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![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/not-asking-kids-to-come-wedding-rsvp-no-fb7-png__700.jpg)
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“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”
Everything in this world, good or bad, unfortunately sooner or later comes to an end. Work, relationships, friendships, feuds, and even life itself. And how it all ends will largely determine what exactly other people will say about us later. And since we all are social beings, this will still be important, no matter how much we convince ourselves otherwise.
Therefore, for example, when you part with your significant others, it is extremely important to do this without holding grudges toward each other and to try to remain, if not good friends, at least maintaining normal human relations. Especially if you have children.
This story first surfaced a few days ago on the AITA Reddit community, with over 10.5K upvotes and almost 1.9K different comments as of today. Despite the rather sad occasion, the discussion turned out to be very intense, and netizens basically came to the conclusion that the author of the original post was not to blame for anything. However, let’s just talk about everything in order…
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
The author of the post divorced his ex wife over a decade ago as she left him for another man
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/2-73.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual image)
So, the author of the original post says that he and his wife broke up when their two children were still young. The man admits that his wife preferred to be with another man, and for him it became a very difficult mental experience. However, over the years, the original poster, as he said, did everything to remain a good dad for his children.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/author_1454f0d4e153782fca6b9a50602184e3.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
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Image credits: u/AdSuch5527
The man, however, did his best to be a good dad for their two kids
The man did not miss a single payment for his alimony and child support, he always attended his kids’ creative or sports performances, and he was as open as possible for communication. When the OP’s ex-wife remarried, his alimony ended, but the man kept on paying child support regularly. Over time, the OP’s ex-wife had another child, and he himself began a new relationship as well.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/author_cd549664c57784a2252d2bf79fff74c8.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
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Image credits: u/AdSuch5527
Everything changed when, quite recently, the mother of the OP’s children was diagnosed with cancer, and it was very aggressive. It required expensive treatment, and this, apparently, destroyed their marriage. That guy was not able to pay all the bills, and when the debts piled up, he just left her. However, the OP admits that he knows too little about this ugly story to tell in detail.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/author_2a977fdbe13dc870c7e5727fda2cf015.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
Image credits: u/AdSuch5527
Several months ago, the author’s ex-wife got diagnosed with cancer. Her husband left her and she passed away recently
As a result, the OP’s ex-wife passed away a few months ago, and for his children, now 17 and 18 years old, it was a big shock. Of course, the man was present at the funeral, and at Thanksgiving they met together and talked for a long time, mourning the deceased. As the man himself says, from the moment he found out about the illness of his ex-wife, there was not a day that he did not communicate with the children – either calls or texts, because now the OP lives in another city.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/3-60.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
Image credits: Anna- Louise (not the actual image)
Now let’s go back four months to when the OP’s ex-wife was still alive and not yet in hospice care. Around that time, the author of the post and his girlfriend decided to get married. They weren’t planning a big wedding, just a small backyard ceremony. The wedding was planned for the beginning of the new year – so that the OP’s children, as well as his fiancée’s, who are also in college, could come during the holidays.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/author_07a481daef6386ca05991ac4f39a8696.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
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Image credits: u/AdSuch5527
Months before the funeral, the author and his girlfriend decided to tie the knot, but the man’s children both RSVP’d no
The original poster sent out invitations a long time ago, but his children both RSVP’d no – literally days before their mother’s death. Be that as it may, the man did not postpone the ceremony – after all, he had nothing to do with the woman with whom he had divorced over a decade ago. The father did not send repeated invitations to the children, but, according to him, there was always a room for them at the ceremony.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/author_4adf7a8d7b37666b222cd85afdf79eae.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
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Image credits: u/AdSuch5527
The ceremony took place without the groom’s children – but they told the dad off for not re-inviting them and for being ‘heartless’ as well
However, the children never arrived – and when they found out that the wedding did take place, they told their dad off for, firstly, disinviting them, and secondly, for allegedly disrespecting the memory of their late mother. An argument arose, but the original poster is still pretty sure he didn’t actually do anything wrong.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/author_237948860b4f5c807a166593271438be.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
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Image credits: u/AdSuch5527
People in the comments, however, mostly sided with the man, stating that he did nothing wrong
We must now say that the opinions of people in the comments were divided, but the majority still supported the original poster. Understanding and sharing his children’s grief for their mother, commenters still note that the teens are behaving as if their parents were married quite recently. Or as if their father cheated on his ex with his new wife straight after she got the cancer diagnosis. The situation is certainly very sad, but life goes on, and this was one of the moments to show that, people in the comments are convinced.
