Man Doesn’t Want To Pay This Babysitter, So She Shares Their Private Conversation In A Shaming Group
Which professions or services do you think attract the most entitled jerks? If you look for answers on r/ChoosingBeggars, the subreddit for shaming people who make unreasonable demands, you might notice that devaluing art and childcare are both recurring themes. Well, this guy managed to be a complete jerk about both simultaneously when he asked his wife’s friend, who apparently had already helped the couple by watching their kids, to paint a free Christmas portrait (for “exposure”, naturally.) Let’s look over the conversation and see how he ticks every box of choosing beggar bingo by not only trying to take advantage of her for free art, but holding payment over her head for babysitting.
The artist posted this conversation on r/ChoosingBeggars
So, first of all, we have the classic attitude that the cost of art is nothing more than the cost of the materials (not that he understands how that works, either… if you already bought it and it’s in your house, that means it’s free, right?) Actually sitting down and making art, in these people’s view, takes nothing more than the goodness of one’s heart, which they expect the artist to have plenty of even after having to listen to their excuses. Artists have to develop their own ways of dealing with people who think they can get free art, like this guy who sent people who wanted free portraits hilariously sloppy scribbles.
Not to mention the cherry on the human trash cake, his oh-so-generous offer to maybe even pay her for babysitting four kids if she does the additional work of painting a full family portrait. Sorry, but taking care of kids that aren’t yours is work, no matter how “easy” they are or whether the person taking care of them knows you. And we’re not sure why these choosing beggars are always justifying why they can’t pay for something by bragging about how much money they already blew on something totally frivolous… get your priorities straight, people.
Commenters agree that this guy is a serious A-hole
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Share on FacebookTime to say goodbye to those people. Your friend is not a good friend. She is standing by while her husband takes the p**s. You are better off with no friends than friends like that.
The wife may not know or expect this from her husband. Though the friendship is definitely going to suffer for this.
Load More Replies...I had a friend (we are no longer friends by the way) who wanted a necklace I made for free so she could show it off at a party. She said it was good exposure and a lot of her clients would most likely ask her where she got it from and so forth. Well, three days later I found out she was in need of money and sold the necklace I made for $300. My husband told me to take her to small claims court but I knew it wasn't going to go my way because I did gift it to her. What I did do was put her on full blast at a dinner party and ended our friendship. This might seem petty but I worked hard on the necklace and for her to do something like that really hurted me. I am not as trusting as I use to be either.
my Dad use to say that if Cosmic Balance wasn't working properly, you should give it a push. The way you end things with that "friend" really doesn't matter. What matters is that she abused of your trust, and you were hurt BUT you won't get hurt anymore. Good for you. You deserve better friends
Load More Replies...$5000 for Christmas gifts yet he can’t afford to pay for the artists work. I am more shocked at the $5000 than the whole scenario to be honest. That is just insane.
Totally agree Foxxy - spending that amount of money on presents (if true) is staggering. People go nuts over Christmas and get into debt for presents. Spend more on birthdays if you want to get children expensive presents.
Load More Replies...I would print the screenshots and write her a short note that while you value her friendship and would have stepped in to do her a favor in a real emergency, that her husband thinking free babysitting for a week is a privledge and stopping everything you are doing and spending additional time and money to create a gift that HE can give is an honor is messed up. He tried to berate and bully you into handling his life for him. Regardless of the example, he's toxic and he is tinting every interaction you have with her to the point I wouldn't trust her judgement or reactions either. I honestly would consider him a selfish abusive person and I'd explain that you don't feel comfortable interacting with him anymore and apologize if that impacts your friendship with her.
No need to even engage sociopaths. Just ignore them completely. Time to put that bag down and walk away. Forget you ever met them and spent zero time even thinking about them. done means...done. move on and smile.
