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It's somewhat ironic that I'm writing this post about office jokes (no, not the jokes from The Office) while working from the office. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and writing for you peeps or Pandas, whichever you prefer, but let's all be dead honest here. We would all prefer to be somewhere else other than at work. But ya know, we've got bills to pay and responsibilities to fulfill. So I've got a solution for us all. Technically, one shouldn't be doing anything non-work-related. But you know what still counts as job-related? That's right, funny office jokes, jokes for work, you name it!
So whenever you want to take a short quick break from the VERY important stuff you are doing, funny work jokes it is! And if your boss ever asks what you are looking at on the screen, say, "Uhm, research?" Quips aside, whether at work during your lunch break or in the restroom while doing number two, reading jokes about work is one way to make that 9-5 grind flow a little faster and slightly more bearable. And suppose you think that there is no space or time for jokes in the workplace. In that case, I assume you are the boss the employees don't particularly like, to put it in the nicest way possible.
Below, we have gathered an extensive list of the best work jokes we could find from the cornucopia that is the internet. Also, if you want something to take your mind off work, we have more funny jokes up our sleeves! Check out these witty two-liners here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office. I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.
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#2
Don't be irreplaceable. If you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
#3
My boss says I intimidate the other employees. So I just stared at him until he apologized.
#4
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
#5
I don’t mind coming to work; it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
#6
Told my boss 3 companies are after me so I need a pay rise. He asked me which 3 companies they were. "Gas, electric & water".
#7
HR manager: “Just go to hell!” Me: “So, should I stay or leave? I’m confused.”
#8
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one — him or me — I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
#9
My boss is threatening to fire the employee who has the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.
#10
The trouble with being punctual for business meetings is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
#11
How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me.
#12
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office. I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
#13
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a workstation, so…
Isidien Gudmundsdottir 3 years ago
"The Buck Stops Here", well, that explains no raises in this office...
#14
What’s the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office? If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Brian Stanton 3 years ago
happened to me, and how old are you? its all online. also took most us 8-10 weeks to get approved, even when we knew what to do! some never even got it! Florida
#15
My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke. So I put my paycheck on the first slide.
#16
If you think your job sucks, remember whenever a famous personality dies, someone at Wikipedia has to change all the verbs to past tense.
#18
I went for an interview for an office job today. The interviewer told me I’d start on $2,000 a month, which would increase to $2,500 a month in six months’ time. I told them I’d start in six months.
#19
Employer: “We need someone responsible for the job.” Job applicant: “Sir, your search ends here! In my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.”
Darren Fusellier 3 years ago
This is so me! Still baffles me why people ask me to do things, unless they like things spontaneously combusting lol
#20
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person that upset you. Instant de-stress.
#21
Why was music coming from the office printer? The paper was jamming.
#23
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.” Boss: Hard drive? Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
#24
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.
#26
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once.
Isidien Gudmundsdottir 3 years ago
Never put off things for tomorrow what you can put off today.
#31
I love my office! People always leave treats in the fridge for me! And they put their names on them, so I know who it’s from.
#32
I called a temp agency looking for work, and they asked if I had any phone skills. I said, "I called you, didn't I?"
#33
Interviewer: What are your thoughts about nepotism in a workplace environment? Candidate: Well, that’s a really good question, Dad.
#36
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
#38
Right now, I’m at work, using the Internet. But in my mind, I’m already at home, using the Internet.
#39
I just set my e-mail’s auto-response to ‘I’m looking into this now. I’ll let you know.’ I literally never have to respond to e-mails again.
#40
My boss said I’m a worker worth paying attention to. Unfortunately, he said it to the security guard.
#41
A good project manager makes updates. A bad project manager makes up dates.
#42
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
#44
Someone has stolen my Microsoft Office, and they are going to pay for it… you have my Word.
#45
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work.
Isidien Gudmundsdottir 3 years ago
Always make your hobby your work and you'll never have to work.
#46
HR manager: “What’s your biggest weakness?” Me: “Interviews.” HR manager: “And besides that?” Me: “Follow-up questions.”
#49
Someone from HR asked me to sign up for the company 401k and I'm really nervous. I don't think I can run that far.
