Whether it’s setting up a lemonade stand, selling Girl Scout cookies, or simply watching how your parents deal with household expenses, our upbringing plays a big part in shaping our relationship with money.
There are many ways parents can explain finances to their children, but when Reddit user Disappointedkiddo198 set out to educate her 12-year-old on the matter, the girl’s teacher thought the woman was putting too much pressure on the kid.
In a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, the mom said that the lady even contacted her and gave her a scolding for it.
This woman tried to involve her daughter in the family’s budget decision-making
Image credits: Mary Taylor / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But the kid’s teacher had a problem with it
Image credits: Selvin Esteban / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Joshua Hoehne / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alexander Grey / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: disappointedkiddo198
Experts believe that teaching your children about money is the right thing to do
Mitchell Kraus, founder of Capital Intelligence Associates in Santa Monica, California, said, “The best way parents can teach their children good financial habits is by discussing the money decisions that they make.”
Kraus acknowledges that everyone might have a different approach, but they should at least discuss their thinking on spending and saving with their kids.
“Most Americans have a choice on how to spend their money,” he said. “Some choose nicer cars and houses. Some choose experiences. Going over the choices with your children helps them understand your values and that life is full of choices.”
However, this shouldn’t come as a one-and-done conversation. “Where most parents stop short is following up with the children on how well those choices turned out and what choices they might want to make in the future.”
Judging from the Reddit post, it sounds like the mother was just taking a proactive approach to instilling financial awareness in her child.
In fact, according to experts, between the ages of 9 and 12 is a good time to get kids thinking about the value of money, and comparison shopping is actually one of the most effective ways to go about it.
Only this time, instead of reading the store’s price labels and comparing the bulk amount per cent, it was about amusement rides and candles.
People unanimously said that the author of the post did nothing wrong and that the teacher was out of her depth
She’s not the the AH for this. I was taught something similar at that age and ended up being more financially prepared when I was older. Kids wanna know finances and too many adults beg for schools to teach them. It’s our jobs as parents to fill the gaps in our children’s education on these things. My eldest is already learning! My youngest still likes to splurge… I hope he’ll get there.
You are definitely not the ah. As a teacher and parent, 1) no teacher in any school has the right to parent a parent, especially on a topic. You can guide them to help them with their child’s learning but you can’t tell them what parameters they should be setting or teaching their children. 2) schools ALWAYS have ways to handle things when a family can’t afford something a school offers or requires. No school in existence will stay open for long if they think they can… even private schools have options for those less able in their system. 3) parents that are open about the realities of life and finances have children who are able to handle life and finances. Parents who hide reality or mask it are creating the inevitable problems that their children face as adults.
Agreed! I am also a teacher and I wish more parents spent time with their kids about money so that it didn't fall to the schools as much. You can tell which families do educate their children on money because they treat the school supplies better because they understand that things cost money and there isn't an infinite pot of it. Besides, in this story, if the mom didn't explain the whys to the daughter, she would have thought she was being denied one of the events because she was being punished for something or because her parents didn't care about her as much as the other families cared for their children.
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My parents were struggling financially when I was a little younger than the op's daughter and I wish my parents would have explained it to me at the time. I of course knew something was up, but not knowing the facts led to some catastrophising and anxiety on my part. 12 is a perfect age to learn about things like how to manage your money anyway, so strong NTA.
We didn't have a lot of money growing up, but my mom brought all us kids in on the family finances. We helped pay the bills, we helped budget and plan... And not once have I ever thought to myself that she was in the wrong. I found it to be empowering and highly valuable - so much so that I do it with my own kid. My job as a parent - just like with every other animal that rears their young - is to teach my offspring how to become a functional adult. He won't learn money management without exposure and experience. It takes time and a safe space to practice and make mistakes. Mom was not in the wrong at all; teacher was way off the mark.
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The teacher is the TA for not staying in her lane. The mom did a good job. What's the teacher expecting? That parents go into debt over leisurely field trips? There's not been one expensive field trip I've gone on all throughout school. Maybe camping, but that's it. I believe I've even hid some permission slips from my mom when I saw the big numbers of the price. Like $100-$1K. That was when I knew all the mean, snobby kids would be gone for a few days, or even a week, and I could relax in school, playing Froggy on the computer, read a book or some other fun game all day. It would be a quarter of the class left behind.
I like the cut of your jib! Fly your freaky rainbow and go against the grain! I always love to see folks who march to the beat of their own horn, they change the world 🌍😃😃😃
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Every person who 'protects' their children by not teaching them about life is a neglectful parent. You don't have to wonder that you see so many entitled, selfish little monsters out there if parents are to cowardly to explain such things. Children need to learn this, and teaching it at that point was the right decision. That way the child was saved from feelings of being unloved by her parents. She was treated with respect and kindness. He mom showed her that she trusted her and loved her by explaining to her why she couldn't have bought, but she also gave her reassurance. The daughter knows now that as long as they can afford some frivolities, it's not so bad.
