50 Hilariously Unhinged Random Memes That May Soothe Your Ever-Turbulent Soul
InterviewWhile it’s easy to overlook a digital image, in these trying times, a good meme is, in many ways, worth more than its weight in gold. So if you are in need of a good laugh, you’ve come to the right place.
“The Recovering Problem Child” Instagram page is dedicated to amusing, random, and just silly memes to entertain any viewer. We got in touch with Sam Grannis, the creator and admin of the page to learn more. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites, and share your thoughts in the comments section below.
More info: Instagram
This post may include affiliate links.
I'd love to see a tv series of Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. They did their best with the movie, but limited animation techniques and time make it... not great
There was a British Hitch Hikers guide to the galaxy in the early 80s that stayed true to the books, but the effects were cheesy.
Load More Replies...The Hobbit needs to be remade as one movie. The trilogy was an acknowledged cash grab. Peter Jackson won a lawsuit in 2007 against New Line Studio for them not paying him for LOTR. Next year, New Line spent more to make The Golden Compass than all 3 LOTR movies combined. When it flopped, it bankrupted the studio and WB took full ownership. Peter Jackson and WB came to an agreement where he made 3 Hobbit movies and got to keep a boatload of money since he was the majority debt owner on the now defunct studio and WB got to pay off the other bills plus a profit.
The original animated version from the early 70s.
Load More Replies...Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. Great books, AWFUL movie. I'll never understand why they change the plot of something that is already good! Same with True Blood. If they had continued to follow the story of the books it would have been MUCH better - they added too much sex and weird stuff.
Glad they did this with Series of Unfortunate Events. The movie was awful. The Netflix series was excellent
They are waiting for the AI versions of Dune and Tron, the preview stills are awesome... https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/01/13/opinion/jodorowsky-dune-ai-tron.html
Load More Replies...Pick a few twigs and push them through the wreath to form a pentagram, and watch her paranoia explode.
I may add bits of rag twisted and tied into vaguely humanoid shapes with long pins sticking out of them too. Kick it up a notch
Id skip the pins bc it could be dangerous to dogs sniffing things on their walks
Load More Replies...Imagine in 2024 that there's still people who believe in witchcra- *Sees Christian* never mind
Keep along this path and as you get good at it you may start to look for higher quality weeds and start weaving baskets and such...
Duly noted. I like to make people think the fae are hanging around their homes, waiting for an invitation
I did that with some branches from our honeysuckle bush--- it's still out in the yard 10 years later looking like I made it yesterday.
This is an abomination! Why is this adorable Tricermisu still in Fifth place BP!? Get your act together! The people have spoken and all of us commenters agree he should be in 1st place post haste! :-D
Bored Panda got in touch with Sam Grannis, the creator and admin of the page and he was kind enough to share some more. Firstly, we were curious to learn more about how the page was created in the first place.
“I always loved memes, I was constantly posting on Facebook and was always told “I post the best memes” and that I should make an Instagram account dedicated to just memes. On top of that, I had followed a few meme accounts on Instagram at the time and noticed that some accounts were making money. I thought “The memes I post are better, I could do this”. And so I created my account in 2017,” he shared.
They already figured out how to monetize death. They call it "Life Insurance". Ironic right?
Load More Replies..."Death is the only way out of debt" - Companies: "That's what YOU think"
Could work both ways. Rich people would find ways to leave their wealth to themselves.
Or how long would it take for companies to have you add your past life work experiences to your resume so that they can question you about it when interviewing?
Same for holding people accountable for crimes they didn't commit. Oh, wait...
Wonder if they'd just keep imposing the death penalty over and over again
Load More Replies...Obviously, you've never read the Old Testament. It says that you're still paying off the debt incurred by your ten times great grandfather, while he sits in heaven, or hell, watching everything you do.
Doesn't it only speak about the third or fourth generation...?
Load More Replies...Well at least there won't be so many Cleopatras and Marie Antoinettes.
Not if we decide to implement a law where new lives don't inherent the debt.
Well after my 2yo read this (on their own of course) they said, “well mommy, I would propose the notion that it’s not due to a mundane lifestyle. It’s more indicative of an insecure personality, a fragile ego if you will. They seek validation through technological services that connect humans to one another.”
Well after reading both of these (on her own of course), my cat said, “Meow?”
Load More Replies...My 2yo said something similar, but in Latin, while riding a unicycle over a high wire covered in banana peels. /S
And then he went off to have fun solving algebra problems as 4 year olds do.
My friends 4 year old grandchild would have simply said “personally I believe it’s both a scathing indictment of the educational system, not to mention, the inherent hypocrisy of don’t tell lies”.
I’m pretty certain that I’ve seen this on lists of people who didn’t understand the joke.
Load More Replies...Ah! I remember the days when my 2 y.o. was practicing calculus.... so precious. Savor those moments. 🙄
My dog read this, scoffed, then solved some trend line equations.
The Green brothers are some of the best people making content on the internet. And you cannot change my mind on that.
Load More Replies...In NYC, LA and even Toronto... a 1200 Sq ft gray box for 415K is a freakin' STEAL! NYC... 1 closet with toilet and tub that converts to a cot, coleman stove with 2 burners, and an ice chest. 4600 per month! Police protection not included. LOL!
I don't think you can get an outhouse for $415,000 in Toronto.
Load More Replies...This!! My days would be consumed with commenting on some of the laughable listings in my area (Northwest CT) and the duped New Yorkers (mostly) who pay the absurdly inflated prices. Not to mention the snotty Realtors who know darn well the house they just sold for $1 million+ was - pre-Covid - $400K at most - yet somehow think it’s their suddenly-acquired brilliant business acumen filling their coffers.
