As temperatures drop, the cooler months are getting increasingly more difficult to bear, encouraging people to start playing with their thermostats.
This young woman was not given access to the thermostat in her home, though. Her parents asked the AITA community if they were in the wrong for not letting their daughter turn up the heating as she was the only one feeling cold, and the internet said yes. Scroll down for the full story.
The colder months of the year require more effort to keep comfortable, be it turning up the heating or layering up
Image credits: RossHelen (not the actual photo)
This woman suggested that her daughter put on more layers if she’s cold and refused to give her access to the thermostat
Image credits: Erik Mclean (not the actual photo)
Image credits: thermostataita
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska(not the actual photo)
Staying warm through the colder months might require taking a hit to the wallet
The cold months are not easy to bear, neither physically nor financially. It’s unclear whether money was the reason the parents in the story were hesitant to turn the heating up, but for quite a few people, heating prices are a strong encouraging factor to layer up instead of touching the thermostat.
The Office for National Statistics pointed out that the UK has experienced a substantial increase in heating prices in 2022. It suggested that because of the rising price cap set by the Office of Gas and Electricity Markets, the average annual bill for households rose by roughly £3000, from £1,277 to £4,279. However, because of the government-provided support, the average costs for households were estimated to remain at £2,500 per year, at least until April 2023.
Such prices have understandably made people worried about facing the colder time of the year. The Office for National Statistics reported that roughly six in ten adults were concerned about keeping their home warm over the winter, and nearly one in four said they weren’t able to keep theirs warm over the last two weeks leading up to the survey (carried out in December, 2022).
According to 2023 data, most UK households—roughly 78% of them—use gas central heating to keep their homes nice and warm over the winter. This option is far in the lead, followed by electric and oil central heating both used by roughly 5% of households. No matter the method, increasing prices have affected quite a few people, as surveys reveal that nearly half of adults in Great Britain had to minimize using gas and electricity in their homes because of rising costs of living.
Image credits: 100 files (not the actual photo)
Some people feel more hot or cold than others even when affected by the same temperature
Whether the house is comfortably warm or not, some people might feel more hot or cold than others even while in the same environment. That depends on the intricate processes of thermoregulation of each individual’s body, the issues with which can result in them being heat or cold intolerant.
Take cold intolerance, for instance—extreme sensitivity to low temperatures. According to Medical News Today, it is a disruption in the body’s process of temperature regulation. The process itself starts with the hypothalamus—a part of the brain that works like an inbuilt thermostat—sending messages around the body in order to heat or cool it.
The messages are received by the thyroid gland, responsible for one’s metabolism, which is informed of the need to increase the consumption of calories. When a person consumes those calories, they can generate energy and warm up. The circulatory system then spreads the heat around the body; but if there’s a disruption anywhere in the process, the person might not feel warm enough.
In the case of heat intolerance—when a person feels extra sensitive to high temperatures—the body also listens to the signals from the hypothalamus, but it reacts in a different way. Upon receiving the signals, the nerves on the skin increase sweat production, which then evaporates and cools down the body.
The OP didn’t detail whether her daughter was cold intolerant, or the temperature at home was simply too low for her to feel comfortable. Be that as it may, the woman’s position on not letting the daughter control the thermostat seemingly split the internet community into camps; while some seemed somewhat appalled by her views, others could see where she was coming from.
The OP shared more details in the comments
Quite a few people believed the parents are in the wrong here
Some redditors sided with the mom and dad
It's not that they won't turn up the heat...they won't allow this girl even an electric blanket! They refuse to let her do anything to keep herself warm *while at the same time* refusing to adjust the heat.
The lady asks if she's TA, but on every single comment she's answered, she says she still doesn't believe she's TA and won't do anything for the older child feeling cold.
Exactly, she didn't get the answer she wanted so she just goes "whatever, I'm doing what I want".
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My daughter asked me for X. Should I give her X. No. You are wrong. I will not give her X. Well, then, you are being inconsiderate and thoughtless. No. I thought a lot about it. And the answer is no.
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Why are they asking for advice cause they sure aren't taking it! "I am right, I am right, I am right" is all they say in response. This poor girl. Being cold is SUFFERING. When I was sick and only weighed 82 pounds, going into the grocery store was absolutely UNBEARABLE. She can say she isn't favoring one kid over the other, but she is. 3 people are "fine" one is immensely miserable. She needs to move in with her grandparents this is wrong and abusive on so many levels
16C= 60F, that is VERY cold to keep a house. Plus, as women we're more prone to iron deficiency (blood lost during menstrual cycles), and a common symptom of that is being more sensitive to cold. Parents are definitely the @ssholes.
No kidding and I'm sure the 5 year old is just saying she's fine to please mummy. 60F is absolutely ridiculous for when you're home.
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She's in the UK, so am I. She can get a system like Tado where you can control the temperature by room, so this "don't want the whole house at 21" is ridiculous and there is an energy efficient way around it. Her daughter is wearing multiple layers, she's showing she's tried on her part. Not everyone has the same constitution. Yes the parents are absolutely TA in my opinion. And as for the comment about loving the 5 year old more, which she seems confused about, she puts the heating on higher 5-7am so that daughter doesn't get cold, does she not see that's her considering one daughter's needs not the other. **UPDATE** Seems she realised she is TA: Hello everyone and thank you for all your feedback. I did not realise there were so many reasons as to why my daughter potentially could be cold and that layering may not work in those cases. We reached a compromise with our daughter: she can have a small heater for her room with a timer so I am 100% sure it is not left on overnight for my own peace of mind. We are also going to buy her a heavier duvet and thicker mattress topper to prevent cold from underneath the bed. Thank you all.