I'd bet that teacher got quite a bit of negative feedback from various parents about the short notice on this trip and decided to take it out on a parent who was actually HONEST with her kid... And looking at the single downvote on each other comment, apparently the teacher is reading the article 🤔
I've had teachers do that, and very obviously. My Grade 9 social studies teacher had a weird way of teaching about the justice system, using hockey game rules as an analogy. Then he would spend the rest half of the class talking about sports with the jocks. About 5 of us failed. Some just passing. Those who don't follow or have much understanding of sports were just lost. My folks mentioned to the teacher about how I was suddenly not doing well in a subject I normally did decently well in. I guess a few of the parents complained, too, during parent/teacher night. The next day in class, the teacher kept us behind and yelled at us about our parents complaints, slammed stapler on the floor, dislodging staple that hit my friend. Why this guy wasn't fired, I have no clue. None of us went to the principal or vice principal because we felt we would get in trouble.
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You'd think the way the teacher reacted that the daughter was 3 or 4
Exactly. 12 is well old enough. Besides which, I bet the child already knew more than she was told
Load More Replies... That trip would not have been allowed here. All in school is free here and if they want to make all trip all should be included. That means parents dont pay. Kids sell cookies or so to earn it.
Here parents do pay, but there is a fund for kids whose parents can't afford it (based on trust, no proof needed). So every one can go on the school trips.
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Mom did right and I hope she lit into that teacher. I'd have torn that teacher a new a$$hole
OP is absolutely NTA for explaining to her almost-teenage daughter the basics of their current financial situation. She did it in an age-appropriate way as well and as others have pointed out, the daughter seems to have handled it well. I was extremely upset by how far the teacher overreached and injected their personal beliefs onto the parents. If I were OP, I would speak to the principal about this conduct.
I think it’s very appropriate to talk to children of multiple ages about money. Money will play an important role in their lives and, when they become adults they will have better footing to manage their own finances. It sounds like this mom reassured the child that their family is okay, it’s extra fun expenses that may need to be put on hold. My child is 7 and we talk about how money works. We work at our jobs and earn money and then we pay for everything from our house, to our cars, to our electricity, to his toys and his sports. We also talk about how we’re lucky that we have a safe place to live, food to eat, etc. and talk about how some people are homeless and can really struggle even with hard work. But we’ll always take care of him. When he learn to read, I can’t remember if this was at 5 or 6, he started asking about homeless and what it meant because he could read the signs people had asking for money. I explained what it was and his next question was,
“Can we have them come live with us?” My frazzled answer at the time involved me explaining that there are places people can get help, food, place to sleep called homeless shelters. This was in early Fall. When Thanksgiving rolled around a couple months later we were talking about what we were thankful for. He said he was thankful for homeless shelters. He is such a sweet, caring kid. Big emotions but also big empathy and love.
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Wow, if this had happened to my mom she would have tore the teacher a new one for wasting her time and interferring with her parenting. OP should speak to the principal and file a complaint with the teacher's college. I know it sounds alarmist of me, but the teacher sounds classist at best, and paranoid at worst.
Ok, several things here starting with I rarely see such a clear NTA so there's that. Second, as a parent I believe it's your job to monitor school for teaching your kids appropriately, not the other way around. And last, as a young child, 12-13 or so, I asked my dad to teach me what he was doing while he was paying bills one day, and yes, I was hyper aware of our money situation because I have 4 siblings and money was always not tight but non-existent. He yelled at me that it was none of my damn business and to go away. I'm sure he was stressed and struggling but I only learned that money is scary, upsetting, and stressful, I wasn't set up to understand how to make it work for me. This child had a much better experience and you're a great parent. Here's your deserved applause 👏👏👏👏👏
opposite problem with my fam. I am the eldest of three & to this day (I’m now 50), we were & still are not allowed to know what my parents earned. I can only tell you we were raised middle class & were denied very little. even when the school would send out the annual mandatory form regarding free & reduced meals, my parents shredded them & said it was only their business what they earned. I was taught to file my own taxes when I started working outside of babysitting. I was taught to balance a checkbook my senior year & I was taught absolutely nothing about bills or budgeting. I’ve had nothing but $ problems my entire adult life. I’ve been homeless & as poor as dirt. Eventually a divorced mom of 2 raising my kids on less than 11k$ USD for a couple of years & then when I went out on disability at 38, I was making my highest income of 32k$USD. to this day, my parents ride me about my $ issues expecting me to work miracles.
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Did the friend who thinks they're the AH offer to pay for the theme park trip? Or the teacher?? If not they should shut the fvck up! Are the parents supposed to pull money out of their butts? I wish MY parents had discussed finances with me as a teenager. It took going away to college for me to learn that not everyone has the same amount of money - I grew up in a place where we were all well off and no one knew any different.