And can we all stop spending$15 for a meal at McDonalds or any other fast food place. It's not okay, stop buying it people!!
My bf wanted some nuggets last night 😂 I was like well I will get a small chocolate shake, so i ordered a happy meal so we both got what we wanted etc , it s $10.40 for 6 nuggets 😂 wtf
Load More Replies...Apparently the house I grew up in is estimated to be $350,000. That thing is a 3 bed 2 bath. It's filled with trash and roaches and has water intrusion problems. Smells like a stale, mildewy landfill and cigarettes.
I absolutely agree 1000% with this... I would love to share the results of the pre-escrow inspection/tests that cost me a good penny but a lot less than situational methamphetamine poisoning, Flooding, Leaks, Varmints etc could have. Guarantee THOSE would drive prices down VERY legitmately.
Naturally, given the literal hundreds of thousands of followers, we also wanted to hear Sam’s opinion on what made the page so popular. “I have a knack for identifying what people will find funny/relate to, on top of that I also go out and do my way to post content that hasn’t been shared by 100 other accounts before I post it. So my followers know they’re gonna get hot new content on my page.”
Point taken, but i wish i'd thought of the line 'are you playing hard to get, or am i playing hard to get rid of?'. Might have raised a smile, which is always a step in the right direction (my point of view).
But how do men know the difference when women are really playing hard to get??? Is it because she gets mad at you? Or some other kind of sign they are all supposed to know? Genuine questions. It's like saying "it's fine" when it's not fine. I don't play those games.
Load More Replies...I mean, If someone says no the first time, I'm outa there!! Like, my ego is hurt, but I'm not a rapist....... freaking twisted. Bro, your basically begging, but to dumb and gross to get it. Who are you?? A trumpling.....YEP!!! Neuter that one please, we shant have more squirming around!!!
Bob Einstein as in Super Dave? High five me if you have any idea what I’m talking about
Load More Replies...I was in a craft club. One women "decided" I was a closeted lesbian & that I was her soul mate. Never mind the fact I'm happily married to A MAN that I adore. She just wouldn't leave me alone. I tried being polite but firm, in that I was not attracted to her IN THE LEAST, but when she grabbed me and tried to kiss me - the gloves came off. I basically told her if I WERE a lesbian, she would be the LAST person on EARTH that I would ever f*ck. Still didn't work. I threatened to file a restraining order (pretty sure she had driven past my house on more than one occasion - completely nowhere near her house) and the leader of the craft club finally just kicked her out. F*cking bye, Natalie - you creep.
Why are people so against pjs - the only thing that makes them jammies is that that's what we call them. If I wear an oversized T-shirt to bed and then wear it out'n'about nobody cares, but if I wear jimjam pants - nice and lose and cool - out - even if I've never worn them to bed, everyone freaks 🤷🏻♀️
Ps I love that you said “jimjam pants.” That’s the cutest thing my North American a*s has ever heard.
Load More Replies...How can they even tell? It's not like you can see their whole body during an online class! Usually it's just the head and shoulders on screen.
First off , they are classified as “lounge wear” not PJ’s . Get your facts straight facts straight people.
I've got fleece pant with two pockets. Wear 'em to bed along with the day's tshirt. I've been known to just put on shoes and run errands when I get up.
Load More Replies...There is NOTHING wrong with jam jams so long as they are learning. So long as there is no possibility of a security breach at Los Pantalos, no harm no fowl.
Yes except that's the principal's office. You are standing by your 'principles' by saying that wearing pyjamas won't stop them learning.
Load More Replies...As a teacher I make a point of telling the student teachers that they should always ALWAYS make sure they are on the janitors’ good side. They will not make your life harder if you are not, but, my goodness, can they make your teacher life easier if they like you!
"I've got friends in high places"... b***h please, I've got friends in low places. The people that know the inner workings of this place, that know everything that goes on and when... what doors are unlocked, or can be unlocked... people that are easier to bribe and can have a direct personal effect on your every day life.
Load More Replies...The janitor at my old school was the greatest guy ever. His name was Hans and he wore a Mr Strong t-shirt and we all loved him! Once he crowbarred a drain open so a kid could get their toy back.
Janitors are THE unsung heros of EVERY work place! Without them doing their job, EVERY workplace would come to a slimmy greasy halt within a month! As for shareholders, those are the useless blood sucking sacks of dog 💩 that we need to get rid of!
When I was a kid, we always loved the custodians; they were the cool adults that we wouldn't get in trouble with lol
I was a lunchlady for a few years and would fill in for the janitors if they needed. Gotta say, it was one of my favorite jobs ever.
My Sister lives in a very rural area and they only have 2 schools for the whole town. She was a custodian/janitor/teaching assistant and had to help cover both schools. She knew EVERYTHING about the Faculty, Students, Parents and the administration both personally and professionally. Hell, it doesn't matter where you work, I can guarantee that if you want dirt or gossip ALWAYS go to the housekeeping, janitors or custodians because they see and hear pretty much anything and everything that you can think of.
Janitors are VERY important and I have worked with janitors who were so intelligent and kind. The head janitor at my high school was incredibly beloved by faculty, staff, and students, that we had a party for him when he retired.
My now adult children's elementary school had two of the most genuinely loved janitors. One died in an accident on Thanksgiving Day. They weren't going to have the funeral until the day the kids went back to school. But the school decided to stay closed that day and all of the kids and parents were at the funeral. It was beautiful.
AWW, that was so nice of them. Please accept my deepest condolences and please send my deepest condolences to the janitor's family.
Load More Replies...Last school I worked in, the head caretaker was on the senior management team for events and competitions. School I'm in now, cleaner is definitely considered a respected member of staff - kids even got her flowers for bringing in loads of mud after a rainy sports day. I have been in schools where it's not the case, but they are the minority here.