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/1-95.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Asking My Kids To Come To My Wedding After They RSVP’d No?”")
Image credits: DISTRUPTIVO (not the actual image)
Some commenters specifically point out that the invitations were sent out long before their mother’s death, and that they formally declined themselves. If the children wanted their father to literally beg them to come to his wedding, then it looks rather weird, people wrote. In any case, according to some of the commenters, we are talking more about the fact that they regret missing their dad’s wedding and are still raw from their mother’s death. “So blaming you is the only logical thing they can think of,” commenters opine.
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If you have already made up your mind about this tale and its characters, then please welcome to the comments below this post. And if you also happened to witness a similar, albeit very sad story, then please share it with us and we’ll try to discuss it too.
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What do you think ?
lenka 3 years ago
I dont think anyone is an A hole here. It was unfortunate timing mixed with raw grief.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Except the mother's 2nd husband, he is definitely the A hole.
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Sonja 3 years ago
OP said he never talked badly about his ex. I wonder if she was also that considerate. Did they ever tell their children why they separated? Or did the ex-wife spin a tale that omitted her faults trying to make it a tragic happening with no ones fault or even hinted it was somehow OPs fault? That would explain the animosity and standoffishness. And it happens so often! If anyone of you ever comes to this situation, tell your children the truth. You don't have to slander you ex or blow it up, but definitely talk to your children and explain to them honestly why the marriage broke. If you're sugarcoating you risk leaving the impression that it was your fault and you left just because you didn't want them anymore. Then they first blame themselves and later they blame you since it's very unlikely that the dishonest person will suddenly own up and tell them it was them.
Chantal Guyatt 3 years ago
Call me cold but kids are kinda a******s. And as someone mentioned below, so is mom's second husband (and mom for cheating). Probably the only person here who isn't an AH is dad/OP. He's been attentive, vigilant and available as both a father an divorced husband. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him finding love again and deciding to tie the knot with that person. He didn't deliberately do it in a small time frame after his children's mother died but h doesn't owe this broad anything and his kids are being immature and unreasonable. I'm not a stone - believe me, I'm actually incredibly sensitive and empathetic, however I'm not an idiot. And his kids are being unreasonable and unfair. Especially to decline the invitation and then turn around and act like some injustice occurred because dad went ahead with his ALREADY PLANNED wedding. It wasn't his responsibility to chase them if they didn't want to go; they're petulant little children.
xiao xiao 3 years ago
His children are wrong, bur they aren't a******s. They went through a divorce, had to see an adult abandon their mother and them, then they lost the parent whom they lived with and spent the most time with, they're also at a stressful age, and they've probably been through many things the dad doesn't know about during the time they aren't together. But then their only remaining parent is having his wedding only two months after thier mother's death (he's not wrong or at fault for it of course), they're probably grieving, and feeling uncertain and lost. Maybe they're just scared they'll lost their father to another woman, the father assumed it just about thier mother, bur maybe they felt like he doesn't care enough about his children's grief to wait a bit longer for the wedding and felt like he doesn't care too much about having them included. Sure, they're adults, but they're still young, it's something that cna be difficult to process. They should all talk it out together.
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sturmwesen 3 years ago
Solid NAH. They have to work through their emotions. Give them a few months.
Randy Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
The kids have a right to feel the way they do. So too, does the parent. Touchy, and perhaps needing a 3d party to talk it out.
