Not Sure What To Do

I am learning to only be loyalty people who deserve my loyalty and to stop taking responsibility for problems that aren't mine. This started when I found myself escaping out of a bedroom window in 2020 when my ex told me to get out of his sight. It remains to be best the best thing he ever told me to do, I do suspect though he didn't mean it quite that literally but hey, not my problem. I did as I was told.

Anyway I started on the journey of figuring out how I ended up stuck in such a crappy situation to begin with and why I put up with it for so long. It did take me awhile to realise I was copying a lot of the same behaviours and patterns I saw growing up.

I have a problem though since I am currently stuck living with my parents and having to watch my mum do all the same stuff I grew up with and then went on to copy just to keep my dad happy. I feel helpless when she is made to feel stupid or useless or at fault or miserable or guilty because my Dad really is a prick.

I can't make her face that reality and I can't force my dad to be less of a prick. It's sad that it's stopping me from been able to have any meaningful relationship with her. She is as trapped in that mentality that I use to be. I am trying my best to find somewhere else to live, not easy with the housing crisis and a dog I do not want to abandon. I know when I do, I will doing my best to block my Dads influence on my life.

This may mean though having to also cut my mum out. As long as she stuck in that environment, I do not want to be exposed to it. I have learned to prioritise my own mental health and emotional well been, I do feel a little conflicted about it though.