Living with a sleep-talker is an adventure in itself. You wake up in the middle of the night to your partner mumbling complete gibberish — or muttering elaborate midnight monologues — while their mind is deep in dreamland. Time and again, you hope they will spill a juicy secret, but all they do is whisper sweet nothings and swiftly go back to sleep. And when morning rolls around, they have no clue it even happened.

Sleep talking is one of those bizarre activities that lead to hilarious late-night utterances. Usually. Because once in a blue moon, your loved one will declare something so odd, you're bound to scratch your head from confusion. So one person reached out to Reddit and asked fellow users to share the creepiest, weirdest, and downright random things their partner has ever said in their sleep. And the people have spoken!

From "I’m your fan" to "Open the window, Abigail, I'm burning like a meatball!", we have compiled an entertaining collection of short stories to share with you all. So grab a warm blanket and get ready to laugh through these amusing exchanges. And if you’re feeling up to it, let us know if you or someone you know has ever experienced anything like this down below in the comments.

Psst! For more sleep-talking goodness, check out our earlier posts right here and here.

#1

I'm sitting in bed, scrolling through Reddit, my wife is asleep next to me. This exchange ensues:

Wife: *pushes me to get my attention*

Me: What?

Wife: I want a crunch wrap supreme.

Me: I am not going to Taco Bell right now. It's after midnight.

Wife: But we're already here.

Me: What..?

Wife: We're already at Taco Bell...see, there's the Chihuahua that says "Yo quiero Taco Bell".

Me: ....We're in bed.

Wife: *starting to get irritated* Yes, because we took the bed!

Me: We took the bed.

Wife: Yes!

Me: And how did we do that?

Wife: Are you telling me you don't know how to drive a bed?!

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    #2

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I woke up restless and hot, turned on the AC. Husband appeared to wake up too. He sat up and said “I’m your fan”, and waved his hands like a fan, and then laughed at his own joke and went back to sleep. Did not remember it in the morning.

    Wahine468 , Delaney Van Report

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    #3

    My husband once sat bolt upright in bed (still fast asleep) and yelled “CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!?”. Being the supportive wife, I of course replied “HELL YEAH!”. To which he responded “Yeah! Woo!” before falling back down on the bed and resuming the snoring.

    Wish I had a video of it. He still doesn’t believe me.

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    #4

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I crawled into bed when she was asleep, she reached over and grabbed my arm. She snuggled my arm a bit and I thought it was sweet...

    Until, with a thick Russian accent, she says "I BREAK YOU" and acted like she was snapping my arm.

    Edit: while I appreciate all of the attention this post is getting, I need to inform you all that my wife would REALLY appreciate it if I stopped trying to "activate her" with random words. Thank you.

    daspip , Anna Pou Report

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    #5

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My freshmen year of school I lived with two guys in a dorm room that talked in their sleep. They wouldn’t just talk though, they’d have separate conversations with each other.

    One night I woke up and one was chanting “I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry.” The other just responded “yeah, but chick-fil-a said no in 2011.”

    They have no memory of this.

    FeloniusDirtBurglary , Eren Li Report

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    Vorknkx
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a sleepwalker/sleeptalker college roommate too. Once he randomly sprang up and started rummaging around his sheets and blankets, murmuring something about finding the "radio that keeps playing that music." There was no radio or music playing in the room during that exact moment. About 30 seconds later he just went back to sleep, as if nothing had happened. No memories of this event in the morning.

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    #6

    A.R - "Don't rock the boat."

    Me - "What boat, why?"

    A.R - "Just. Don't. Rock. The. Boat."

    ***So what do I do? I rock her a little.***

    A.R - "Oh God, no!"

    Me - "What's wrong?"

    A.R - "There's spiders everywhere! I told you not to rock the boat."

    Then, then she screamed, jerked around, I got kicked in the chest, and she woke up to me being winded without being able to speak.

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    #7

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Completely at random: "OPEN THE WINDOW ABIGAIL IM BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL" we don't even know an Abigail.

    thoughtcasserole , Kinga Cichewicz Report

    #8

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep It was me. Wife was getting ready for work in the morning. I was asleep. She kissed me goodbye. I then said, out loud, "boy, I sure hope that was my wife."

    Like there are random women sneaking into my bedroom to give me kisses.

    Edit: She did not think I had side women. She thought it was hilarious. I do sleep talk sometimes, mostly gibberish, like word salad-type stuff.

    ShortyLow , Gabriela Mendes Report

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    #9

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife swears up and down, that while she was reading before bed, I said: "I see you didn't bring the bag of leaves, so I know you're not serious."