Susan Todd 3 years ago
Nobody is an A hole here but I wonder why the kids aren’t directing anger at their Mom’s husband that left because he couldn’t deal with her cancer diagnosis. Grief does crazy things to people
CatWoman312 3 years ago
This is one of those where you have to read the whole story before you place judgement NTA, you did the best you could and I don’t think anytime would have been a good time for them anyway
Debby Keir 3 years ago
My father remarried 3 months after my mother died.....they weren't divorced.....
Liz Clarke 3 years ago
I think this depends on when she went into the hospice. She might have been there already when the invitations were sent or it could have been a rapid decline. If she was already there and expected to die around the time of the wedding I think he should have been mindful of this. A wedding is a happy celebration and it must have been tough after losing their mum so young.
Honu 3 years ago
This is similar to my train of thought. When my siblings and I were doing the end of life hospice care for one of our parents, it was grueling and exhausting, both physically and emotionally. If they were going through a similar situation, I would hope their own father would realize that it would be kind to let them get through that before scheduling the wedding. It might have nothing at all to do with him getting remarried and everything to do with them being in the middle of a life changing emotional ordeal.
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Craig S. (EvilSausage) 3 years ago
If the op is reading this, I'm sorry for the damage to your relationship with your kids, but congratulations on your new marriage. Now having said that, it sounds to me like your ex-wife poisoned your kids against you. I know that happens because my mother did it after her divorce from my father. I believed her b******t for many years, until two things happened: I realized how abusive she was, and I grew too old to believe the implausible stories she'd told 6yo me. Anyway, good luck.
Sir Panda 3 years ago
I think I lost IQ points reading this. The circumstances and the childrens(emphasis on children) thinking are flawed and near sighted. The OP and ex divorced over a decade ago. He moved on. Sounds like obligations were met. Her Untimely death has nothing to do with his life nor should it. This makes no sense. Insanely 1 million times NTA. THey're emotionally selfish stunted and should seek therapy.
Fergus Corgi 3 years ago
If the wedding was the weekend right after she died maybe they should've rescheduled but it was 2 months later. I think that is an acceptable amount of time in this situation. The OP is NTA & the kids get a pass since they are still teenagers. Hopefully, in a few years, the kids will grow up a bit & realize their dad didn't do anything wrong.
Venice 3 years ago
The kids are grieving. I would not worry too much about it. You did everything right. Give them a chance to go through it. You guys can have a private celebration some other time. They are all wrapped up in finding a new normal without their mum. They will come around. No ones an A... in this case. This has nothing to do with your wedding but everything thing to do with their mum no longer with them.
Margaret Beier 3 years ago (edited)
The mother's an AH. She screwed her children and her husband. BTW, amazing how many readers here have NOT actually read the article and important details yet they comment, spouting their biases and opinions.
Load More Replies... Sparkle 3 years ago
There is a lot to unpack here....I understand that the kids are in pain from their mother passing away. No matter how old they get, it'll never be easy to lose a parent. The mother decided long ago that she wanted to be with someone else, which is fine - the heart wants what the heart wants, water under the bridge, and all that. From OP's perspective, he's been a great father to them, despite everything that happened, and seemed to be a good sport about how his marriage turned out and all that (not harboring resentment and such). Timing is what sucks the most here. To me, it's not fair nor is it right for the kids to be mad at their father for not begging them to attend his wedding...however, I don't even think that's really what they are mad about deep down. They are mad at the loss of their mom, they are mad at the fact that their parents got a divorce (even if it was long ago), they are mad at themselves, no doubt (that lingering belief that you could have done something even if...
Sparkle 3 years ago
...there isn't anything that would have changed the outcome), and they are mad at the world. My heart goes out to all of them, because this can't be easy for any of them (except the second husband....he broke his vows and wussed out on his ailing wife....and I don't know if he maintains contact with his own kids). *Comment was too long, so I had to reply to it.
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Mad McQueen 3 years ago
Fell bad for the kids losing mom but they knew ahead of time you were there for them and planning a new chapter in your own life.