Good. I remember my bedroom being absolutely FREEZING at night, since all the heat rose to the top of my high ceiling where I couldn't feel any of it. My room was easily 10 degrees colder than the rest of the house.
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So she wants advice, but then ignores all of it and refuses to compromise? D**k.
It's frustrating that some people don't understand that different people have different thermal perception. I don't get cold easily, but 16°C is really low and my SO would freeze to death, even with blankets. It's really unreasonable for the mom to only care about whether she and her husband can handle the temperatures. And asking a 5 year old if the temperature is ok sounds ridiculous. Maybe some kids are sensitive to heat or cold, but I know many little ones who want to go out in the snow with a t-shirt and bare feet. That the mother is completely disregarding her oldest daughter's feelings makes me sad and angry.
That is so true about kids running outside in t-shirts. I can picture the mother "it's not cold in here, are you cold sweetie?" And the 5 year old saying "no." My daughter got hot and cold mixed up until she was 8 and still does sometimes. (Don't know why...she is really smart just mixes that one thing up) so I really don't think the 5 year old should have a vote. The parents are responsible for their environment and everyone here says that is TOO COLD. We keep our heat at 68. And put a space heater downstairs on freezing nights for our dog because it gets too hot upstairs but stays cold downstairs. This mother seems really unfeeling..maybe if she raised the thermostat, it would unfreeze her heart
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I'm from Scotland, and 16 degrees would be too cold for me. I get it, we do have a cost of living crisis, but as a parent, I would save money elsewhere before I let my child freeze. Is OP really so ignorant not to know that people have different tolerances for heat and cold? Given the replies, it looks if OP is simply an AH and the wee one is the Golden Child.
Maybe you are an a*****e and instead of using the internet to check, you should take your frozen child to a doctor
So I'm like OP in that I like my living space cooler, 18°C in the living space is comfortable for me. Because I have basebord electric heat every room has its own thermostat and the bedrooms heat is left off. That being said if anyone living with me complained that they were cold constantly the heat would go up to 20°C and they'd have the ability to turn on the heat in their bedroom. Everyone has the right to be comfortable in the place that they live.
YTA. Not necessarily anything specific to this situation, but it's pretty easy to tell from the way you talk. 16C / 61F is pretty cold for a home. Too cold to be comfortable without a bunch of cloths on for most people, but it is your house. If your 22yo daughter, who doesn't pay rent or bills, doesn't like it, she can get her own place.
I was ready to say the kid just needs to put on some warmer clothes, but wearing multiple layers and still being cold isn't fair on her. Heating blankets and space heaters are much better designed these days, and much less of a fire risk, so not letting her have one while also not being willing turn the heat up at all is just dumb. My husband and I have different temperature preferences (he likes the cold, I very much do not) but even he gets mad at me for dealing with being cold because I don't want to raise our heating costs by turning the heater up and he wants me to be comfortable. Cause he loves me (I don't like for him to be too warm either though). And to the comments about how other people must not live in the UK, I can't imagine that the weather there gets much colder than it does in my state (winters can be brutal here) so I feel like that's an unrelated point. The daughter is allowed to be cold, even when the rest of the house is not bothered by it.
If everyone in the house is comfortable enough with the temperature, it might be a good idea to have the oldest child seen by a doctor. Some health conditions can make a person more sensitive to temperatures. I've always enjoyed cooler temps, especially at night, but when my thyroid went tits up, it lowered my internal temperature just enough to make colder temps uncomfortable. Those kinds of health concerns can usually be found with a simple blood panel and regulated with medication since they're often hormonal or chemically based.
All the people saying, "wear layers! wrap in a blanket." Is your house at 16 degrees? Is your office 16 degrees? If my home were 16 degrees, I'd be having my furnace checked. If my office were 16 degrees, I'd be working from home. I sound like a crank. Maybe I am, but I had a manager who didn't own a winter coat. Kept the office at 16 degrees. I found another part of the building to work in because there was no way.
girl I’m freezing my a*s off when the house is set to 70f no wonder your daughter is complaining with it at 60f 😭
16 is too cold for during the day, it should be 18C minimum. 16C is reasonable for most people at night. If one person is too cold, not letting them have a space heater or an electric blanket is ridiculous. Let her have a heated overblanket if you don't think a standard electric blanket is safe. Or a heating pad. If she's wearing multiple layers in bed, and complaining about the cold, and you won't let her have a heating source, YTA.
OP doesn't seem to be willing to compromise even a little bit or even understand her daughter. And that makes her a huge TA. I understand the cost matters, but still... making three people happy while one is miserable it's just wrong way to do thing as a family.
Tbh they sound like incredibly selfish, arrogant and obnoxious people who disregard their older daughter entirely. Just c**p people.
