“AITA For Not Letting My Mother Identify As A Grandmother To My Child On Social Media?”
A beautiful family portrait on social media does not always represent the reality of one’s family relationship.
Take this redditor’s story, for instance. Her mother was sharing posts about being a grandma without seemingly having anything to do with the baby. Not only that, she only accepted her title as a granny after her daughter’s third child, and didn’t allow the first two kids to call her that.
If you scroll down, you will find the full story in the OP’s own words, as well as Bored Panda’s interview with Sara Moore, Associate Professor of Sociology at Salem State University, who was kind enough to share her insight on the way social media affects people’s lives.
People’s family relationships might not be as close as they seem on social media
Image credits: Alexander Dummer (not the actual photo)
This redditor denounced her mother for creating a fake image of herself as a caring grandmother on Facebook
Image credits: anonymous
Social media is not always a mirror reflection of real life
Needless to say, social media is not always representative of reality, be it healthy lifestyles, relationships with friends and family, or adventure-filled lives it portrays. And while it’s the younger generation that arguably tends to believe what they see on social media more, people of all ages can fall into the trap of picture-perfect arrangements on others’ profiles. (Which is somewhat concerning, considering that more than half of US adults reportedly get their news from social media often or sometimes.)
“Social media has a profound effect on people’s values. First of all, social media is ubiquitous and difficult to avoid, so even when people aren’t on social media themselves, they’re inevitably affected by others who are,” Sara Moore told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“Secondly, a person’s social media is necessarily curated, which means people only show you what they want you to see. As a result, it’s easy for audiences to glamorize or idealize other people’s lives with little knowledge about what their lives actually look like.”
Image credits: Vitolda Klein (not the actual photo)
Many people try to paint a prettier picture of their lives than it actually is
Facebook is no exception. Being the most used social media platform in the world (with roughly three billion monthly active users), it, too, ought to have at least some people painting a prettier picture than it actually is, making the OP’s mother just one of the many. As a matter of fact, surveys found that roughly two-thirds of social media users post certain images seeking to make their lives seem more adventurous.
While the motivation for that might differ from person to person, one of the reasons for such behavior is likely to be related to the social comparison theory. It suggests that people tend to assess their social and personal worth based on where they stand in regards to others, and in the digital age, the number of likes can work as an excellent unit of measure for that.
“People are constantly comparing themselves to others by way of social media,” Prof. Moore emphasized, adding that while social media can be inspiring and build community, it can also influence people to make decisions based on inaccurate information or without consideration of the possible consequences.
Image credits: Marisa Howenstine (not the actual photo)
Favoritism can have a negative effect on a child’s relationship with their family
It’s unclear why the OP’s mother decided to lie on Facebook and try to present herself as a loving grandmother, when, based on the redditor’s description, she didn’t really fit the title. To make matters worse, she was willing to take on the role in regards to only one of the OP’s four children.
While favoritism rarely improves any relationship, it can be especially detrimental when there’s children involved. Institute for Family Studies (IFS) pointed out that parents playing favorites, for instance, can affect not only their relationship with the child, but the latter’s connection to their siblings, as well as their emotional well-being.
According to IFS’s data, 58% of Americans who say their parents didn’t have a favorite child said they are very or completely satisfied with the relationship they have with their siblings now, compared to 42% of those whose parents were playing favorites. In addition to that, the latter group reported higher levels of childhood loneliness.
While it’s unclear if favoritism on the grandparents’ part is as significant as the kind exhibited by a child’s parents, it’s probably unlikely to leave a positive effect, either; that’s why the grandmother in the redditor’s story received quite a few daggers in the comments section. But the OP received some criticism, too, for stooping to her level and airing out family matters on social media.
Many people didn’t think the OP was being a jerk in the situation
Some believed everyone was at fault here
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There are situations where it is appropriate, and called for, to set the record straight. Now OP needs to follow through, and block "Grandma" on all social media. Go LC or NC, because continuing to engage is only going to bring her and her kids pain.
Exactly. I'm not into social media, but if she wants to spew blatant lies after she ignores the first grandchildren because they weren't "in-wedlock" then she shouldn't expect OP to not set the record straight. It sounds like there is a good chance OP was kicked out as a pregnant teenager too since she went to go live with her boyfriend's family at 17 and her mother has basically ignored all her kids until the "in-wedlock" baby happened. Her mom could have easily not said sh!t on Facebook. Also, why is "airing dirty laundry" bad but Awesome Grandma TM ignoring her first grandchildren and possibly kicking her child out while pregnant okay.
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Lol. Really? She didn't air her direct laundry. Her dirty laundry aired itself. She baited people into the reaction she wanted, sure, but so what. Her post celebrated those who are in her children's life. Nothing junevile about that. Everyone does it. The only reason it was "hurtful" was because her mother, by her own free choice, isn't apart of her children's lives. If that truth hurts, so be it. You don't need to lie about that nor do you need to forego crediting those in your life for their contribution.
"her dirty laundry aired itself" is a fantastic point.
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“Your mum is a dreadful person. There’s no need to fight back. Just block her and let her die, alone, bitter, hateful and unloved” does not mean the OP qualifies for ESH status.
My thought exactly--there's a big open space between "a$$hole" and "handled the situation in the best way you possibly could have." (And the vast majority of all human behavior falls somewhere in that space.)
Load More Replies... There are situations where it is appropriate, and called for, to set the record straight. Now OP needs to follow through, and block "Grandma" on all social media. Go LC or NC, because continuing to engage is only going to bring her and her kids pain.
Exactly. I'm not into social media, but if she wants to spew blatant lies after she ignores the first grandchildren because they weren't "in-wedlock" then she shouldn't expect OP to not set the record straight. It sounds like there is a good chance OP was kicked out as a pregnant teenager too since she went to go live with her boyfriend's family at 17 and her mother has basically ignored all her kids until the "in-wedlock" baby happened. Her mom could have easily not said sh!t on Facebook. Also, why is "airing dirty laundry" bad but Awesome Grandma TM ignoring her first grandchildren and possibly kicking her child out while pregnant okay.
Load More Replies... Lol. Really? She didn't air her direct laundry. Her dirty laundry aired itself. She baited people into the reaction she wanted, sure, but so what. Her post celebrated those who are in her children's life. Nothing junevile about that. Everyone does it. The only reason it was "hurtful" was because her mother, by her own free choice, isn't apart of her children's lives. If that truth hurts, so be it. You don't need to lie about that nor do you need to forego crediting those in your life for their contribution.
"her dirty laundry aired itself" is a fantastic point.
Load More Replies... “Your mum is a dreadful person. There’s no need to fight back. Just block her and let her die, alone, bitter, hateful and unloved” does not mean the OP qualifies for ESH status.
My thought exactly--there's a big open space between "a$$hole" and "handled the situation in the best way you possibly could have." (And the vast majority of all human behavior falls somewhere in that space.)
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