Boyfriend Finds Out He Has Anemia, Is Furious His Girlfriend Still Went Out To Party
Your loved ones’ support can make a huge difference in every area of your life, whether you’re aiming for the stars with your projects or having to deal with a health scare. However, there are limits to what you can ask for: the world doesn’t stop turning just for you. And it’s best to not make mountains out of molehills just for the sake of sympathy.
Redditor u/Inevitable-Trip3538 recently went viral on the AITA subreddit after sharing how her boyfriend got mad at her when she didn’t cancel her plans once she learned about his medical diagnosis. It turns out that the man has anemia. Scroll down for the full story. Bored Panda got in touch with dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, and he shed some light on our questions about neediness and passive-aggressive behavior. Read on for his insights on the importance of Independent Confidence.
It feels wonderful to have your significant other support you when you urgently need them. However, not everyone has the same definition of urgency
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how her boyfriend expected her to cancel her social plans after he was diagnosed with anemia
Image credits: Nguyễn Hiệp (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Vishnu R Nair (not the actual photo)
There are some bigger relationship issues at play here than a medical diagnosis
Like in most cases with AITA posts, the story isn’t the actual story. The woman’s tale about what happened isn’t just about anemia: it’s about passive-aggressive behavior, power and control in relationships, personal boundaries, and the need for attention.
We all want to be loved, respected, and cared for. It’s natural. However, no matter how wonderful we might be, we simply can’t expect our significant others to prioritize us 24/7. We’re all individuals, with our very own needs, goals, and responsibilities. No matter how much we love someone, we can’t sacrifice all of our plans to focus exclusively on them and them alone. It’s not practical. It’s not healthy.
Dating expert Dan, from The Modern Man, noted that most people can sense when they’re being too demanding of their partner. “Yet, the problem is that when a person is emotionally needy, they will usually have a difficult time stopping themselves from being so demanding,” he explained to Bored Panda that emotional neediness is when someone needs the other person to reassure, comfort, or support them in order to feel normal.
“It is fine to expect love and support in a relationship, but you can’t ever demand it and shouldn’t ever rely on it to feel okay. If you demand it, need it, or are relying on it, then you are a needy person,” Dan said.
“The best approach is to have what I call Independent Confidence, where you are confident and feel good about yourself regardless of what the other person says or does.” An example of this would be the other person feeling down and being distant. You, however, don’t see that as a rejection of you. Instead, the dating expert said, you understand that they’re feeling down and give them time to get back on track. In short, you don’t need them to show you lots of love, affection, and attention when they aren’t in the mood to do so.
However, the founder of The Modern Man pointed out that if a person has Dependent Confidence, “they will usually only be able to feel confident in a relationship if the other person constantly reassures, comforts or supports them.”
Unfortunately, people like that are “seen as needy and often very annoying in a relationship.” The dating expert added that they “become more of a burden than a benefit to be with and as a result, a breakup usually follows.”
Bored Panda also wanted to get the expert’s opinion on approaching passive-aggressive behavior and tension in relationships. “The couple needs to understand that neither of them has to do anything in the relationship. A romantic relationship is not a forced situation where they must do X or Y. There are no rules like that,” the founder of The Modern Man said.
“It’s best when each person has the choice to show love, respect, or affection, rather than feeling like they ‘have to’ in order to make the other person feel okay. That way, the relationship feels natural, relaxed, and free, rather than forced. When that kind of relationship dynamic develops, both people are able to be themselves, rather than having to put on an act to make the other person feel okay.”
Making mountains out of molehills isn’t the way to go
Health conditions are nothing to laugh at. However, there’s definitely a hierarchy of urgency here. It’s perfectly reasonable to reach out to your nearest and dearest for support. What isn’t quite so reasonable is to expect absolutely everyone to cancel their plans (which they were really looking forward to) just to be with you in your time of ‘need.’
To put it somewhat bluntly, anemia is nowhere near in the same ballpark as, say, learning that you have cancer, a heart condition, or a genetic disease.
Anemia is a health issue and it can be dangerous, but it is fairly easily treatable. Cancer is something that you cancel plans for. Anemia is something that you simply… treat… and then you get on with your life. Yes, it can be scary to learn that something’s wrong with your body. But making the situation seem more urgent than it actually is smells of manipulation and desperation. All we’re saying is that, yes, it can be frightening, but we wouldn’t be acting all passive-aggressive if our partners didn’t drop out of their social events because, say, our cholesterol levels were too high or we had a significant vitamin D deficiency.
Treating anemia is fairly straightforward
You can treat anemia in two main ways: either with iron tablets or by eating iron-rich food. If you have anemia, some of the symptoms include having pale skin, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and lacking energy. There are other types of anemia, but iron deficiency is by far the most common one.