    Zkv , Tony Alter Report

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    The lesbian knitting panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate it when people don't bring the bag of leaves, you can tell that they're just not committed to solving cat dandruff

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    #10

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Rolled over once to snuggle my sleeping husband and he pulled away from me growling “don’t touch me I’m married!” He got lots of brownie points.

    Edit: whoa thanks for all the love guys. Hubby used to be a baker who did farmers markets and he’s pretty hot (if I do say so myself). All the lil desperate housewives would hit on him so I would imagine that was a practiced line in his head.

    I also never told him what he said.... he just got some extra favors whenever I thought about it.

    sp_who2 , Vaibhav Jadhav Report

    #11

    "No, I DON'T want discounted health insurance, I want it to be FREE!"

    -My roommate, asleep at 6AM

    Also my roommate, at varying ungodly hours "Satan, not now" and "I don't have time to die I have a final tomorrow"

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    #12

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I’m the one who does the sleep talking. My fiancé woke up and saw me petting the blanket and referring to it as our dog who had recently passed.

    chrisbullock , cottonbro Report

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    #13

    Once, me and our roommate were downstairs, while my husband was sleeping upstairs. We heard him yelling in his sleep and I figured he was having a nightmare and went to check on him.

    ​

    ​

    Turns out he was, in fact, not yelling. in his dream he had a bunch of creepy ghost children trapped in a hole and was mocking them by saying "WoOoOoO~ WoOoOoO~... Bitches."

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    #14

    “BRACE YOURSELF!”
    Then he let one rip and cackled like a maniac.

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    #15

    Wife: Oh no

    Me: What's wrong?

    Wife: I forgot

    Me: Forgot what?

    Wife: Gravity

    Me: You forgot gravity?

    Wife: Yeah

    Me: It's okay, you can't forget gravity

    Wife: I can't?

    Me: No, it's okay.

    Wife: Good.

    Out like a light.

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    #16

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had fallen asleep and started rubbing my back, which apparently prompted me to sleep-say “This just in! Local boy massages.. other local boy!!”

    I am a 26 year old female but that night I was a young 19th century newsboy at heart.

    cardedformilk , Kampus Production Report

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    #17

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep One of my friends little brothers came into the room where we were sleeping when he was sleepwalking. He kicked open the door and said,

    "[friend's name]! Did you tell mom abou the soup thing?" To which my friend replied,

    "What soup thing?"

    "You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!" Then he stood there for a minute before leaving.

    Legally_Pumpkin , Ksenia Chernaya Report

    #18

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Not a partner but my brother. He spoke English.

    This is noteworthy because we had only adopted him from Romania 3 months earlier knowing zero English. He spoke better English in his sleep than while he was awake.

    carney338 , Omar Lopez Report

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    InvincibleRodent
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That checks out imo, some people tend to be anxious speaking a language different from their native, and when one is asleep, the anxiety is gone. One can't gain abilities one doesn't already have in their sleep.

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    #19

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep One time while sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulder and told her “hey, people are just stacks of years” like it was the most important thing in the world.

    ewhit276 , Ron Lach Report

    #20

    Husband: “It’s all over the floor”

    Me (mostly asleep and very confused): “What is?”

    Husband: “Candy! But it’s okay, they’ll get it.”

    Me: “Who will get it?”

    Husband (quite happily): “The mice!”

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    #21

    Random:

    While rubbing my thigh "you sure do have a nice engine in your van"

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    #22

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation." I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn't understand and went back to sleep.



    She doesn't remember her dreams after she wakes up so it's this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert


    anon , Pixabay Report

    #23

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My girlfriend would be stressed about work, talking about speed sheets and emails. I would answer her and say the most outrageous things.

    "The spreadsheets got ice cream on them and need to be set on fire"

    upvoteguy5 , NONAMESONTHEWAY Report

    #24

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My ex wife once said "We'll see how f*****g funny you think it is when you're dead" in the middle of the night. Not mumbled. Fully articulated in a calm voice. Scared the s**t out of me.

    Current wife once indignantly shouted "I can't poop here! Everyone is watching!" And I do mean shouted. I cannot imagine how I would have reacted had I been asleep. As it was, I was playing with my iPad in bed while she slept and I about jumped out of my skin.

    TheFire_Eagle , Liza Summer Report

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    Malus Darkblade
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think your ex wife was sleep talking. You had a lucky escape.

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    #25

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.

    One night he started giggling and I asked him why he's doing it. Then he just replied with "I want to tap your teeth and make them go 'hello'!"


    Still no idea what that meant.

    Edit:

    Just remembered another one that was very weird.

    One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he's in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.

    anon , Alex Hiller Report

    #26

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "There's no love here."

    Also, he studied so hard for an organic Chem final a few semesters ago that in the middle of the night he dead a*s said - "Aldehyde" at a louder than normal talking volume. I still get a good laugh at this

    bpwatk , Lux Graves Report

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    Jason Mills
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really surprised I don't have any PTSD dreams about Org Chem classes . . .