We wanted to explore this idea of what makes one meme better than another, as they have been around for quite a bit. So we asked Sam to give his best shot at breaking it down. “A good meme contains a funny image/video with a super relatable/funny caption,” he shared with Bored Panda.
George Lucas the truck driver - didn't he direct the follow-up to 'Duel', "Steer wars" ?
My dad swears blind he spoke to Janet Armstrong, wife of Neil Armstrong, on the phone when he was a small boy. He apparently asked her what colour moon rocks are.
That's why Stevie Spielberg's voice was so different on the phone. But happened to my script and the $1000 reading fee I sent to him?
Aww, but the kid will cherish the idea that he spoke with Big Man George
At 12, I wrote to the president of the United States because I had the genius idea that we could go to school 2 days a week and have a5 day weekend. I didn't know why no one else had thought of it before. I got back a letter signed by the president (or possibly stamped by an aide, who knows) and a book about the White House. In middle school, I started sending ideas to companies and asking them for a share of the profit if they make my product. Most ignored me, but one wrote back to tell me that the idea was already patented, but they thought I had a bright future and wanted me to send more ideas. In high school, I started a petition to raise the speed limit on a highway, and finally I was successful, the speed limit on I-75 in Broward county, FL is 70 instead of 55 thanks to me, and to a congresswoman who agreed with my petition!
I really hope this is true and that this George has a wonderful life.
5 hours of prepping, 2 hours of roasting, 20 minutes of plating... 10 minutes to eat said meal, 25 minutes of rinsing dishes 2 hours of dishwaser and 20 minutes of putting dishes away. Now it's time for breakfast! LOL!
Good Heavens, you need to learn simpler meals. I cook at home every night, in the oven by 4pm, on the plate by 5.
Load More Replies...Can confirm. I have determined that the best trade off for satisfying, reasonably healthy, and quick and easy is a cheese omlette. Add microwave steam-in-the-bag frozen veg for bonus heath points. Supermarket fridge soups + toast are another good option.
Oh and a good sandwich! I love a nice sandwich any time :)
Load More Replies...whilst complaining how expensive cheese is yet still getting that cheese beacuse: cheese
Please be aware you just reminded me I have actual French Brie in the fridge. It’s ridiculously expensive cos I live in North America. The French baguettes are also stoopid expensive and don’t taste anything like the baguettes I still dream about. Tom, you need to go live in France. There are quintillions of cheeses all around the world but France does baguettes and cheese like no other nation.
Load More Replies...Meal prepping can save you a lot of time, and it's great to help you maintain your health goals. If you know you've got a healthy meal ready for you, you're less likely to order out. Can't recommend it enough, especially for people who are very busy. ▪️▪️▪️ If you're cooking for 2, cook for 6 instead and freeze the rest. You might spend some extra time on peeling vegetables etc, but it's a lot less work than cooking that same meal thrice. ▪️▪️I've got a disability whose impact varies every day. On the good days I cook large portions, and freeze the rest. Do that a couple of times and you get a wide selection of healthy meals. Stews, soups, curries, pasta sauce, stamppot, chilli, and fried rice freeze well. ▪️▪️▪️If I've got a bad day where only one arm is working, a healthy meal with plenty of vegetables is just a beep away. It's great for portion control too: I can easily make half size portions for days when I can't be active.
It's the ones who didn't grow up with South Park and family guy who are offended by every little detail of their simple minded life.
If you are trying to offend, don't complain when someone is offended. Who wouldn't reasonably be offended by someone, unprovoked, calling their life 'simple-minded'?
Load More Replies...I'm Gen X. We grew up with some content that would set most people's nose hairs on fire. And STILL our generation is lousy with Karens.
As a millennial, I love me some Gen x. Y’all are some cool kids 😎 (I agree with the Karen’s, there’s a weird amount in my generation too haha)
Load More Replies...And those of us who grew up with All in the Family aren't offended by anything.
NOT EVERYTHING. Watch Blazing Saddles and see how they use the N-word. Satire is how we shape our culture and it's been going on for longer than I've been alive and I'm old.
Love that movie! Written by Mel Brooks and Richard Pryor. They made fun of every stereotype. Just awesome.
Load More Replies...The half of the generation that did not understood south park and family guy and felt excluded
When my kids were almost 15 (son) and 7 (daughter) we took a long road trip and shared motel rooms for 3 weeks. Guess who came back quoting Family Guy and needed to be told NOT to say those things in her 2nd grade class...
"That movie has warped my fragile little mind." Roger Evert on Twilight.
How ab those of us that love Happy Tree Friends? That show was way worse than South Park 🤣 oh let's not forget the video game that was the best. I will also add Conquer the Squirrel those that know know 😂
“The image/video is the most important component of a meme, you can have an average caption but if the content you’re using is really good, it will carry the meme and still be really funny. If you’re able to write a caption that hasn’t been overused and is still relatable/funny and the image/video you’re using is great in itself, that’s the recipe for a viral meme.” Interestingly, the caption might be one of the oldest indicators of a meme, that separates it from a generic “funny image.”
The baby sure. But have you see the text messages between his dog and owner? I love those.
We wash our butts at this post!
Load More Replies...Lawn mowing: no one wants to do it, it is pointless, it waste gas for no reason, and land looks better if left to grow; if there were no laws requiring lawn mowing most suburbs would be rain forests.
I mailed a post card (It was actually part of an MRE main menu iten box) to my wife from Northern Iraq in 2003. I wrote a couple of lines in it in dog speak for my dog. "Wooof! woof woof woof? Woff woof woof......."
