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There are two things that you have to know about organizing weddings. First of all, there’s no such thing as ‘perfection,’ so don’t stress out about that and try to enjoy the process, no matter how chaotic things might get. And, secondly, it’s practically impossible to make all of your guests happy. At some point, you might have to make some tough decisions that far from every family member or friend will like.
Redditor u/bdkauchs, who is getting married in a few months to her fiancé, asked the AITA online community for their verdict on a spot of family drama. The bride-to-be is severely allergic to dogs and had to say ‘no’ to her nephew’s service animal showing up to the celebration of love. A decision that was quite controversial. Scroll down for her full story, and what advice some other internet users had for the OP.
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Your wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. So it’s natural that you want to avoid some obvious problems
Image credits: Azis Gunawan (not the actual image)
A bride-to-be, who is severely allergic to dogs, shared how she asked her nephew not to bring his service animal to her wedding. Not everyone liked that decision
Image credits: bdkauchs
Image credits: Ralph (Ravi) Kayden (not the actual image)
Image credits: bdkauchs
Image credits: Mojca J (not the actual image)
Image credits: bdkauchs
The woman’s decision split her family into two sides
The situation that redditor u/bdkauchs was placed in is an unfair one. Unfortunately, she had to pick between risking having an allergic reaction at her own wedding and allowing her nephew to bring his service dog to help him manage his anxiety and panic attacks.
“As much as I understand the importance of Max to James, I had to say no. My wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, and I do not want to risk having a severe allergic reaction during the ceremony or reception,” she explained her reasoning.
She clearly cares about her nephew and tried to look at alternatives. However, this was a specific situation where she needed to put her needs above his. She was very open about this when speaking to both him and his family.
Though some of the bride-to-be’s family members understand her decision and fully support her, some others thought that that she was being “selfish and inconsiderate.” She felt so terrible that she ended up making the post on the AITA subreddit.
However, the community put her fears to rest. Most redditors were on her side and they explained that it’s perfectly fine to not want an avoidable allergic reaction on what’s supposed to be a monumental day! It’s not selfishness if you communicate about the issue beforehand and have and try to see all sides of the situation.
If you’re allergic to animals, the best strategy is prevention
Mayo Clinic explains that a pet allergy means that you have an allergic reaction to the proteins that are found in an animal’s skin cells, saliva, or urine. The intensity of the reaction will depend on the individual. For some, the symptoms are similar to a cold or hay fever: sneezing and battling a dreadfully runny nose. Others, however, suffer from the signs of asthma and find themselves wheezing and having lots of trouble breathing.
Those of us who are allergic to cute and cuddly animals (hi!) love pets know from experience just how bad things get. When your eyes are puffy, tears are streaming down your face, you’re having trouble breathing, you’re sneezing louder than a trumpeting elephant, and your throat feels scratchy as heck, it’s difficult to do, well…. much of anything, really. You definitely won’t be in any condition to say your vows, look magnificent in the photos, cut the cake, enjoy your first dance, and do all the dozens of other awesome things that make up a wedding.
The very best approaches are either avoiding exposure to animals if you’re allergic to them or investing time and money into immunotherapy to solve the underlying issue. The second best strategy is to reduce your exposure as much as possible if being around them is completely unavoidable. Keeping your distance or wearing a facemask might help to a certain extent.
However, there are various medications available that can help lessen those pesky symptoms. Medical News Today explains that antihistamines work by blocking histamines, which are the chemicals that start up your body’s immune response to allergens. Some of the most common antihistamines are Allegra, Zyrtec, and Claritin.
Though you can often buy them over the counter, it’s best to talk to your doctor about what medicine will suit you best. Some individuals react differently to the active compounds than others. For instance, anecdotally, Zyrtec makes some people far sleepier than others. Meanwhile, Zyrtec also shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol. So, all in all, there are many things to consider and it’s probably best to avoid situations where you have an allergic reaction in the first place, unless there’s literally nothing you can do about it.
There are different types of service dogs for people with different needs
It might come as a surprise to some people that there are different types of service dogs. When they hear the term ‘service dog,’ most people probably think of animals who help the blind. However, these service animals can help tackle a wide range of problems.
For instance, United Disabilities Services explains that there are allergy detection dogs that are trained to detect the smell of allergens, diabetic alert dogs that can sense dangerously high or low blood sugar levels, and seizure alert dogs that assist people before, during, and after seizures.
What’s more, there are autism service dogs, guide dogs, hearing dogs, mobility assistance dogs, and psychiatric service dogs. Some of the breeds that make the very best service dogs include Labradors, Golden Retrievers, German Shepherds, Poodles, Boxers, Great Danes, Border Collies, Bernese Mountain Dogs, Pomeranians, and Portuguese Water Dogs. The very best service dogs will enjoy work and be active while maintaining a calm character. They’ll also be intelligent, friendly, and loving.