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    #27

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife would jump to tell you that I said; "How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?" Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep

    Taodragons , imdb Report

    #28

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.

    I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”.... he doesn’t remember it one bit.

    The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”

    spurtz_ , Annie Spratt Report

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    #29

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Son(sleeping): ONE HUNDRED?!?!

    Me: 100 what?

    Son: ONE HUNDRED PUSH UPS?!!!!

    Lyon0922 , cottonbro Report

    #30

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep It’s not something he said, he sort of mumbles when he talks, but it’s the sounds he makes. Sometimes he giggles like a little girl; which is terrifying.

    The worst was when he sat straight up and gasped super loud while staring at the wall. I asked what was wrong, but he was asleep. Meanwhile, I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so scared.

    shoeshiner19 , Nicola Barts Report

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    Jubum
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband talks in his sleep too. Most of the time, this leads to some pretty funny conversations. But once he suddenly got up in the middle of the night, robotically eating a yogurt, and sat rigidly on the edge of the bed, staring at me with absolutely blank eyes. Then I understood what dead eyes mean.

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    #31

    I have two great ones:

    1. I had stayed up late and husband was asleep in bed. We had creaky wood floors, so I was walking slowly into the bedroom trying not to make too much noise. I stepped on a creaky spot, and husband shifted in bed and then said, in a very cheeky/smiling tone:
    "I have a machine... that will shoot you.. if you move around. It'll shoot you right now!"
    Then he was back to be being dead asleep.

    2. I was reading in bed, husband turned to snuggle into me and then this conversation:
    Him: (in a cutesy, flirty tone) "Coupons."
    Me: "Coupons?"
    Him: "Yeah, coupons."

    lalammle Report

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    Lily bloom
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If wife is a bargain hunter (like myself), I'm guessing that was sleepy husband's attempt at sexy talk. Saving $$$ is hot, lol

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    #32

    BF sleeping cuddling our dog: Do you need help with anything?

    Me: Awww no baby. Thank you!

    BF: NOT YOU! The dog! She has four legs and no arms.

    Me: -_-

    666Abba666 Report

    #33

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep She said I made siren noises like a fire truck one night. *Woo-Wee-woo-wee.*

    Edit: Apparently I have opposite fire trucks in my dreams going woo-wee instead of wee-woo...



    Vintner42 , Obi - @pixel6propix Report

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    Xavi Palacios
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is currently 3:31am and in cackling like a witch and I don’t know why but this is hecking hilarious

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    #34

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Girlfriend in college, who was from Indiana, out of nowhere said, in a thick New York accent, "My a*s is grass" and promptly fell back asleep.

    gladpadius , cottonbro Report

    #35

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Ex: why did you bring me sheep?


    Me: because you asked me to.


    Ex: Oh...


    Me: Do you like them?


    Ex: Yes... They are nice..

    Then she went back to sleep

    NakedPurple , Martin Schmidli Report

    #36

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Don't have a partner, but I laugh in my sleep. And I would wake myself up from laughing

    niczero0 , Meruyert Gonullu Report

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    The lesbian knitting panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my mum has snored so loudly she's woken up, done the same with laughter. Wonder how common it is.

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    #37

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My ex's kid had a bed in the same room with us (he was 4) and one night I happened to just wake up and look over at him and he rose form his bed and stared out at the wall and whispered " who are you?" and at this point I was in full nope mode, and then he whispered "don't tell them" and then flopped back in his bed.

    JustHumanGarbage , Kyle Nieber Report

    #38

    My college roommate and I apparently talked to each other in our sleep. His girlfriend said one time:

    Me: dude, did you see that girl?

    Him: so hot

    Me: yeah man. I mean, did you see her elbows?

    And this was approximately for 20 minutes

    AcrobaticKale Report

    #39

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My partner used to regularly talk in her sleep

    Creepiest:-

    It's late at night, after midnight, but I'm not entirely sure how late. I've not fallen asleep, but I turn over to try get comfy and see her looking straight at me and she says "Did you see it move?"

    I promptly panicked and had to turn the light on, to which I get a mumbled groan of displeasure from my darling girlfriend who has slept through this entire thing.

    Funniest:-

    Hard to decide between: "Why does he get XP for it, it's only a f*****g rock" and "Why is there a dead Pterodactyl in the living room?!"

    I never did find out the answers to both those questions.


    EDIT: I asked her. The XP dream was apparently Skyrim related, it was pre ARK even coming out I think, and she's never played it. Still none the wiser on deceased Pterodactyls

    SatakOz , mododeolhar Report

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    The lesbian knitting panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WHY IS THERE A DEAD PTERODACTYL IN THE LIVING ROOM? I THINK THATS A REASONABLE QUESTION.

