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Teen Thinks He’s Being Super Smart Until Plan Fails And He’s Left Without A Bedroom Door
Teen Thinks He’s Being Super Smart Until Plan Fails And He’s Left Without A Bedroom Door
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Teen Thinks He’s Being Super Smart Until Plan Fails And He’s Left Without A Bedroom Door

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The teenage years are a tough time for everybody involved. Teens start taking new social risks, while parents have to walk a fine line between giving them enough room to flourish and ensuring their safety. This is the tension that played out in one Reddit user’s AITA story about their decision to temporarily take their son’s door off of its hinges.

Respecting teens’ privacy is important for their wellbeing and growing independence, which is why many might consider the removal of a teen’s door to be an abusive act. Under the circumstances of this user’s story, however, they encountered a lot of support from Reddit. Let’s read it to find out why.

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    Teens need both privacy and safety to flourish as they transition from children to young adults

    Image credits: Yusra Mizgin Günay (not the actual photo)

    One parent wondered whether they were wrong to remove their teen son’s door after a betrayal of their trust

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    Image credits:  Gilles Lambert (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)

    The parent returned to clarify some info about the story, especially regarding their old-fashioned doors

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    Image credits: Lopsided-Advance-461

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    To lock or not to lock? That is the question

    Image credits: Dids (not the actual photo)

    Readers without children of their own may be surprised to hear that the question of locks, doors, and who gets to use them at home is quite frequently discussed among parents. There are weighty factors on both sides, and the right answer will probably depend on each family’s situation and the nature of their relationships at home.

    Becoming responsible for your own room, or even desk, is one of the first personal responsibilities and privileges that many of us learn as young people. A door, whether or not it locks, is a big part of modeling a healthy dynamic between responsibility and trust. In the author’s case, they trusted their teenager to live with a locked door but their teenager violated that trust by using the locked door to sneak out. That doesn’t necessarily mean that taking the door away was right, but it does show that the door was more than just a physical boundary.

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    Fortunately for the teen, the author states that the door was only removed temporarily because it was responsible to remove the lock from it without doing so. Many commenters noted that they would remove the lock if they could and that they’ve lived without lockable doors in their homes. Why would parents choose to go with such an option?

    Many highlight that lockable doors can be a significant hazard at home. We lock our outer doors for security, but locked inner doors can leave family members unable to respond to medical or fire hazards. On an emotional level, locked doors may also deny family members the opportunity to learn how to voluntarily respect one another’s privacy, personal spaces, and boundaries. Many commenters have noted that, despite not having locks at home, their families had made habits of always knocking and receiving approval before entering an occupied room.

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    Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer! An article on Metro Parent puts it quite well: “Parents of teens are constantly teetering on that tight rope, trying to find a healthy balance between knowing what their teens are doing, and trusting them enough to allow them some privacy.”

    Despite the violation of the teen’s privacy, most commenters were supportive after considering all of the circumstances

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    A few commenters were sure, however, that this parent had done the wrong thing and would come to regret their actions

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    Dovilas Bukauskas

    Dovilas Bukauskas

    Writer, Community member

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    Ranging the woodlands is what I love most, here and there stopping to write and to post.

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    Dovilas Bukauskas

    Dovilas Bukauskas

    Writer, Community member

    Ranging the woodlands is what I love most, here and there stopping to write and to post.

    What do you think ?
    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who tf thinks it’s reasonable to call CPS over a two-week lack of privacy as a VERY reasonable consequence? Wtf.

    over it already
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a former CPS worker in 2 different jurisdictions I can confidently say this is not considered abusive and almost certainly would be immediately screened out & not even warrant a phone call to the family, moreless an investigation.

    Load More Replies...
    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I see no issue with this. Yes, a 16yo needs privacy, but this is also a temporary consequence for his actions. Sneaking out is a big deal. Just because it didn't end badly this time doesn't mean it should just be accepted as acceptable. His entire sense of privacy and safety in his home is not destroyed by not having a door for 2 weeks. If he needs a place to have privacy I'm sure there are other rooms in the house that have doors that lock. This is excellent parenting, nothing less.

    Emmydearest
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly. The door removal is not eternal, it's just for a couple of weeks. If he needs privacy there's the bathroom which I'm sure has a lock. Again, it's temporary. I have to remind people that many many kids have to share their bedroom with one or more siblings. That means no privacy ever. Are we calling CPS on families who can't afford having a big house with as many rooms as their kids? Also, sneaking out until 4am at 16 is a big deal and it would be a big deal even if he were 30, to be honest. Even if you are an adult, even if you are my husband I want to know if you're going out. I don't need to know where you're going but I demand to be sure if you're still in the house or you're outside. Let's say the house catches on fire. I need to know how many people are inside or not. Do I have to look for you? Do I have to come back and save you? Are you still in your bedroom, passed out from the smoke? Should a firefighter come inside to rescue you? It is a big deal.