Chris Winchester 3 years ago
So woman cheats, husband rightfully leaves, dad does everything right, skip forward 10 years, dad decides to get married and sends out invites. Kids say no, ex gets sick and dies. Kids get mad that dad gets married so soon? Am i understanding this right? Mom cheated on dad, marries guy she cheated with, guy bails after mom gets sick. Dad is so not the ahole. Ex has been out of guys life for a decade. The fact she got sick and died has 0 bearing on his life.
Margaret Beier 3 years ago
Why are people ignoring fact that wife cheated on this amazing husband/father?? I would bet any amount that his entitled children don't know details. And YES, I do think it's important because they are blaming him for the divorce. No one ever told kids the truth. Maybe they would look at their dad in a different light. He was respectful and honorable in spite of the woman leaving him for a younger man. SHE HAD YOUNG CHILDREN WHEN SHE LEFT HIM TO PLAY WITH YOUNGER MAN. That's not honorable.
Ashley Kay 3 years ago
I don't think that anyone is an a******. It's an emotional time when a family member dies, but divorce happens. In this case, it happened a decade ago when the children were young. It's understandable that the children are mourning the death of their mother, but taking it out on their father is okay. They said no to going to his wedding, they apparently talked about it multiple times so there's no reason for them to get upset. Op shouldn't have to put his marriage on hold for his children. It was two months after her passing already. If Op's children want to be upset with someone, find the man who abandoned their mother because he couldn't handle the responsibility of being a husband.
Matt Mosher 3 years ago
Nta. The kids are young adults and upset but shouldn't be taking this out on their father. This was two months after her passing. How long does he have to wait? He's not the bad guy here but it sounds like thats what they are going for. First they get pissed about the wedding even happening then they are upset he didn't call and invite them a second time when he already sent invitations. This is petty b******t. They knew they could still show up even after rejecting the invitation. They are just working overtime trying to find something to pissed at their father about. If they want to be pissed about something how about her husband who divorced her during her illness. Thats totally cringe and makes a mockery of marriage vows in general.
Juanjo 3 years ago
can anyone please explain to me the difference between alimony and child support? English is my 2nd language and I thought it was the same thing.
africa bartlett-hines 3 years ago
alimony is supooet for the ex spouse and child support is designated strictly for the children
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Stupid and Worthless 3 years ago
This is a "Everyone kinda sucks" moment, no one is the AH but it still sucks for everyone. Kids are in mourning, understandably, so the timing wasn't good for them to deal with a new marriage after the loss of their mother, even if it was preplanned. Father just wants to move on with life but the timing still feels wrong for the kids. Yes, they should have asked to be re-invited, and also yes, he should have re-invited them after a bit. Just failure to communicate and maybe there is more to this story that OP isn't saying or doesn't know. He may have upset his kids in a big way, or said something that deeply hurt them so the kids are wounded. Or maybe he knowing said something but is just painting himself as not the bad guy. Everyone sucks here, at least a little.
Aya Pandy 3 years ago
He picked the wedding date shortly after their mom was sent to hospice per his comments. So considering the date wasn't set then most people would go you know we should wait a year or two
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Noelia Jaime 3 years ago
I have a feeling there is much more to the story ,and I'm willing to bet he's not as good as dad as he says he is. I can just feel it.
Tyke 3 years ago (edited)
NTA but whether he is or not, he needs to get off the internet and do some damage control - and I don't mean begging for forgiveness. What I do mean is get himself in a situation (probably multiple times) where his kids can open up. Having the conversation he's having here but with them - with the understanding the end goal is not an admission of wrong-doing on anyone's part, but the chance to progress with and improve their relationship. They lost their Mum, now they no doubt feel they've lost their Dad. The only thing that matters here is reigniting a healthy Father/Children relationship.
cavedwdellersmum 3 years ago
Yta.. they are still young and grieving checking in by text they need support the step father disappeared mother died i guess they have the medical debts and you are off getting married...yes, you should have rung them again they have jo one but you
Chris Winchester 3 years ago
After mom dies there are 0 medical debts. Debt will be taken from the estate. Kids are responsible for nothing.