NTA. Explaining finances to a child in terms they can understand is the best thing a parent can do for their child regarding money. It's a lot more practical than merely handing them an allowance just for breathing. A 12-year-old can comprehend how economic situations affect cash flow. When they know, they can budget for something they want. The teacher, on the other hand, was wa-a-a-ay out of line. Unless she wanted to offer financial assistance for the school trip, she should have kept her trap shut. I believe that a conference with both parents, the meddling teacher, and the principal is in order. OP, let 'em have it with BOTH barrels. Make it crystal clear that you are quite capable of parenting her child without outside interference, thank you very much. Also, unless they want you to drop in on the teacher's classroom and show her how to teach, this does not happen again. Period. Parenting nowadays is hard enough without buttinskys.
Everyone is forgetting the fact that the teacher on,y learned about it by eavesdropping! So she listened in on a conversation NOT directed at her. If the daughter had told the teacher directly, it would be one thing, but that’s not the case here. Teacher butted into something that is absolutely none of her business, and which she was not invited to know about—-and very much risked having misinterpreted, depending on where in the daughter’s conversation with her friends her ears perked up. Had she been out of earshot, she would’ve never known. Definitely out of bounds for butting in to the private life of one of her students’ family—-and the rotten cherry on top of her shitcake is that she had the f*****g nerve to then call and scold the mother for very age appropriately explaining a financial downturn to her daughter! Yeah, Mom should call Teacher’s Boss ASAP.
When I was 11 we had a brief class on stock portfolios and were expected to buy our own stocks, and I would have failed had I not transferred to a different school because I couldn't afford it. Meanwhile this teacher thinks it's wrong for A PARENT to teach their kid about finances?
Um, what? If you DON'T teach your kids about finances, they get to adulthood and have no idea what the f**k they're doing! That's how you end up with poor money management skills. 😒
Somewhere between 6th & 7th grade, it became apparent we were going to have to move out of our 3 bedroom house with a pool and move into something smaller. My father lost his job working for the railroad. So we went from no money issues to no money. I was probably 10-11 yrs old and, while I still didn't have any kind of grasp on budgets/finances, I did know less money meant finding a smaller, more affordable place to live. I also knew it meant my mother had to work for the first time in my life! While I do wish I'd learned more about finances, etc I will always appreciate that my parents never tried to keep us in the dark. No way she's an AH. And if the teacher didn't have any type of suggestion/solution, the mom should've told her MYOB.
The one thing the parent left out of her talk was that we don’t discuss family finances with people outside the immediate family. The teacher would never have overheard about the topic.
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That teacher is was out of line - it is none of her f.....g business. And the mother is absolutely right to explain the reason for her decisions honestly - 12 is by far old enough to understand some not so pleasent realities of life.
Many years ago I worked with a lady who had 4 daughters. The entire family would sit at the dining table and discuss the family income and expenses each week. Their girls knew that bills had to be paid, food had to be bought and there was not much extra. They never asked for anything when they were shopping. Best behaved children ever.
So, what was the problem? One way to read this is that the teacher didn't like that she didn't chose to go on the trip and made it the parents problem, not the whole 'short notice and no previous trips for a few years' thing. Seems the kid is one of the most informed people there, understanding money better than her peers. The teacher however, needs to reel their neck in unless the school teaches suitable finance classes. Don't leave it on the parents and then tell them off for doing it! NTA, but the school and teacher would earn a different reply!
Honestly I hope that teacher gets reported and fired it was not her place to call the parents and tell them what's inappropriate to teach their child
Absolutely NTA. I can give the perspective as once having been a child in a similar situation. My family and I had to evacuate from Yemen after the civil war, and I was around 6-8 years old. Our spending obviously decreased considerably since my father didn't have a job, and while my parents never let me worry about the finances in any way they made it clear we needed to hold ourselves back. The explanation at that time was age appropriate, and now that I'm much older I have pocket money to manage and know clearly how much my parents can afford for my further education.
It's just a matter of opinion. Not inappropriate. But it's definitely none of the teacher's business
Definitely NTA. That teacher is way out of line. My 9 year old knows that Daddy's and Mommy's income isn't increasing at the same rate as inflation so we can't do and buy everything we used to. She understands that we can't just dump $150 on a fieldtrip on the train right now. If I just said "no" with no explanation she wouldn't know if she'd done something wrong or I was just being difficult. Now she's learning to consider what things cost and to look for alternatives for things she wants to do that don't cost as much. I consider this a normal part of raising a functional adult.
Did anyone else notice they got less heads up than normal for a trip that's likely more expensive than average? I think that would throw any budgeting parent off.