Honestly, don't know why OP posted this when she clearly doesn't give two hoots about the advice given. She just wants to come off as a reasonable person and when people point out that she isn't, she just disregards advice. It's simple: letting one of your children get cold when this isn't necessary borders on abuse.
UKer here, I have Tado on my radiators and thermostats in each room..the lounge/dining room are currently a balmy 20.8° whilst the bedrooms are 18°. It's single figures outside (I can see my breath out there) so it's worthwhile, I'll boost the upstairs temp before I go to bed.
16C at night is a very comfy temperature to sleep. Maybe a thicker duvet or an electric blanket (localized heat distribution) could help. Having room temp at 21 at night is not comfortable for moat people. 16C during the day is horrible. First thought I has was my grandparents' place when I was a kid. Single glass windows, ice on the window drapes and 1 petroleum heater in the dining room...
I'm in central Canada where the outdoor temps go from 40°C to -40°C and my house is always 16°C at night. It's perfect. But for winter I often use more than one blanket and maybe socks if I'm still too cold. 21°C at night would be way too hot for me. But OP isn't providing options to her older daughter, just trying to be in the right. That is TA move. Alternatively, they could try living here in winter wonderland. 🤣 That'll cure 'em both real quick.
I pride myself on being 1/4 polar bear, but even I can agree that 16c Is a bit cold. Ours gets to about 18c at night and we do not use the heater at all. Some nights we will use a heated blanket on our feet just to warm the bed up a bit, but then turn it off. We use appropriate bedding and are comfortable. They could get her a heated blanket and the problem is solved. Op just doesn't understand temp intolerance, if you are cold, you are cold and it is suffering.
Nothing is told about the dressing habits of the older daughter. It can be anything between proper indoor winter clothing (i.e. long trousers, socks, pullover) to bare feet in sneakers and ankle-truosers. 16 degrees is perfectly fine at night. Unfortunately it is not mentioned, what these four layers consist of. Every standard duvet with a fleece-type cover will do fine, together with socks and a good pyjama. Depending on the type of house, 18 degrees might be sufficient during the day, too. Use a blanket on the sofa. Maybe she has a medical condition, this needs to be treated, of course.
My heating is set to 20C during the day (I work from home) and 17C at night. It is never off, so if the temp drops below 17C in the night, it will cut in. You need some form of woolly on during the day and a nice warm duvet at night. This is a trade off between being relatively comfortable and selling your soul to the gas board to be warm. Oh, and I'm still on my summer duvet at the moment! When it gets a bit colder, I'll put the winter one on.
Ha ha, everything the same with me, same temperature range and still with summer duvet 😅 I can't sleep in warm/heated room.
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From the UK and can safely say that 16 degrees in a north facing room, when it’s damp (it always is in UK) can have negative health implications. I know as for cost reasons kept my flat at 16 and ended up with pneumonia. I hope they put the heating up a touch but also teach her to wear a jumper as constant hot heating isn’t good for the wallet and environment
UK person here - and very warm-blooded! Even now, my house is at 16 degrees and we're all happy! That said: people are different. If we had someone stay who was shivering, we wouldn't dismiss them. It's important everyone is comfy! Raising to 21 degrees as the daughter wants is a bit excessive as it sounds like the three others would swelter... however there's no reason a compromise can't be reached!
If it's a money issue then I get it. As a single mum struggling to keep up with bills and all the things my 4 & 5 year old need with no help from their dad I know my house is much colder than my parents house who are very comfortably well off. If it's not a money issue then they could turn the temp up a bit but I don't think any teenager who doesn't fully understand the cost of heating should be given free reign on the thermostat.
I'm pretty sure some countries have laws where you're not allowed to have the temperature at under 20C at any company, and if it's in an apartment you can sue if the temp doesn't go over 20C, when you have it turned up. So yeah OP is an AH, also love how she posts on reddit, gets told she's wrong and argues back
16 degress is cold. 20-22 is recommended in most countries which also fall is my comfort zone. if my parents kept me cold i probably find different living arrangements if i could
I understand that is just the bedroom temp at night. So yes, she could use an extra blanket and wear socks in bed. As a daytime temp that would def be way too cold.
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I'm not one to complain about being cold easily but I know at these temps, I wouldn't have a good night's sleep because I would have cramps all night long. No, bananas don't help.
Have you had her thyroid checked? I know people blame all kinds of things on it, but being cold all the time is definitely a symptom. I would do that first before anything, but I don't understand your resistance to a space heater or something else in her room to make her comfortable. Not everything is a fire risk, and in this case YTA for being "My way or the highway" in not accepting alternatives.
Add a cheap duvet under the bottom sheet. Unless you have a memory foam topper, many mattresses don't have enough insulation. "At home" and "sleeping" hats and fingerless gloves have been worn for years. Long "Heat Holder" socks or "Snag" thigh high lounge socks keep feet and legs toasty. Also have hot drinks and eat more to stay warm. Porridge is good.
I lived in a house where the scumlord refused to have the central heating system repaired. During the winter, the front area of the house was easily between 60°F and 64°F. If it wasn't for an electric fireplace and a small electric heater in the kitchen, it would have been unbearable. No one should have to tolerate this condition for ANY reason.
Perhaps the daughter has a health condition ? A visit to the Dr. wouldn't hurt.