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    #40

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "And then the horse came out of the tree and gave birth to me".

    Mumbled into my ear at three am. When I told him about it the next morning, I changed it to "and then the horse came out of the tree and ate me" just to make it less Freudian.

    mournful_tits , Silje Midtgård Report

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    #41

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife once in the middle of a dead sleep just did like a possessed scream/yell. It was from quiet to loud. Kind of like aaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. And then she started snoring immediately after. I didn’t go back to sleep for a while.

    Tangata_Puhuruhuru , Ketut Subiyanto Report

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    Black Pearl
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once my sister was sleeping in my parents' bed and my dad was on a business trip so it was just my mom in the bed. My sister, at like 2 in the morning, apparently turned around to look my mom in the face and screamed as loud as she could. In the morning my mom told her and she had no memory of it. I still think it's the funniest thing ever lol.

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    #42

    I talk a lot in my sleep. Yesterday, in my sleep, I propped myself up on one elbow and said “Purple bowls. Purple bowls.”

    He asked, “What purple bowls?”

    I said, “You’re getting abducted by purple bowls.”

    lurpderp Report

    #43

    He said my name drawn out long and with mild contempt. Then he yells “THE LADERRRRRRR!”

    I’ll get the ladder for you, babe. No worries.

    Edit:
    Just last night: He’s moving around slightly more than normal, so I wake up and ask if he’s okay. He says

    “you need me to do two things?” I giggle as he gargles this in his sleep.

    “What two things?” I’m still giggling

    “You asked me to do two things. You tell me.”

    “Uh, fix our vacuum?” (He broke the vacuum a little while ago)

    “Oh. I don’t want to do that. Pick something else.”

    “Go to sleep, love. That’s the second thing.”

    “Ohkaaaaay. Love yooooou.” And out light a light.

    He is really sweet, I tell ya.

    LadyBlaze92 Report

    #44

    Me: "I'm off to work"
    Him: "But.. you're so nice"
    Me: "Well, thanks. Nice people still have to work though"
    Him: "NO! Cuddling me should be your job. I can pay!" * spreads arms *

    Not creepy. Just cute.

    zipnoc Report

    #45

    My husband's Dad died on a fishing boat in the bering sea last year. It was a terrible way to go and he yells DAD very loudly like he's trying to warn him a line is about to hit him

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    #46

    30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My girlfriend will sometimes bolt upright and stare into the corner, when I ask her what’s up she’ll say “there’s someone in the corner”. I kinda laugh and be like what are you on about and then she’ll start laughing along too. Then she’ll wake up and be like “why did you wake me up? What do you want it’s late!”

    I guess it sounds pretty creepy but honestly I find it hilarious

    giraffepimp , Ave Calvar Martinez Report

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    tara
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One night my 10 year old and I had to share a bed while visiting a relative. She sat up in the middle of the night (I was on my side facing her) and she pointed behind me and said "Look there it is!!" It took everything in me to turn around and look.......at nothing.

    #47

    My ex woke up halfway through the night once screaming "RESISTANCE" with a Hitler like salute.

    Edit: my ex was a small Dominican woman

    anon Report

    #48

    My girlfriend says loads of weird stuff. Some of my favourites are:

    “They got 4 things for Christmas”

    “Why is the monkey lonely”

    “I cut some of the thick italian”

    -Jaffa- Report

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    Xavi Palacios
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That last one has me convinced that she wasn’t sleep-talking, but instead confessing to butchering a thick Italian

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    #49

    My girlfriend at the time had stayed over for the night the first time. Still fairly early in the relationship so we hadn't done anything intimate at the point. That'll be relevant here in a second. She caught me sleep talking.

    Me "Put it in there."

    Her "Put what in where!?"

    Me "Put the sandwich in the bag!"

    I'd been working as a trainer at a fast food place and was dreaming about someone not understanding what I thought were basic instructions.

    anon Report

    #50

    SO: *HAHAHAHH! HAHAHA!* while sitting bolt a*s upright in bed.

    Me: WTF?! Jesus christ, what are you doing?

    SO: *HAHAHHA!!!!*

    Me: Are you f*****g asleep?!

    SO: NO! HHAHAHA!

    Me: Yes you are, why are you laughing like that?

    SO: Can't tell. We did it.

    Me: Did what?

    SO: Nope. HAHAHHA! We got Chris a PRESENT!

    Me:..We got him a present, but you wont tell me what it is?

    SO: HAHAHHAHHAH!!!!

    Me: Ok, you need to stop and go back to bed

    SO : HAHAH...hah... FLAME RETARDENT POKEMON. Hah

    And then he went back to sleep.

    Angsty_Potatos Report

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