Ties into what I've maintained, to whit: when my children ask "Why didn't they teach economics/taxes/life skills in school?" "Parents job, kid." This is parenting done right. NTA!
Nope, teacher is there to educate. Either you now take up finance for my kid or I will teach it. That it might not have been smart that kid shared struggles at home (privacy) it happens and you can learn & educate from making oepsies. And the next depends on culture and law. But if I was a teacher I would take every kid that can't go and educate them on financial reality, so that the kids who do not understand why there parents might have said 'no' might later understand.
It's their daughter. Why would the teacher be involved with something not their business? It's overstep on teacher's Parr. Maybe someone should interject on the personal life of this teacher.
NTA, I think it's a good way to explain finances. At 12, she's old enough to understand everything.
Oooh I would be LIVID with that teacher!!! My family's financial situation changed drastically and for the worse when I was around that age, and I outright asked my parents to keep me in the loop at that point. It is SO deeply stressful when you're a kid and suddenly everything is changing and nobody will explain why! Kids shouldn't have to worry about adult matters, but to some degree this stuff WILL impact them and it is NOT ETHICAL to leave them confused and in the dark!!! Good on the parent for explaining & shame on that teacher and her supporters.
I'm a single parent of a very smart 5yo. I can't always afford things right out try to think ahead on toys I always hit the clearance for clothes in the future so he always has what he needs and a little of what he wants. But I do try to explain as simply as possible that somedays we can't get what we want because we get what we need. I strive to have an understanding about wants and needs importance but also things don't always go how you want and let down is inevitable with a child. But he doesn't fall apart like most children do when he doesn't get to do something. Like not being able to ride a ride because he is too small.
The one thing I'd say is that if/when the parents start making more money they need to keep their kid in the loop. I was in a similar situation as a kid. I knew money was tight (my parents explained why I couldn't go on one of the school trips) so I would tell my parents I really didn't want to go on any school trips when they came up. Despite the fact I'd have been happy to go on pretty much all of them. It was only later that I learned that finances had improved and I could have gone on a couple of them. edit: the point being kids tend to have a fixed idea or "fact" in their head. So it needs to be updated from time to time.
What did the teacher want her to say to the kid instead?! Did she want the mom to just say no without any reason?! Seriously curious because I cannot see any better way of handling the situation than how the mom did!
More parents should be honest with their kids about family finances. Instead of putting in false faces that kids don't understand.
Total NTA. I was a few years younger (eight) when my mum had a talk with me on the same subject. It made me understand there just wasn't money for a lot of things. I disagreed with how she spent some of her money (booze and cigarettes), but that wasn't my call.
Wtf is going on with that so called teacher. And the moms so called friend. Kids aren't stupid, give them an actual reason and the truth and they can handle it. Hiding everything from them builds mistrust, resentment and a lack of understanding about the real world. That teacher is a failure as a person and a teacher.
Were such a thing to happen to me, I would be kicking up a right stink about that teacher and their audacity to weigh in on such a matter. That is grossly inappropriate, invasive and unnecessary.
I wish my parents had shared financial information with me!!! I just thought it I wanted something I could have it, within reason, but I was never taught about bills or credit cards or living beyond your means and wound up with tons of credit which I used because I thought well if they say I can have 20k then I can and I must have the finances to pay for it or they wouldn't let me have that much credit!!! Little did I know!!! SMH
People don't want to talk to their kids about money, their partner about sex, their boss about their job and pay etc. Fact is, people need to discuss the things that are sometimes uncomfortable or embarrassing to deal with as these things exist in everyone's life in one form or another. You did the exact right thing and not people should follow your lead!
I grew up low income. While my parents didn't give specifics when I was little, I understood we couldn't just get anything we want. I've been telling my 5 year old that we don't enough money for things when she tries to grab stuff at the store and that we need other things. She's young enough that we tell her to add it to the birthday/Christmas list. Half the stuff she forgets about it after awhile anyway. She doesn't fully grasp it, but we've told here something is too expensive often enough that she's starting to understand that she may get some things later and that I can sell some of her toys if she want to earn a little cash. Monopoly Jr. that she got this last Christmas is giving her a fun way and visual of how money works. She love's that game. The first level just has $1 bills.The second level has $1 and $5 bills. She does get a little treat now and then, so that she knows it's okay to treat herself once in awhile and make sure that we do fun activities with her.
That's the reality of how a lot of people live. Sometimes we can have a little extra fun, other times we can't.
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Heck by twelve one of my assignments by my parent was to try to figure out a meal plan for the week with 100$ and how to check what price was best by weigh, ect... You don't want your child to be blind about money all the way up till 18 when you throw them in the deep end. I bet the teacher was actually ticked off because having a student not go on the field trip was putting a wrench in her plans, like maybe now she has to budget for a sub to watch the child that can't go, or it made the overall cost for the buses unbalanced etc (like maybe she perfectly divided the cost if every student went).