#50
Sometimes I like to sit my dog down for a performance review, just to remind him who’s boss.
#51
A guy shows up late for work and his boss says, “You should have been here at 8:30,” so he says, “Why? What happened at 8:30?”
#56
I always say you need to fight fire with fire. That’s why I got fired from my job as a firefighter.
#58
"4:30 is to meeting as water is to boarding."
Isidien Gudmundsdottir 3 years ago
Customer: "Can you come in at 3:30 Am tomorrow morning?" Me:"There are two reasons I get up that early and one is sex the other is fishing, I sincerely hope it's the latter one."
#59
Sometimes I feel like there isn’t much difference between my commute to work and the Oregon Trail.
#61
My boss is very easygoing. He told me to not think of him as a boss, rather think of him as a friend who is never wrong.
#62
My boss knew I played hooky and asked me if I missed worked yesterday. I said, “Missed it? Nah… not really!”
#64
If you want to get along with a boss, there’s one sure way to do it: Always look busy.
Isidien Gudmundsdottir 3 years ago
Just always do a good job, if you can't, you're in the wrong job
#65
I love my job. Lately, colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. I’m currently eating a yogurt called Susan. How cute!
#66
My boss told me that there’s no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said: “That’s great. Well, I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
#67
It might look like I’m doing nothing at work, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy.
#68
After a long time, I told my hot co-worker how I felt. He felt the same way... So I turned on the air conditioner.
#69
I just quit my 20/hr per week internship to start my first full-time job and I'm kind of sad. I think I'm suffering from post-part-time depression.
#70
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee. They said it was grounds for termination.
#71
Why did the taxi driver get fired for working so hard? Passengers didn't like it when he went the extra mile.
#74
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. "Wow," I said. "That's an amazing car." He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year."
#76
What’s blue, green, furry, and swimming in viscous liquid? Your lunch from last May. Please clean out the office fridge!
#78
I couldn’t work today because I had a problem with my eye. I just couldn’t see myself working today.
#80
My co-workers are like my Christmas lights... Half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t that bright.
#81
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
#85
My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
#86
A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid. The secretary says, “ I have a check here for cutting down 236 trees this week.” The lumberjack replies, “I actually cut down 237 trees.” ”Are you sure?”, says the secretary, “Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.” “Sure, I’m sure,” replies the lumberjack. “I kept a log”.
#90
I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to go to the bathroom.
Uber Mensch 3 years ago
There will be a paperless office about the same time as there's a paperless bathroom - and for much the same reasons...
#93
Sorry I'm late! Traffic is exactly how it's been every day for the past five years and I was not expecting that.
#94
A job interviewer asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I said, "Ideally, suspended with pay."
#98
What is the difference between a CEO and a vulture? Vultures fly and at least have the decency to wait until you die to eat you.
#99
My boss denied my time-off request. But the flight is booked. So I hope she figures something out.
#101
I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
#103
If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday, please.
#105
What did the nearsighted optometrist say when he was sick? I can’t see myself coming in today.
#109
I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I refused to be talked to in that tone of voice!
#110
My boss got mad at me for calling a co-worker a chicken. He said he doesn't tolerate any fowl language.
#114
What happened to the product manager who could only write 3 lines of code? He got promoted.
#116
My boss asked me how good I was at making spreadsheets. I told him I Excel at it.
#119
I used to work in the office at a stationery firm, but I quit. It just felt like I wasn’t going anywhere.
#123
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I just couldn’t concentrate.
#124
What does a mathematician say when something goes wrong? Figures!
Uber Mensch 3 years ago
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil...
#125
How many Project managers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they are all still discussing the best way to do it.
#127
Did you hear about the woman who became CEO of a cannabis company? She finally broke through the grass ceiling.
#132
Why was the CEO of a leading prosthetics company arrested? It came out that he was involved in international arms dealing.
What do you think ?
Dan Richter 3 years ago
It's about avoiding work you get payed to do. Read these aloud when you baltic dumbasses b***h about how horrible some bosses are.
Dan Richter 3 years ago
It's about avoiding work you get payed to do. Read these aloud when you baltic dumbasses b***h about how horrible some bosses are.
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