Siblings Call Brother Selfish For Refusing To Bring Mom To Holidays, Get A Harsh Reality Check

Caring for a sick parent can be both physically and emotionally demanding. Especially for those who act as the primary caregiver, the burdensome task may push them to place their ailing mother or father in a long-term care facility. 

A man did just that after receiving no support from his two siblings. What made matters worse for him was that his brother accused him of being selfish when he asked for help. 

The author went on a rant online and is now asking the AITAH subreddit if he was wrong for isolating their sick mother. Scroll down for the entire story and reader reactions. 

Caring for a sick parent comes with heavy burdens, both physical and emotional

Caregiver assisting elderly woman in a wheelchair at a care facility, focusing on family dynamics and holiday challenges.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

A man was accused of being selfish by his brother after he decided to put their ailing mother in a long-term care facility

Text discussing siblings' reactions to placing their mom in a care facility before the holidays.

Text excerpt about a son placing mom in care facility, siblings upset, didn't help.

Text discussing family disagreements over placing mom in a care facility before holidays.

Text describing family conflict over care facility decision for mother during holidays.

Text addressing family conflict over caring for mom in a facility.

Text discussing family dynamics and responsibilities regarding mom's care, revealing emotional tension during the holidays.

Text discussing family dynamics after placing mom in care facility, highlighting stress and lack of sibling support.

Man in plaid shirt talking on the phone, looking concerned about placing mom in a care facility before holidays.

Image credits: benzoix / freepik (not the actual photo)

The two failed to reach a compromise, as the author’s frustrations mounted 

Text conversation about a son making excuses for not picking up mom for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Text conversation expressing anger about siblings never helping before holidays.

Text expressing frustration about family dynamics over care facility decision for mom.

Image credits: 0konok0

Being the primary caregiver to a sick parent is a life-changing experience that happens overnight

Woman assisting elderly mother with a walker in care facility, highlighting family dynamics over caregiving decisions.

Image credits: Kiwistocks / freepik (not the actual photo)

The author was in his early 20s when his mother had a stroke. He’d been her primary caregiver for the last eight years of his life, and as he described, he put his life on hold. 

It’s the same sentiment for those who did the same for their ailing parents. Toledo, Ohio, resident Eric Stein took care of his mother for 25 years. As he told The New York Times in an interview, his obligations had a negative impact on his professional life. 

“I spent very little on myself, and all of my extra earnings went toward her living expenses and care,” he said, clarifying that he would do it all over again if needed. 

California native Chace Beech had a much more difficult experience when she decided to take care of her father, who had been diagnosed with brain cancer. She was 25 then, living in New York City and working at a TV network. 

In her article for Bon Appetit, Chace described how her life fell apart in one fell swoop. She was forced to resign from her job, and her six-year relationship ended over the phone. To make matters worse, her father’s condition worsened. 

“I worry about my parent’s health because I love them. I feel alone on this island of parental anxiety because I can’t bear the thought of losing them,” she wrote. 

The author gave up a lot to take on the responsibility of caring for his mother, which his two siblings didn’t have a hand in. His frustrations are understandable. 

All children must be involved in the caretaking responsibilities

Mother and daughter share a warm moment, smiling and holding hands in a caring environment.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

Based on his story, the author has a brother and sister who haven’t helped him, and that is where the bulk of the problem lies. According to Psychology Today, these problems can worsen to a point where all siblings go no contact with each other. 

Having a dialogue would be step one in resolving the matter. According to WebMD, raising these concerns may give the siblings an avenue to provide support. 

“You can suggest that they provide support through periodic visits, emotional support, finances, meals, and appointment scheduling,” an excerpt from the article reads. 

The author tried to ask for help from his brother, who began making excuses to escape his supposed responsibilities. He had done his part, and being accused of selfishness for wanting to go on a vacation was unfair. 

The onus lies on the two other siblings to take care of their mother and spend more time with her, especially since her condition may only worsen.

Most readers sided with the author

Reddit users discuss a son placing his mom in a care facility and the outraged reaction of unhelpful siblings.

Text conversation discussing the frustration over siblings not helping with mom's care.

Discussion on placing mom in care facility, siblings upset, user supports decision, highlights caregiver burnout.

Reddit user's comment discussing boundaries in caregiving responsibilities.

Online comment discussing family dynamics and caregiving decisions during holidays.

Online comment discussing care facility decision, son praised for prioritizing mom's needs while siblings ignore responsibilities.

Comment expressing support for a son placing mom in a care facility, mentioning unsupportive siblings.

Text conversation about caregiving responsibilities for a mother in a care facility, siblings' involvement discussed.

Comment discussing outrage over the care facility decision during holidays.

Reddit comment about siblings being upset over placing mom in care facility before holidays.

Comment discusses son placing mom in care facility, emphasizing difficult decision and need for more support.

Comment reading "NTA at all" regarding family care situation.

Reddit comment supporting a son's decision about placing mom in care facility.

Comment offering support to a son who places his mom in a care facility, addressing sibling issues.

Reddit comment expressing outrage over siblings not helping with mom's care.

Comment discussing family conflict over care facility decision.

Reddit comment criticizing siblings for not helping with mom's care.

Text message expressing outrage over siblings' selfish reaction to mom's care home placement.

Comment discussing family responsibilities and the mother's care facility decision before holidays.

Reddit comment supporting son placing mom in care facility; highlights fairness and relaxation.

Others shared similar stories

Reddit comment about elderly caregiving and supporting family decisions on care facility choices.

Reddit comment on family conflict about placing mom in care facility, siblings upset but uninvolved.

Text post discussing family dynamics over care facility decision and unhelpful siblings during holidays.

While a few pinned some of the blame on him

Comment discussing placing mom in care facility, expressing mixed reactions.

Reddit comment discussing family tensions over placing a mom in a care facility before the holidays.

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