Aside from taking the iron tablets your doctor will prescribe you, you can supplement your iron intake by eating dark-green leafy veggies (e.g. watercress and kale), cereals, meat, dried raisins, and pulses (e.g. lentils, peas, and beans). You should also aim to consume less milk and dairy, tea and coffee, as well as wholegrain cereals, because they make it harder for your body to absorb iron. If left untreated, anemia can affect your immune system and may even lead to heart failure.
The woman shared some more information in the comments of her post
Here’s how the internet reacted after people read her story
There are clearly bigger issues at play. OP says 'everyone around me says he's controlling, but I don't see it'. Yeah. Run girl, before it's too late, and tell man-child to go eat some bananas.
Anemia diagnosis is like a “yay! What a relief” diagnosis. Super easy to deal with and you feel better super quick. He has some other issues going on and they are not the medical kind. Run, girl!
Exactly. I was so severely anemic that I passed out multiple times a day over simple things like getting out of bed. I got the diagnosis, got some iron pills and I was completely healthy within 2 months. The fact that she had to spend 2 HOURS on the phone to comfort him and he expected her to cancel her plans over such a simple thing is beyond insane.
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From the extra comments I think there are bigger red flags OP should be taking into consideration.
NTA. I've had pretty severe anemia off and on for about 5 years. I did the iron supplements and ate a lot of iron rich foods and my body wouldn't absorb it. I ended up having to get iron infusions. You go once a week for 3 weeks and it takes anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes to be done. It was absolutely no big deal to have done. I actually felt *really* good each day after an infusion. The only reason I even knew I had it was be because I was having bizarre cravings (eating ice, wanting super rare steak, etc) & I would get out of breath for no reason. He is a drama queen that is emotionally insecure.
Some people with gastric bypass need the iron infusions after. It's inconvenient, but not the worst thing.
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I had severe anaemia and had 2 iron infusions, and they were not little ones either. It, however, did not impair me in any way, but was a concern because of other health problems I have. This guy is a wuss! Suck it up Buttercup! Do you know how the conversation went with my Bev? Me: Hi Baba, turns out I have a nasty bit of anaemia. Got to go for iron infusions. Bev: Well that sucks! Me: I know right. Want to know the worst part? I have to travel to another city to have them. Talk about inconvenient. How's work? And that was how we dealt with it... over text!
I have to admire them both for being able to talk about anaemia for 2 hours.
FFS! I am anemic to the point my doctor was concerned I was bleeding internally. After getting a clean scan, I just took supplements... and it was an excuse to have more red meat in my diet. (We ate so much chicken, I'd crow every morning.) BF is ridiculous. Sounds like he didn't want to go and was mad she was going to have fun...
Manemia indeed! - most menstruating people get diagnosed with it at least once in their lifetime.
Men can get anemia for other reasons. My partner had to have an iron infusion. He didn't experience much of a difference in his energy levels, so he'll probably have to get another soon.
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This is a curious post. The original AITA post has been deleted, along with the original author profile. The subsequent comments (from Inevitable-event) had a short profile history, consisting on comments only. I have a cold, and my nose is blocked, but something smells fishy
So what was the pep talk about anaemia? I don’t have it but in case I need to give it to someone. Don't they just give some pills for this? I mean what exactly can you say about anaemia for two hours?
Good lord, I was anemic once to the point that I was starting to waste away and even then it was super easy to deal with. A few iron tablets and I bounced back in no time. This guy is either the world's biggest drama king or just looking for any excuse to be a selfish jerk.
I am anemic to the point that I have needed iron infusions. I would not stop the people in my life from living over me having anemia. He is a controlling jerk and she needs to dump him.
Yes, OP. He IS controlling. When he passive-aggressively asks if any guys thought you were sexy for the 5 minutes you were going to the bathroom, that’s controlling based on jealousy and his low self esteem. Not anything you did or anything about you. It’s all him. Watch out, as it will only escalate. Since what he hates now has to do with your job, be on the lookout for him to try to subtly (then not subtly) sabotage your career. At work events, he may get sloppy and embarrassingly drunk in front of your boss. Right before an important meeting, he may call you and pick a fight to make you distracted and f**k up in front of your boss. Abusers like him get really clever about knocking the wind out of you and f*****g over your life. Best advice is to dump his whiny a*s and find a man who will be the cheerleader of your career, not the saboteur.
OP should break up w/him, he's beyond controlling. He's one of those guys where once you break up with them for good - about 6 months down the road - you're asking yourself WTF were you thinking dating him because he's such a loser.
