Living with a sleep-talker is an adventure in itself. You wake up in the middle of the night to your partner mumbling complete gibberish — or muttering elaborate midnight monologues — while their mind is deep in dreamland. Time and again, you hope they will spill a juicy secret, but all they do is whisper sweet nothings and swiftly go back to sleep. And when morning rolls around, they have no clue it even happened.

Sleep talking is one of those bizarre activities that lead to hilarious late-night utterances. Usually. Because once in a blue moon, your loved one will declare something so odd, you're bound to scratch your head from confusion. So one person reached out to Reddit and asked fellow users to share the creepiest, weirdest, and downright random things their partner has ever said in their sleep. And the people have spoken!

From "I’m your fan" to "Open the window, Abigail, I'm burning like a meatball!", we have compiled an entertaining collection of short stories to share with you all. So grab a warm blanket and get ready to laugh through these amusing exchanges. And if you’re feeling up to it, let us know if you or someone you know has ever experienced anything like this down below in the comments.

Psst! For more sleep-talking goodness, check out our earlier posts right here and here.

#1

I'm sitting in bed, scrolling through Reddit, my wife is asleep next to me. This exchange ensues:

Wife: *pushes me to get my attention*

Me: What?

Wife: I want a crunch wrap supreme.

Me: I am not going to Taco Bell right now. It's after midnight.

Wife: But we're already here.

Me: What..?

Wife: We're already at Taco Bell...see, there's the Chihuahua that says "Yo quiero Taco Bell".

Me: ....We're in bed.

Wife: *starting to get irritated* Yes, because we took the bed!

Me: We took the bed.

Wife: Yes!

Me: And how did we do that?

Wife: Are you telling me you don't know how to drive a bed?!

NapoleonTheAfromite Report

Avocado Toast
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You seriously don't know how to drive a bed? How dare you?!

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#2

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I woke up restless and hot, turned on the AC. Husband appeared to wake up too. He sat up and said “I’m your fan”, and waved his hands like a fan, and then laughed at his own joke and went back to sleep. Did not remember it in the morning.

Wahine468 , Delaney Van Report

Mohsie Supposie
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who needs an AC when you have such a great fan?

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#3

My husband once sat bolt upright in bed (still fast asleep) and yelled “CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!?”. Being the supportive wife, I of course replied “HELL YEAH!”. To which he responded “Yeah! Woo!” before falling back down on the bed and resuming the snoring.

Wish I had a video of it. He still doesn’t believe me.

badger-chow Report

#4

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I crawled into bed when she was asleep, she reached over and grabbed my arm. She snuggled my arm a bit and I thought it was sweet...

Until, with a thick Russian accent, she says "I BREAK YOU" and acted like she was snapping my arm.

Edit: while I appreciate all of the attention this post is getting, I need to inform you all that my wife would REALLY appreciate it if I stopped trying to "activate her" with random words. Thank you.

daspip , Anna Pou Report

#5

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My freshmen year of school I lived with two guys in a dorm room that talked in their sleep. They wouldn’t just talk though, they’d have separate conversations with each other.

One night I woke up and one was chanting “I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry.” The other just responded “yeah, but chick-fil-a said no in 2011.”

They have no memory of this.

FeloniusDirtBurglary , Eren Li Report

Vorknkx
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a sleepwalker/sleeptalker college roommate too. Once he randomly sprang up and started rummaging around his sheets and blankets, murmuring something about finding the "radio that keeps playing that music." There was no radio or music playing in the room during that exact moment. About 30 seconds later he just went back to sleep, as if nothing had happened. No memories of this event in the morning.

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#6

A.R - "Don't rock the boat."

Me - "What boat, why?"

A.R - "Just. Don't. Rock. The. Boat."

***So what do I do? I rock her a little.***

A.R - "Oh God, no!"

Me - "What's wrong?"

A.R - "There's spiders everywhere! I told you not to rock the boat."

Then, then she screamed, jerked around, I got kicked in the chest, and she woke up to me being winded without being able to speak.

Jhaydun_Dinan Report

#7

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Completely at random: "OPEN THE WINDOW ABIGAIL IM BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL" we don't even know an Abigail.

thoughtcasserole , Kinga Cichewicz Report

#8

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep It was me. Wife was getting ready for work in the morning. I was asleep. She kissed me goodbye. I then said, out loud, "boy, I sure hope that was my wife."

Like there are random women sneaking into my bedroom to give me kisses.

Edit: She did not think I had side women. She thought it was hilarious. I do sleep talk sometimes, mostly gibberish, like word salad-type stuff.

ShortyLow , Gabriela Mendes Report

LilFishy
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Word salad type stuff made me laugh 😂

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#9

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife swears up and down, that while she was reading before bed, I said: "I see you didn't bring the bag of leaves, so I know you're not serious."

Zkv , Tony Alter Report

#10

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Rolled over once to snuggle my sleeping husband and he pulled away from me growling “don’t touch me I’m married!” He got lots of brownie points.

Edit: whoa thanks for all the love guys. Hubby used to be a baker who did farmers markets and he’s pretty hot (if I do say so myself). All the lil desperate housewives would hit on him so I would imagine that was a practiced line in his head.

I also never told him what he said.... he just got some extra favors whenever I thought about it.

sp_who2 , Vaibhav Jadhav Report

#11

"No, I DON'T want discounted health insurance, I want it to be FREE!"

-My roommate, asleep at 6AM

Also my roommate, at varying ungodly hours "Satan, not now" and "I don't have time to die I have a final tomorrow"

issapun Report

Amanda Rose
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last one sums up the college experience in a nutshell.