The daughter might need to get her thyroid checked. Being unable to regulate your body temperature is a sign that a person has thyroid issues. But seriously let her use a electric blanket.
My husband & I have very different internal thermostats, I have one comforter (duvet) across the whole bed. & 2 others that are folded in half. I have 5 layers, he has one & we can keep the thermostat at a reasonably comfortable level for both of us all winter.
room temperature is specifically defined as 21 degrees C. it should be kept there regardless of anything.
A good electric blanket is not dangerous. I use a closed, oil-filled space heater in my apartment, as it's more efficient than turning on the wall heater that just heats my upstairs neighbor's floor. Parents are TAs.
You are inconsiderate! How can you just say that 3 of us are not cold so you’ll keep the thermostat set at 16°C except for 2 hours in the morning!!! I have been taught to always take care of my children’s needs and put my needs last, because I am an adult. My husband is from the UK, and in 45 years we have only chosen once to spend Christmas there. It was so freezing cold in his parents’ home that we only visit in the summer months now. People don’t realize how dampness makes everything feel much colder than what the thermostat says! We live in the middle of the Canadian prairies where winters can go down to -40°C (which is also -40°F) but it’s not the bone chilling cold that they have in the UK. It’s a “dry cold”. Our home is well insulated and we keep the temperature at 22°C during the day and 19°C at night. Electric blankets or electric mattress pads could be used to pre-heat the bed, and then be turned off.
AH is too kind. You are cruel, hateful people. What would you do if 5 yr old daughter complained it was too cold? If you even consider for a second, that you would raise the temperature, because little one was cold, you people suck so bad! You have of course, had your oldest daughter checked completely for iron deficiency, health issues, and oh yeah, NOT every human being is the same! You said zero about being in dire financial straights, where it's down to food OR heat. No you're simply cheap a$$, uncaring, cruel hateful people. Who, by the, won't be seeing your eldest very much after she moves out, hopefully soon.
On the one hand that is really cold. On the other, I've see the articles about the cost of heating in the UK lately and it's absolutely insane (like, over $600 per MONTH for a normal sized house) The daughter is 22 and more than capable of purchasing her own mattress warmer/ electric blanket (and just not telling the OP) as well as her own long john underwear.
Your daughter has 4 - 5 layers of clothing and blankets, but is still cold. She will be pretty miserable feeling cold all of the time. Just because you won't acknowledge that is part of her feeling the way she is. It will be worth taking her to your GP and getting her thyroid levels checked. Just to make sure it's not a medical issue. As for 16°C it's quite uncomfortable for most of us, summer or winter.
I grew up in the Midwest (Indiana.) We moved into a 100yo farmhouse w/ little insulation. My parents & little brother slept downstairs, staying warm from a wood stove. My sister and I nearly froze to death the winter we lived in that house. In the mornings there would be frost on my plaster walls. The thermometer read 48° F (8.8°C)!! We heated the 2 upstairs bdrms with a kerosene heater, so it was only burning when we were awake. We'd get out of bed early, turn it on & get the temp up to a balmy 55.
Our house next to a body of water is always 15C/59F and the first year I was freezing. Now I walk around with a winter duvet around my body and sleep under 3 winter duvet at night. Thermal underwear, 4 layers of thick clothing as well. We used to pay about 150€ per month for heating at 21C/69.8F & it became nearly 800€ per month and currently it's around 250€ per month with 15C. We do occasionally warm up our combined office or the bedroom, because I had a double pneumonia and it wasn't healing.
for the older child's 22 the older child old enough to get their own f*****g place and go get a job so why cater to that one. I would cater to the younger one f**k the older one. they're old enough to go out on their own and they should do it. Everybody say 60° is too cold no it's not 60° is the perfect sleeping temperature and I would cater to my youngest before my oldest cuz my oldest can get the hell out of my house and all y'all at defend the oldest is a f*****g r******d.
NTA. 16 is not too cold at night. My ideal is 10 - 14, but medical research says no more than 16 is ideal. We turn the heat on in the morning. Now, obviously their one daughter is cold. But it is easier to warm up than cool down, and 21 for sleeping is insane. I would have daughter assessed for anaemia or other issues that could cause her to be too cold. Most people are running for the cold outside after being in their grandparents’ toasty (a.k.a. fires of hades temperature) homes; if she finds that temperature comfortable at night, there may well be a medical issue, or she simply will have to layer. Expecting others to get overheated when she can add a doona is not acceptable.
16C at night is fine, but they only have the heating on first thing in the morning. 16C is too cold for most people to be sitting watching television etc, and if the woman is cold when going to bed then it's very difficult to get warmed up. .... I agree with you regarding getting some medical testing done. But the parents are behaving badly not taking their elder child's opinions into consideration.
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One can ALWAYS add more layers. When I get cold, in sleeping conditions, I put a hat on and layer up my blankets. Keep it where most people are comfortable, let the others adjust their wardrobe.
Jane is 22 yrs old. She can buy her own electric blanket or space heater for her room. She’s old enough to move out on her own, so why is everyone calling the mom TA over this? Jane is a grown woman!!
