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18
Boomer Grandparents Show They’re Not Exactly The ‘Village’ Modern Parents Need
It takes a village to raise a child, and some believe that Boomers aren’t it. Mother and Reddit user Tonybeetzzz made a post on r/Parenting, criticizing her old folks for being horrible grandparents and constantly choosing to stay at home instead of spending time with her children.
As she vented, the woman went even further and said that it’s not just an isolated case—she blamed the entire generation for not doing their part.
The mom’s unfiltered honesty attracted many people to share their own thoughts in the comments, and not everyone agreed with her.
RELATED:
Exhausted parents need all the help they can get
Image credits: Pixabay/Pexels (not the actual photo)
And this mother believes Boomer grandparents aren’t doing their part
Image credits: tonybeetzzz
But plenty of people disagree with her
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Another parent said they share the sentiment
Image credits: ThinParamedic7859
And received a little more positive feedback
But is it really the case? The numbers and experts say otherwise
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A 2024 poll showed that 60% of American adults aged 50 and over have at least one grandchild, including step-grandchildren, adopted grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. (That includes the 27% who said they have five or more grandchildren.)
The poll asked older adults who have grandchildren under age 18 how often they see them. In all, 18% of grandparents see their grandchild or grandchildren every day or nearly every day, an additional 23% see them at least once a week, and 23% see them once or twice a month, while 36% said they only see them every few months or less.
Nearly half (49%) of grandparents under age 18 provide care for them at least once every few months. Another 20% care for one or more grandchildren at least once a week, with 8% providing daily or near-daily care.
Generations United, a Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit that was launched more than 35 years ago in partnership with AARP, advocates for grandfamilies. “Grandparents have been stepping in to raise grandchildren since the beginning of our country,” says Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United. “But it has increased in recent years. We see spikes whenever there is a crisis.”
And it’s not just the United States. For example, a 2023 survey found that more than half (52%) of UK grandparents provide some sort of childcare during the working week, doing more than four hours a day on average, or 22 hours per week.
The study also found that more than a third look after their grandchildren in the school holidays, and not only are grandparents not being paid to provide childcare, but it’s actually costing them £80 ($107) a week, or more than £4k ($5.3K) a year.
Carole Easton, a psychotherapist and the chief executive of the Centre for Ageing Better, told The Guardian that among her grandparent friends, “there is a sense of obligation: ‘I’m not sure how they [the parents] would manage if we didn’t do this.'” It’s not, according to her, a complaint as much as “an acknowledgment that there isn’t a genuine choice in this.”
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What do you think ?
DrBronxx 4 months ago
I am in full agreement with the comments say that the problem is with OP's parents, not their generation. My parents and in-laws are all boomers, and they are all as involved as they can be with their grandchildren.
Child of the Stars 4 months ago
Absolutely. My parents are minimally involved with my kids by my choice for reasons I won't go into here, and their dad's parents are as involved as grandparents can be while living 2.5/3 hours away. I myself was close with my mom's parents who were lovely people and awesome grandparents but my dad's father passed away yesterday and I feel nothing for the sexist, racist, drunk old b.astard.
Load More Replies...
XenoMurph 4 months ago
Boomer, Gen-? etc is just the same as horoscopes. Just because you were born at a similar time doesn't mean you are going to be anything like another person. Except us GenXers, we are all awesome
Hidalgo 4 months ago
All this generational stuff was invented by fascistic marketing folks to segment us into more easily targetable consumer groups. It’s all hype.
Load More Replies...
B 4 months ago (edited)
I am curious why people feel Grandparents have to be involved, babysitting , doing crafts etc with the grandkids? I am about to be a grandmother & still work full time & take care of a disabled spouse, while my DIL hasn't worked in 2 years ( work stresses her) am I expected to give up what little free time I have to hang out with the grandchild? Aren't I entitled to my own life/ time . I raised my son & put in my time. I don't owe anyone anything. If I want to spend time with them I will but don't expect me to drop everything to do it . I am super close with my so, we talk for an hour everyday & live 15 minutes apart so it's not that I don't care about the soon to be baby .If we are going to talk Generations I'm Gen X by the way
Emilu 4 months ago
I’m not sure why exactly, but I know in my circle of friends/acquaintances the vast majority of them have their parents do a lot for the grandkids, but the parents also want it that way so I guess it works out for everyone. It’s down to the point where some have a weekly day or few days instead of the kid going to daycare. It’s nice if you have (and want) that, but I don’t think you should be lambasted if you don’t want/can’t have that for yourself.