OP (artist / babysitter) your friend is "mad at you" before hearing your side of it? And shares stressful details of your life with her husband? This is not a friend, dump her NOW. Yeah "she's a good listener". Who knows how many people she's anticipating sharing your private life with? You're fodder for her fun. And, she already knows her husband is an a*****e, she likes it.
I need follow-up. I need to know if OP showed her friend this guy's whole convo, about wanting OP to paint a full family portrait AND watch their kids for free. Wondering what OP's friend would think about that?
Wow! Just wow. This is his wifes best friend! That is going to make things so extremely awkward. I would be livid if I found out my husband was asking this of anyone let alone my broke best friend. It was totally reasonable for her to ask for him to at least pay for the cost of her supplies.
exactly. I see a private chat like that from the hubby's with my best friend (assuming my friend send it to me, because in 11 years we've NEVER touch each other cellphones and yet, we all conspire in private because of surprise presents, meetings and the like), and I'll rip his head off out of pure embarrassment. Difference is, he's a decent human being and will kill himself before manipulating anyone like THAT. That couple is just horrible!
Load More Replies...How is it the artists/ babysitters fault if they coulnd'nt find a babysitter? If he wouldn't have been such a jerk, he would have one. It would have served him right if he lost his job over it.
The wife isn't better than the husband. I wold have skinned mine alive if he did something like that to a friend of mine
Load More Replies...This is the way rich, powerful people think. They believe they are doing you a favor by letting you help them. Corporate managers believe their employees should be loyal to their company even up to the point of donating free labor.
"You don't get what you deserve in life, you get what you negotiate" - Ozzie Jurock
Load More Replies...this, fellow humans, is what is known as a Narcissist. You can NOT change them. They will be mean as hell, but as fragile as a snowflake. They throw MAJOR tantrums if they don't get what they want. If you like drama, feeling you're not good enough, and having to sacrifice everything about yourself - have one of these people in your life. If not.... RUN AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE THIS MAN!!!! Because there is NO changing them.
Narcissism is not a character flaw, it is a brain defect. You are right. There is no changing them. No amount of good upbringing, religion, Buddhism, yoga, psychology, or brain surgery can fix them. It is one step away from a sociopath.
Load More Replies...Quality canvas and paint supplies are not cheap. Neither are other art supplies...
Yet, these people, if the tables were turned will go all crazy if she had done something like that to them. Hope she ended the friendship and found new ones.
I think this dude needs to grow a pair. I’m a 62 year old grandma and I’d have slapped that a*****e down after the second idiotic comment he made, the first would have been for “my friend” his wife. BTW, it looks like “your friend”, and her p**s poor excuse for a husband and a human, have been using you for some time by the looks of the after comments you’ve made. She never bothered to even call and get your side of the story? She knows damn well what he’s all about and still sides with him. Dump both of them, they’re the losers. SMH & laughing. This dude has all the gall of a classic text book narcissist, and like most narcissists his wife is well trained.
"C'mon, you won't take that long"... Seriously, I would just draw them a stick figure pic on a notebook page xD
Choosing Beggar checkboxes: 1. "I'm a fan of your work" 2. "You SHOULD do it for free" 3. "You should have sympathy for me" 4. "Whats your problem??" 5. Insults the work 6. Shrugs off the insult 7. "You're just doing it to be mean" 8. "F*ck you, goodbye." 9. Apologizes and continues to ask. 10. "There are others like you who are better and cheaper. You missed your chance." This article checks 9/10 boxes- definitely choosing beggar!
End the friendship. It's not worth it. He's an a*s and she's clearly a pushover to him. It may implode one day but you will be far out of the range of that toxicity
Honestly you don't need friends like that. People like that are not your friends. I wouldn't waste another second with them. They'll use you and get mad when things don't go their way or they don't get free stuff. Forget them and move in. Consider yourself lucky for losing a bunch of excess weights. Lol
Quirky thing about gifts---the person GIVING them determines what she wants ,once it is something you are being TOLD to do, It's no long a gift but a demand. A barter deal is different. She NEVER said that she's available for every favor they needed from her. What kind of favors are given back in return? is it just one sided?
