30 People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Heard Their Partners Say In Their Sleep
Living with a sleep-talker is an adventure in itself. You wake up in the middle of the night to your partner mumbling complete gibberish — or muttering elaborate midnight monologues — while their mind is deep in dreamland. Time and again, you hope they will spill a juicy secret, but all they do is whisper sweet nothings and swiftly go back to sleep. And when morning rolls around, they have no clue it even happened.
Sleep talking is one of those bizarre activities that lead to hilarious late-night utterances. Usually. Because once in a blue moon, your loved one will declare something so odd, you're bound to scratch your head from confusion. So one person reached out to Reddit and asked fellow users to share the creepiest, weirdest, and downright random things their partner has ever said in their sleep. And the people have spoken!
From "I’m your fan" to "Open the window, Abigail, I'm burning like a meatball!", we have compiled an entertaining collection of short stories to share with you all. So grab a warm blanket and get ready to laugh through these amusing exchanges. And if you’re feeling up to it, let us know if you or someone you know has ever experienced anything like this down below in the comments.
I'm sitting in bed, scrolling through Reddit, my wife is asleep next to me. This exchange ensues:
Wife: *pushes me to get my attention*
Wife: I want a crunch wrap supreme.
Me: I am not going to Taco Bell right now. It's after midnight.
Wife: But we're already here.
Wife: We're already at Taco Bell...see, there's the Chihuahua that says "Yo quiero Taco Bell".
Me: ....We're in bed.
Wife: *starting to get irritated* Yes, because we took the bed!
Me: We took the bed.
Me: And how did we do that?
Wife: Are you telling me you don't know how to drive a bed?!
I woke up restless and hot, turned on the AC. Husband appeared to wake up too. He sat up and said “I’m your fan”, and waved his hands like a fan, and then laughed at his own joke and went back to sleep. Did not remember it in the morning.
My husband once sat bolt upright in bed (still fast asleep) and yelled “CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!?”. Being the supportive wife, I of course replied “HELL YEAH!”. To which he responded “Yeah! Woo!” before falling back down on the bed and resuming the snoring.
Wish I had a video of it. He still doesn’t believe me.
I crawled into bed when she was asleep, she reached over and grabbed my arm. She snuggled my arm a bit and I thought it was sweet...
Until, with a thick Russian accent, she says "I BREAK YOU" and acted like she was snapping my arm.
Edit: while I appreciate all of the attention this post is getting, I need to inform you all that my wife would REALLY appreciate it if I stopped trying to "activate her" with random words. Thank you.
My freshmen year of school I lived with two guys in a dorm room that talked in their sleep. They wouldn’t just talk though, they’d have separate conversations with each other.
One night I woke up and one was chanting “I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry.” The other just responded “yeah, but chick-fil-a said no in 2011.”
They have no memory of this.
A.R - "Don't rock the boat."
Me - "What boat, why?"
A.R - "Just. Don't. Rock. The. Boat."
***So what do I do? I rock her a little.***
A.R - "Oh God, no!"
Me - "What's wrong?"
A.R - "There's spiders everywhere! I told you not to rock the boat."
Then, then she screamed, jerked around, I got kicked in the chest, and she woke up to me being winded without being able to speak.
Completely at random: "OPEN THE WINDOW ABIGAIL IM BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL" we don't even know an Abigail.
It was me. Wife was getting ready for work in the morning. I was asleep. She kissed me goodbye. I then said, out loud, "boy, I sure hope that was my wife."
Like there are random women sneaking into my bedroom to give me kisses.
Edit: She did not think I had side women. She thought it was hilarious. I do sleep talk sometimes, mostly gibberish, like word salad-type stuff.
My wife swears up and down, that while she was reading before bed, I said: "I see you didn't bring the bag of leaves, so I know you're not serious."
Rolled over once to snuggle my sleeping husband and he pulled away from me growling “don’t touch me I’m married!” He got lots of brownie points.