Load More Replies... Hidalgo 4 months ago
As someone born in 1947 who had kids, I can say I had about zero help from my parents or in-laws. In fact, my parents had minimal help from theirs. I don’t think it’s a symptom of any generation, just personalities and maybe distance (physical and emotional). I’ve said this before, too, is that a lot of it is the age of th grandparents. Eg. my kids didn’t have children until I was almost 70 and it’s kind of tough to expect me to do too much child care. Most of my friends were similar. Whereas, my grandparents were in their late 40s when I was born, so that’s a factor too. Plus OP is a whineybutt
Jessica Daus-Warner 4 months ago
It sounds like the grandparents are just trying to enjoy their retirement. Not everyone wants to be enlisted as free child care. I'm curious about the effort OP puts in to the relationship as well. I personally have to remind family members that phones work both ways.
KatSaidWhat 4 months ago
Sweeping generalisation is so many ways. You have a parent problem, honey.
Lousha 4 months ago
Yeah, not a generational thing. I'm an '80s baby and one set of grandparents lived literally next door in a block of flats from us. They did not look at me for a year. The other set lived fairly far, only ever saw me if we went to visit, they never once came, and when we were there, all they did was tell us how marvellous their other grandchildren were. It's just a matter of AH people, not when they were born. That said, I actually do agree that nobody owes anyone else. The only ones with "built in" responsibilities are the parents who decided to have kids. So they absolutely should take care of those kids, as long as they are children. After that, it all depends on how the relationships developed over the years.
Paul C 4 months ago
Quite sad really that the OP complains about a whole generation because two of them she (I'm guessing from the comment about learning from Granny) knows won't fit in with what she thinks she is entitled to from her parents. Big generalisation there I think. Sadly, there are AHs in every generation, but that doesn't make any generation an AH generation.
Wyrdwoman 4 months ago
Nothing to do with "generations". My mum and my partner's mum were both Silent Generation. My mum barely was around - only babysat when she wanted to show her grand-daughter off to her friends. My partner's mum was so helpful, looking after my daughter when I went back to work. To be fair I should have seen it coming as my mother was such a c**p mother it was (almost) amusing!
tori Ohno 4 months ago
I hate two things. One is the term "boomer", and two, is the entitlement of some people. Your parents don't owe you Anything, and they already raised their kids, it's Your turn to raise kids now. And did it ever occur to you that your grandma was always willing to babysit because it's all she ever knew? Women born in that era weren't even allowed to hold jobs, and the older ones couldn't even vote! Times change. Grow up and accept it.
Gozer LeGozerian 3 months ago
Please give me a break with "it takes a village". If you're not prepared to raise your own offspring by yourself, don't have them! It's insulting to people to expect them to raise your kids or take care of them by default. Get a d**n grip, people. YOU had those kids, no one else did. OP's parents are entitled to their own time. And OP sounds like an entitled brat who wants everyone else to accept her lifestyle choices but don't want to accept theirs.
marianne eliza 4 months ago
Time to quit the boomer bashing. Try considering what was accomplished. Start with home computers. And remember, you too will get old. Imagine what your kids and grandkids will call you.
Grm Moore 4 months ago
I detest the "generation" thing. I am of that generation. I had grandchild a LOT. Weekends, and school holidays while parents worked. They'd come pick up on way home in holidays usually, but some sleep overs. Loved it! And now I am on my own, moved in with disabled sibling as carer and gave house to adult child.
Bertha Madott 4 months ago
Of all the garbage I (76F) have seen in print after a lifetime of reading: this takes the cake. My friends and family members do sooooooo much for the grands. Time and $$$$$. I guess I’m living on a different planet….once again
PawCamp 4 months ago
Can you imagine the response if this was the other way around? Like, boomer grandparents want to be over all the time, how do I get rid of them, and people would be like yeah, boomers suck. Like, it's their life. If they don't want to be involved, they don't owe you. But when they get too old to be alone, remember, you also don't owe them.