NTA!! Twelve years old is a good time to help kids understand the basics of finances! I remember when kids in grade school were encouraged to open a bank account, and were even given their own bank books to watch their money (for the Gen-Xers, a bank book was literally a statement that recorded in real time any transactions on a bank account, checking or savings. If one has an account at a specific bank, they have to present their bank book if they want to deposit or withdraw money so that the teller can record the transaction. That's long before online banking and such.).
I think 3 weeks us plenty of time, but that's just me. The teacher doesn't get a say on what you discuss with your child, we all parent differently and that's ok.
What? You are... assuming because they used pretend money to make it clear that the kid doesn't understand money? Lots of people learn better with visuals, they introduced a visual and physical component to help make their point clear. Nothing about that implies the kid is oblivious or doesn't understand it at all.
Load More Replies... She’s not the the AH for this. I was taught something similar at that age and ended up being more financially prepared when I was older. Kids wanna know finances and too many adults beg for schools to teach them. It’s our jobs as parents to fill the gaps in our children’s education on these things. My eldest is already learning! My youngest still likes to splurge… I hope he’ll get there.
You are definitely not the ah. As a teacher and parent, 1) no teacher in any school has the right to parent a parent, especially on a topic. You can guide them to help them with their child’s learning but you can’t tell them what parameters they should be setting or teaching their children. 2) schools ALWAYS have ways to handle things when a family can’t afford something a school offers or requires. No school in existence will stay open for long if they think they can… even private schools have options for those less able in their system. 3) parents that are open about the realities of life and finances have children who are able to handle life and finances. Parents who hide reality or mask it are creating the inevitable problems that their children face as adults.
Agreed! I am also a teacher and I wish more parents spent time with their kids about money so that it didn't fall to the schools as much. You can tell which families do educate their children on money because they treat the school supplies better because they understand that things cost money and there isn't an infinite pot of it. Besides, in this story, if the mom didn't explain the whys to the daughter, she would have thought she was being denied one of the events because she was being punished for something or because her parents didn't care about her as much as the other families cared for their children.
Load More Replies... My parents were struggling financially when I was a little younger than the op's daughter and I wish my parents would have explained it to me at the time. I of course knew something was up, but not knowing the facts led to some catastrophising and anxiety on my part. 12 is a perfect age to learn about things like how to manage your money anyway, so strong NTA.
We didn't have a lot of money growing up, but my mom brought all us kids in on the family finances. We helped pay the bills, we helped budget and plan... And not once have I ever thought to myself that she was in the wrong. I found it to be empowering and highly valuable - so much so that I do it with my own kid. My job as a parent - just like with every other animal that rears their young - is to teach my offspring how to become a functional adult. He won't learn money management without exposure and experience. It takes time and a safe space to practice and make mistakes. Mom was not in the wrong at all; teacher was way off the mark.
Load More Replies... The teacher is the TA for not staying in her lane. The mom did a good job. What's the teacher expecting? That parents go into debt over leisurely field trips? There's not been one expensive field trip I've gone on all throughout school. Maybe camping, but that's it. I believe I've even hid some permission slips from my mom when I saw the big numbers of the price. Like $100-$1K. That was when I knew all the mean, snobby kids would be gone for a few days, or even a week, and I could relax in school, playing Froggy on the computer, read a book or some other fun game all day. It would be a quarter of the class left behind.
I like the cut of your jib! Fly your freaky rainbow and go against the grain! I always love to see folks who march to the beat of their own horn, they change the world 🌍😃😃😃
Load More Replies... Every person who 'protects' their children by not teaching them about life is a neglectful parent. You don't have to wonder that you see so many entitled, selfish little monsters out there if parents are to cowardly to explain such things. Children need to learn this, and teaching it at that point was the right decision. That way the child was saved from feelings of being unloved by her parents. She was treated with respect and kindness. He mom showed her that she trusted her and loved her by explaining to her why she couldn't have bought, but she also gave her reassurance. The daughter knows now that as long as they can afford some frivolities, it's not so bad.
I'd bet that teacher got quite a bit of negative feedback from various parents about the short notice on this trip and decided to take it out on a parent who was actually HONEST with her kid... And looking at the single downvote on each other comment, apparently the teacher is reading the article 🤔
I've had teachers do that, and very obviously. My Grade 9 social studies teacher had a weird way of teaching about the justice system, using hockey game rules as an analogy. Then he would spend the rest half of the class talking about sports with the jocks. About 5 of us failed. Some just passing. Those who don't follow or have much understanding of sports were just lost. My folks mentioned to the teacher about how I was suddenly not doing well in a subject I normally did decently well in. I guess a few of the parents complained, too, during parent/teacher night. The next day in class, the teacher kept us behind and yelled at us about our parents complaints, slammed stapler on the floor, dislodging staple that hit my friend. Why this guy wasn't fired, I have no clue. None of us went to the principal or vice principal because we felt we would get in trouble.