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Paige Purcell 3 years ago
After my sister and ex brother in law divorced, they stayed friends until he passed away recently. Their daughter noticed this and wrote in the obituary. It's possible to not be a jerk about an ex.
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Ron Baza 3 years ago
Demonstrably wrong. They are not teenagers; the wedding date was set before her death; the wedding date was set specifically so that they could attend; he has spoken with them on a daily basis since the ex-wife went into the hospice; their complaint is not that he has moved on but that he did not invite them to the wedding (which he, in fact, did).
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
I dont think anyone is an A hole here. It was unfortunate timing mixed with raw grief.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Except the mother's 2nd husband, he is definitely the A hole.
Load More Replies... Sonja 3 years ago
OP said he never talked badly about his ex. I wonder if she was also that considerate. Did they ever tell their children why they separated? Or did the ex-wife spin a tale that omitted her faults trying to make it a tragic happening with no ones fault or even hinted it was somehow OPs fault? That would explain the animosity and standoffishness. And it happens so often! If anyone of you ever comes to this situation, tell your children the truth. You don't have to slander you ex or blow it up, but definitely talk to your children and explain to them honestly why the marriage broke. If you're sugarcoating you risk leaving the impression that it was your fault and you left just because you didn't want them anymore. Then they first blame themselves and later they blame you since it's very unlikely that the dishonest person will suddenly own up and tell them it was them.
Chantal Guyatt 3 years ago
Call me cold but kids are kinda a******s. And as someone mentioned below, so is mom's second husband (and mom for cheating). Probably the only person here who isn't an AH is dad/OP. He's been attentive, vigilant and available as both a father an divorced husband. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him finding love again and deciding to tie the knot with that person. He didn't deliberately do it in a small time frame after his children's mother died but h doesn't owe this broad anything and his kids are being immature and unreasonable. I'm not a stone - believe me, I'm actually incredibly sensitive and empathetic, however I'm not an idiot. And his kids are being unreasonable and unfair. Especially to decline the invitation and then turn around and act like some injustice occurred because dad went ahead with his ALREADY PLANNED wedding. It wasn't his responsibility to chase them if they didn't want to go; they're petulant little children.
xiao xiao 3 years ago
His children are wrong, bur they aren't a******s. They went through a divorce, had to see an adult abandon their mother and them, then they lost the parent whom they lived with and spent the most time with, they're also at a stressful age, and they've probably been through many things the dad doesn't know about during the time they aren't together. But then their only remaining parent is having his wedding only two months after thier mother's death (he's not wrong or at fault for it of course), they're probably grieving, and feeling uncertain and lost. Maybe they're just scared they'll lost their father to another woman, the father assumed it just about thier mother, bur maybe they felt like he doesn't care enough about his children's grief to wait a bit longer for the wedding and felt like he doesn't care too much about having them included. Sure, they're adults, but they're still young, it's something that cna be difficult to process. They should all talk it out together.
Load More Replies... sturmwesen 3 years ago
Solid NAH. They have to work through their emotions. Give them a few months.
Randy Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
The kids have a right to feel the way they do. So too, does the parent. Touchy, and perhaps needing a 3d party to talk it out.
Susan Todd 3 years ago
Nobody is an A hole here but I wonder why the kids aren’t directing anger at their Mom’s husband that left because he couldn’t deal with her cancer diagnosis. Grief does crazy things to people
CatWoman312 3 years ago
This is one of those where you have to read the whole story before you place judgement NTA, you did the best you could and I don’t think anytime would have been a good time for them anyway
Debby Keir 3 years ago
My father remarried 3 months after my mother died.....they weren't divorced.....
Liz Clarke 3 years ago
I think this depends on when she went into the hospice. She might have been there already when the invitations were sent or it could have been a rapid decline. If she was already there and expected to die around the time of the wedding I think he should have been mindful of this. A wedding is a happy celebration and it must have been tough after losing their mum so young.
