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Woman Refuses To Take In Her Parents After They Regretted Pursuing Their Dream, Is Called Selfish
Boomer parents moving back in with their adult children isn’t a new thing. Money has been the primary reason, for the most part, especially since many elders failed to save for their retirement.
The story you’re about to read has a slightly different premise. A couple decided to sell their home and travel full-time, but their sudden change of plans led them to move in with their daughter.
The woman initially welcomed the idea as a show of love for her parents. However, things got heated when she refused a longer-term arrangement.
After an episode of emotional blackmail from her mother, the author asks the internet if she is out of line. Scroll down for the full story.
RELATED:
Many boomer parents have been moving back in with their adult children out of financial necessity
Image credits: westend61 (not the actual photo)
A woman endured emotional blackmail from her mother when she refused to let both her parents live with her for a prolonged period
Image credits: GaudiLab (not the actual photo)
She later clarified her decision and asked the internet if she was in the wrong
Image source: Outside-Advice8413
23% of Americans feel “stressed” about living in multigenerational homes
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
The author isn’t alone in her distress about having her folks move in with her. According to statistics by Pew Research, 23% of Americans find living in a multigenerational household stressful.
These sentiments are more common among adult children, accounting for 31% of respondents.
Multigenerational households have their fair share of pros and cons. Investment advisor Triton Financial Group pointed out one upside: a built-in support system. Caregiving becomes less of a burden for aging parents and younger children.
Relatives also grow closer to each other, strengthening family bonds. However, the most significant benefits are in finances since shared expenses significantly reduce living costs.
On the other hand, the deterioration of relationships can be the biggest drawback of a multigenerational home. It can be particularly true among family members who are used to living apart. The sudden co-existence under one roof may create conflict, especially when there are differences in beliefs and opinions.
The author seemed to have this problem, particularly with her parents possibly invading her personal space. It did cause some conflict between her and her mother, which is always unfortunate.
There are dos and don’ts to ensure a harmonious cohabitation between parents and adult children
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Parents and children must come to an understanding to avoid unpleasant living situations. Part of this involves adhering to a few dos and don’ts.
In an article for LinkedIn, senior care professional Troy Tice emphasized the importance of having open and honest conversations. Both parties should lay out their expectations and set boundaries, which include respect for personal space, daily routines, and the division of household responsibilities.
Children with elderly parents must also ensure a senior-friendly living environment. Tice pointed out necessary modifications such as bathroom grab bars and adequate lighting to prevent accidents that older people are more prone to.
As for the don’ts, Tice advises against making assumptions about each other’s expectations.
“Take time to express concerns, ask equations, and clarify any misunderstandings,” he wrote.
Should conflicts arise from this new living arrangement, Troy urges addressing them respectfully and constructively through open dialogue, active listening, and the willingness to compromise.
The author seemed clear about her issues with personal space and explained why having her parents over for a year or two doesn’t sit well with her. Unfortunately, the mom took the wrong way and resorted to guilt-tripping instead of having a dialogue to resolve any issues.
What do you think, readers? Was the woman wrong for refusing to have her parents move in?
Most commenters sided with the woman
Others shared similar experiences
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What do you think ?
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
Hi there. You didn't realise you were Mummy's Little Pension Plan, did you? Here's a question - how many of your 4 grandparents lived indefinitely with your parents? P.S. Tell them nice try, but to take a hike..
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
My parents went above and beyond for me many times. They bought a small house for me before I was arrested, and sold it. When I got out, they bought me this one, and used everything they had to get it. My paying rent doesn't come close to the hugeness of that. While I was in prison, they sent $100 every month, for eleven years. With money, prison is a WHOLE lot easier! I don't know what they gave up to do that for me, but I was 43 when I was arrested, and it was in no way their responsibility to support me. These are just the biggest things. When I was a young woman, I was at a public phone to call to borrow money. The young man on the phone before me was doing the same. His mother berated him so loudly that I could hear her screeching over the phone! She utterly refused to help him at all. When it was my turn, I called, and Mom asked how much I needed. That was the first time I really appreciated them from an adult perspective. Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. I was blessed enough to have that kind of home. My dad recently passed (today's his first missed birthday, so I will call Mom several times today), but if I were financially and physically capable, I would help Mom in a heartbeat. I'm not. The daughter didn't really seem so much unwilling (at first) but unable. A two bedroom flat wouldn't work out in the long run for her and her parents. However, until they started demanding she owed them, I would have suggested helping them get a rental, letting them park their RV at her place, helping to sell the RV for down payment or rent money. When parents tell their adult children that the children owe them, that ends it. After that, I would suggest the daughter hand them the Yellow Pages so they can find a realtor.
Pollywog 1 year ago
Very sorry for your loss!! Sending thoughts of strength and love to you and your mom!! 💜
Load More Replies...
pebs 1 year ago
I will never understand this trend of older Americans to go and live in an RV to travel. It is obvious that with aging arise insurmountable problems with this type of life and that if you spend all your money on traveling then you are left without means of subsistence. If you want to travel, do it while keeping your home and savings, for God's sake!
Breadcrumb. 1 year ago
Good point. Rv life is a lot more physical than it looks too, and I can see it being dangerous as you get on in the later years.