Alas, she knew it was you bc the dog would never say that…
Load More Replies...Calling your pet your child. Whoa, creepy! I didn't shag a bunny... Our little fluffbutts are the pride and joy of our household. But are they children? No.
It's the fact that you have to lease one rather than buy it that cracked me up 😂
Load More Replies...I've started a cult, so far there are only two of us, but I can tell that many people are intrigued, it's only a matter of time before they follow the Way of the Flamingo
Totally hard to find these days... that's the one with the wraparound back window, right? And the small fins?
Load More Replies...THIS WAS MY ARGUMENT!! Some girl online said millennial midlife crisis was a craft room. I call bullhyt. Millennium midlife crisis is becoming a medieval hermit with a small garden and a slight interest in magic.
Ok but for real. When my ex lost something he used to stand in the middle of a room and just pivot in a circle and tell me he couldn’t find the item in the room. I’d walk in and flip back the blankets, check under the bed, check the pockets of the hoodie he wore yesterday - like actually putting in effort to look for the item - and every time I’d miraculously find the item. It genuinely drove me crazy because I thought he was trying to make me just do it for him on purpose cause he was lazy and grew up with his mom doing everything for him. Turns out I was right and that’s exactly what he was doing. Couldn’t handle the real world without his mommy or another woman taking care of him and cooking all his meals cause he doesnt know how to feed himself at all, but still insisted he was an “alpha” or whatever the boys are obsessed with these days hahahaha 🤡 like b***h if the apocalypse happened and you didn’t have women to take care of you you’d be dead yesterday lmfao we can even hunt and kill and protect ourselves so what do you do?
Load More Replies...Someone on here said that anytime they told their mom they couldn't find something she'd say, " If I get up and find it I'm going to beat you with it!" He did assure us that his mom was awesome, had a great sense if humor and never actually hit them..
LOL. When I was younger and I'd lose a LEGO piece, I'd ask my mum to come and find it. All it took was for her to be in the room and then the piece appeared before my eyes.
As the mom who has to find everything, I completely agree with the person who said that "I can't find it" didn't actually look anywhere other than the surfaces around them and can't be bothered to check a pocket, lift up an object, etc. So very, very annoying.
At the same time, managing a page that posts memes might be harder than it seems. The internet is changing with content rules morphing year to year, often without warning. “Running a meme account has become harder and harder as time goes on, unfortunately. The TOS (terms of service) gets stricter every day.”
Please don’t call us out as special or point us out in any way shape or form. But yeah 💪
Load More Replies...I'd have to make the sign and send it with someone else. I don't do crowds. :)
Load More Replies...Dayum, it was when we took to the street protesting corruption! 5 times!
We don’t know how good we have it. At least almost 3 will get a good nap in later.
I'm heading for 67, and enjoying the rediscovery of 'a good nap later'.
Load More Replies...I prefer my adult version. Weekend, no kids, snuggling in bed with boyfriend and cats, pizza for breakfast, and no plans for day beside playing video games and smoking joints 😂 🤣
So relatable to anyone who has raised toddlers. Or they scream because you cut the roll in half. Or because you didn't.
And the roll is round but they wanted square
Load More Replies...I have a vivid memory of playing Donkey Kong 64 that we had rented from Blockbuster. There's the smell of pancakes coming from the kitchen. I can taste the maple. It's a winter morning--you can smell the cold in the air just beyond the window, damp and kind of musty. Love it.
See, this is the kind of thing archaeologists mean when they say "ceremonial purposes."
Like the Maya and human sacrifices. Nobody liked them but it was traditional.
Load More Replies...When we gather to chant the song over the flame-crowned offering, we must follow through. If we do not, we weaken the protections around the soul we've gathered to chant for. If a year passes on that soul with no gathering, no chant, and no flame-crowned offering, the contract still remains whole, the soul still protected. But if you have the gathering, the three pillars must be observed for the sake of the soul you have gathered for.
From now on I'm referring to birthday cake as the flame-crowned offering.
Load More Replies...My husband and two dear friends reclaimed my birthday for me this year by singing that song for me. It was so kind and comforting. When my mom died I couldn’t celebrate anything for a long time but birthdays were the worst. This year was the first time that could bear her not being there and that was thanks to my husband and friends.
Beautiful comment Felicia. I'm really glad you had your husband and friends there to make it good again for you and help you celebrate.
Load More Replies...My grandma made us do it every time. No friends, only you in uncomfortable "nice clothes" with your sibling in identical clothes with identical hairstyle (we were not twins, our hair was different in every way), with our parents, our grandma and usually also her handmade cake, usually with some questionable addon or change. Would you like a very sweet and oily tasting cake with some unrecognisable berry lumps more sour than a lemon? Or honey cake with a chocolate filling instead of caramel/milk and with added kiwi slices between layers and some grapes and whipped cream on top to make it "more festive"?
Yes, me too. But then I spend birthdays alone (sometimes taken out for dinner but no party, cake etc) and don't get sung to much, so maybe I haven't heard it enough.
Load More Replies...These are probably the people who will be at your funeral, and they need a little practice at singing together. Feel better now?
“Every piece of content I post is heavily vetted by me, I have gained a very strong understanding of what’s allowed and what’s not throughout the years. Stuff that you wouldn’t even think would be removed gets removed. Any big account that’s been doing this for a long time and is active works really hard to keep its page afloat.”
I'm hilarious to myself as well. I just get me. ❤️
Load More Replies...Still saves money. The parents and their furbaby get a nice home, and dogs don't need clothes or college funds.
Oh, but have you seen how they charge for dog treats these days?!
Load More Replies..."Milennials WISH they could buy homes because of their dogs"...there, fixed the headline for you.