Honu 3 years ago
This is similar to my train of thought. When my siblings and I were doing the end of life hospice care for one of our parents, it was grueling and exhausting, both physically and emotionally. If they were going through a similar situation, I would hope their own father would realize that it would be kind to let them get through that before scheduling the wedding. It might have nothing at all to do with him getting remarried and everything to do with them being in the middle of a life changing emotional ordeal.
Load More Replies... Craig S. (EvilSausage) 3 years ago
If the op is reading this, I'm sorry for the damage to your relationship with your kids, but congratulations on your new marriage. Now having said that, it sounds to me like your ex-wife poisoned your kids against you. I know that happens because my mother did it after her divorce from my father. I believed her b******t for many years, until two things happened: I realized how abusive she was, and I grew too old to believe the implausible stories she'd told 6yo me. Anyway, good luck.
Sir Panda 3 years ago
I think I lost IQ points reading this. The circumstances and the childrens(emphasis on children) thinking are flawed and near sighted. The OP and ex divorced over a decade ago. He moved on. Sounds like obligations were met. Her Untimely death has nothing to do with his life nor should it. This makes no sense. Insanely 1 million times NTA. THey're emotionally selfish stunted and should seek therapy.
Fergus Corgi 3 years ago
If the wedding was the weekend right after she died maybe they should've rescheduled but it was 2 months later. I think that is an acceptable amount of time in this situation. The OP is NTA & the kids get a pass since they are still teenagers. Hopefully, in a few years, the kids will grow up a bit & realize their dad didn't do anything wrong.
Venice 3 years ago
The kids are grieving. I would not worry too much about it. You did everything right. Give them a chance to go through it. You guys can have a private celebration some other time. They are all wrapped up in finding a new normal without their mum. They will come around. No ones an A... in this case. This has nothing to do with your wedding but everything thing to do with their mum no longer with them.
Margaret Beier 3 years ago (edited)
The mother's an AH. She screwed her children and her husband. BTW, amazing how many readers here have NOT actually read the article and important details yet they comment, spouting their biases and opinions.
Load More Replies... Sparkle 3 years ago
There is a lot to unpack here....I understand that the kids are in pain from their mother passing away. No matter how old they get, it'll never be easy to lose a parent. The mother decided long ago that she wanted to be with someone else, which is fine - the heart wants what the heart wants, water under the bridge, and all that. From OP's perspective, he's been a great father to them, despite everything that happened, and seemed to be a good sport about how his marriage turned out and all that (not harboring resentment and such). Timing is what sucks the most here. To me, it's not fair nor is it right for the kids to be mad at their father for not begging them to attend his wedding...however, I don't even think that's really what they are mad about deep down. They are mad at the loss of their mom, they are mad at the fact that their parents got a divorce (even if it was long ago), they are mad at themselves, no doubt (that lingering belief that you could have done something even if...
Sparkle 3 years ago
...there isn't anything that would have changed the outcome), and they are mad at the world. My heart goes out to all of them, because this can't be easy for any of them (except the second husband....he broke his vows and wussed out on his ailing wife....and I don't know if he maintains contact with his own kids). *Comment was too long, so I had to reply to it.
Load More Replies... Mad McQueen 3 years ago
Fell bad for the kids losing mom but they knew ahead of time you were there for them and planning a new chapter in your own life.
Chris Winchester 3 years ago
So woman cheats, husband rightfully leaves, dad does everything right, skip forward 10 years, dad decides to get married and sends out invites. Kids say no, ex gets sick and dies. Kids get mad that dad gets married so soon? Am i understanding this right? Mom cheated on dad, marries guy she cheated with, guy bails after mom gets sick. Dad is so not the ahole. Ex has been out of guys life for a decade. The fact she got sick and died has 0 bearing on his life.