Niki 4 months ago
My mom was a single parent, so I was passed off to grandparents a lot. So I have so many fantastic memories. Now that I have three children, she has been everything for them when I cannot. But I realize that not every grandparent wants to do that. She didn't have "her" time too much, so I can see her not wanting this. However, I can see why she would want this too. They don'y owe you, but it's nice to help.
trixiefly11 4 months ago
My mom has no relationship with any of her grandkids. I think she spent more time with mine than any, mainly because at one point we did live near her. Even then it was rare and she only saw them when she wanted something. But her mom was just the same, she had no interest in her grandkids either. I'm not sure what her mom was like. I am determined that if my kids have children I will be super grandma.
Michael Largey 4 months ago
OP may have alienated her parents in some way. Naturally, she'd never include that in her post.
Megan Romero-Herman 4 months ago
I was lucky both my boomer parents were ecstatic when my son was born! He was the 1st grandchild and we saw my dad all the time! I can’t imagine not having that..
Jayne Turner 4 months ago
It's down to the parents. Older people realise you can do every for your kids and they still won't make time to see you. You can't conduct a relationship via text or facetime. I have a couple of friends who helped their kids through everything,now they are expected to drive hundreds of miles to see their grandkids for a few hours. No compromise.
DrBronxx 4 months ago
I am in full agreement with the comments say that the problem is with OP's parents, not their generation. My parents and in-laws are all boomers, and they are all as involved as they can be with their grandchildren.
Child of the Stars 4 months ago
Absolutely. My parents are minimally involved with my kids by my choice for reasons I won't go into here, and their dad's parents are as involved as grandparents can be while living 2.5/3 hours away. I myself was close with my mom's parents who were lovely people and awesome grandparents but my dad's father passed away yesterday and I feel nothing for the sexist, racist, drunk old b.astard.
Load More Replies... XenoMurph 4 months ago
Boomer, Gen-? etc is just the same as horoscopes. Just because you were born at a similar time doesn't mean you are going to be anything like another person. Except us GenXers, we are all awesome
Hidalgo 4 months ago
All this generational stuff was invented by fascistic marketing folks to segment us into more easily targetable consumer groups. It’s all hype.
Load More Replies... B 4 months ago (edited)
I am curious why people feel Grandparents have to be involved, babysitting , doing crafts etc with the grandkids? I am about to be a grandmother & still work full time & take care of a disabled spouse, while my DIL hasn't worked in 2 years ( work stresses her) am I expected to give up what little free time I have to hang out with the grandchild? Aren't I entitled to my own life/ time . I raised my son & put in my time. I don't owe anyone anything. If I want to spend time with them I will but don't expect me to drop everything to do it . I am super close with my so, we talk for an hour everyday & live 15 minutes apart so it's not that I don't care about the soon to be baby .If we are going to talk Generations I'm Gen X by the way
Emilu 4 months ago
I’m not sure why exactly, but I know in my circle of friends/acquaintances the vast majority of them have their parents do a lot for the grandkids, but the parents also want it that way so I guess it works out for everyone. It’s down to the point where some have a weekly day or few days instead of the kid going to daycare. It’s nice if you have (and want) that, but I don’t think you should be lambasted if you don’t want/can’t have that for yourself.
Load More Replies... Hidalgo 4 months ago
As someone born in 1947 who had kids, I can say I had about zero help from my parents or in-laws. In fact, my parents had minimal help from theirs. I don’t think it’s a symptom of any generation, just personalities and maybe distance (physical and emotional). I’ve said this before, too, is that a lot of it is the age of th grandparents. Eg. my kids didn’t have children until I was almost 70 and it’s kind of tough to expect me to do too much child care. Most of my friends were similar. Whereas, my grandparents were in their late 40s when I was born, so that’s a factor too. Plus OP is a whineybutt
Jessica Daus-Warner 4 months ago
It sounds like the grandparents are just trying to enjoy their retirement. Not everyone wants to be enlisted as free child care. I'm curious about the effort OP puts in to the relationship as well. I personally have to remind family members that phones work both ways.
KatSaidWhat 4 months ago
Sweeping generalisation is so many ways. You have a parent problem, honey.