    Load More Replies...
    Colin
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Glad to see reading comprehension is working here 🤣. Did everyone miss "we cannot just remove the lock because it's built into the door"? He's ordered a new door with a lock. The kids can suck it up for two weeks. The door was initially removed because they couldn't get in as well.

    Metallicd3ath
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It says she came back later to clarify that, so that little bit of info wasn't there originally. Glad to see reading comprehension is working~. But seriously, it's just how this site formats that, that might have been edited in after the comments about removing the lock, or even a separate comment that was missed. Do agree that 2 weeks is nothing.

    Load More Replies...
    AnkleByter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All of the YTA people are completely unhinged. They likely need to work on whatever psychological damage they have from their own childhoods and quit projecting it out onto other people and other scenarios.

    PazDores
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like your response. What would give him trauma is a near death experience. Or his parents burning the door and saying curtain until you earn the right of a door back. Goodness forbid he learns from his mistakes.

    Load More Replies...
    Max Fox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is 100% certain that all the people who scream that THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER are either teens, or have never actually raised a teen, and are, mentally and emotionally, still in middle school. They do not have the slightest understanding d concepts like Executive Function. They seem to be deep inside the delusion that "If you give your child everything that your child wants, and make sure that your child never suffers any consequences for their action, they will never do anything stupid or dangerous, and will tell you everything". What do this brilliant Wannabe Parents think that the OP should have done? Say "I am very disappointed with you, son, and you should never do this again", and then expect that the son won't do it again?

    PazDores
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a teen and I agree with the mom. Granted I'm 19 but my door would have been thrown into a bonfire if I'd snuck out until 4am.

    Load More Replies...
    lenka
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    NTA. I'm a huge advocate for privacy for teens, but not at the expense of their personal safety. We don't allow the kids to lock their doors for fire safety reasons. This was a major screw up from your teen and removing the lock is an entirely appropriate response. In circumstances where you cannot remove the lock, I would have also removed the door. Putting up a shower curtain for privacy until the new door arrives is a good compromise given that it is two weeks wait for the door.

    The Other Guest
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As long as there isn't a fire in those two weeks (unlikely, but still a non-zero chance). Doors save lives. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSP03BE74WA&t=237s

    Load More Replies...
    Nemo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To everyone saying no bedroom door equals abuse.....I guess my husband and I are being abused by our 5 year old because she has a door and the only real bedroom in the apt and we have a curtain dividing the living room into two sections one part living room and one part is our bedroom area. Some people live in apts, studios or lofts without doors and guess what... their kids survive. Some families live 5 to a room, are they abused because they are poor? Not everyone can have a huge American Mcmansion with a million rooms and doors....tell me you're American without telling me you're American. Elitist snobs.

    Ms A
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There’s even plenty of Americans that live like that too.

    Load More Replies...
    Peppy Piplup
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why not install a curtain over the door so he can have privacy but no lock???

    PazDores
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he wanted the privacy so badly, why sneak out knowing there's a risk of losing it??

    Load More Replies...
    Ash Conner
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is with these people calling her an a*****e? Their comments went way to dramatic. They must be in the age ranges of 15 to 23. All the kid has to do is put a certain up. My daughter's door is broken. We have certains up. She is good with it. Nobody cares. Honestly, he wouldn't get the damn door back. A certain is fine. Sneaking out till 4 is not cool! He doesn't have the since to at least ask to go somewhere till late so everyone knows where he is at and who he is with. Being that he doesn't see why the is stupid, he could baracde the door next time. No lock for you son.

    Tams21
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. Removing a teenagers privacy is a big deal but so we're his actions. Consequences should reflect the actions that caused them with aim of preventing a repeat. I'd say this falls well within that.

    Load More Comments
    and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who tf thinks it’s reasonable to call CPS over a two-week lack of privacy as a VERY reasonable consequence? Wtf.

    over it already
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a former CPS worker in 2 different jurisdictions I can confidently say this is not considered abusive and almost certainly would be immediately screened out & not even warrant a phone call to the family, moreless an investigation.

    Load More Replies...
    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I see no issue with this. Yes, a 16yo needs privacy, but this is also a temporary consequence for his actions. Sneaking out is a big deal. Just because it didn't end badly this time doesn't mean it should just be accepted as acceptable. His entire sense of privacy and safety in his home is not destroyed by not having a door for 2 weeks. If he needs a place to have privacy I'm sure there are other rooms in the house that have doors that lock. This is excellent parenting, nothing less.