Woah. My horrible abusive ex did this, also with anemia! It didn’t take long for me to feel too drained by the prospect of fighting upon getting home if I ever hung out with my friends or even family, I started saying “no thanks” and I slowly disappeared from my social circle. Medical issues are the perfect tool for abusers to initiate control over your emotions and your time, AND leave you questioning yourself like we’re seeing here. TLDR RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Please.
Thank you for sharing how things progress. Glad you're safe! 🌷
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'... but he;ll start an argument each and every time I have to go somewhere." "I went to the bathroom... [and he went insane and was mad the rest of the night]." Let me say that I'm bipolar & I used to get irrational from the most innocuous comments from my partners back in the day. My high school g/f said something about my shoulder one time & I was upset the rest of the night. I didnt understand what I was dealing with until my mid-20's & finally knew to seek help. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that it maybe something similar, or some other mental health issue. It doesn't excuse his behavior, of course, but may be an explanation. If he's just a controlling, insecure jerk that's a whole different thing obviously. The fact that she can't see any of this as controlling because he's passive aggressive and not direct is probably the biggest issue for her getting out of this situation.
BF is a passive agreement douchecanoe who's trying to control her, demeans her (baking her an ignorant AH, etc), acts incredibly pretty AMF immature. And acting like anemia is a death sentence or something s ridiculous. Oh no, the poor baby needs to take a supplement. How will he ever be able to deal with something so incredibly traumatic. It's worse than cancer, heart failure, kidney fai.ure, diabetes, asthma, and chronic hangnails combined! The poor afflicted thing. [Sarcasm last few statements...in case it's not obvious]
Autocorrect got my again....baking should be calling her an..
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The baby was upset because she went to the event he did not want to go see because he did not like the headliners as he was willing to go out and see someone else. The case of Manemia was his only bargaining chip and he cashed it in too early as sad and malicious attempts of manipulation. Dare I say, Narcissist? Should I warn, RUN!
Most women are anaemic at some point in their lives (heavy periods/pregnancy etc) It's just one of those things, and he seems a bit of a baby about it, and no, it wouldn't prevent him from going out. If it were severe, they'd have transfused him, not given him good old ferrous sulphate.
Guilt trips. Snide comments. Playing the victim. Exaggerating situations. Expecting people to drop everything because of a minor issue. Equating love with compliance to his wishes (if you love me, you'll do this). Passive aggressive control freak. I bet he whines when he doesn't get his way. How long until he threatens self harm when she says she wants to break up? People like this will control your life and drain your soul because they will never be happy enough, they constantly need you to demonstrate your love through compliance.
I hope she's able to leave him one day before he hurts her. She's in really, really deep right now and doesn't even realize it.The description of her trip to the bathroom is the definition of controlling and crazy.
oooh so if i lack on iron i can act s****y now? is that a green light to be an a*s to your partner if you take supplements? WTF... i am constantly down in Iron because.. yeah i am a woman and i lose ONCE EVERY MONTH FOR 7 DAYS STRAIGHT just too much blood... but no mister perfect has anemia and the world is going down since he has to take... wait for it..SUPPLEMENTS!.... i'll give him the same life changing advice i always get " you should maybe eat more meat, have you thought about t that?"... what he has is perfectly manageable nowadays, no biggie and almost every adult takes supplements anyways nowadays... if he'd be my Boyfriend I 'd be leaving him because "you are never here for me" sounds just wrong in my opinion...
I found out I need surgery to take out a couple feet of small intestine with what they were afraid was cancerous polyps (they weren't), and didn't tell my wife for 3 days so I didn't ruin her time at her dad's birthday party. I knew she would want to cancel going, and would just worry unnecessarily. Her not having fun would not change anything.
Girl, run. Anemia is not a big deal. I lost pints of blood during child birth and was on iron supplements for months including weekly iron transfusions. I still went on with my normal life, newborn and all. That guy is controlling AF and sounds too needy.
I was absolutely cackling when I found out it was Anaemia (I have Anaemia, I can't take the supplements due to my stomach, it gets worse with my period, I cope just fine), cause I really thought it was gonna be something like Cancer. THEN I got to the comments and all the laughter left and all I could hear was Whoopie saying "You in danger, girl"
Sounds a lot like my ex, who controlled by acting helpless and gaining sympathy. When he was diagnosed with acid reflux, aka heartburn, he started casually mentioning to everyone that he had a "heart thing" and he needed to take "heart medicine." I told him several times: "It's heart*burn*. People keep getting the wrong idea when you speak so carelessly!" It took a long time before I realized he was doing it on purpose.
Baby man acts like baby. Baby man needs diapie changed. Baby man. Lil Baby man. B A B Y M A N.