We just visited Geneva and had fondue and we discovered that there is in fact, such a thing as too much cheese. At least for a little while.
Tillamook shredded cheese is, by far, the best I've ever had, of commercial shredded cheeses.
if you think about the size of some of the suns in the universe, is a whole cake really that big?
“I’ll just put it this way,” Sam shared, “If I were to hand my account to a random person, I don’t think the account would remain longer than a week. It takes a very strong understanding of the TOS to carry on. What sucks about that is the quality of content suffers but it’s what must be done to maintain your account.”
When I was a kid we called that sitting "Indian style". Criss-cross applesauce is so much cuter. And much less racist....
I am Native American. You can sit Indian style. There are bigger fish to fry.
Load More Replies...If you want a good chuckle go on your phone and search for owls running. It is adorable
I'm English. I've never heard of 'sit cross cross'. We say 'cross-legged'.
You wouldn't need eye bleach, you'd need brain bleach... Or a very particular fetish.
Load More Replies...Welcome to the making of You! With a surprise visit from Aunt Jane and Uncle Bill!
Load More Replies...Some dads film their kids birth, I prefer to film "their conception".
(Thanks for the upvote...this was meant for a first-level comment...maybe I shouldn't try it on my phone...)
Load More Replies...Why were you searching your Mother's room? She deserves as much privacy as any teen boy
Sound advise. My daughter was confused when she view some of Grannies pics.
It is always helpful to learn some off-grid basic techniques. Since +/- 30 years more and more of our activities depend heavily on things circling the globe and can be switched off by the owner at any given time, without notice. Or fail, without the possibility to have a technician get it go within hours. Prepper craze is not necessary, but ask (grand)parents how they handled things before satnav and smartphone were a thing. And learn to read maps, understabd street signs giving directions and some basic navigation skills.
When I moved to London in 2010, I didn't have a phone with maps. So I learnt to navigate by the sun and the river!
Load More Replies...I think they would do better than you think. I would like to see reality show, where filthy rich people live as people who are financially struggling, and see how they survive, based on their advice to poor people.
Dang, why not the 80's when we had to have a huge bundle of maps in our cars? (I was so proud of my comprehensive map collection - still can't bring myself to get rid of them. If the apocalypse comes, stop by my house, and I can drop you off anywhere in North America.)
On the same show, there should be a group of boomers trying to figure out how to navigate Reddit and Tik Tok.
As a boomer, I got news for you, most of us don't GAF about Reddit or TikTok.
Load More Replies...When i had to learn celestial navigation (1970s), they wouldn't even let us use calculators. I wonder if that's still the case?
How on Earth did you calculate the Marcq St Hilaire adjustment then?
Load More Replies...Well I bloody wouldn't, yes I know it's meant to be a joke but it's not remotely amusing, can we knock this crāp on the head please
I was always lost trying to figure out those damn Mapquest print outs! So thankful for GPS.
Would be funnier to give them a Windows 95 computer and watch them loose their mind before the computer boots up 😁😉
As the head keeper at our local owl sanctury keeps telling us - owls aren't wise, they are as thick as two short planks. Bird-brained would be a good description. So much of the brain is given over to visual processing there isn't a lot of room for much else.
They just look wise because they can swivel their heads so far & watch you from any angle so people are terrified by what they might have witnessed & what stories they can tell!
Load More Replies...I chaperoned for my daughter's class trip to the zoo once. I told some boys in the group not to mess with the geese. They didn't believe me. I hollered at them not to mess with the geese. I promised them that the punishment that the geese would dish out would be far worse than the teacher. They scoffed. 5th grade boys and girls screaming sound exactly the same, no matter how bad___ they try to look.
Possums are indeed intelligent. Not sue about opossums, but the aussie variant is.
As a Canadian who lives next to a field currently full of Canada geese. Aka velociraptors. I respectfully disagree.
Load More Replies...But she can look forward to some nice cats, a job in Scranton, and two super obnoxious dudes fighting over her
That isn’t dumb for a 4-5 year old; it’s just the way they reason until they learn otherwise. Unfortunately, some people never seem to outgrow this level of reasoning.
And i think that we know how most of them vote.
Load More Replies...Cute, isn't it? It's what makes a child's world a magical one. We're very happy to be aunt and uncle to my BIL's kids, and we did our best to make the holidays magical for them.▪️▪️▪️ In the Netherlands we celebrate Sinterklaas, it's a holiday on December the 5th or 6th. The American Santa figure was based on him and other European holidays, but Sinterklaas has nothing to do with Christmas here.▪️▪️▪️Sinterklaas makes the rounds together with his helpers (Pieten). Sinterklaas rides a horse that can walk on rooftops, and his Pieten are such great acrobats that they follow him up there and go through the chimney. They drop off jute bags filled with presents and they throw handfuls of sweets into your house.▪️▪️▪️Our nieces are 2 and 4 and still really believe in Sinterklaas. We hid the bags of presents in the garage and asked the neighbour to give a loud knock on the front door and to throw sweets down the hall. (To be continued, I'll add a reply)
Continued! The kids were a bit startled by the loud knocking, but we encouraged them to go and look. When they saw the first signs of Sinterklaas activity they got enthusiastic. When they saw the bags with presents their eyes turned the size of saucers, and they ran around the house squealing with delight 🥰▪️▪️▪️There was some question though why they hadn't seen any Pieten, because they were so eager to see them in action. I mentioned that they must have gone back upon the roof again, and that was accepted as completely logical 😁▪️▪️▪️Funny bit: people who work on roofs or wash windows sometimes dress up as Pieten in the holiday season. It gives the kids a real moment of delight.