    Emmydearest
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly. The door removal is not eternal, it's just for a couple of weeks. If he needs privacy there's the bathroom which I'm sure has a lock. Again, it's temporary. I have to remind people that many many kids have to share their bedroom with one or more siblings. That means no privacy ever. Are we calling CPS on families who can't afford having a big house with as many rooms as their kids? Also, sneaking out until 4am at 16 is a big deal and it would be a big deal even if he were 30, to be honest. Even if you are an adult, even if you are my husband I want to know if you're going out. I don't need to know where you're going but I demand to be sure if you're still in the house or you're outside. Let's say the house catches on fire. I need to know how many people are inside or not. Do I have to look for you? Do I have to come back and save you? Are you still in your bedroom, passed out from the smoke? Should a firefighter come inside to rescue you? It is a big deal.

    Load More Replies...
    Colin
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Glad to see reading comprehension is working here 🤣. Did everyone miss "we cannot just remove the lock because it's built into the door"? He's ordered a new door with a lock. The kids can suck it up for two weeks. The door was initially removed because they couldn't get in as well.

    Metallicd3ath
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It says she came back later to clarify that, so that little bit of info wasn't there originally. Glad to see reading comprehension is working~. But seriously, it's just how this site formats that, that might have been edited in after the comments about removing the lock, or even a separate comment that was missed. Do agree that 2 weeks is nothing.

    Load More Replies...
    AnkleByter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All of the YTA people are completely unhinged. They likely need to work on whatever psychological damage they have from their own childhoods and quit projecting it out onto other people and other scenarios.

    PazDores
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like your response. What would give him trauma is a near death experience. Or his parents burning the door and saying curtain until you earn the right of a door back. Goodness forbid he learns from his mistakes.

    Load More Replies...
    Max Fox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is 100% certain that all the people who scream that THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER are either teens, or have never actually raised a teen, and are, mentally and emotionally, still in middle school. They do not have the slightest understanding d concepts like Executive Function. They seem to be deep inside the delusion that "If you give your child everything that your child wants, and make sure that your child never suffers any consequences for their action, they will never do anything stupid or dangerous, and will tell you everything". What do this brilliant Wannabe Parents think that the OP should have done? Say "I am very disappointed with you, son, and you should never do this again", and then expect that the son won't do it again?

    PazDores
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a teen and I agree with the mom. Granted I'm 19 but my door would have been thrown into a bonfire if I'd snuck out until 4am.

    Load More Replies...
    lenka
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    NTA. I'm a huge advocate for privacy for teens, but not at the expense of their personal safety. We don't allow the kids to lock their doors for fire safety reasons. This was a major screw up from your teen and removing the lock is an entirely appropriate response. In circumstances where you cannot remove the lock, I would have also removed the door. Putting up a shower curtain for privacy until the new door arrives is a good compromise given that it is two weeks wait for the door.

    The Other Guest
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As long as there isn't a fire in those two weeks (unlikely, but still a non-zero chance). Doors save lives. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSP03BE74WA&t=237s

    Load More Replies...
    Nemo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To everyone saying no bedroom door equals abuse.....I guess my husband and I are being abused by our 5 year old because she has a door and the only real bedroom in the apt and we have a curtain dividing the living room into two sections one part living room and one part is our bedroom area. Some people live in apts, studios or lofts without doors and guess what... their kids survive. Some families live 5 to a room, are they abused because they are poor? Not everyone can have a huge American Mcmansion with a million rooms and doors....tell me you're American without telling me you're American. Elitist snobs.

    Ms A
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There’s even plenty of Americans that live like that too.

    Load More Replies...
    Peppy Piplup
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why not install a curtain over the door so he can have privacy but no lock???

    PazDores
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he wanted the privacy so badly, why sneak out knowing there's a risk of losing it??

    Load More Replies...
    Ash Conner
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is with these people calling her an a*****e? Their comments went way to dramatic. They must be in the age ranges of 15 to 23. All the kid has to do is put a certain up. My daughter's door is broken. We have certains up. She is good with it. Nobody cares. Honestly, he wouldn't get the damn door back. A certain is fine. Sneaking out till 4 is not cool! He doesn't have the since to at least ask to go somewhere till late so everyone knows where he is at and who he is with. Being that he doesn't see why the is stupid, he could baracde the door next time. No lock for you son.

    Tams21
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. Removing a teenagers privacy is a big deal but so we're his actions. Consequences should reflect the actions that caused them with aim of preventing a repeat. I'd say this falls well within that.

    Load More Comments
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