Guy Bans His 20 Y.O. Picky Eater BIL From His Home After He Lost His Temper Over Not Being Able To Order Pizza Hut
It’s likely that when many of you hear the term “picky eater,” you imagine a toddler turning their nose up at broccoli during mealtime, but a fair share of adults also struggle with consuming an extremely narrow repertoire of foods.
This Redditor’s brother-in-law isn’t an exception. The guy’s in his twenties, with a diet consisting of junk, which, if you think about it, is no one’s concern but his own – however, the constant tantrums over food finally led to the author’s decision to ban him from his house.
More info: Reddit | Daniel O’Shaughnessy | Daniel’s book
Man prohibits his brother-in-law, who’s a picky eater, from entering his house until he “learns to behave”
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual image)
On the grounds that he kicked up a fuss at a family gathering over not being able to order Pizza Hut
Image credits: ELEVATE (not the actual image)
Image credits: Dan Keck (not the actual image)
Image source: u/mf9769
“AITA for banning my picky eater BIL from my house and telling him he’s not welcome until I say he is?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most honorable communities to ask its members if it was a jerk move to ban his brother-in-law from his house for constantly throwing tantrums over food. The post managed to garner nearly 7K upvotes as well as 799 comments discussing the situation.
Did you know that according to a 2022 piece from The Washington Post, Hana Zickgraf, an assistant professor of psychology who studies eating behavior at the University of South Alabama, has estimated that roughly 30% of people identify as picky eaters?
Now, when it comes to children, selective eating is very common, and even if there’s no one-size-fits-all cause as to why it happens, there are two feasible possibilities: some kids are naturally more sensitive to smells, tastes, and textures, while others develop such habits by simply copying their parents’ diet.
Regardless, tackling fussy eating in childhood is a much more doable job, as there’s always a responsible guardian who’s willing to go above and beyond, which is why many tend to outgrow their quirky eating habits. However, when you’re a grown adult, that’s a whole different problem.
First and foremost, everyone is different, and sometimes the efforts don’t play out as well as one would hope. So while you’re very much likely to ditch your childhood food preferences, some may still hang on to their dislikes, and what makes it all worse is that there’s a lot of stigma around adult picky eaters.
There’s no sympathy, and such people are frequently viewed as spoiled and childish. But what most fail to realize is that this, often branded a “kids’ whim,” is not something that folks can just get over. Moreover, in addition to being officially recognized as an eating disorder, experts claim that severe cases of picky eating may also have traumatic origins.
But is this really the case for the author’s brother-in-law?
The OP’s wife and his MIL agree with his decision – however, his dad fears that they might change their opinion
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
For starters, although “J,” the brother-in-law in question, indeed seems to be struggling with picky eating, his primary issue appears to be his penchant for throwing tantrums.
However, what’s worth noting is that the overall character of the post pushes more on the relationship aspect between the two rather than the guy’s issue with food. The original poster claims that he banned his family member from his home because of his “pouting, yelling, and screaming” that ensued after the 20-year-old found that there was nothing for him to eat, as his safe choice, Pizza Hut, was closed – but why didn’t the family prepare in advance, if they know that J doesn’t do well outside his diet? Plus, we can’t skip over the multiple mentions of J being a smoker, which only adds to the fact that there’s a lot more to this altercation.
To get an expert opinion on the situation, Bored Panda reached out to Daniel O’Shaughnessy, an award-winning nutritionist and mindset coach based in London, UK. Daniel has been in clinical practice for over ten years and is the author of Naked Nutrition: An LGBTQ+ Guide to Diet & Lifestyle, which is the first book of its kind to focus on the nutritional needs of the LGBTQ+ population.
First things first, we asked Daniel what it means to be a “picky eater”: “There’s a difference between picky eating and someone not eating what you want them to eat. From the blog, it sounds like the author is having an emotive response. It does not reference picky eating as the core problem, more that the family member has a preference for fried food over a salad. Picky eating is more about disliking food based on textures, taste, etc. If I’m honest, it sounds like the ‘picky eater’ doesn’t enjoy spending time with the author. The references to marijuana in the blog seem irrelevant, especially to someone categorised as a ‘picky eater’. Better practice would be to engage the person on a one-to-one level rather than posting on a forum where he can be easily identified based on description.
The author states that ‘No one should cater to you unless you have dietary needs (allergies, kosher/halal/Hindu, etc.)’ – why not?”
“It’s hard to say what is common and uncommon as picky eating is an umbrella term, as the definition is subjective. For example, a vegan or someone following a gluten-free diet may be regarded as a picky eater to some. If someone truly has certain dislikes around taste or texture, this can be a result of certain factors – such as childhood trauma or adverse childhood events, being made to eat certain things or having to finish all of your meal, lack of education around what food is healthy, or perhaps even biochemical imbalances – but it’s very hard to pinpoint exactly what,” the nutritionist said when we pondered how common picky eating is and what the possible causes are.
