partner would be in your corner helping you achieve your dreams.
RedHairedDragon 8 months ago
"I'm constantly working. My job tricked me into working more time. When I told my partner they voiced concern. What an a*s, amirite?"
Beth Wheeler 8 months ago
Her husband is selfish and manipulative. He is jealous that she's making more than he does and that she got much deserved promotion that he thinks he should be higher in his job than she does.
Panda McPandaface 8 months ago (edited)
Anyone that says she should not have taken the job has ovbiously never had any ambition themselves, never wanted to progress. NEVER let anyone stop you moving forward in your life. This is a small, insecure, weak man that is terrified his wife just might be stronger than him, more determined than him and more successful than him. You go girl! I'm a man and I am in awe of the strength women have to exercise every day of their lives because of men that refuse to treat them as equal or recognise that they might sometimes be better.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
As a woman now 60 yrs old that’s lived with two marriages a*****e one physical one controlling ! this man screams control freak to me ! You told him what you wanted your life together to be like he agreed happily , you married he knew your dreams but clearly hoped n prayed they didn’t happen so you could give up your job , n become the doormat at home , that’s not happened at all n he’s acting like a coercive p***k ! LIKE ALL THE YTA ONES INCLUDING THE WOMAN as dint even like her husband doing over time ! Her husband is clearly CONTROLLED ! I’m so glad you took the job , I would sit down and try n have a proper talk with him ! See where you both lie now see what happens n make a fully informed choice from that talk ! you might be surprised but I doubt it lol however you both owe it to each other to be adults here and TALK IT THRU n go from there , updates plz x blessed be n congrats on your new job go girl x
Lexekon 8 months ago
Start by considering where your priorities are. If it is career first, you made the right move. But then, considering you made that choice specifically, how did communication break down this way? You really cannot play the career card, and still pretend your marriage is your reason for acting. Men don't get to do that either.
Scott Rackley 8 months ago
Sounds like hubby has some serious self esteem issues. That or he was raised in the church.
Hidalgo 8 months ago
First stop counseling, 2nd stop attorney, third stop joint counseling to make path to divorce easier, and then divorce. No way this can be reconciled. Hubby is a dickweed.
Ace 8 months ago
Glad to see the unhinged YTAa are out in force on this one. Always good for a chuckle.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
They are aren’t they lol control freaks all of em including the woman ! she screams control freak , I can smell em a mile off even on this , cos I’ve been the controlled wife the abused wife for to many yrs from 18. -34 two marriages so I can see it , 60 now n it really gets me when I see these posts where it’s clear that’s what’s happening n the YTA lot appear eugh vile inhumans the lot of em but as u say always good for a laugh n an eye rook right 😂
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 8 months ago
The minute the words "If you really loved me" get uttered - the relationship is OVER!! Tell him to pack his bags and get the eff out!
sweet emotion 8 months ago
She did put money over marriage, and in this case it's a good thing - she'll be able to support herself after the divorce. She just needs to file for that divorce before husband gets too comfortable living off her earnings and demands alimony.
Emilu 8 months ago (edited)
Does he want OP trapped under his thumb? Not jumping to any conclusions here, but this is how a*****e relationships can start, by making one party financially dependent on the other to make it that much more difficult to leave the relationship. Edit: Seriously BP? A-B-U-S-I-V-E. It still happens even if you censor it. FFS.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
It’s exactly how it starts been there done that got the scars mentally n physically ! N I can smell em a mile off even, it’s exactly what he wants his wife the doormat at home knee deep in dirty nappies while he brings home the bacon n she’s no longer who she really is 100%
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 8 months ago
I hope she leaves him. He was never honest about what he wanted. Men and women can be ambitious, and men and women can be stay at home parents. Sounds like she knew what she wanted and worked hard to make it happen. The money that came with it would have benefited both of them.
Dog Mom to Zoe 8 months ago
In this day and age, women are 'STILL' having to deal with $hit like this.
Gavin Johnson 8 months ago
He needs recalibrating to 2025. She’s a wife to support, be proud to stand beside and to celebrate. She deserves way better.
Agat 8 months ago (edited)
That's a tough one - from perspective of someone married to a VERY busy person. She described how much she had already sacrificed in the last years. All those late nights and additional projects. So the very likely scenario is that her husband has missed her for years, and has hoped that she would get promoted and then it would settle down a bit. You know, how you give it your all for some time, but then get rewarded and can slow down. But then it turned out that the promotion came with even longer hours + more time spent travelling. If it was me in his place, I would have a really hard time with this. Not because I'm not supporting, but because i have been - for years - but we only have one life, and being alone in a marriage is difficult. I don't like either of them here. Her - for not giving two craps about what he feels and where this comes from. Him - for how he tried to guilt trip her into just going along with him. Also, I believe that if the situation was reversed, everyone would understand and support. How often do we see miserable women who admit that they are *always* alone because their husbands basically live at work? It's just tough.
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago (edited)
It does t seem like either party is willing to talk. What was going on that her marriage was in enough trouble that a promotion would injure the relationship? Maybe it was the years I'd long hours and not talking. Husband may be being unreasonable,, but she doesn't seem to be able to explain his point of view which means she probably doesn't understand it. The reaction shouldn't be a surprise, because if you have open commication you would know how he felt about work etc. He didn't decide overnight to have whatever objections, and she immediately assumes he just wants her to be small, so that must be in character. Terrible relationship, end it quicky. So good that this came to a head before they had kids.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
My take? Husband does not like being outshone and needs a trad wife. Hope the divorce is smooth.