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#12

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I’m the one who does the sleep talking. My fiancé woke up and saw me petting the blanket and referring to it as our dog who had recently passed.

chrisbullock , cottonbro Report

#13

Once, me and our roommate were downstairs, while my husband was sleeping upstairs. We heard him yelling in his sleep and I figured he was having a nightmare and went to check on him.

​

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Turns out he was, in fact, not yelling. in his dream he had a bunch of creepy ghost children trapped in a hole and was mocking them by saying "WoOoOoO~ WoOoOoO~... Bitches."

zikeel Report

#14

“BRACE YOURSELF!”
Then he let one rip and cackled like a maniac.

missmetalz Report

#15

Wife: Oh no

Me: What's wrong?

Wife: I forgot

Me: Forgot what?

Wife: Gravity

Me: You forgot gravity?

Wife: Yeah

Me: It's okay, you can't forget gravity

Wife: I can't?

Me: No, it's okay.

Wife: Good.

Out like a light.

Riverforasong Report

#16

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had fallen asleep and started rubbing my back, which apparently prompted me to sleep-say “This just in! Local boy massages.. other local boy!!”

I am a 26 year old female but that night I was a young 19th century newsboy at heart.

cardedformilk , Kampus Production Report

Aly.J
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We mush channel our inner young 19th century newsboys!

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#17

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep One of my friends little brothers came into the room where we were sleeping when he was sleepwalking. He kicked open the door and said,

"[friend's name]! Did you tell mom abou the soup thing?" To which my friend replied,

"What soup thing?"

"You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!" Then he stood there for a minute before leaving.

Legally_Pumpkin , Ksenia Chernaya Report

#18

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Not a partner but my brother. He spoke English.

This is noteworthy because we had only adopted him from Romania 3 months earlier knowing zero English. He spoke better English in his sleep than while he was awake.

carney338 , Omar Lopez Report

InvincibleRodent
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That checks out imo, some people tend to be anxious speaking a language different from their native, and when one is asleep, the anxiety is gone. One can't gain abilities one doesn't already have in their sleep.

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#19

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep One time while sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulder and told her “hey, people are just stacks of years” like it was the most important thing in the world.

ewhit276 , Ron Lach Report

#20

Husband: “It’s all over the floor”

Me (mostly asleep and very confused): “What is?”

Husband: “Candy! But it’s okay, they’ll get it.”

Me: “Who will get it?”

Husband (quite happily): “The mice!”

Rossakamcfreakyd Report

#21

Random:

While rubbing my thigh "you sure do have a nice engine in your van"

3bigdogs Report

#22

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation." I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn't understand and went back to sleep.



She doesn't remember her dreams after she wakes up so it's this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert


anon , Pixabay Report

Oliver Coine
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, it's worth a look though, right?

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#23

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My girlfriend would be stressed about work, talking about speed sheets and emails. I would answer her and say the most outrageous things.

"The spreadsheets got ice cream on them and need to be set on fire"

upvoteguy5 , NONAMESONTHEWAY Report

#24

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My ex wife once said "We'll see how f*****g funny you think it is when you're dead" in the middle of the night. Not mumbled. Fully articulated in a calm voice. Scared the s**t out of me.

Current wife once indignantly shouted "I can't poop here! Everyone is watching!" And I do mean shouted. I cannot imagine how I would have reacted had I been asleep. As it was, I was playing with my iPad in bed while she slept and I about jumped out of my skin.

TheFire_Eagle , Liza Summer Report

Malus Darkblade
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think your ex wife was sleep talking. You had a lucky escape.

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See Also on Bored Panda
#25

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.

One night he started giggling and I asked him why he's doing it. Then he just replied with "I want to tap your teeth and make them go 'hello'!"


Still no idea what that meant.

Edit:

Just remembered another one that was very weird.

One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he's in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.

anon , Alex Hiller Report

#26

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep "There's no love here."

Also, he studied so hard for an organic Chem final a few semesters ago that in the middle of the night he dead a*s said - "Aldehyde" at a louder than normal talking volume. I still get a good laugh at this

bpwatk , Lux Graves Report

Jason Mills
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really surprised I don't have any PTSD dreams about Org Chem classes . . .

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#27

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My wife would jump to tell you that I said; "How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?" Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep

Taodragons , imdb Report

The lesbian knitting panda
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that does seem like an unfair business deal, I must admit.

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#28

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.

I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”.... he doesn’t remember it one bit.

The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”

spurtz_ , Annie Spratt Report

#29

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep Son(sleeping): ONE HUNDRED?!?!

Me: 100 what?

Son: ONE HUNDRED PUSH UPS?!!!!

Lyon0922 , cottonbro Report

LilFishy
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DOWN ON THE GROUND SOLDier LEMME SEE U DO 100 pushups

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#30

30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep It’s not something he said, he sort of mumbles when he talks, but it’s the sounds he makes. Sometimes he giggles like a little girl; which is terrifying.

The worst was when he sat straight up and gasped super loud while staring at the wall. I asked what was wrong, but he was asleep. Meanwhile, I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so scared.

shoeshiner19 , Nicola Barts Report

Jubum
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband talks in his sleep too. Most of the time, this leads to some pretty funny conversations. But once he suddenly got up in the middle of the night, robotically eating a yogurt, and sat rigidly on the edge of the bed, staring at me with absolutely blank eyes. Then I understood what dead eyes mean.

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