Those kids should be removed from the dude because his b******t might attach to them and then we have even more s**t humans out there. My ex-wife is a truly gifted painter and she used to get the "It'll give you exposure" line often. Her response was that she had all the exposure she needed and then would list all the cities she had been commissioned to paint murals for. She also used to ask the person who ill-mindedly mentioned the exposure thing, "What do you do for a living?". After the answer, accountant, attorney, interior decorator, or whatever, she would then ask, "So how long did you have to do that for free before you had enough exposure?"
I hope she showed this to the wife and demanded her babysitting payment.
To me, it sounds as though the man has a problem with addiction, either drugs or gambling that he is desperately trying to keep hidden from his wife. That is why he says he will spend such an outrageous amount on presents, and why he turns nasty when the plan to get a painting for free does not pan out the way he wanted it to. Of course, to everybody else, he would have claimed to have spent X amount of (lots of) money on it. If you were to warn your friend, there is a pretty large possibility that she won't believe it.
I know the person posting this is probably never going to see this, as boredpanda steals all their content from reddit without asking permission or even informing the original person.. but.. Show the "friend" the conversation. If she still takes her hubby's side, ditch them both. Share the convo with your other friends so they know whats up, so you won't lose any additional friends from them taking sides on bad info.
What. A. Total. Wanker. Another of those nasty selfish bastards who think that 'exposure' is a real thing and you can live off it. and as for the babysitting thing, well you ejacuated them mate, you take care of 'em. I'd try explaining to the friend, show her the messages and if she still sides with him, well, byeee!
Oh, I'd have messaged this almost-a-sister friend and said he'd fired me. I'd offer proof if she asked. He is really a dreck.
if i offer it for free, it's free, If I don't, then don't assume it's free. A good friend or family member will offer you money before any awkward conversation can happen.
The most degrading comment he makes to her is that, she isn’t thinking straight. She needs to let her friend know what type of man she is married to and let her know that if the two of you are to remain friends, she will have to set the record straight with her husband and have him apologize immediately!! Add some groveling in there too while you are at it. IF the best friend sticks up for her husband, you will know then where you stand in the friendship, and that is she does not respect you nor the friendship and let her know that the two of you can no longer be friends. If she asks why, let her know that a true friend would stick up for the friendship and not allow their husband to treat them like that. This way the end will be definite and you will have the opportunity to cut ties cleanly. I know that is not a popular opinion, but I find that when people are friends, it’s best to handle it in a mature manner.
And he's managed to turn his wife against her good friend. The wife isn't even ready to hear friend s side of the story. What a putz!
I would find out where he works and go there saying "Oh..I was promised free stuff by (insert name of A**hole.) He said it shouldn't be a problem because you have a bunch of it just laying around..it's already there..so it's not like you're losing anything." And if his bosses flip out, explain that you are willing to post their generosity on social media and give them some exposure...after all (insert name of A**hole) said I should do the same for him when he suggested I paint a picture of his family for free with some of the materials I have "just laying around." Maybe his bosses can explain to him how commerce works.
RUN AWAY, as fast as you can. You're in the middle of some turbulent business right there and you don't have to. Bad to lose a friend, but I guess that time will bring her back. Or not. Either way, you don't need that bad vibe around or worst, getting stuck between their fights. Scary people.
Nothing extraordinary here. Dude is simply a bad person with seriously f****d up mindset and lack of moral compass. That kind of people in different circumstances are very dangerous to others. That's science.
Is this real? Are there people like this out there? I am puzzled...
Stuff like this happens to people all the time. Quite often in creative fields (but also many other fields as well). People think that because you've already got the tools/supplies/talent or that it doesn't take any special tool (think cleaning up a computer to make it run better or something along those lines) that they are entitled to the work for free. They are not considerate of the TIME it takes and that some things, like art supplies, don't automatically replace themselves when used. I'm a graphic designer and turn down most people (including family and close friends) who simply want me to work for the "exposure." If I take it upon myself to gift something, that is different. But I wish people wouldn't expect people to do this just because they think they are entitled to it.