Lastly, Daniel added: “The first step to handling adult picky eaters is to establish an open line of communication. Preaching to someone about your own idea of what to and what not to eat is purposeless. If someone is a picky eater wanting to change, small alterations such as one or two dietary changes a week will ensure a positive mindset and lasting changes. In my book, Naked Nutrition: An LGBTQ+ Guide to Diet and Lifestyle, I explain the foundation for these changes.”
What do you think about the situation?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation
I'm on the Autism spectrum and I see a lot of flags here. And the tantrums lead me to believe that he hasn't learned the skills that most of us get growing up- emotional regulation. I hope he gets the help he needs.
No kidding, and ditto. The more I read, the more I said to myself; sounds like this guy is on the spectrum but has never been diagnosed. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away, and in fact, it makes the problem worse. The parents are AHs for dealing with this in the way they have. The OP is not an AH for not wanting to deal with it when the parents pretend there's no problem.
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The In-laws are AH if they refuse to get J tested. This behaviour is not normal, is unconnected to the weed smoking (unless he started that as a preteen, it's unlikely to have led to a change in his behaviour, and even then, it wouldn't be tantrums as a result), and either means they've raised an entitled man-child, or he has mental health issues that need to be addressed. But this is 100% on his parents, not OP. His parents don't want him falling out with the in-laws when the in-laws already agree with him? That's enough projection for an IMAX.
The pot could be self medicating. Dude obviously has some issues.
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Schizophrenia? nah, I have schizophrenia and I aint that picky. Sounds like Autism food aversion, and he'll only eat what he's comfortable with. I also am autistic and was like this as a child, would only eat the same around 3 or 4 different meals over and over, but I had therapy and such and saw a dietician, now I'll eat all sorts. The tantrum throwing over not getting his way also screams "autism" to me. (another thing therapy helped me a lot with emotional regulation) But he still needs to learn that tantrums don't get him what he wants, and I feel like the parents are enabling the behaviour. OP definitely is NTA, brother is kinda the AH but parents are probably the biggest AH here for enabling the brother, who may benefit from psychiatric help and possibly a dietician.
I was thinking the same thing. When OP said that his nurse friend said that J may be schizophrenic, I was like, no no no no. That ain't schizophrenia, that's more towards being Autistic than anything. And with the in-laws, oh Lord. Those people are such enablers it's not even funny. They seem to be the type to think that vaccines are bad since they're so old-fashioned.
Load More Replies... I'm on the Autism spectrum and I see a lot of flags here. And the tantrums lead me to believe that he hasn't learned the skills that most of us get growing up- emotional regulation. I hope he gets the help he needs.
No kidding, and ditto. The more I read, the more I said to myself; sounds like this guy is on the spectrum but has never been diagnosed. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away, and in fact, it makes the problem worse. The parents are AHs for dealing with this in the way they have. The OP is not an AH for not wanting to deal with it when the parents pretend there's no problem.
Load More Replies... The In-laws are AH if they refuse to get J tested. This behaviour is not normal, is unconnected to the weed smoking (unless he started that as a preteen, it's unlikely to have led to a change in his behaviour, and even then, it wouldn't be tantrums as a result), and either means they've raised an entitled man-child, or he has mental health issues that need to be addressed. But this is 100% on his parents, not OP. His parents don't want him falling out with the in-laws when the in-laws already agree with him? That's enough projection for an IMAX.
The pot could be self medicating. Dude obviously has some issues.
Load More Replies... Schizophrenia? nah, I have schizophrenia and I aint that picky. Sounds like Autism food aversion, and he'll only eat what he's comfortable with. I also am autistic and was like this as a child, would only eat the same around 3 or 4 different meals over and over, but I had therapy and such and saw a dietician, now I'll eat all sorts. The tantrum throwing over not getting his way also screams "autism" to me. (another thing therapy helped me a lot with emotional regulation) But he still needs to learn that tantrums don't get him what he wants, and I feel like the parents are enabling the behaviour. OP definitely is NTA, brother is kinda the AH but parents are probably the biggest AH here for enabling the brother, who may benefit from psychiatric help and possibly a dietician.
I was thinking the same thing. When OP said that his nurse friend said that J may be schizophrenic, I was like, no no no no. That ain't schizophrenia, that's more towards being Autistic than anything. And with the in-laws, oh Lord. Those people are such enablers it's not even funny. They seem to be the type to think that vaccines are bad since they're so old-fashioned.
Load More Replies...
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