Stranger Gets Texts From A “Nice Guy” That Was Given A Fake Number, Quickly Learns Why The Girl Did It
A good man is not to be confused with a nice guy. He’s genuinely kind and caring. He is polite to everyone not because he wants a reward. He’s just a decent human being.
The nice guy is a totally different breed. His dating profile and social media feeds might be full of phrases about how a woman should be treated, but he’s only advertising. This male only portrays himself to be gentle, compassionate, sensitive, and vulnerable. In reality, he simply hopes that this facade will make a woman start a romantic or sexual relationship with him.
However, women have a strong intuition about things like this. If they meet a nice guy, they can usually tell there’s something off. And they’ll run away from him. Or, in this case, give him a fake number.
When Keegan texted Sandra, he thought his nice guy act worked. However, the person he contacted wasn’t Sandra and Keegan was absolutely crushed. So he took it out on that random stranger.
Good job, Sandra. Obviously, you did the right thing by getting rid of him.
Image credits: mrssherlockbones
Counsellor & Psychotherapist Tati Silva agreed to share her thoughts on the nice guy syndrome with Bored Panda. “A man that is physically less attractive tends to compensate by being nice to be able to connect to people. They will overcompensate with over-the-top behaviors. The ‘nice guy’ will use all the tools to charm the person they are interested in. However, if it is not replicated, the ‘nice guy’s’ true colors come to light.”
“According to Dr. Glover, a ‘nice guy’ has a sinister side. In the mind of the ‘nice guy’, the person he is pursuing should repay his action by becoming his girlfriend or boyfriend, for him that is how these things work. The ‘nice guy’ will lash out if he does not get what he wants, which might be indirectly influenced by misogynistic entitlement complexes.”
Silva said that misogyny occurs unconsciously, connecting with hatred that forms early in life, often as a result of a trauma involving a female figure they trusted. Of course, there are exceptions. “This doesn’t apply to everyone, there are genuinely nice guys and girls out there. That will be ok to be put in a friend-zone, respecting your opinion. They won’t expect anything back.”
But the ‘nice guy’ we’re talking about will place themselves as a victim to get what they want. That’s because they are nice, so they deserve a chance. At least in their mind. “They evoke notions of fairness when they complain about not receiving the attention they seek.”
“For all the masked ‘nice guys’ out there, it is ok to be vulnerable, be yourself with the person that you would like to date, it might take you a few steps further in your relationship instead of a complete shutdown,” Silva added. “People have the right to say no and owe nothing in return. True kindness is given without expecting nothing in return.”
Sorry, Keegan, but it looks like calling yourself a nice guy doesn’t necessarily make you nice. Nor does cussing people out.
Here’s what people said about the conversation
Did it ever occur to these guys who ask women for their number, to instead give THEIR number to her? If she actually liked you, she'll call you back.
Wow Mathias... You sure have a lot to say... I'm sure you're VERY popular with the ladies...
Mathias. Just read your comment here and past comments. Correct me if I’m wrong but to me it sounds like you feel the need to correct us all on a personal level. From your perspective you might call it “advice” but whatever it is- it’s unnecessarily opinionated for someone who is not a woman. You ask for “scientific proof” as your defense. This is a defensive/protective maneuver shown in several debates. However, it is a weak one. If you would like to personally reply to me and correct me because you feel protective of your so-very-strongly “aristocratic” ideas. To put it simply: We don’t ****ing want your advice. Maybe think before you speak ***t next time.
what do you mean unnecessarliy onpinated for some one who is not a woman kinda sounds like you are saying men can't have opinains i am not saying that is what you mean but that is what it sounds like becuse of how you worded it
but you are right on how stupid this guy is
Mathias: you are aware that a man could possibly approach her despite if she gives her consent or not?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Of course it did, to most of the guys. But that's not how flirting and dating in general works. If you want it scientific: the women chose the man by allowing them to approach them, but then it's the man's responsibility do so and put in an effort - this is why so many beliefe that the men conquer the women, well yes they do but, if she hasn't chosen to allow him to do so in the first place he has no chance at all. If you want it more simple: most guys learn by experience that if they give the girl the number they hardly ever get contacted and therefore try to get the girls number.
But Mathias, if you give her your number and she's not going to contact you, then what's the point of having her number? She's obviously not interested, so you're (and I don't mean you specifically) just wanting her number so you can harrass her into a date? Think how laid back and relaxed about it a guy would seem if he just gave her his number and said "call me"? He'd be no worse off than he would if he insisted on her number then she rejected him.
Mathias - men who ‘Conquer’ women because they ‘Allow’ it or are asking for it are called PREDATORS. If YOU want it more simple - if you give a woman your number and she doesn’t contact you it’s because she’s not interested.
It appears our friend Mathias here has read a couple of books about women - written by men of course - so he thinks he has everything figured out. And if an actual woman disagrees with him she is running amok. It's ok though - I'm sure Mathias is a very 'Nice Guy'
What kind of science is that? source please.