It's not that easy with today's s**t pay and poor housing. She probably can't afford it, like a lot of people her age, it's not the 80's or even early 90's anymore, the market is c**p
Load More Replies... This is so funny! Just get a good blanket and you can sleep well. The average temperature in my bedroom is 6 C in winter and it's lovely. When it's freezing, just be aware that you cover your eyes well, so they will not freeze, that's all.
Can't tell if you're trolling or insane
Load More Replies... I live the UK in an old house- about 1680. The ambient room temperature tends to be between 16-18 degrees all year round regardless of what's outside because it has solid stone walls and a thick thatch roof. But in winter, at night, it can drop drasticly. I only heat the main living space (with a coal fire, which after about 3 hours will make the small living room perfectly habitable). However the bedrooms remain so cold that on really cold nights it is not unknown to find frost on the INSIDE of the windows in the morning. But I have never been cold. I wear appropriate clothing when I'm awake, and I have a thick wool blanket on the beds at night. Old houses can be made perfectly comfortable once you realise they were never designed to be inhabited by people wearing t-shirts, nor were they designed to be the same temperature in all the living spaces. Thick curtains, draught excluders, wing-back chairs and settles, and of course blankets were all designed for a reason!
She said she wears 4 layers at night. I don't know how you're never cold if your house gets that cold at night. I'm not someone who is always cold; I tend to be warmer than most.
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Her parents said no the electric blanket in the story so not an option
Load More Replies... "find their own place"... aged 22, in the UK, in the middle of the cost of living crisis. Highly doubtful this is anywhere close to an option.
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Because 2 of the 3 adjust to the preferences of the youngest daughter, for 2 hours, in the morning. And 16 degrees is damn cold! It's your child, but you make it all about you or the other child...
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It's not that they won't turn up the heat...they won't allow this girl even an electric blanket! They refuse to let her do anything to keep herself warm *while at the same time* refusing to adjust the heat.
The lady asks if she's TA, but on every single comment she's answered, she says she still doesn't believe she's TA and won't do anything for the older child feeling cold.
Exactly, she didn't get the answer she wanted so she just goes "whatever, I'm doing what I want".
Load More Replies... My daughter asked me for X. Should I give her X. No. You are wrong. I will not give her X. Well, then, you are being inconsiderate and thoughtless. No. I thought a lot about it. And the answer is no.
Load More Replies... Why are they asking for advice cause they sure aren't taking it! "I am right, I am right, I am right" is all they say in response. This poor girl. Being cold is SUFFERING. When I was sick and only weighed 82 pounds, going into the grocery store was absolutely UNBEARABLE. She can say she isn't favoring one kid over the other, but she is. 3 people are "fine" one is immensely miserable. She needs to move in with her grandparents this is wrong and abusive on so many levels
16C= 60F, that is VERY cold to keep a house. Plus, as women we're more prone to iron deficiency (blood lost during menstrual cycles), and a common symptom of that is being more sensitive to cold. Parents are definitely the @ssholes.
No kidding and I'm sure the 5 year old is just saying she's fine to please mummy. 60F is absolutely ridiculous for when you're home.
Load More Replies... She's in the UK, so am I. She can get a system like Tado where you can control the temperature by room, so this "don't want the whole house at 21" is ridiculous and there is an energy efficient way around it. Her daughter is wearing multiple layers, she's showing she's tried on her part. Not everyone has the same constitution. Yes the parents are absolutely TA in my opinion. And as for the comment about loving the 5 year old more, which she seems confused about, she puts the heating on higher 5-7am so that daughter doesn't get cold, does she not see that's her considering one daughter's needs not the other. **UPDATE** Seems she realised she is TA: Hello everyone and thank you for all your feedback. I did not realise there were so many reasons as to why my daughter potentially could be cold and that layering may not work in those cases. We reached a compromise with our daughter: she can have a small heater for her room with a timer so I am 100% sure it is not left on overnight for my own peace of mind. We are also going to buy her a heavier duvet and thicker mattress topper to prevent cold from underneath the bed. Thank you all.
Good. I remember my bedroom being absolutely FREEZING at night, since all the heat rose to the top of my high ceiling where I couldn't feel any of it. My room was easily 10 degrees colder than the rest of the house.
Load More Replies... So she wants advice, but then ignores all of it and refuses to compromise? D**k.
It's frustrating that some people don't understand that different people have different thermal perception. I don't get cold easily, but 16°C is really low and my SO would freeze to death, even with blankets. It's really unreasonable for the mom to only care about whether she and her husband can handle the temperatures. And asking a 5 year old if the temperature is ok sounds ridiculous. Maybe some kids are sensitive to heat or cold, but I know many little ones who want to go out in the snow with a t-shirt and bare feet. That the mother is completely disregarding her oldest daughter's feelings makes me sad and angry.
That is so true about kids running outside in t-shirts. I can picture the mother "it's not cold in here, are you cold sweetie?" And the 5 year old saying "no." My daughter got hot and cold mixed up until she was 8 and still does sometimes. (Don't know why...she is really smart just mixes that one thing up) so I really don't think the 5 year old should have a vote. The parents are responsible for their environment and everyone here says that is TOO COLD. We keep our heat at 68. And put a space heater downstairs on freezing nights for our dog because it gets too hot upstairs but stays cold downstairs. This mother seems really unfeeling..maybe if she raised the thermostat, it would unfreeze her heart
Load More Replies... I'm from Scotland, and 16 degrees would be too cold for me. I get it, we do have a cost of living crisis, but as a parent, I would save money elsewhere before I let my child freeze. Is OP really so ignorant not to know that people have different tolerances for heat and cold? Given the replies, it looks if OP is simply an AH and the wee one is the Golden Child.