Load More Replies...The first time I heard the term "blow-j*b" I was at camp and about nine or ten. Id had a book that showed how babies were made so I did have a basic understanding of the mechanics of it...i had seen a flaccid (deflated) member during my male cousins diaper changes and such...so I thought the woman had to blow into it to inflate it like a balloon so it was rigid enough to do its thing.
Me, too. It really freaked me out when the dog had puppies.
Load More Replies...All that comes to mind is finding a feather -and then searching high and low for the birdie it belonged to, I was pretty sure the birdie would want it back..?
When I was really very young, I never understood how actors/singers kept changing their outfits mid video in a quick second. I thought the crew had doppelgängers lined up each wearing a different outfit, and the camera would nonstop keep zooming to a different doppelgänger for different scenes. I don’t know where I got that idea from 😂
If there isn't an emergency, it will make one.
Load More Replies...I let people use these to colour in my back tattoo if they're feeling down, and need a shoulder to crayon....I'll get my coat.
I'm sooooo glad I didn't know this fun fact as a child. The toy "firetruck" incident is still rubbed in my face! 😬
I’m texting this to my friend, then going over there to film the house fire
I raise them the toilet cleaner and hair spray that have been on my stairs for 3months. Yes I've hoovered round them lol
Load More Replies...If I manage to make a single phone call I consider it a super productive day!
I regularly pick a rubber band up from the floor in my studio and place it on my work bench. I always knock it off with my sweater and pick it up again the next morning. Repeat as necessary.
Lol I remember that sign 😆 first thing that came to my mind too
Load More Replies...I scream, You scream, We all scream in the crippling housefire at the family renunion.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Then we all enjoy a cigarette, & make "Sweet Talk".
I was at a friend’s house. He said “make yourself at home!” So I kicked his a*s out because I hate visitors. And that’s when the fight started…
I told my friend to make herself at home. She redecorated my bathroom in her favourite colour.
I didn't want to bother my friend when sleeping at her house, so I laid in the living room, freezing under a knitted blanket.
the best house guest i ever had was a close friend who was like "okay where are the spoons? cool, and where's the pantry?" and then, because we were both sick, she'd be like "hey i'm gonna get some soup, do you want some". it was so lovely, not to have to worry about if she was getting enough food or felt comfortable in my house.
When people tell me to “make myself at home.”, I always reply “OK, I’m gonna take a bath.”
My alcoholic chain smoking neighbor was the one most concerned with me buying myself a cup of coffee once a week or so.
Haha, I know! I once bought myself a $2000 dance dress, and a colleague asked me how I could afford it. I told him I bought it with the cigarettes he smoked (and I don’t, we made the same pay). Apparently that was not the correct answer.
Load More Replies...My work colleague complained that she could never afford a decent holiday/travel. We sat together and worked out that she spent AT LEAST $8,000 per year on cigarettes (Australia: smokes are expensive). She quit smoking and her next holiday was 10 days at a resort in Malaysia.
Truth. Starbucks is terrible. It's practically undrinkable without all the sugar and sh*t they add to it.
Load More Replies...And five times a week is still only $12,600, and that's still not a house deposit. So if you have to bribe yourself to leave the house and go to work each day, remember that small pleasures and rewards are increasingly important in an economy that makes traditional milestones unachievable.
I believe I read that this is sometimes termed the "lipstick principle" (that small luxuries are often enjoyed in a tough economic environment)
Load More Replies...The problem is drinking them daily which comes out to 1768.85 a year and 17,688.50 over 10 years. Don’t know anyone that drinks a small vanilla sweet cream from Starbucks 1 time per week.
I go to Dutch Brothers. I buy a medium decaf Americano with oat milk once a week. Sometimes twice if they have a sticker I want or another fun promotion. Their coffee is good. It is not scorched.
Load More Replies...Anyone I know with a Starbucks habit goes more than once a week. What I've saved over the past 20 years making quality coffee at home wouldn't buy a house but it would buy a halfway decent used vehicle. And actually, I just did the math and I've saved more than I paid for the down payment on my house but in fairness, I bought my house in 2003.
My coworkers tremble on the days I don't come in holding a Starbucks cup.
Starbucks prices are ridiculous for average tasting drinks... If I'm paying $9 + tip for one specialty drink it had best be a loaded cocktail. (Prices in BC, Canada inc tax for a large flavored cold brew). If you make that a daily habit, maybe throw in some $10 sandwiches a few times a year on top of it you're looking at $40k after 10 years
Sounds like a horrible thing to have… Are there any cure?
Load More Replies...I closed my eyes, and gave a sigh, because i think that the OP has explained my adult son to me quite precisely.
On a different note, I frankly don't understand the idea. In what way would releasing my j*zz in my wife's face make any of us happier?
Everyone else is happier because we're spared the experience.
Load More Replies...I remember many years ago in school, me and my friends having a discussion about what the term 'oral sex' could mean. We had no idea what it meant. We decided it must be talking about sex. lol.
Ah the old Max Bygraves joke "do you know the difference between social and sexual intercourse" "no" "come outside for a chat then"
Load More Replies...Saying "I'm getting a pearl necklace Saturday night" does not mean you're going to a jewelry store....
Agreed. If it's a fetish, then fine. But to expect it or nake it a norm is sexist and demoralising.
Load More Replies...I was looking for a reference to this sort of jewelry. This is the second one I've found, so kudos to you! ;)
Load More Replies...Well, supposedly the protien is good for the skin. I'll show myself out now.
That's what we said in the 70s. Though, looking back, I can't think of anyone in my circle who would have actually known.
Load More Replies...They don't really like you complimenting them on their pretty black dresses either.