Load More Replies...Toxic people that YOU DO NOT NEED nor should want around you when having a tough life. Trust me. So what if she a good listener? There are a ton of better people out there. F**k that couple. Apparently the both of them can act childish and being mad without getting the full story from you, but rants to another friend who in turn informs you? What kind of round about childish bs is that!? Good riddance I'd say!
This really seems like a doctored one sided conversation for self promotion.
You are wrong. This happens all the time to artists and writers. People think we should do things for the experience, or to get exposure, because creative people are often not respected. Would you ask a lawyer to defend you for free, for the experience?
Load More Replies...Unfortunately they are, I’ve come across people just like them
Load More Replies...Time to say goodbye to those people. Your friend is not a good friend. She is standing by while her husband takes the p**s. You are better off with no friends than friends like that.
The wife may not know or expect this from her husband. Though the friendship is definitely going to suffer for this.
Load More Replies...I had a friend (we are no longer friends by the way) who wanted a necklace I made for free so she could show it off at a party. She said it was good exposure and a lot of her clients would most likely ask her where she got it from and so forth. Well, three days later I found out she was in need of money and sold the necklace I made for $300. My husband told me to take her to small claims court but I knew it wasn't going to go my way because I did gift it to her. What I did do was put her on full blast at a dinner party and ended our friendship. This might seem petty but I worked hard on the necklace and for her to do something like that really hurted me. I am not as trusting as I use to be either.
my Dad use to say that if Cosmic Balance wasn't working properly, you should give it a push. The way you end things with that "friend" really doesn't matter. What matters is that she abused of your trust, and you were hurt BUT you won't get hurt anymore. Good for you. You deserve better friends
Load More Replies...$5000 for Christmas gifts yet he can’t afford to pay for the artists work. I am more shocked at the $5000 than the whole scenario to be honest. That is just insane.
Totally agree Foxxy - spending that amount of money on presents (if true) is staggering. People go nuts over Christmas and get into debt for presents. Spend more on birthdays if you want to get children expensive presents.
Load More Replies...I would print the screenshots and write her a short note that while you value her friendship and would have stepped in to do her a favor in a real emergency, that her husband thinking free babysitting for a week is a privledge and stopping everything you are doing and spending additional time and money to create a gift that HE can give is an honor is messed up. He tried to berate and bully you into handling his life for him. Regardless of the example, he's toxic and he is tinting every interaction you have with her to the point I wouldn't trust her judgement or reactions either. I honestly would consider him a selfish abusive person and I'd explain that you don't feel comfortable interacting with him anymore and apologize if that impacts your friendship with her.
No need to even engage sociopaths. Just ignore them completely. Time to put that bag down and walk away. Forget you ever met them and spent zero time even thinking about them. done means...done. move on and smile.
OP (artist / babysitter) your friend is "mad at you" before hearing your side of it? And shares stressful details of your life with her husband? This is not a friend, dump her NOW. Yeah "she's a good listener". Who knows how many people she's anticipating sharing your private life with? You're fodder for her fun. And, she already knows her husband is an a*****e, she likes it.
I need follow-up. I need to know if OP showed her friend this guy's whole convo, about wanting OP to paint a full family portrait AND watch their kids for free. Wondering what OP's friend would think about that?
Wow! Just wow. This is his wifes best friend! That is going to make things so extremely awkward. I would be livid if I found out my husband was asking this of anyone let alone my broke best friend. It was totally reasonable for her to ask for him to at least pay for the cost of her supplies.
exactly. I see a private chat like that from the hubby's with my best friend (assuming my friend send it to me, because in 11 years we've NEVER touch each other cellphones and yet, we all conspire in private because of surprise presents, meetings and the like), and I'll rip his head off out of pure embarrassment. Difference is, he's a decent human being and will kill himself before manipulating anyone like THAT. That couple is just horrible!