Many internet users were on the woman’s side. Here’s what they had to say
Some readers shared similar stories
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Mad Dragon 2 years ago
NTA! This isn’t a bridezilla making unreasonable demands. Her allergy to dogs could literally take her down on her wedding day! She offered to make alternate accommodations for her nephew, and she’s allowed to protect herself from having severe allergic reaction.
Royal Stray 2 years ago
I get that it sucks for the nephew but if he's 18 and doesn't have any other coping mechanisms or can't step away for a bit somewhere and have a panic attack there, then this can't be the first thing he's had to sit out on. I was fully prepared to call the bride an AH especially after she called it a "well behaved dog" like yeah it's a service dog, you can't hold those to "normal" dog standards. But it's the bride that's getting married not the nephew so even if it's mild allergies she has priority. If she was scared of dogs the same thing would be true. He doesn't strictly speaking need to be there, but it would be kind of difficult to get married without the bride.
LayDiva in the Zone 2 years ago
As soon as I saw he was 18, I was immediately upset. Unless he has a diminished mental capacity, dude knows what an allergic reaction can do.
Load More Replies...
OmBoyGanesh 2 years ago
Similar situation recently happened at a destination wedding at my work. Father of the bride deathly allergic and grooms brother using a service dog. The father was obviously going to walk his daughter. The brother was to be a groomsman. It was an outdoor wedding. They maintained safe distance throughout the weeklong stay and during the ceremony the groomsman and his dog were set back a good distance from the rest of the party, on a decorated platform. Yes, he stood out and yes, it did highlight his need for a service dog, but he was wholly included. The father walked his daughter down the aisle and sat on the far side of the first row completely away from the groomsman. During rehearsal dinner, group activities and reception, there was a planner who orchestrated their movements and whereabouts. It went off without a hitch because of the vast open spaces & an outdoor setting. If it wasn’t going to work, they were going to use monitors and a live feed of some sort. A big compromise.
Cara G 2 years ago
That is a LOT of compromise but it sounds like this newly created family truly care about each other and are willing to work together to meet one another's needs. And kudos to that wedding planner!
Load More Replies...
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
NTA. If his parents have to say that Max will be on his best behavior it's not a service dog. Genuine service dogs are ALWAYS on their best behavior cuz they're always working. Max is a pet and the kid happens to have anxiety so that, in their mind, magically makes Max a service dog. It doesn't work that way and they're actively harming the community of people with REAL, TRAINED services dogs.
AnkleByter 2 years ago (edited)
It's not necessarily wrong of them to say that. Yes, some people are well aware that service animals are always on their best behavior, but not everyone does know this. Many people have the misconception that service dogs are as likely to behave as any other animal may without the proper training. It's something a lot of people with service animals hear, and read, from others constantly. Why people assume this, is beyond me, but it's VERY common. People often have to be reassured that yes, this is a service animal and yes he/she does behave differently than you might expect as they are constantly working and not just pets. She's still NTA, but his parents are also not wrong for A-asking for an exception (it's fine she said no, and understandable), and B-ensuring they know that Max does behave well when asking.
Load More Replies...
Al LeFeusch 2 years ago (edited)
She's allergic to the dog. It's sucks, but it's better for the nephew to not attend than for the bride to have to worry about allergies ruining her wedding. As someone who is allergic to cats, i know that many people simply don't believe pet allergies are real. I've been told straight to my face by more than one person that "cat allergies don't exist, it's probably something else or psychological." Welp, the hives that appear when I'm around cats say otherwise, as does my allergy doctor. NTA.
Angelina Leal 2 years ago
This. I was actually told to my face "well you're not REALLY allergic to dust" as I was having a reaction (it wasn't major but my eyes were clearly red and puffy as well as really watery and itchy and my nose was VERY runny and I couldn't stop sneezing for more than a few seconds ( same thing happens with pollen)). Its bizarre how many people don't believe allergies of certain types exist. Bride said no so answer is, unfortunately, no.
Load More Replies...
Casey McAlister 2 years ago
Of course NTA. How on earth can you make an exception? Negotiate with your allergy and ask it not to show up today? I'm sure there are other ways for her nephew to handle his disorder or, if his anxiety is actually so severe he literally can't do anything without the dog, maybe attending a wedding ceremony wasn't a good idea to begin with?
Joe Reaves 2 years ago
Like someone said if there are competing medical needs then it appears only one of the two can attend and clearly that's going to have to be THE BRIDE.
Cheeky chicken 2 years ago
I read the title and thought " here we go another woman who has gone full on entitled bridezilla and thinks a guide dog will ruin the aesthetic of her vision" WOW my bad!!! How loudly and often do the members of her family complaining she's out of line need to be told, that, in fact, they are the absolute ahs in this situation and that a bride, on the day she marries the love of her life is not in fact being entitled or even remotely out of line by saying no he can't bring his dog because she will actually need to breathe to be able to say her vows. 🤨🤨
Mad Dragon 2 years ago
NTA! This isn’t a bridezilla making unreasonable demands. Her allergy to dogs could literally take her down on her wedding day! She offered to make alternate accommodations for her nephew, and she’s allowed to protect herself from having severe allergic reaction.