My sister in law used to be a magistrate, a defendant addressed her as your majesty, I daresay there's some etymology going on there. She managed not to fall about laughing, but the police officer who escorted him had a fit of the giggles
I can definitely see that happening, made me giggle reading your comment! Lol
Load More Replies...My cousin the lawyer spent a night in jail for contempt of court for answering a judge with "Yes, your royal highness" when he gave her a warning after overruling her motion in court. She's my favorite cousin! :)
Anything other than “Your Honor”, could be a “Contempt of Court” matter.
I can't wait to pull that on my daughter when we are shopping tomorrow.
And make some poor schmuck making minimum wage have to clean up the mess you make? Don't be a d1ck to retail workers.
Load More Replies...When I was young, the neighbor around the corner was a salesman for a ceramics company. One day he showed my father a coffee cup and said "Brand new product. Completely unbreakable." My dad took it from him and dropped it on the kitchen floor, where it smashed into a hundred pieces. The neighbor sputtered, "You aren't supposed to drop it!"
Recently I accidentally knocked over a carton of eggs at the grocery store. I reported it to a worker, who assured me I didn't have to pay for the wrecked carton.
We who work in the grocery biz figure you really aren't a permanent staff member until you have dropped your first carton of eggs. I did myself proud. It was a two dozen carton.
Load More Replies...Just leave it there the clerk can re-pin the shirt.They don’t do anything anyway.
I once heard a voice coming from a bar in a Rome hotel yell, “Whadya mean no Budweiser” ?
Those Cardinals fans. Just can't take a joke. Go Cubs.
Load More Replies...What could he have been arrested for? Loitering? I think you can arrest somebody and not charge them for a few hours then let them go (based on watching tv)
Load More Replies...He's going bald. He's identifying with the babies and jealous babies are cute when they're bald.
Recessive, submissive, all the same. Those poor genes must want to be loved
How do you tell male chromosomes from female chromosomes? You pull down their genes.....
Load More Replies...I dont know if if helps, but there was a biology teacher who accidently said "orgasm" instead of "organism" in front of a class of 13-years old 🤣
Better than "you sure knew the answer last Friday night, didn't you, worm?"
This person has serious selective memory of what spending 40 hours week in schools was like, unless they peaked in high school and that is even sadder.
I think they mean that they are thinking back to when they were in school and the fondest memory is not having to be around their co-workers because they were a kid and had no co-workers.
Load More Replies...My fondest childhood memory is becoming an adult so that I didn't have to spend all my time with my crazy family.
Being cut loose out of college and having to join the real world was a complete b-slap of epic proportions. I was NOT prepared for adulthood AT ALL.
hahahaha yea not true... I am still in school and I need to go to school so that I can get a job to pay the bills, and get waaaay to tired to do my job after school
Yeah instead you went to school to get of your parents way so they could do that
This is literally what school is but you don’t get paid so you can’t even buy paper towels and laundry detergent
As a 34 year old with a driver's license and car title who is 4' 9'', I am deeply offended.
That’s huge. My car title fits in the glove box.
Load More Replies...In my state there is an age limit when the height requirement no longer applies.
Me. Ontario Canada: Child turns eight years old. Child weighs 36kg (80lbs) Child is 145 cm (4 feet, 9 inches) tall.
Load More Replies...I didn't actually seen this but a family member told me this .Many many many years ago when I was just a young man, I have a younger brother. We all are short men. One time my younger brother had a motorcycle. He had a girlfriend. He was driving it. She was sitting behind him. He got pulled over by the cops. The cop asked for his driver license. The cop let him go. Why he was pulled over because the cop thought he was to young to drive a motorcycle because of his height.
I got pulled over on a date once. We I pulled over, I told my gf to look at the floor and act scared. I don't know what she thought I was going to do, but she played her part. I pretended to be terrified that her father would be waiting up because we were late getting back from our date. I got out of the ticket. :)
If this is true I really hope she, or her parents, fought the ticket. That's ridiculous.
Height discrimination must be stomped out! Carefully though, we don't want to step on the little people.
Making a joke at a short person's expense is still discrimination though.
Load More Replies...Why do people without humor even come to BP? Updoot!
Load More Replies...You can hate the class and still have no problem with the teacher. I've had classes I hated where I was the teacher.
That's my backstory. It may or may not be true depending on how much I dis/like you.
a little cup of scalding chocolate lava... mmmmmmm
Load More Replies...I LIKE these. Have eaten a fair number of them over the years. At least back in the 60s / 70s when TV dinners were more affordable. Ironically, now that I really am single and lonely I don't each much prepared food because making meals from scratch is cheaper.
The carrots and peas remind me of a joke that my great-grandfather loved to tell my paternal grandmother and her siblings whenever peas and carrots were part of dinner: "Be sure to eat every carrot and pea on your plate!" Maybe if you say it out loud--
Load More Replies...You don't grok the social context. It was *affluence* when a SAHM could skip all the work involved in setting a full meal on the table and instead deliver a full dinner in front of the TV. My dad was a carpenter, and he was the one bought that sh** - made him feel less impoverished. That was when he started eating peanut butter and baloney sandwiches as a bedtime snacK every single day - five years later, heart attack. All of us kids learned to cook and deliver plates to our parental couch potatoes just to have real food. Half if us don't even have TVs because Andy Griffith and Wheel of Fortune meant we had to raise ourselves.
Still looks better than a lot of US Army meals i've seen posted on 9Gag.
MREs, officially Meals Ready to Eat, not too fondly known as Meals Rejected by Enemy.
Load More Replies...To save embarrassing Google searches - A group of men covering another person with reproduction juice.
Well, I had to google it and kinda wish I hadn’t. Crikey…what kind of pop up ads am I going to get now?? 😳
I just googled it, I should probably go cleanse my brain and eyes now, possibly with fire.