Load More Replies...How is it the artists/ babysitters fault if they coulnd'nt find a babysitter? If he wouldn't have been such a jerk, he would have one. It would have served him right if he lost his job over it.
The wife isn't better than the husband. I wold have skinned mine alive if he did something like that to a friend of mine
Load More Replies...This is the way rich, powerful people think. They believe they are doing you a favor by letting you help them. Corporate managers believe their employees should be loyal to their company even up to the point of donating free labor.
"You don't get what you deserve in life, you get what you negotiate" - Ozzie Jurock
Load More Replies...this, fellow humans, is what is known as a Narcissist. You can NOT change them. They will be mean as hell, but as fragile as a snowflake. They throw MAJOR tantrums if they don't get what they want. If you like drama, feeling you're not good enough, and having to sacrifice everything about yourself - have one of these people in your life. If not.... RUN AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE THIS MAN!!!! Because there is NO changing them.
Narcissism is not a character flaw, it is a brain defect. You are right. There is no changing them. No amount of good upbringing, religion, Buddhism, yoga, psychology, or brain surgery can fix them. It is one step away from a sociopath.
Load More Replies...Quality canvas and paint supplies are not cheap. Neither are other art supplies...
Yet, these people, if the tables were turned will go all crazy if she had done something like that to them. Hope she ended the friendship and found new ones.
I think this dude needs to grow a pair. I’m a 62 year old grandma and I’d have slapped that a*****e down after the second idiotic comment he made, the first would have been for “my friend” his wife. BTW, it looks like “your friend”, and her p**s poor excuse for a husband and a human, have been using you for some time by the looks of the after comments you’ve made. She never bothered to even call and get your side of the story? She knows damn well what he’s all about and still sides with him. Dump both of them, they’re the losers. SMH & laughing. This dude has all the gall of a classic text book narcissist, and like most narcissists his wife is well trained.
"C'mon, you won't take that long"... Seriously, I would just draw them a stick figure pic on a notebook page xD
Choosing Beggar checkboxes: 1. "I'm a fan of your work" 2. "You SHOULD do it for free" 3. "You should have sympathy for me" 4. "Whats your problem??" 5. Insults the work 6. Shrugs off the insult 7. "You're just doing it to be mean" 8. "F*ck you, goodbye." 9. Apologizes and continues to ask. 10. "There are others like you who are better and cheaper. You missed your chance." This article checks 9/10 boxes- definitely choosing beggar!
End the friendship. It's not worth it. He's an a*s and she's clearly a pushover to him. It may implode one day but you will be far out of the range of that toxicity
Honestly you don't need friends like that. People like that are not your friends. I wouldn't waste another second with them. They'll use you and get mad when things don't go their way or they don't get free stuff. Forget them and move in. Consider yourself lucky for losing a bunch of excess weights. Lol
Quirky thing about gifts---the person GIVING them determines what she wants ,once it is something you are being TOLD to do, It's no long a gift but a demand. A barter deal is different. She NEVER said that she's available for every favor they needed from her. What kind of favors are given back in return? is it just one sided?
Those kids should be removed from the dude because his b******t might attach to them and then we have even more s**t humans out there. My ex-wife is a truly gifted painter and she used to get the "It'll give you exposure" line often. Her response was that she had all the exposure she needed and then would list all the cities she had been commissioned to paint murals for. She also used to ask the person who ill-mindedly mentioned the exposure thing, "What do you do for a living?". After the answer, accountant, attorney, interior decorator, or whatever, she would then ask, "So how long did you have to do that for free before you had enough exposure?"
I hope she showed this to the wife and demanded her babysitting payment.
To me, it sounds as though the man has a problem with addiction, either drugs or gambling that he is desperately trying to keep hidden from his wife. That is why he says he will spend such an outrageous amount on presents, and why he turns nasty when the plan to get a painting for free does not pan out the way he wanted it to. Of course, to everybody else, he would have claimed to have spent X amount of (lots of) money on it. If you were to warn your friend, there is a pretty large possibility that she won't believe it.