What a whiny manchild. Anemia isn't something making you drop dead any time, it just makes you get tired and prevents you from excelling at sports, but unless it's that severe of a case that a drip is used to iron up his blood directly, a healthier diet might very well solve the issue - after all, the gamers' diet I suppose he obeys, consisting of potato chips and a bunch of frozen fastfood out of the microwave, doesn't really do the trick of staying healthy, if it's a daily habit for an extended time. Take some iron pills for a few weeks, have your blood looked on again, and likely be over with it. What a pussy.
He's not controlling, he just picks a fight any time I want to do something fun so I'll stay with him instead 🙄
Agreed the bf is acting like a lil b***h, but apparently I'm the only one here whose anemia WAS a big deal. Slept 15 hours a day and ended up on the ER with crazy heart palpitations. There ARE types that can kill you and it can be a hint that something is going very wrong in your body, but you still don't get to control your partner and treat people like s**t. You DO need to handle your anemia tho.
I have anemia off and on. Big deal, I take iron and vitamin supplements. The condition is so common every second person seems to have it at some point, it's usually a dietary issue and has to be chronic in some rare way to be a symptom of anything worth worrying about AT ALL. Mine is because of IBS and Crohns, also treatable and manageable. The anemia rarely comes up in conversation except when I mention having to grab more iron tablets if I'm not shopping alone. Can't imagine needing a pep talk for having an iron deficiency of all things, I would feel so lame.
Bloody hell what a drama queen this man is. I think it's something like 50% of woman are anemic all the time and we aren't allowed to stop doing things because of it. Hes got bigger issues than just being low in iron... Basically I think his ego is going to be his biggest handicap. Op should really think about this relationship because his not going to improve on keeping
Anaemia in not at all serious, Most young women seem to get it. It is easily solved with either iron or B12 supplements. Sometimes simply giving up veganism! Arre you sure it was anaemia and not6a more serious blood diorder? Red blood cell disorders ; Thalassemia. Thalassemia ; Polycythemia vera. Polycythemia ...
I will ask only one thing, and then I'm shutting my mouth: Are you SURE you want this "man" in your life, especially long term? ARE YOU SURE????? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 16, I had to take once-a-week B12 shots in my hip because my body couldn't absorb iron naturally. If you've never had the shot, they are a thick syrup-like iron supplement that's injected with a large-bore needle and are most unpleasant. You can literally taste the iron as it's injected. When I was diagnosed, there were no 2-hour coddling phone calls and people didn't treat me like I was on my deathbed, nor did I act like it was life-ending like this guy is doing. I'd get my weekly shot and be on my way. No big deal and it wasn't going to stop any plans I had. This dude is absolutely using his anemia to try to manipulate his GF and gaslighting her into getting his way. This will not get better, especially since she seems to be feeding into it by coddling him for such a minor thing to have. Pernicious anemia is a serious illness...regular anemia is not. Throw the whole man away
This is typical passive-aggressive manipulating behavior. I'm more concerned about him asking if anyone told you you look sexy and then being pissed off about it. You need to ditch this abuser in the making NOW.
I have pernicious anemia, and vary between needing iron infusions & B12 injections. It's NOT a death sentence. He's a drama queen & a baby who will use any excuse to keep OP from going anywhere without him. She needs to run.
I think you got told by enough people he's a Man child and to walk away what I would like to know is if other people have told you why do you ask for advice? It's already in front of you!
I thought this said amnesia in the headline and was on the bf's side until I read Anemia. Come on, Anemia is NOT that serious.
WTF? Most people would be thrilled to have anemia over other diagnoses or illnesses. Major red flag. Dump his a*s.
1. NTA. Anemia is common, rather easy to treat and not really life threatening. I got anemia - it barely occurred to me to mention it to my family. 2. Your guy seems immature, self-absorbed and insecure. And hypochondriac? 3. He's controlling. It's how people with the above mentioned traits compensate for their inadequacies or when they don't get what they want. 4. Unless you don't mind living your life under his thumb, or a lot of drama, get of that relationship.
Girl, if everyone else says he's controlling, then you're just looking at him through rose-coloured glasses. From this entire post to us, WE are telling you he is controlling. He has issues. He wants you to baby him. He tries to manipulate you by passive-aggressive means when you say you'll go to the event alone. He spends WAY too much time trying to make you feel guilty when you did go out. Can you see the red flags now? If not, then have a good life with him, but I doubt that will happen. Otherwise, if you want to find someone who will be your partner in life, rather than your first judgmental child/baby, then RUN! As fast as you can go. There are so many red flags flying here that I'm thinking I'm in China!
JFC. I got diagnosed with diabetes 2 last year and it's a lot of worse than anemia. I had to change my (admittedly) lousy diet and search for a healthier lifestyle. But that in no way impeded my social life, I still go out and have fun, not a day lost thinking I'm can't do anything or even worse that people can't have fun stuff because I can't. I just pay more attention to my diet and do exercise and take my meds.