Margaret Beier 3 years ago
Why are people ignoring fact that wife cheated on this amazing husband/father?? I would bet any amount that his entitled children don't know details. And YES, I do think it's important because they are blaming him for the divorce. No one ever told kids the truth. Maybe they would look at their dad in a different light. He was respectful and honorable in spite of the woman leaving him for a younger man. SHE HAD YOUNG CHILDREN WHEN SHE LEFT HIM TO PLAY WITH YOUNGER MAN. That's not honorable.
Ashley Kay 3 years ago
I don't think that anyone is an a******. It's an emotional time when a family member dies, but divorce happens. In this case, it happened a decade ago when the children were young. It's understandable that the children are mourning the death of their mother, but taking it out on their father is okay. They said no to going to his wedding, they apparently talked about it multiple times so there's no reason for them to get upset. Op shouldn't have to put his marriage on hold for his children. It was two months after her passing already. If Op's children want to be upset with someone, find the man who abandoned their mother because he couldn't handle the responsibility of being a husband.
Matt Mosher 3 years ago
Nta. The kids are young adults and upset but shouldn't be taking this out on their father. This was two months after her passing. How long does he have to wait? He's not the bad guy here but it sounds like thats what they are going for. First they get pissed about the wedding even happening then they are upset he didn't call and invite them a second time when he already sent invitations. This is petty b******t. They knew they could still show up even after rejecting the invitation. They are just working overtime trying to find something to pissed at their father about. If they want to be pissed about something how about her husband who divorced her during her illness. Thats totally cringe and makes a mockery of marriage vows in general.
Juanjo 3 years ago
can anyone please explain to me the difference between alimony and child support? English is my 2nd language and I thought it was the same thing.
africa bartlett-hines 3 years ago
alimony is supooet for the ex spouse and child support is designated strictly for the children
Load More Replies... Stupid and Worthless 3 years ago
This is a "Everyone kinda sucks" moment, no one is the AH but it still sucks for everyone. Kids are in mourning, understandably, so the timing wasn't good for them to deal with a new marriage after the loss of their mother, even if it was preplanned. Father just wants to move on with life but the timing still feels wrong for the kids. Yes, they should have asked to be re-invited, and also yes, he should have re-invited them after a bit. Just failure to communicate and maybe there is more to this story that OP isn't saying or doesn't know. He may have upset his kids in a big way, or said something that deeply hurt them so the kids are wounded. Or maybe he knowing said something but is just painting himself as not the bad guy. Everyone sucks here, at least a little.
Aya Pandy 3 years ago
He picked the wedding date shortly after their mom was sent to hospice per his comments. So considering the date wasn't set then most people would go you know we should wait a year or two
Load More Replies... Noelia Jaime 3 years ago
I have a feeling there is much more to the story ,and I'm willing to bet he's not as good as dad as he says he is. I can just feel it.
Tyke 3 years ago (edited)
NTA but whether he is or not, he needs to get off the internet and do some damage control - and I don't mean begging for forgiveness. What I do mean is get himself in a situation (probably multiple times) where his kids can open up. Having the conversation he's having here but with them - with the understanding the end goal is not an admission of wrong-doing on anyone's part, but the chance to progress with and improve their relationship. They lost their Mum, now they no doubt feel they've lost their Dad. The only thing that matters here is reigniting a healthy Father/Children relationship.
cavedwdellersmum 3 years ago
Yta.. they are still young and grieving checking in by text they need support the step father disappeared mother died i guess they have the medical debts and you are off getting married...yes, you should have rung them again they have jo one but you
Chris Winchester 3 years ago
After mom dies there are 0 medical debts. Debt will be taken from the estate. Kids are responsible for nothing.
Load More Replies... Paige Purcell 3 years ago
After my sister and ex brother in law divorced, they stayed friends until he passed away recently. Their daughter noticed this and wrote in the obituary. It's possible to not be a jerk about an ex.
Load More Replies... Ron Baza 3 years ago
Demonstrably wrong. They are not teenagers; the wedding date was set before her death; the wedding date was set specifically so that they could attend; he has spoken with them on a daily basis since the ex-wife went into the hospice; their complaint is not that he has moved on but that he did not invite them to the wedding (which he, in fact, did).
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