I know the person posting this is probably never going to see this, as boredpanda steals all their content from reddit without asking permission or even informing the original person.. but.. Show the "friend" the conversation. If she still takes her hubby's side, ditch them both. Share the convo with your other friends so they know whats up, so you won't lose any additional friends from them taking sides on bad info.
What. A. Total. Wanker. Another of those nasty selfish bastards who think that 'exposure' is a real thing and you can live off it. and as for the babysitting thing, well you ejacuated them mate, you take care of 'em. I'd try explaining to the friend, show her the messages and if she still sides with him, well, byeee!
Oh, I'd have messaged this almost-a-sister friend and said he'd fired me. I'd offer proof if she asked. He is really a dreck.
if i offer it for free, it's free, If I don't, then don't assume it's free. A good friend or family member will offer you money before any awkward conversation can happen.
The most degrading comment he makes to her is that, she isn’t thinking straight. She needs to let her friend know what type of man she is married to and let her know that if the two of you are to remain friends, she will have to set the record straight with her husband and have him apologize immediately!! Add some groveling in there too while you are at it. IF the best friend sticks up for her husband, you will know then where you stand in the friendship, and that is she does not respect you nor the friendship and let her know that the two of you can no longer be friends. If she asks why, let her know that a true friend would stick up for the friendship and not allow their husband to treat them like that. This way the end will be definite and you will have the opportunity to cut ties cleanly. I know that is not a popular opinion, but I find that when people are friends, it’s best to handle it in a mature manner.
And he's managed to turn his wife against her good friend. The wife isn't even ready to hear friend s side of the story. What a putz!
I would find out where he works and go there saying "Oh..I was promised free stuff by (insert name of A**hole.) He said it shouldn't be a problem because you have a bunch of it just laying around..it's already there..so it's not like you're losing anything." And if his bosses flip out, explain that you are willing to post their generosity on social media and give them some exposure...after all (insert name of A**hole) said I should do the same for him when he suggested I paint a picture of his family for free with some of the materials I have "just laying around." Maybe his bosses can explain to him how commerce works.
RUN AWAY, as fast as you can. You're in the middle of some turbulent business right there and you don't have to. Bad to lose a friend, but I guess that time will bring her back. Or not. Either way, you don't need that bad vibe around or worst, getting stuck between their fights. Scary people.
Nothing extraordinary here. Dude is simply a bad person with seriously f****d up mindset and lack of moral compass. That kind of people in different circumstances are very dangerous to others. That's science.
Is this real? Are there people like this out there? I am puzzled...
Stuff like this happens to people all the time. Quite often in creative fields (but also many other fields as well). People think that because you've already got the tools/supplies/talent or that it doesn't take any special tool (think cleaning up a computer to make it run better or something along those lines) that they are entitled to the work for free. They are not considerate of the TIME it takes and that some things, like art supplies, don't automatically replace themselves when used. I'm a graphic designer and turn down most people (including family and close friends) who simply want me to work for the "exposure." If I take it upon myself to gift something, that is different. But I wish people wouldn't expect people to do this just because they think they are entitled to it.
Load More Replies...Toxic people that YOU DO NOT NEED nor should want around you when having a tough life. Trust me. So what if she a good listener? There are a ton of better people out there. F**k that couple. Apparently the both of them can act childish and being mad without getting the full story from you, but rants to another friend who in turn informs you? What kind of round about childish bs is that!? Good riddance I'd say!
This really seems like a doctored one sided conversation for self promotion.
You are wrong. This happens all the time to artists and writers. People think we should do things for the experience, or to get exposure, because creative people are often not respected. Would you ask a lawyer to defend you for free, for the experience?
Load More Replies...Unfortunately they are, I’ve come across people just like them
Load More Replies...
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