It depends on the relationship. I have arthritis. My spouse is free to go to whatever if I'm not ok. I tell him when it's bad enough I need help. I get BF is feeling his mortality. He is going to grieve that he's mortal. She can live without being TAH if he gets outside his head.
I have that too along with CHF, COPD and I don't stop my husband from going out and enjoying himself.
NTA. Anemia is a pretty easily treatable thing that doesn't imply any changes in your lifestyle, it's not terminal, not painful, not restrictive in terms of diet or physical activity. There is absolutely no reason to overreact this much.
oh, whaaaa! give him a pacifier and an iron pill and let him put himself to bed! i have anemia so bad that my iron levels were the point that i could have gone into a coma - didn't know that could happen actually as the number was single digit. so, now i have to i have to have monthly/bimonthly iv infusions. this guy is a baby and wanted to be pampered. a little too needy for my taste and, it sounds like it may be too needy for his. this may sound harsh but taking supplements is a far cry from having to be sent to the hospital for this. huge red flag. give him to some lady who has the desire to be a mother figure/over nurturing person. nothing wrong with being that way but not a fit for everyone.
Ummm, most women are anemic, just take your daily vitamin. Oh my goodness what a drama queen
This reads exactly like the scene in The Devil Wears Prada when Andy has to attend a work event and misses Nate's birthday party so he waits on the couch until the literal moment she gets home just so he can swan dramatically across the living room and flop his floppy àss onto the bed while mouth farting a passive-aggressive "you look really pretty".
Wow, actually an AITA that isn't clear cut. A rarity. Not so much, AITA, but am I the fool? Some people react to health news in different ways. Anemia is serious enough to require a doctor's intervention. Sounds like to me, she needs to reevaluate the relationship, if so many people are telling her about the drama, from outside the relationship.
Hmm don’t completely agree with you. Yes based on the first story you are right he might be worried. But the way he expresses himself is strange. And needing some form of intervention from a doctor doesn’t make it serious perse. So he could have said: I am worried because …. Yet one of her reactions where she explains he was upset when it took her a bit longer to go to the bathroom is more concerning. In my opinion part of becoming an adult is learning how to regulate your own emotions. And purposely making your partner feel bad because you are jealous or worried isn’t right and might be a tale tell of some more controlling behaviour. The fact that she already adjusts her behaviour (by needing to explain that she was alone for the whole evening) makes me think he is controlling. Also when her family is worried and are vocal about it suggest that this wasn’t the first time.
Load More Replies... There are clearly bigger issues at play. OP says 'everyone around me says he's controlling, but I don't see it'. Yeah. Run girl, before it's too late, and tell man-child to go eat some bananas.
Anemia diagnosis is like a “yay! What a relief” diagnosis. Super easy to deal with and you feel better super quick. He has some other issues going on and they are not the medical kind. Run, girl!
Exactly. I was so severely anemic that I passed out multiple times a day over simple things like getting out of bed. I got the diagnosis, got some iron pills and I was completely healthy within 2 months. The fact that she had to spend 2 HOURS on the phone to comfort him and he expected her to cancel her plans over such a simple thing is beyond insane.
Load More Replies... From the extra comments I think there are bigger red flags OP should be taking into consideration.
NTA. I've had pretty severe anemia off and on for about 5 years. I did the iron supplements and ate a lot of iron rich foods and my body wouldn't absorb it. I ended up having to get iron infusions. You go once a week for 3 weeks and it takes anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes to be done. It was absolutely no big deal to have done. I actually felt *really* good each day after an infusion. The only reason I even knew I had it was be because I was having bizarre cravings (eating ice, wanting super rare steak, etc) & I would get out of breath for no reason. He is a drama queen that is emotionally insecure.
Some people with gastric bypass need the iron infusions after. It's inconvenient, but not the worst thing.
Load More Replies... I had severe anaemia and had 2 iron infusions, and they were not little ones either. It, however, did not impair me in any way, but was a concern because of other health problems I have. This guy is a wuss! Suck it up Buttercup! Do you know how the conversation went with my Bev? Me: Hi Baba, turns out I have a nasty bit of anaemia. Got to go for iron infusions. Bev: Well that sucks! Me: I know right. Want to know the worst part? I have to travel to another city to have them. Talk about inconvenient. How's work? And that was how we dealt with it... over text!
I have to admire them both for being able to talk about anaemia for 2 hours.
FFS! I am anemic to the point my doctor was concerned I was bleeding internally. After getting a clean scan, I just took supplements... and it was an excuse to have more red meat in my diet. (We ate so much chicken, I'd crow every morning.) BF is ridiculous. Sounds like he didn't want to go and was mad she was going to have fun...