Maybe you are an a*****e and instead of using the internet to check, you should take your frozen child to a doctor
So I'm like OP in that I like my living space cooler, 18°C in the living space is comfortable for me. Because I have basebord electric heat every room has its own thermostat and the bedrooms heat is left off. That being said if anyone living with me complained that they were cold constantly the heat would go up to 20°C and they'd have the ability to turn on the heat in their bedroom. Everyone has the right to be comfortable in the place that they live.
YTA. Not necessarily anything specific to this situation, but it's pretty easy to tell from the way you talk. 16C / 61F is pretty cold for a home. Too cold to be comfortable without a bunch of cloths on for most people, but it is your house. If your 22yo daughter, who doesn't pay rent or bills, doesn't like it, she can get her own place.
I was ready to say the kid just needs to put on some warmer clothes, but wearing multiple layers and still being cold isn't fair on her. Heating blankets and space heaters are much better designed these days, and much less of a fire risk, so not letting her have one while also not being willing turn the heat up at all is just dumb. My husband and I have different temperature preferences (he likes the cold, I very much do not) but even he gets mad at me for dealing with being cold because I don't want to raise our heating costs by turning the heater up and he wants me to be comfortable. Cause he loves me (I don't like for him to be too warm either though). And to the comments about how other people must not live in the UK, I can't imagine that the weather there gets much colder than it does in my state (winters can be brutal here) so I feel like that's an unrelated point. The daughter is allowed to be cold, even when the rest of the house is not bothered by it.
If everyone in the house is comfortable enough with the temperature, it might be a good idea to have the oldest child seen by a doctor. Some health conditions can make a person more sensitive to temperatures. I've always enjoyed cooler temps, especially at night, but when my thyroid went tits up, it lowered my internal temperature just enough to make colder temps uncomfortable. Those kinds of health concerns can usually be found with a simple blood panel and regulated with medication since they're often hormonal or chemically based.
All the people saying, "wear layers! wrap in a blanket." Is your house at 16 degrees? Is your office 16 degrees? If my home were 16 degrees, I'd be having my furnace checked. If my office were 16 degrees, I'd be working from home. I sound like a crank. Maybe I am, but I had a manager who didn't own a winter coat. Kept the office at 16 degrees. I found another part of the building to work in because there was no way.
girl I’m freezing my a*s off when the house is set to 70f no wonder your daughter is complaining with it at 60f 😭
16 is too cold for during the day, it should be 18C minimum. 16C is reasonable for most people at night. If one person is too cold, not letting them have a space heater or an electric blanket is ridiculous. Let her have a heated overblanket if you don't think a standard electric blanket is safe. Or a heating pad. If she's wearing multiple layers in bed, and complaining about the cold, and you won't let her have a heating source, YTA.
OP doesn't seem to be willing to compromise even a little bit or even understand her daughter. And that makes her a huge TA. I understand the cost matters, but still... making three people happy while one is miserable it's just wrong way to do thing as a family.
Tbh they sound like incredibly selfish, arrogant and obnoxious people who disregard their older daughter entirely. Just c**p people.
Honestly, don't know why OP posted this when she clearly doesn't give two hoots about the advice given. She just wants to come off as a reasonable person and when people point out that she isn't, she just disregards advice. It's simple: letting one of your children get cold when this isn't necessary borders on abuse.
UKer here, I have Tado on my radiators and thermostats in each room..the lounge/dining room are currently a balmy 20.8° whilst the bedrooms are 18°. It's single figures outside (I can see my breath out there) so it's worthwhile, I'll boost the upstairs temp before I go to bed.
16C at night is a very comfy temperature to sleep. Maybe a thicker duvet or an electric blanket (localized heat distribution) could help. Having room temp at 21 at night is not comfortable for moat people. 16C during the day is horrible. First thought I has was my grandparents' place when I was a kid. Single glass windows, ice on the window drapes and 1 petroleum heater in the dining room...
I'm in central Canada where the outdoor temps go from 40°C to -40°C and my house is always 16°C at night. It's perfect. But for winter I often use more than one blanket and maybe socks if I'm still too cold. 21°C at night would be way too hot for me. But OP isn't providing options to her older daughter, just trying to be in the right. That is TA move. Alternatively, they could try living here in winter wonderland. 🤣 That'll cure 'em both real quick.
I pride myself on being 1/4 polar bear, but even I can agree that 16c Is a bit cold. Ours gets to about 18c at night and we do not use the heater at all. Some nights we will use a heated blanket on our feet just to warm the bed up a bit, but then turn it off. We use appropriate bedding and are comfortable. They could get her a heated blanket and the problem is solved. Op just doesn't understand temp intolerance, if you are cold, you are cold and it is suffering.