Load More Replies... You'd think the way the teacher reacted that the daughter was 3 or 4
Exactly. 12 is well old enough. Besides which, I bet the child already knew more than she was told
Load More Replies... That trip would not have been allowed here. All in school is free here and if they want to make all trip all should be included. That means parents dont pay. Kids sell cookies or so to earn it.
Here parents do pay, but there is a fund for kids whose parents can't afford it (based on trust, no proof needed). So every one can go on the school trips.
Load More Replies... Mom did right and I hope she lit into that teacher. I'd have torn that teacher a new a$$hole
OP is absolutely NTA for explaining to her almost-teenage daughter the basics of their current financial situation. She did it in an age-appropriate way as well and as others have pointed out, the daughter seems to have handled it well. I was extremely upset by how far the teacher overreached and injected their personal beliefs onto the parents. If I were OP, I would speak to the principal about this conduct.
I think it’s very appropriate to talk to children of multiple ages about money. Money will play an important role in their lives and, when they become adults they will have better footing to manage their own finances. It sounds like this mom reassured the child that their family is okay, it’s extra fun expenses that may need to be put on hold. My child is 7 and we talk about how money works. We work at our jobs and earn money and then we pay for everything from our house, to our cars, to our electricity, to his toys and his sports. We also talk about how we’re lucky that we have a safe place to live, food to eat, etc. and talk about how some people are homeless and can really struggle even with hard work. But we’ll always take care of him. When he learn to read, I can’t remember if this was at 5 or 6, he started asking about homeless and what it meant because he could read the signs people had asking for money. I explained what it was and his next question was,
“Can we have them come live with us?” My frazzled answer at the time involved me explaining that there are places people can get help, food, place to sleep called homeless shelters. This was in early Fall. When Thanksgiving rolled around a couple months later we were talking about what we were thankful for. He said he was thankful for homeless shelters. He is such a sweet, caring kid. Big emotions but also big empathy and love.
Load More Replies... Wow, if this had happened to my mom she would have tore the teacher a new one for wasting her time and interferring with her parenting. OP should speak to the principal and file a complaint with the teacher's college. I know it sounds alarmist of me, but the teacher sounds classist at best, and paranoid at worst.
Ok, several things here starting with I rarely see such a clear NTA so there's that. Second, as a parent I believe it's your job to monitor school for teaching your kids appropriately, not the other way around. And last, as a young child, 12-13 or so, I asked my dad to teach me what he was doing while he was paying bills one day, and yes, I was hyper aware of our money situation because I have 4 siblings and money was always not tight but non-existent. He yelled at me that it was none of my damn business and to go away. I'm sure he was stressed and struggling but I only learned that money is scary, upsetting, and stressful, I wasn't set up to understand how to make it work for me. This child had a much better experience and you're a great parent. Here's your deserved applause 👏👏👏👏👏
opposite problem with my fam. I am the eldest of three & to this day (I’m now 50), we were & still are not allowed to know what my parents earned. I can only tell you we were raised middle class & were denied very little. even when the school would send out the annual mandatory form regarding free & reduced meals, my parents shredded them & said it was only their business what they earned. I was taught to file my own taxes when I started working outside of babysitting. I was taught to balance a checkbook my senior year & I was taught absolutely nothing about bills or budgeting. I’ve had nothing but $ problems my entire adult life. I’ve been homeless & as poor as dirt. Eventually a divorced mom of 2 raising my kids on less than 11k$ USD for a couple of years & then when I went out on disability at 38, I was making my highest income of 32k$USD. to this day, my parents ride me about my $ issues expecting me to work miracles.
Load More Replies... Did the friend who thinks they're the AH offer to pay for the theme park trip? Or the teacher?? If not they should shut the fvck up! Are the parents supposed to pull money out of their butts? I wish MY parents had discussed finances with me as a teenager. It took going away to college for me to learn that not everyone has the same amount of money - I grew up in a place where we were all well off and no one knew any different.
NTA. Explaining finances to a child in terms they can understand is the best thing a parent can do for their child regarding money. It's a lot more practical than merely handing them an allowance just for breathing. A 12-year-old can comprehend how economic situations affect cash flow. When they know, they can budget for something they want. The teacher, on the other hand, was wa-a-a-ay out of line. Unless she wanted to offer financial assistance for the school trip, she should have kept her trap shut. I believe that a conference with both parents, the meddling teacher, and the principal is in order. OP, let 'em have it with BOTH barrels. Make it crystal clear that you are quite capable of parenting her child without outside interference, thank you very much. Also, unless they want you to drop in on the teacher's classroom and show her how to teach, this does not happen again. Period. Parenting nowadays is hard enough without buttinskys.