Manemia indeed! - most menstruating people get diagnosed with it at least once in their lifetime.
Men can get anemia for other reasons. My partner had to have an iron infusion. He didn't experience much of a difference in his energy levels, so he'll probably have to get another soon.
Load More Replies... This is a curious post. The original AITA post has been deleted, along with the original author profile. The subsequent comments (from Inevitable-event) had a short profile history, consisting on comments only. I have a cold, and my nose is blocked, but something smells fishy
So what was the pep talk about anaemia? I don’t have it but in case I need to give it to someone. Don't they just give some pills for this? I mean what exactly can you say about anaemia for two hours?
Good lord, I was anemic once to the point that I was starting to waste away and even then it was super easy to deal with. A few iron tablets and I bounced back in no time. This guy is either the world's biggest drama king or just looking for any excuse to be a selfish jerk.
I am anemic to the point that I have needed iron infusions. I would not stop the people in my life from living over me having anemia. He is a controlling jerk and she needs to dump him.
Yes, OP. He IS controlling. When he passive-aggressively asks if any guys thought you were sexy for the 5 minutes you were going to the bathroom, that’s controlling based on jealousy and his low self esteem. Not anything you did or anything about you. It’s all him. Watch out, as it will only escalate. Since what he hates now has to do with your job, be on the lookout for him to try to subtly (then not subtly) sabotage your career. At work events, he may get sloppy and embarrassingly drunk in front of your boss. Right before an important meeting, he may call you and pick a fight to make you distracted and f**k up in front of your boss. Abusers like him get really clever about knocking the wind out of you and f*****g over your life. Best advice is to dump his whiny a*s and find a man who will be the cheerleader of your career, not the saboteur.
OP should break up w/him, he's beyond controlling. He's one of those guys where once you break up with them for good - about 6 months down the road - you're asking yourself WTF were you thinking dating him because he's such a loser.
Woah. My horrible abusive ex did this, also with anemia! It didn’t take long for me to feel too drained by the prospect of fighting upon getting home if I ever hung out with my friends or even family, I started saying “no thanks” and I slowly disappeared from my social circle. Medical issues are the perfect tool for abusers to initiate control over your emotions and your time, AND leave you questioning yourself like we’re seeing here. TLDR RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Please.
Thank you for sharing how things progress. Glad you're safe! 🌷
Load More Replies... '... but he;ll start an argument each and every time I have to go somewhere." "I went to the bathroom... [and he went insane and was mad the rest of the night]." Let me say that I'm bipolar & I used to get irrational from the most innocuous comments from my partners back in the day. My high school g/f said something about my shoulder one time & I was upset the rest of the night. I didnt understand what I was dealing with until my mid-20's & finally knew to seek help. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that it maybe something similar, or some other mental health issue. It doesn't excuse his behavior, of course, but may be an explanation. If he's just a controlling, insecure jerk that's a whole different thing obviously. The fact that she can't see any of this as controlling because he's passive aggressive and not direct is probably the biggest issue for her getting out of this situation.
BF is a passive agreement douchecanoe who's trying to control her, demeans her (baking her an ignorant AH, etc), acts incredibly pretty AMF immature. And acting like anemia is a death sentence or something s ridiculous. Oh no, the poor baby needs to take a supplement. How will he ever be able to deal with something so incredibly traumatic. It's worse than cancer, heart failure, kidney fai.ure, diabetes, asthma, and chronic hangnails combined! The poor afflicted thing. [Sarcasm last few statements...in case it's not obvious]
Autocorrect got my again....baking should be calling her an..
Load More Replies... The baby was upset because she went to the event he did not want to go see because he did not like the headliners as he was willing to go out and see someone else. The case of Manemia was his only bargaining chip and he cashed it in too early as sad and malicious attempts of manipulation. Dare I say, Narcissist? Should I warn, RUN!
Most women are anaemic at some point in their lives (heavy periods/pregnancy etc) It's just one of those things, and he seems a bit of a baby about it, and no, it wouldn't prevent him from going out. If it were severe, they'd have transfused him, not given him good old ferrous sulphate.
Guilt trips. Snide comments. Playing the victim. Exaggerating situations. Expecting people to drop everything because of a minor issue. Equating love with compliance to his wishes (if you love me, you'll do this). Passive aggressive control freak. I bet he whines when he doesn't get his way. How long until he threatens self harm when she says she wants to break up? People like this will control your life and drain your soul because they will never be happy enough, they constantly need you to demonstrate your love through compliance.