Kristen Woehlke 8 months ago
First started dating my now ex... We worked together. I got laid off and became a correctional officer and we started living together. I told him that in about 3 years, give or take, I'd make Sergeant. He was like "cool!". My time came to take the test (he went back into the military) and I got this, " we're getting stationed in Ft. Hood, Texas!" "But I'm going for sergeant!". He looks at me like o punched him in the d**k! " It's time for you to be a military wife! You need to quit that job and come to live with me in Texas! ". I was stupid and in love so I didn't see any red flags! Someone kick me!!!
Miriam Insidecor 8 months ago
Men choose career progression all the time. Women are perfectly entitled to want and pursue successful careers.
Sue Ellen Bowen 8 months ago
I guess having a better career than him impugned his masculinity. Sucks to be him.
Damned_Cat 8 months ago
As someone who made more money and advanced my career quicker than my spouse, I think that this issue is pretty common. I've heard of it happening to many other women who worked hard to get ahead and gained particular esteem for their abilities. Sometimes counseling helps to get the husband back on track to being supportive instead of jealous. If not, I hope this woman does not waste a lot of time being made to feel bad about her own accomplishments and leaves the husband behind.
LooseSeal's $10 Banana 8 months ago
Somehow there are NAH and they both suck. Neither one seems to understand marriage. If this was a dating couple, he's TA no question, but a genuine marriage grounded in compromise and united goals changes the calculous. He has no business telling her no, but neither should she expect him to be ok with her working more hours.
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
OP will need to watch out for hubby’s stupid tricks. Things like sabotaging birth control, to baby trap her. Planning “important” events that will conflict with her work schedule, followed by guilt-tripping her to strong arm her to attend, to the detriment of her job. Calling her to pick a huge fight, for no other reason than to totally distract her and put her off balance, ten minutes before she has to make a presentation at an important meeting. Accept a job offer, though not one with a promotion and pay raise, that’s all the way across the country in a location with no jobs for her, and insist she quit her job and move with him. You know, all the dirty b******t tricks a******s play to p**s all over someone else’s dreams and ruin their life, out of nothing but pure jealousy and ego. OP needs to get out and away from this a*****e, because she could end up in a DV situation—-or worse—-if she keeps challenging him. Don’t think that has never happened, believe me. Hubby fully deserves to die alone.
kayteeisdabomb 8 months ago
So they have discussed starting a family, and having a family is very important to a lot of people. We're not getting the full story here. Was there an agreement of when to start trying for children? Does this job put off having kids? She's trying to make her husband look like a villain in her story, but theres not enough information here to make a sound decision
Kate Johnson 7 months ago
Good that he showed you who he really is. He's too small and insecure for you. He's a "wife as appliance" bro, and they are always terrible partners.
Old but wiser 8 months ago
Really. If your husband truly loved you he would be your biggest supporter. Let him go, he's holding you back out of pure jealousy. Shame on his family too... you'd be sorry later in life if you did what he "wants".
Fellfromthemoon 8 months ago
According to OP's account, both parties entered the marriage with the assumption that OP wants to build her career. It would've been okay, if husband realized earlier that this kind of relationship doesn't work for him and initiated a conversation. Waiting to the big promotion that OP wanted for months to years, and then dropping emotional blackmail are both on the no way! side.
Shelly Thibodeau 8 months ago
Never let a man steal your joy. You only have one life and you shouldn't have to make yourself less just because your husband is threatened by your success. A true partner would be in your corner helping you achieve your dreams.
RedHairedDragon 8 months ago
"I'm constantly working. My job tricked me into working more time. When I told my partner they voiced concern. What an a*s, amirite?"
Beth Wheeler 8 months ago
Her husband is selfish and manipulative. He is jealous that she's making more than he does and that she got much deserved promotion that he thinks he should be higher in his job than she does.
Panda McPandaface 8 months ago (edited)
Anyone that says she should not have taken the job has ovbiously never had any ambition themselves, never wanted to progress. NEVER let anyone stop you moving forward in your life. This is a small, insecure, weak man that is terrified his wife just might be stronger than him, more determined than him and more successful than him. You go girl! I'm a man and I am in awe of the strength women have to exercise every day of their lives because of men that refuse to treat them as equal or recognise that they might sometimes be better.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
As a woman now 60 yrs old that’s lived with two marriages a*****e one physical one controlling ! this man screams control freak to me ! You told him what you wanted your life together to be like he agreed happily , you married he knew your dreams but clearly hoped n prayed they didn’t happen so you could give up your job , n become the doormat at home , that’s not happened at all n he’s acting like a coercive p***k ! LIKE ALL THE YTA ONES INCLUDING THE WOMAN as dint even like her husband doing over time ! Her husband is clearly CONTROLLED ! I’m so glad you took the job , I would sit down and try n have a proper talk with him ! See where you both lie now see what happens n make a fully informed choice from that talk ! you might be surprised but I doubt it lol however you both owe it to each other to be adults here and TALK IT THRU n go from there , updates plz x blessed be n congrats on your new job go girl x
Lexekon 8 months ago
Start by considering where your priorities are. If it is career first, you made the right move. But then, considering you made that choice specifically, how did communication break down this way? You really cannot play the career card, and still pretend your marriage is your reason for acting. Men don't get to do that either.
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