Everyone is forgetting the fact that the teacher on,y learned about it by eavesdropping! So she listened in on a conversation NOT directed at her. If the daughter had told the teacher directly, it would be one thing, but that’s not the case here. Teacher butted into something that is absolutely none of her business, and which she was not invited to know about—-and very much risked having misinterpreted, depending on where in the daughter’s conversation with her friends her ears perked up. Had she been out of earshot, she would’ve never known. Definitely out of bounds for butting in to the private life of one of her students’ family—-and the rotten cherry on top of her shitcake is that she had the f*****g nerve to then call and scold the mother for very age appropriately explaining a financial downturn to her daughter! Yeah, Mom should call Teacher’s Boss ASAP.
When I was 11 we had a brief class on stock portfolios and were expected to buy our own stocks, and I would have failed had I not transferred to a different school because I couldn't afford it. Meanwhile this teacher thinks it's wrong for A PARENT to teach their kid about finances?
Um, what? If you DON'T teach your kids about finances, they get to adulthood and have no idea what the f**k they're doing! That's how you end up with poor money management skills. 😒
Somewhere between 6th & 7th grade, it became apparent we were going to have to move out of our 3 bedroom house with a pool and move into something smaller. My father lost his job working for the railroad. So we went from no money issues to no money. I was probably 10-11 yrs old and, while I still didn't have any kind of grasp on budgets/finances, I did know less money meant finding a smaller, more affordable place to live. I also knew it meant my mother had to work for the first time in my life! While I do wish I'd learned more about finances, etc I will always appreciate that my parents never tried to keep us in the dark. No way she's an AH. And if the teacher didn't have any type of suggestion/solution, the mom should've told her MYOB.
The one thing the parent left out of her talk was that we don’t discuss family finances with people outside the immediate family. The teacher would never have overheard about the topic.
Load More Replies... That teacher is was out of line - it is none of her f.....g business. And the mother is absolutely right to explain the reason for her decisions honestly - 12 is by far old enough to understand some not so pleasent realities of life.
Many years ago I worked with a lady who had 4 daughters. The entire family would sit at the dining table and discuss the family income and expenses each week. Their girls knew that bills had to be paid, food had to be bought and there was not much extra. They never asked for anything when they were shopping. Best behaved children ever.
So, what was the problem? One way to read this is that the teacher didn't like that she didn't chose to go on the trip and made it the parents problem, not the whole 'short notice and no previous trips for a few years' thing. Seems the kid is one of the most informed people there, understanding money better than her peers. The teacher however, needs to reel their neck in unless the school teaches suitable finance classes. Don't leave it on the parents and then tell them off for doing it! NTA, but the school and teacher would earn a different reply!
Honestly I hope that teacher gets reported and fired it was not her place to call the parents and tell them what's inappropriate to teach their child
Absolutely NTA. I can give the perspective as once having been a child in a similar situation. My family and I had to evacuate from Yemen after the civil war, and I was around 6-8 years old. Our spending obviously decreased considerably since my father didn't have a job, and while my parents never let me worry about the finances in any way they made it clear we needed to hold ourselves back. The explanation at that time was age appropriate, and now that I'm much older I have pocket money to manage and know clearly how much my parents can afford for my further education.
It's just a matter of opinion. Not inappropriate. But it's definitely none of the teacher's business
Definitely NTA. That teacher is way out of line. My 9 year old knows that Daddy's and Mommy's income isn't increasing at the same rate as inflation so we can't do and buy everything we used to. She understands that we can't just dump $150 on a fieldtrip on the train right now. If I just said "no" with no explanation she wouldn't know if she'd done something wrong or I was just being difficult. Now she's learning to consider what things cost and to look for alternatives for things she wants to do that don't cost as much. I consider this a normal part of raising a functional adult.
Did anyone else notice they got less heads up than normal for a trip that's likely more expensive than average? I think that would throw any budgeting parent off.
Ties into what I've maintained, to whit: when my children ask "Why didn't they teach economics/taxes/life skills in school?" "Parents job, kid." This is parenting done right. NTA!
Nope, teacher is there to educate. Either you now take up finance for my kid or I will teach it. That it might not have been smart that kid shared struggles at home (privacy) it happens and you can learn & educate from making oepsies. And the next depends on culture and law. But if I was a teacher I would take every kid that can't go and educate them on financial reality, so that the kids who do not understand why there parents might have said 'no' might later understand.
It's their daughter. Why would the teacher be involved with something not their business? It's overstep on teacher's Parr. Maybe someone should interject on the personal life of this teacher.
NTA, I think it's a good way to explain finances. At 12, she's old enough to understand everything.