Tell her to write "Absolute bullpocky" in an email and convince everyone that that's the word she's been using.
I don't really think that would be needed? Guys aren't that selective?
Load More Replies...Bull cocky is what she was thinking of and probably what she said, dad had his mind in the Gutter
When I was a lil' shaver, the kids on the block would say "cocky" to mean f(a)eces. Just another data point.
Load More Replies...I knew I wouldn't have to actually Google it myself. Thanks so much.
Nothing more disgusting then being handed a wet dollar bill from a large sweaty woman's bra in the middle of the summer in Florida.
How about a dollar bill from a large sweaty man boob?
Load More Replies...If you don't want us to keep stuff in our bra then give us pockets
My kids literally have called it a bosom pocket since they were about 5
Load More Replies...When COVID started, a local restaurant put a sign on their tip jar that said "money is dirty, let us handle it for you."
A few years ago my roommate showed me his great new combination wallet/iPhone case. I said "great, now you can lose your wallet and phone all at once!" He didn't like that
Load More Replies...I don't have much sanity left, but I guarantee that if I downloaded that terrible app, I would lose more.
Load More Replies...Only TikTok exposure I get is when their clips for some reason get mixed in with the youtube shorts I watch on the toilet.
Collect my data? That will be done very quickly because I am a nobody, so there is precious little data to collect, let alone make money from collecting and selling 'my data'.
Load More Replies...i never in my life thought i would be defending tiktok as frequently as i seem to, but i learned from cbs sunday morning that tiktok actually collects far less user data than facebook and twitter do. it's not totally blameless, but it's not that bad. additionally, while dumb tiktok challenges that get people hurt happen regularly, hundreds of thousands of other people use tiktok to learn things, find support groups, and show off their own creativity.
I hope they were tears of joy because that joke is hilarious, particularly for a seven year old
My husband asked me to marry him on April's Fools. He was serious. I said yes. We got married.
My parents got married on April Fools Day, too! After they got divorced-- which was inevitable--I told my mom the only divorce proceedings required should have been yelling "April Fools" and walking away. Sadly it didn't work that easy.
Sad, as the marriage may have turned into a joke or she just did not get the satire.
Oven baking, heavy breathing Don't give a fú¢k if it's carbs that I'm eating!
Load More Replies...that would give me six to eight chapters and I’ve already had five, yikes
People believe that they win these because their story touched somebody's cold dead heart. No, they wrote well, and made it sound real, and that is what wins competitions, not the facts of the story. There are no prizes for whose life was the saddest.
You’ve never seen the TV show “Queen For A Day” from the 1960s. My mom said it was the most depressing and disturbing show ever. All of the contestants had the most horrible things happen to them, and the worst was the winner. I watched it on YouTube once, and I still wonder about that “hillbilly” woman from Arkansas who won a hospital bed because her husband had been shot in the back. She also won some appliances, a make up hamper, and some day and evening gowns from a Beverly Hill couture. I wonder where she wore those evening gowns most.
Load More Replies...We had to do an "Interview an Immigrant" essay in junior year history or English class (they were in the same classroom). I totally made one up because I'm not about to seek out a stranger to ask awkward questions to. I even set the scene by asking the teacher if I could do a telephone interview with a friend of my mom's who had since moved to another state. My mom didn't have an immigrant friend. I got an A.
In the 1950s my godmother, whilst in hospital with TB, won a trip to England (from NZ) in a true story competition. Her story was called "I Was a Dipsomaniac". She wasn't, but the story was based on a real character at the psychiatric hospital where she was working (and contracted TB). Our favourite story about one of the patients was the nymphomaniac who used to escape and "terrorise" local farmers, but I guess that wouldn't have been an acceptable competition entry back in the fifties. My godmother was, by the way, in and out of hospital for 10 years until she recovered from TB, so we should be very grateful immunisation programmes have largely eliminated it in many parts of the world.
This is the kind of psychopathic personality that runs the entire economy in the US.
I made up pretty much everything I wrote about in En101 in college and I ended up getting it all read aloud by the professor every week, got an A in the class
I painted a friend a picture of The Last Supper using every comic cat I could think of in place of the people. Bill was Jesus & dressed as Elvis. I titled it “The Last Shrimp Cocktail”. - These things happen. And I would have bought that. I would have it hanging in my house.
I really want to see that painting. I love Elvis Bill!
Load More Replies...The lady in the back is from Popeye's Fried Chicken. "We don't make sense, we make chicken."
Thank you. I was wondering if that was supposed to be Aunt Jemimah or something but she didn't look right for that. But I could see the other three were famous fast food icons so it made sense the black lady was something similar, I just couldn't place her.
Load More Replies...20-ish me would've.had special lighting around it too. Who am I kidding? I'd hang that behind my basement bar tomorrow!
Found at a garage sale, you say? Hmm. Might it have belonged to the people having the garage sale? So probably them. They had it hanging in their house most likely.
It's a fun thing to have in the den or kitchen, once you can identify the persons. Most people know the guys, the girl on the bottom right is the US Wendy (in the Netherlands we have our own, and US Wendy looses claim after claim). I cannot place the lady in the back.
Ronald, Wendy and the cl. sanders I know, but what does the black woman represent?
Prayer by any other name is still a prayer. When we go too McDonalds we pray we can afford it
Depends sometimes the question is stupid so I don't bother.
Load More Replies...I don’t even click on the dark humor ones anymore or those that have 30 comics by the same person
Load More Replies...Depends sometimes the question is stupid so I don't bother.
Load More Replies...I don’t even click on the dark humor ones anymore or those that have 30 comics by the same person
Load More Replies...