Edit: whoa thanks for all the love guys. Hubby used to be a baker who did farmers markets and he’s pretty hot (if I do say so myself). All the lil desperate housewives would hit on him so I would imagine that was a practiced line in his head.
I also never told him what he said.... he just got some extra favors whenever I thought about it.
"No, I DON'T want discounted health insurance, I want it to be FREE!"
-My roommate, asleep at 6AM
Also my roommate, at varying ungodly hours "Satan, not now" and "I don't have time to die I have a final tomorrow"
I’m the one who does the sleep talking. My fiancé woke up and saw me petting the blanket and referring to it as our dog who had recently passed.
Once, me and our roommate were downstairs, while my husband was sleeping upstairs. We heard him yelling in his sleep and I figured he was having a nightmare and went to check on him.
Turns out he was, in fact, not yelling. in his dream he had a bunch of creepy ghost children trapped in a hole and was mocking them by saying "WoOoOoO~ WoOoOoO~... Bitches."
Then he let one rip and cackled like a maniac.
Wife: Oh no
Me: What's wrong?
Wife: I forgot
Me: Forgot what?
Me: You forgot gravity?
Me: It's okay, you can't forget gravity
Wife: I can't?
Me: No, it's okay.
Out like a light.
I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had fallen asleep and started rubbing my back, which apparently prompted me to sleep-say “This just in! Local boy massages.. other local boy!!”
I am a 26 year old female but that night I was a young 19th century newsboy at heart.
One of my friends little brothers came into the room where we were sleeping when he was sleepwalking. He kicked open the door and said,
"[friend's name]! Did you tell mom abou the soup thing?" To which my friend replied,
"What soup thing?"
"You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!" Then he stood there for a minute before leaving.
Not a partner but my brother. He spoke English.
This is noteworthy because we had only adopted him from Romania 3 months earlier knowing zero English. He spoke better English in his sleep than while he was awake.
One time while sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulder and told her “hey, people are just stacks of years” like it was the most important thing in the world.
Husband: “It’s all over the floor”
Me (mostly asleep and very confused): “What is?”
Husband: “Candy! But it’s okay, they’ll get it.”
Me: “Who will get it?”
Husband (quite happily): “The mice!”
While rubbing my thigh "you sure do have a nice engine in your van"
"The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation." I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn't understand and went back to sleep.
She doesn't remember her dreams after she wakes up so it's this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert
My girlfriend would be stressed about work, talking about speed sheets and emails. I would answer her and say the most outrageous things.
"The spreadsheets got ice cream on them and need to be set on fire"
My ex wife once said "We'll see how f*****g funny you think it is when you're dead" in the middle of the night. Not mumbled. Fully articulated in a calm voice. Scared the s**t out of me.
Current wife once indignantly shouted "I can't poop here! Everyone is watching!" And I do mean shouted. I cannot imagine how I would have reacted had I been asleep. As it was, I was playing with my iPad in bed while she slept and I about jumped out of my skin.
We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.
One night he started giggling and I asked him why he's doing it. Then he just replied with "I want to tap your teeth and make them go 'hello'!"
Still no idea what that meant.
Just remembered another one that was very weird.
One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he's in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.
"There's no love here."
Also, he studied so hard for an organic Chem final a few semesters ago that in the middle of the night he dead a*s said - "Aldehyde" at a louder than normal talking volume. I still get a good laugh at this
My wife would jump to tell you that I said; "How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?" Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep
My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.
I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”.... he doesn’t remember it one bit.
The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”
Son(sleeping): ONE HUNDRED?!?!
Me: 100 what?
Son: ONE HUNDRED PUSH UPS?!!!!
It’s not something he said, he sort of mumbles when he talks, but it’s the sounds he makes. Sometimes he giggles like a little girl; which is terrifying.
The worst was when he sat straight up and gasped super loud while staring at the wall. I asked what was wrong, but he was asleep. Meanwhile, I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so scared.
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