Oooh I would be LIVID with that teacher!!! My family's financial situation changed drastically and for the worse when I was around that age, and I outright asked my parents to keep me in the loop at that point. It is SO deeply stressful when you're a kid and suddenly everything is changing and nobody will explain why! Kids shouldn't have to worry about adult matters, but to some degree this stuff WILL impact them and it is NOT ETHICAL to leave them confused and in the dark!!! Good on the parent for explaining & shame on that teacher and her supporters.
I'm a single parent of a very smart 5yo. I can't always afford things right out try to think ahead on toys I always hit the clearance for clothes in the future so he always has what he needs and a little of what he wants. But I do try to explain as simply as possible that somedays we can't get what we want because we get what we need. I strive to have an understanding about wants and needs importance but also things don't always go how you want and let down is inevitable with a child. But he doesn't fall apart like most children do when he doesn't get to do something. Like not being able to ride a ride because he is too small.
The one thing I'd say is that if/when the parents start making more money they need to keep their kid in the loop. I was in a similar situation as a kid. I knew money was tight (my parents explained why I couldn't go on one of the school trips) so I would tell my parents I really didn't want to go on any school trips when they came up. Despite the fact I'd have been happy to go on pretty much all of them. It was only later that I learned that finances had improved and I could have gone on a couple of them. edit: the point being kids tend to have a fixed idea or "fact" in their head. So it needs to be updated from time to time.
What did the teacher want her to say to the kid instead?! Did she want the mom to just say no without any reason?! Seriously curious because I cannot see any better way of handling the situation than how the mom did!
More parents should be honest with their kids about family finances. Instead of putting in false faces that kids don't understand.
Total NTA. I was a few years younger (eight) when my mum had a talk with me on the same subject. It made me understand there just wasn't money for a lot of things. I disagreed with how she spent some of her money (booze and cigarettes), but that wasn't my call.
Wtf is going on with that so called teacher. And the moms so called friend. Kids aren't stupid, give them an actual reason and the truth and they can handle it. Hiding everything from them builds mistrust, resentment and a lack of understanding about the real world. That teacher is a failure as a person and a teacher.
Were such a thing to happen to me, I would be kicking up a right stink about that teacher and their audacity to weigh in on such a matter. That is grossly inappropriate, invasive and unnecessary.
I wish my parents had shared financial information with me!!! I just thought it I wanted something I could have it, within reason, but I was never taught about bills or credit cards or living beyond your means and wound up with tons of credit which I used because I thought well if they say I can have 20k then I can and I must have the finances to pay for it or they wouldn't let me have that much credit!!! Little did I know!!! SMH
People don't want to talk to their kids about money, their partner about sex, their boss about their job and pay etc. Fact is, people need to discuss the things that are sometimes uncomfortable or embarrassing to deal with as these things exist in everyone's life in one form or another. You did the exact right thing and not people should follow your lead!
I grew up low income. While my parents didn't give specifics when I was little, I understood we couldn't just get anything we want. I've been telling my 5 year old that we don't enough money for things when she tries to grab stuff at the store and that we need other things. She's young enough that we tell her to add it to the birthday/Christmas list. Half the stuff she forgets about it after awhile anyway. She doesn't fully grasp it, but we've told here something is too expensive often enough that she's starting to understand that she may get some things later and that I can sell some of her toys if she want to earn a little cash. Monopoly Jr. that she got this last Christmas is giving her a fun way and visual of how money works. She love's that game. The first level just has $1 bills.The second level has $1 and $5 bills. She does get a little treat now and then, so that she knows it's okay to treat herself once in awhile and make sure that we do fun activities with her.
That's the reality of how a lot of people live. Sometimes we can have a little extra fun, other times we can't.
Load More Replies... Heck by twelve one of my assignments by my parent was to try to figure out a meal plan for the week with 100$ and how to check what price was best by weigh, ect... You don't want your child to be blind about money all the way up till 18 when you throw them in the deep end. I bet the teacher was actually ticked off because having a student not go on the field trip was putting a wrench in her plans, like maybe now she has to budget for a sub to watch the child that can't go, or it made the overall cost for the buses unbalanced etc (like maybe she perfectly divided the cost if every student went).
NTA!! Twelve years old is a good time to help kids understand the basics of finances! I remember when kids in grade school were encouraged to open a bank account, and were even given their own bank books to watch their money (for the Gen-Xers, a bank book was literally a statement that recorded in real time any transactions on a bank account, checking or savings. If one has an account at a specific bank, they have to present their bank book if they want to deposit or withdraw money so that the teller can record the transaction. That's long before online banking and such.).
I think 3 weeks us plenty of time, but that's just me. The teacher doesn't get a say on what you discuss with your child, we all parent differently and that's ok.
What? You are... assuming because they used pretend money to make it clear that the kid doesn't understand money? Lots of people learn better with visuals, they introduced a visual and physical component to help make their point clear. Nothing about that implies the kid is oblivious or doesn't understand it at all.
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