I hope she's able to leave him one day before he hurts her. She's in really, really deep right now and doesn't even realize it.The description of her trip to the bathroom is the definition of controlling and crazy.
oooh so if i lack on iron i can act s****y now? is that a green light to be an a*s to your partner if you take supplements? WTF... i am constantly down in Iron because.. yeah i am a woman and i lose ONCE EVERY MONTH FOR 7 DAYS STRAIGHT just too much blood... but no mister perfect has anemia and the world is going down since he has to take... wait for it..SUPPLEMENTS!.... i'll give him the same life changing advice i always get " you should maybe eat more meat, have you thought about t that?"... what he has is perfectly manageable nowadays, no biggie and almost every adult takes supplements anyways nowadays... if he'd be my Boyfriend I 'd be leaving him because "you are never here for me" sounds just wrong in my opinion...
I found out I need surgery to take out a couple feet of small intestine with what they were afraid was cancerous polyps (they weren't), and didn't tell my wife for 3 days so I didn't ruin her time at her dad's birthday party. I knew she would want to cancel going, and would just worry unnecessarily. Her not having fun would not change anything.
Girl, run. Anemia is not a big deal. I lost pints of blood during child birth and was on iron supplements for months including weekly iron transfusions. I still went on with my normal life, newborn and all. That guy is controlling AF and sounds too needy.
I was absolutely cackling when I found out it was Anaemia (I have Anaemia, I can't take the supplements due to my stomach, it gets worse with my period, I cope just fine), cause I really thought it was gonna be something like Cancer. THEN I got to the comments and all the laughter left and all I could hear was Whoopie saying "You in danger, girl"
Sounds a lot like my ex, who controlled by acting helpless and gaining sympathy. When he was diagnosed with acid reflux, aka heartburn, he started casually mentioning to everyone that he had a "heart thing" and he needed to take "heart medicine." I told him several times: "It's heart*burn*. People keep getting the wrong idea when you speak so carelessly!" It took a long time before I realized he was doing it on purpose.
Baby man acts like baby. Baby man needs diapie changed. Baby man. Lil Baby man. B A B Y M A N.
What a whiny manchild. Anemia isn't something making you drop dead any time, it just makes you get tired and prevents you from excelling at sports, but unless it's that severe of a case that a drip is used to iron up his blood directly, a healthier diet might very well solve the issue - after all, the gamers' diet I suppose he obeys, consisting of potato chips and a bunch of frozen fastfood out of the microwave, doesn't really do the trick of staying healthy, if it's a daily habit for an extended time. Take some iron pills for a few weeks, have your blood looked on again, and likely be over with it. What a pussy.
He's not controlling, he just picks a fight any time I want to do something fun so I'll stay with him instead 🙄
Agreed the bf is acting like a lil b***h, but apparently I'm the only one here whose anemia WAS a big deal. Slept 15 hours a day and ended up on the ER with crazy heart palpitations. There ARE types that can kill you and it can be a hint that something is going very wrong in your body, but you still don't get to control your partner and treat people like s**t. You DO need to handle your anemia tho.
I have anemia off and on. Big deal, I take iron and vitamin supplements. The condition is so common every second person seems to have it at some point, it's usually a dietary issue and has to be chronic in some rare way to be a symptom of anything worth worrying about AT ALL. Mine is because of IBS and Crohns, also treatable and manageable. The anemia rarely comes up in conversation except when I mention having to grab more iron tablets if I'm not shopping alone. Can't imagine needing a pep talk for having an iron deficiency of all things, I would feel so lame.
Bloody hell what a drama queen this man is. I think it's something like 50% of woman are anemic all the time and we aren't allowed to stop doing things because of it. Hes got bigger issues than just being low in iron... Basically I think his ego is going to be his biggest handicap. Op should really think about this relationship because his not going to improve on keeping
Anaemia in not at all serious, Most young women seem to get it. It is easily solved with either iron or B12 supplements. Sometimes simply giving up veganism! Arre you sure it was anaemia and not6a more serious blood diorder? Red blood cell disorders ; Thalassemia. Thalassemia ; Polycythemia vera. Polycythemia ...
I will ask only one thing, and then I'm shutting my mouth: Are you SURE you want this "man" in your life, especially long term? ARE YOU SURE????? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 16, I had to take once-a-week B12 shots in my hip because my body couldn't absorb iron naturally. If you've never had the shot, they are a thick syrup-like iron supplement that's injected with a large-bore needle and are most unpleasant. You can literally taste the iron as it's injected. When I was diagnosed, there were no 2-hour coddling phone calls and people didn't treat me like I was on my deathbed, nor did I act like it was life-ending like this guy is doing. I'd get my weekly shot and be on my way. No big deal and it wasn't going to stop any plans I had. This dude is absolutely using his anemia to try to manipulate his GF and gaslighting her into getting his way. This will not get better, especially since she seems to be feeding into it by coddling him for such a minor thing to have. Pernicious anemia is a serious illness...regular anemia is not. Throw the whole man away
This is typical passive-aggressive manipulating behavior. I'm more concerned about him asking if anyone told you you look sexy and then being pissed off about it. You need to ditch this abuser in the making NOW.