Nothing is told about the dressing habits of the older daughter. It can be anything between proper indoor winter clothing (i.e. long trousers, socks, pullover) to bare feet in sneakers and ankle-truosers. 16 degrees is perfectly fine at night. Unfortunately it is not mentioned, what these four layers consist of. Every standard duvet with a fleece-type cover will do fine, together with socks and a good pyjama. Depending on the type of house, 18 degrees might be sufficient during the day, too. Use a blanket on the sofa. Maybe she has a medical condition, this needs to be treated, of course.
My heating is set to 20C during the day (I work from home) and 17C at night. It is never off, so if the temp drops below 17C in the night, it will cut in. You need some form of woolly on during the day and a nice warm duvet at night. This is a trade off between being relatively comfortable and selling your soul to the gas board to be warm. Oh, and I'm still on my summer duvet at the moment! When it gets a bit colder, I'll put the winter one on.
Ha ha, everything the same with me, same temperature range and still with summer duvet 😅 I can't sleep in warm/heated room.
Load More Replies... From the UK and can safely say that 16 degrees in a north facing room, when it’s damp (it always is in UK) can have negative health implications. I know as for cost reasons kept my flat at 16 and ended up with pneumonia. I hope they put the heating up a touch but also teach her to wear a jumper as constant hot heating isn’t good for the wallet and environment
UK person here - and very warm-blooded! Even now, my house is at 16 degrees and we're all happy! That said: people are different. If we had someone stay who was shivering, we wouldn't dismiss them. It's important everyone is comfy! Raising to 21 degrees as the daughter wants is a bit excessive as it sounds like the three others would swelter... however there's no reason a compromise can't be reached!
If it's a money issue then I get it. As a single mum struggling to keep up with bills and all the things my 4 & 5 year old need with no help from their dad I know my house is much colder than my parents house who are very comfortably well off. If it's not a money issue then they could turn the temp up a bit but I don't think any teenager who doesn't fully understand the cost of heating should be given free reign on the thermostat.
I'm pretty sure some countries have laws where you're not allowed to have the temperature at under 20C at any company, and if it's in an apartment you can sue if the temp doesn't go over 20C, when you have it turned up. So yeah OP is an AH, also love how she posts on reddit, gets told she's wrong and argues back
16 degress is cold. 20-22 is recommended in most countries which also fall is my comfort zone. if my parents kept me cold i probably find different living arrangements if i could
I understand that is just the bedroom temp at night. So yes, she could use an extra blanket and wear socks in bed. As a daytime temp that would def be way too cold.
Load More Replies... I'm not one to complain about being cold easily but I know at these temps, I wouldn't have a good night's sleep because I would have cramps all night long. No, bananas don't help.
Have you had her thyroid checked? I know people blame all kinds of things on it, but being cold all the time is definitely a symptom. I would do that first before anything, but I don't understand your resistance to a space heater or something else in her room to make her comfortable. Not everything is a fire risk, and in this case YTA for being "My way or the highway" in not accepting alternatives.
Add a cheap duvet under the bottom sheet. Unless you have a memory foam topper, many mattresses don't have enough insulation. "At home" and "sleeping" hats and fingerless gloves have been worn for years. Long "Heat Holder" socks or "Snag" thigh high lounge socks keep feet and legs toasty. Also have hot drinks and eat more to stay warm. Porridge is good.
I lived in a house where the scumlord refused to have the central heating system repaired. During the winter, the front area of the house was easily between 60°F and 64°F. If it wasn't for an electric fireplace and a small electric heater in the kitchen, it would have been unbearable. No one should have to tolerate this condition for ANY reason.
Perhaps the daughter has a health condition ? A visit to the Dr. wouldn't hurt.
The daughter might need to get her thyroid checked. Being unable to regulate your body temperature is a sign that a person has thyroid issues. But seriously let her use a electric blanket.
My husband & I have very different internal thermostats, I have one comforter (duvet) across the whole bed. & 2 others that are folded in half. I have 5 layers, he has one & we can keep the thermostat at a reasonably comfortable level for both of us all winter.
room temperature is specifically defined as 21 degrees C. it should be kept there regardless of anything.
A good electric blanket is not dangerous. I use a closed, oil-filled space heater in my apartment, as it's more efficient than turning on the wall heater that just heats my upstairs neighbor's floor. Parents are TAs.
You are inconsiderate! How can you just say that 3 of us are not cold so you’ll keep the thermostat set at 16°C except for 2 hours in the morning!!! I have been taught to always take care of my children’s needs and put my needs last, because I am an adult. My husband is from the UK, and in 45 years we have only chosen once to spend Christmas there. It was so freezing cold in his parents’ home that we only visit in the summer months now. People don’t realize how dampness makes everything feel much colder than what the thermostat says! We live in the middle of the Canadian prairies where winters can go down to -40°C (which is also -40°F) but it’s not the bone chilling cold that they have in the UK. It’s a “dry cold”. Our home is well insulated and we keep the temperature at 22°C during the day and 19°C at night. Electric blankets or electric mattress pads could be used to pre-heat the bed, and then be turned off.