Royal Stray 2 years ago
I get that it sucks for the nephew but if he's 18 and doesn't have any other coping mechanisms or can't step away for a bit somewhere and have a panic attack there, then this can't be the first thing he's had to sit out on. I was fully prepared to call the bride an AH especially after she called it a "well behaved dog" like yeah it's a service dog, you can't hold those to "normal" dog standards. But it's the bride that's getting married not the nephew so even if it's mild allergies she has priority. If she was scared of dogs the same thing would be true. He doesn't strictly speaking need to be there, but it would be kind of difficult to get married without the bride.
LayDiva in the Zone 2 years ago
As soon as I saw he was 18, I was immediately upset. Unless he has a diminished mental capacity, dude knows what an allergic reaction can do.
Load More Replies... OmBoyGanesh 2 years ago
Similar situation recently happened at a destination wedding at my work. Father of the bride deathly allergic and grooms brother using a service dog. The father was obviously going to walk his daughter. The brother was to be a groomsman. It was an outdoor wedding. They maintained safe distance throughout the weeklong stay and during the ceremony the groomsman and his dog were set back a good distance from the rest of the party, on a decorated platform. Yes, he stood out and yes, it did highlight his need for a service dog, but he was wholly included. The father walked his daughter down the aisle and sat on the far side of the first row completely away from the groomsman. During rehearsal dinner, group activities and reception, there was a planner who orchestrated their movements and whereabouts. It went off without a hitch because of the vast open spaces & an outdoor setting. If it wasn’t going to work, they were going to use monitors and a live feed of some sort. A big compromise.
Cara G 2 years ago
That is a LOT of compromise but it sounds like this newly created family truly care about each other and are willing to work together to meet one another's needs. And kudos to that wedding planner!
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 2 years ago
NTA. If his parents have to say that Max will be on his best behavior it's not a service dog. Genuine service dogs are ALWAYS on their best behavior cuz they're always working. Max is a pet and the kid happens to have anxiety so that, in their mind, magically makes Max a service dog. It doesn't work that way and they're actively harming the community of people with REAL, TRAINED services dogs.
AnkleByter 2 years ago (edited)
It's not necessarily wrong of them to say that. Yes, some people are well aware that service animals are always on their best behavior, but not everyone does know this. Many people have the misconception that service dogs are as likely to behave as any other animal may without the proper training. It's something a lot of people with service animals hear, and read, from others constantly. Why people assume this, is beyond me, but it's VERY common. People often have to be reassured that yes, this is a service animal and yes he/she does behave differently than you might expect as they are constantly working and not just pets. She's still NTA, but his parents are also not wrong for A-asking for an exception (it's fine she said no, and understandable), and B-ensuring they know that Max does behave well when asking.
Load More Replies... Al LeFeusch 2 years ago (edited)
She's allergic to the dog. It's sucks, but it's better for the nephew to not attend than for the bride to have to worry about allergies ruining her wedding. As someone who is allergic to cats, i know that many people simply don't believe pet allergies are real. I've been told straight to my face by more than one person that "cat allergies don't exist, it's probably something else or psychological." Welp, the hives that appear when I'm around cats say otherwise, as does my allergy doctor. NTA.
Angelina Leal 2 years ago
This. I was actually told to my face "well you're not REALLY allergic to dust" as I was having a reaction (it wasn't major but my eyes were clearly red and puffy as well as really watery and itchy and my nose was VERY runny and I couldn't stop sneezing for more than a few seconds ( same thing happens with pollen)). Its bizarre how many people don't believe allergies of certain types exist. Bride said no so answer is, unfortunately, no.
Load More Replies... Casey McAlister 2 years ago
Of course NTA. How on earth can you make an exception? Negotiate with your allergy and ask it not to show up today? I'm sure there are other ways for her nephew to handle his disorder or, if his anxiety is actually so severe he literally can't do anything without the dog, maybe attending a wedding ceremony wasn't a good idea to begin with?
Joe Reaves 2 years ago
Like someone said if there are competing medical needs then it appears only one of the two can attend and clearly that's going to have to be THE BRIDE.
Cheeky chicken 2 years ago
I read the title and thought " here we go another woman who has gone full on entitled bridezilla and thinks a guide dog will ruin the aesthetic of her vision" WOW my bad!!! How loudly and often do the members of her family complaining she's out of line need to be told, that, in fact, they are the absolute ahs in this situation and that a bride, on the day she marries the love of her life is not in fact being entitled or even remotely out of line by saying no he can't bring his dog because she will actually need to breathe to be able to say her vows. 🤨🤨
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