I have pernicious anemia, and vary between needing iron infusions & B12 injections. It's NOT a death sentence. He's a drama queen & a baby who will use any excuse to keep OP from going anywhere without him. She needs to run.
I think you got told by enough people he's a Man child and to walk away what I would like to know is if other people have told you why do you ask for advice? It's already in front of you!
I thought this said amnesia in the headline and was on the bf's side until I read Anemia. Come on, Anemia is NOT that serious.
WTF? Most people would be thrilled to have anemia over other diagnoses or illnesses. Major red flag. Dump his a*s.
1. NTA. Anemia is common, rather easy to treat and not really life threatening. I got anemia - it barely occurred to me to mention it to my family. 2. Your guy seems immature, self-absorbed and insecure. And hypochondriac? 3. He's controlling. It's how people with the above mentioned traits compensate for their inadequacies or when they don't get what they want. 4. Unless you don't mind living your life under his thumb, or a lot of drama, get of that relationship.
Girl, if everyone else says he's controlling, then you're just looking at him through rose-coloured glasses. From this entire post to us, WE are telling you he is controlling. He has issues. He wants you to baby him. He tries to manipulate you by passive-aggressive means when you say you'll go to the event alone. He spends WAY too much time trying to make you feel guilty when you did go out. Can you see the red flags now? If not, then have a good life with him, but I doubt that will happen. Otherwise, if you want to find someone who will be your partner in life, rather than your first judgmental child/baby, then RUN! As fast as you can go. There are so many red flags flying here that I'm thinking I'm in China!
JFC. I got diagnosed with diabetes 2 last year and it's a lot of worse than anemia. I had to change my (admittedly) lousy diet and search for a healthier lifestyle. But that in no way impeded my social life, I still go out and have fun, not a day lost thinking I'm can't do anything or even worse that people can't have fun stuff because I can't. I just pay more attention to my diet and do exercise and take my meds.
It depends on the relationship. I have arthritis. My spouse is free to go to whatever if I'm not ok. I tell him when it's bad enough I need help. I get BF is feeling his mortality. He is going to grieve that he's mortal. She can live without being TAH if he gets outside his head.
I have that too along with CHF, COPD and I don't stop my husband from going out and enjoying himself.
NTA. Anemia is a pretty easily treatable thing that doesn't imply any changes in your lifestyle, it's not terminal, not painful, not restrictive in terms of diet or physical activity. There is absolutely no reason to overreact this much.
oh, whaaaa! give him a pacifier and an iron pill and let him put himself to bed! i have anemia so bad that my iron levels were the point that i could have gone into a coma - didn't know that could happen actually as the number was single digit. so, now i have to i have to have monthly/bimonthly iv infusions. this guy is a baby and wanted to be pampered. a little too needy for my taste and, it sounds like it may be too needy for his. this may sound harsh but taking supplements is a far cry from having to be sent to the hospital for this. huge red flag. give him to some lady who has the desire to be a mother figure/over nurturing person. nothing wrong with being that way but not a fit for everyone.
Ummm, most women are anemic, just take your daily vitamin. Oh my goodness what a drama queen
This reads exactly like the scene in The Devil Wears Prada when Andy has to attend a work event and misses Nate's birthday party so he waits on the couch until the literal moment she gets home just so he can swan dramatically across the living room and flop his floppy àss onto the bed while mouth farting a passive-aggressive "you look really pretty".
Wow, actually an AITA that isn't clear cut. A rarity. Not so much, AITA, but am I the fool? Some people react to health news in different ways. Anemia is serious enough to require a doctor's intervention. Sounds like to me, she needs to reevaluate the relationship, if so many people are telling her about the drama, from outside the relationship.
Hmm don’t completely agree with you. Yes based on the first story you are right he might be worried. But the way he expresses himself is strange. And needing some form of intervention from a doctor doesn’t make it serious perse. So he could have said: I am worried because …. Yet one of her reactions where she explains he was upset when it took her a bit longer to go to the bathroom is more concerning. In my opinion part of becoming an adult is learning how to regulate your own emotions. And purposely making your partner feel bad because you are jealous or worried isn’t right and might be a tale tell of some more controlling behaviour. The fact that she already adjusts her behaviour (by needing to explain that she was alone for the whole evening) makes me think he is controlling. Also when her family is worried and are vocal about it suggest that this wasn’t the first time.
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