Load More Replies...
jmmorris10 1 year ago
If they were homeless you should take them in. They are not homeless! if you let them park on your property, I guarantee they will be in your house with you every day. All the time. They need to find a nice rv park.
Dirk Daring 1 year ago
The parents definitely did not look into the TCO of owning and maintaining an RV. Besides the incredible cost of gasoline and propane, you have to remember that this is an enormous motor vehicle. You're going to need oil changes, brakes and tires, and SO MUCH MORE. I know people who live the RV life, and they say it's more expensive than owning a pleasure boat.
Rick 1 year ago
IF you let them stay, make it a legal agreement with rent to cover your costs of them staying there and a damage deposit. Include a roommate agreement to cover things like food costs and use, cleaning, quiet times while you are at work,etc. make the term short, like 3-6 months to allow eviction or force them out if it doesn’t work out. If you want, set aside the $$, and rebate it to them when they move out, just like what some parents do for their kids when they are of age to move out but are reluctant to leave.
JayWantsACat 1 year ago
The parents have multiple options for their living situation, they just don't like them. Which is different than having no options. NTA but the parents are for making a stupid financial decision and then just not liking the options available to them.
Whitefox 1 year ago
My husband and I have a plan to buy a 5th wheel and travel after we retire. We do not plan on selling our home though and know we will be using it as a literal home base. It was irresponsible of your parents to sell their home with no contingency as to what comes next. Did they just figure they'd travel until they passed on? No. Either they didn't think ahead or, planned to rely on you all along. That 1-2 years would be more like 5-10+.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
i think i'd ask them- what would you do if you didn't have a child? that's the thing they should do now.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
Hi there. You didn't realise you were Mummy's Little Pension Plan, did you? Here's a question - how many of your 4 grandparents lived indefinitely with your parents? P.S. Tell them nice try, but to take a hike..
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
My parents went above and beyond for me many times. They bought a small house for me before I was arrested, and sold it. When I got out, they bought me this one, and used everything they had to get it. My paying rent doesn't come close to the hugeness of that. While I was in prison, they sent $100 every month, for eleven years. With money, prison is a WHOLE lot easier! I don't know what they gave up to do that for me, but I was 43 when I was arrested, and it was in no way their responsibility to support me. These are just the biggest things. When I was a young woman, I was at a public phone to call to borrow money. The young man on the phone before me was doing the same. His mother berated him so loudly that I could hear her screeching over the phone! She utterly refused to help him at all. When it was my turn, I called, and Mom asked how much I needed. That was the first time I really appreciated them from an adult perspective. Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. I was blessed enough to have that kind of home. My dad recently passed (today's his first missed birthday, so I will call Mom several times today), but if I were financially and physically capable, I would help Mom in a heartbeat. I'm not. The daughter didn't really seem so much unwilling (at first) but unable. A two bedroom flat wouldn't work out in the long run for her and her parents. However, until they started demanding she owed them, I would have suggested helping them get a rental, letting them park their RV at her place, helping to sell the RV for down payment or rent money. When parents tell their adult children that the children owe them, that ends it. After that, I would suggest the daughter hand them the Yellow Pages so they can find a realtor.
Pollywog 1 year ago
Very sorry for your loss!! Sending thoughts of strength and love to you and your mom!! 💜
Load More Replies... pebs 1 year ago
I will never understand this trend of older Americans to go and live in an RV to travel. It is obvious that with aging arise insurmountable problems with this type of life and that if you spend all your money on traveling then you are left without means of subsistence. If you want to travel, do it while keeping your home and savings, for God's sake!
Breadcrumb. 1 year ago
Good point. Rv life is a lot more physical than it looks too, and I can see it being dangerous as you get on in the later years.
Load More Replies... jmmorris10 1 year ago
If they were homeless you should take them in. They are not homeless! if you let them park on your property, I guarantee they will be in your house with you every day. All the time. They need to find a nice rv park.
Dirk Daring 1 year ago
The parents definitely did not look into the TCO of owning and maintaining an RV. Besides the incredible cost of gasoline and propane, you have to remember that this is an enormous motor vehicle. You're going to need oil changes, brakes and tires, and SO MUCH MORE. I know people who live the RV life, and they say it's more expensive than owning a pleasure boat.
Rick 1 year ago
IF you let them stay, make it a legal agreement with rent to cover your costs of them staying there and a damage deposit. Include a roommate agreement to cover things like food costs and use, cleaning, quiet times while you are at work,etc. make the term short, like 3-6 months to allow eviction or force them out if it doesn’t work out. If you want, set aside the $$, and rebate it to them when they move out, just like what some parents do for their kids when they are of age to move out but are reluctant to leave.
JayWantsACat 1 year ago
The parents have multiple options for their living situation, they just don't like them. Which is different than having no options. NTA but the parents are for making a stupid financial decision and then just not liking the options available to them.
Whitefox 1 year ago
My husband and I have a plan to buy a 5th wheel and travel after we retire. We do not plan on selling our home though and know we will be using it as a literal home base. It was irresponsible of your parents to sell their home with no contingency as to what comes next. Did they just figure they'd travel until they passed on? No. Either they didn't think ahead or, planned to rely on you all along. That 1-2 years would be more like 5-10+.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
i think i'd ask them- what would you do if you didn't have a child? that's the thing they should do now.
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