AH is too kind. You are cruel, hateful people. What would you do if 5 yr old daughter complained it was too cold? If you even consider for a second, that you would raise the temperature, because little one was cold, you people suck so bad! You have of course, had your oldest daughter checked completely for iron deficiency, health issues, and oh yeah, NOT every human being is the same! You said zero about being in dire financial straights, where it's down to food OR heat. No you're simply cheap a$$, uncaring, cruel hateful people. Who, by the, won't be seeing your eldest very much after she moves out, hopefully soon.
On the one hand that is really cold. On the other, I've see the articles about the cost of heating in the UK lately and it's absolutely insane (like, over $600 per MONTH for a normal sized house) The daughter is 22 and more than capable of purchasing her own mattress warmer/ electric blanket (and just not telling the OP) as well as her own long john underwear.
Your daughter has 4 - 5 layers of clothing and blankets, but is still cold. She will be pretty miserable feeling cold all of the time. Just because you won't acknowledge that is part of her feeling the way she is. It will be worth taking her to your GP and getting her thyroid levels checked. Just to make sure it's not a medical issue. As for 16°C it's quite uncomfortable for most of us, summer or winter.
I grew up in the Midwest (Indiana.) We moved into a 100yo farmhouse w/ little insulation. My parents & little brother slept downstairs, staying warm from a wood stove. My sister and I nearly froze to death the winter we lived in that house. In the mornings there would be frost on my plaster walls. The thermometer read 48° F (8.8°C)!! We heated the 2 upstairs bdrms with a kerosene heater, so it was only burning when we were awake. We'd get out of bed early, turn it on & get the temp up to a balmy 55.
Our house next to a body of water is always 15C/59F and the first year I was freezing. Now I walk around with a winter duvet around my body and sleep under 3 winter duvet at night. Thermal underwear, 4 layers of thick clothing as well. We used to pay about 150€ per month for heating at 21C/69.8F & it became nearly 800€ per month and currently it's around 250€ per month with 15C. We do occasionally warm up our combined office or the bedroom, because I had a double pneumonia and it wasn't healing.
for the older child's 22 the older child old enough to get their own f*****g place and go get a job so why cater to that one. I would cater to the younger one f**k the older one. they're old enough to go out on their own and they should do it. Everybody say 60° is too cold no it's not 60° is the perfect sleeping temperature and I would cater to my youngest before my oldest cuz my oldest can get the hell out of my house and all y'all at defend the oldest is a f*****g r******d.
NTA. 16 is not too cold at night. My ideal is 10 - 14, but medical research says no more than 16 is ideal. We turn the heat on in the morning. Now, obviously their one daughter is cold. But it is easier to warm up than cool down, and 21 for sleeping is insane. I would have daughter assessed for anaemia or other issues that could cause her to be too cold. Most people are running for the cold outside after being in their grandparents’ toasty (a.k.a. fires of hades temperature) homes; if she finds that temperature comfortable at night, there may well be a medical issue, or she simply will have to layer. Expecting others to get overheated when she can add a doona is not acceptable.
16C at night is fine, but they only have the heating on first thing in the morning. 16C is too cold for most people to be sitting watching television etc, and if the woman is cold when going to bed then it's very difficult to get warmed up. .... I agree with you regarding getting some medical testing done. But the parents are behaving badly not taking their elder child's opinions into consideration.
Load More Replies... One can ALWAYS add more layers. When I get cold, in sleeping conditions, I put a hat on and layer up my blankets. Keep it where most people are comfortable, let the others adjust their wardrobe.
Jane is 22 yrs old. She can buy her own electric blanket or space heater for her room. She’s old enough to move out on her own, so why is everyone calling the mom TA over this? Jane is a grown woman!!
It's not that easy with today's s**t pay and poor housing. She probably can't afford it, like a lot of people her age, it's not the 80's or even early 90's anymore, the market is c**p
Load More Replies... This is so funny! Just get a good blanket and you can sleep well. The average temperature in my bedroom is 6 C in winter and it's lovely. When it's freezing, just be aware that you cover your eyes well, so they will not freeze, that's all.
Can't tell if you're trolling or insane
Load More Replies... I live the UK in an old house- about 1680. The ambient room temperature tends to be between 16-18 degrees all year round regardless of what's outside because it has solid stone walls and a thick thatch roof. But in winter, at night, it can drop drasticly. I only heat the main living space (with a coal fire, which after about 3 hours will make the small living room perfectly habitable). However the bedrooms remain so cold that on really cold nights it is not unknown to find frost on the INSIDE of the windows in the morning. But I have never been cold. I wear appropriate clothing when I'm awake, and I have a thick wool blanket on the beds at night. Old houses can be made perfectly comfortable once you realise they were never designed to be inhabited by people wearing t-shirts, nor were they designed to be the same temperature in all the living spaces. Thick curtains, draught excluders, wing-back chairs and settles, and of course blankets were all designed for a reason!
She said she wears 4 layers at night. I don't know how you're never cold if your house gets that cold at night. I'm not someone who is always cold; I tend to be warmer than most.
Load More Replies... Her parents said no the electric blanket in the story so not an option
Load More Replies... "find their own place"... aged 22, in the UK, in the middle of the cost of living crisis. Highly doubtful this is anywhere close to an option.
Load More Replies... Because 2 of the 3 adjust to the preferences of the youngest daughter, for 2 hours, in the morning. And 16 degrees is damn cold! It's your child, but you make it all about you or the other child...
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