Lousha 4 months ago
Yeah, not a generational thing. I'm an '80s baby and one set of grandparents lived literally next door in a block of flats from us. They did not look at me for a year. The other set lived fairly far, only ever saw me if we went to visit, they never once came, and when we were there, all they did was tell us how marvellous their other grandchildren were. It's just a matter of AH people, not when they were born. That said, I actually do agree that nobody owes anyone else. The only ones with "built in" responsibilities are the parents who decided to have kids. So they absolutely should take care of those kids, as long as they are children. After that, it all depends on how the relationships developed over the years.
Paul C 4 months ago
Quite sad really that the OP complains about a whole generation because two of them she (I'm guessing from the comment about learning from Granny) knows won't fit in with what she thinks she is entitled to from her parents. Big generalisation there I think. Sadly, there are AHs in every generation, but that doesn't make any generation an AH generation.
Wyrdwoman 4 months ago
Nothing to do with "generations". My mum and my partner's mum were both Silent Generation. My mum barely was around - only babysat when she wanted to show her grand-daughter off to her friends. My partner's mum was so helpful, looking after my daughter when I went back to work. To be fair I should have seen it coming as my mother was such a c**p mother it was (almost) amusing!
tori Ohno 4 months ago
I hate two things. One is the term "boomer", and two, is the entitlement of some people. Your parents don't owe you Anything, and they already raised their kids, it's Your turn to raise kids now. And did it ever occur to you that your grandma was always willing to babysit because it's all she ever knew? Women born in that era weren't even allowed to hold jobs, and the older ones couldn't even vote! Times change. Grow up and accept it.
Gozer LeGozerian 3 months ago
Please give me a break with "it takes a village". If you're not prepared to raise your own offspring by yourself, don't have them! It's insulting to people to expect them to raise your kids or take care of them by default. Get a d**n grip, people. YOU had those kids, no one else did. OP's parents are entitled to their own time. And OP sounds like an entitled brat who wants everyone else to accept her lifestyle choices but don't want to accept theirs.
marianne eliza 4 months ago
Time to quit the boomer bashing. Try considering what was accomplished. Start with home computers. And remember, you too will get old. Imagine what your kids and grandkids will call you.
Grm Moore 4 months ago
I detest the "generation" thing. I am of that generation. I had grandchild a LOT. Weekends, and school holidays while parents worked. They'd come pick up on way home in holidays usually, but some sleep overs. Loved it! And now I am on my own, moved in with disabled sibling as carer and gave house to adult child.
Bertha Madott 4 months ago
Of all the garbage I (76F) have seen in print after a lifetime of reading: this takes the cake. My friends and family members do sooooooo much for the grands. Time and $$$$$. I guess I’m living on a different planet….once again
PawCamp 4 months ago
Can you imagine the response if this was the other way around? Like, boomer grandparents want to be over all the time, how do I get rid of them, and people would be like yeah, boomers suck. Like, it's their life. If they don't want to be involved, they don't owe you. But when they get too old to be alone, remember, you also don't owe them.
Niki 4 months ago
My mom was a single parent, so I was passed off to grandparents a lot. So I have so many fantastic memories. Now that I have three children, she has been everything for them when I cannot. But I realize that not every grandparent wants to do that. She didn't have "her" time too much, so I can see her not wanting this. However, I can see why she would want this too. They don'y owe you, but it's nice to help.
trixiefly11 4 months ago
My mom has no relationship with any of her grandkids. I think she spent more time with mine than any, mainly because at one point we did live near her. Even then it was rare and she only saw them when she wanted something. But her mom was just the same, she had no interest in her grandkids either. I'm not sure what her mom was like. I am determined that if my kids have children I will be super grandma.
Michael Largey 4 months ago
OP may have alienated her parents in some way. Naturally, she'd never include that in her post.
Megan Romero-Herman 4 months ago
I was lucky both my boomer parents were ecstatic when my son was born! He was the 1st grandchild and we saw my dad all the time! I can’t imagine not having that..
Jayne Turner 4 months ago
It's down to the parents. Older people realise you can do every for your kids and they still won't make time to see you. You can't conduct a relationship via text or facetime. I have a couple of friends who helped their kids through everything,now they are expected to drive hundreds of miles to see their grandkids for a few hours. No compromise.
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