Mathias, you're an idiot. You're an entitled idiot. Do you really think a woman is a kind of slot machine, that if you keep slotting in "nice" into them, that a girlfriend will fall out?? A woman can like a guy real well without feeling obligated to have any kind of relationship with him! So just give her your phone number, and expect nothing. Let HER make the choice if she trusts you, if she want to take a chance on you, or maybe she just wants to be single at the moment!! She's not obligated to cater to your fragile ego, you know!! She does have a free mind of her own!!
Ew, ugh. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
KJ, so explain me: when a man gives the women the number and she calls him that's ok. But when a women gives the man the number and he calls her that is not ok and he is a predator. Where is the logic? You are very welcome to explain why you think it is that way, also be welcome to cite any source so I can read or listen into it - only one condition: it has to be scientific. For example clinical psychology or an expert in behavioural science who studied different species (and not only humans) over years like Andreas Paul did.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Angela Anderson: so you are saying that I have to call a women an entiteled idiot to respectuflly disagree, accuse her of many things and not explain why? I always thought that was rude, well seems like I learned from the wrong women, now I understand the reactions here. So what other swearwords should a man use when disagreeing with a women to be considered respectful? Also I always thought to judge the quality of a work by gender instead of its actual quality is sexism. Are you a sexist? In my country you would get in trouble with the law because sexisms is forbidden here and it doesn't matter wether it's done by a man or women because of gender equality.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Brima Gustafsson wow, what an emotional explosion, I feel the anger in you but that has nothing to with what I wrote. Fun thing is I now explained twice that it's the women making the choices and the man adapting to the womans choice. Yet you read something completely different. Please read again carefully especially my reply to RoraRora. Then feel free to discuss the topic in a civilised way. Or if you want to keep running amok that's fine it's your life and your choice to make it meaningful or a misery.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Delgada read any book about behavioral research that is not written by a social justice warrior. Easy to read, a bit dated but still good for beginners would be Desmond Morris, if you want to go deeper I can suggest the excellent book of Andreas Paul about apes and humans, or for example Jordan Peterson has all his university lectures online free to watch on youtube. Behavioural Science is in general not a 10 minutes read know it all topic but something you have to spend time with and go deep as there is no 1+1=2 like in maths but general patterns with a huge lot of influences that can falsify the results that makes it hard to sometimes impossible to know for sure.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
RaroaRaroa, if she has your number and doesn't contact you it can have 100 reasons of which only one is that she's not interested. But as said that's not how dating works. The women gives the guy her number because it is his job to prove to be a worthy partner, this has biological reasons no women wants a quitter to be the father of her children - after all it's the women who gets pregnant. So she offers the men the chance to prove himself. Part of that is that he calls her, he shows interest even if she makes it not totally easy for him all the time a lot of culture mixes in there too some cultures developed strictly to be followed rituals for that, in other places it's easy going follow your heart. But in every culture the man has to prove he is a good keep. It is the burden of the women to teach man they are not good enough by rejection, and man either learn from it, grow up to be a good partner, the rock to lean on. Or blame the messenger for their own faults.
Never believe a guy (or girl) who says "I'm a nice guy" or "trust me."
Or anyone.
or "I'm a nice girl" (would be weird to hear from a girl "I'm a nice guy"...unless he/she is trans or it's a roleplay something)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
By that logic you'd believe somebody that said they were awful and not to be trusted?
Oh my god. How can he possibly be so oblivious?
You're kidding, right? Guys like that are a dime a dozen. They're everywhere.
Just because we're in the middle of a crisis doesn't mean you should overprice the dudes. They're costly at a penny a dozen.
Did it ever occur to these guys who ask women for their number, to instead give THEIR number to her? If she actually liked you, she'll call you back.
Wow Mathias... You sure have a lot to say... I'm sure you're VERY popular with the ladies...
Mathias. Just read your comment here and past comments. Correct me if I’m wrong but to me it sounds like you feel the need to correct us all on a personal level. From your perspective you might call it “advice” but whatever it is- it’s unnecessarily opinionated for someone who is not a woman. You ask for “scientific proof” as your defense. This is a defensive/protective maneuver shown in several debates. However, it is a weak one. If you would like to personally reply to me and correct me because you feel protective of your so-very-strongly “aristocratic” ideas. To put it simply: We don’t ****ing want your advice. Maybe think before you speak ***t next time.
what do you mean unnecessarliy onpinated for some one who is not a woman kinda sounds like you are saying men can't have opinains i am not saying that is what you mean but that is what it sounds like becuse of how you worded it
but you are right on how stupid this guy is
Mathias: you are aware that a man could possibly approach her despite if she gives her consent or not?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Of course it did, to most of the guys. But that's not how flirting and dating in general works. If you want it scientific: the women chose the man by allowing them to approach them, but then it's the man's responsibility do so and put in an effort - this is why so many beliefe that the men conquer the women, well yes they do but, if she hasn't chosen to allow him to do so in the first place he has no chance at all. If you want it more simple: most guys learn by experience that if they give the girl the number they hardly ever get contacted and therefore try to get the girls number.
But Mathias, if you give her your number and she's not going to contact you, then what's the point of having her number? She's obviously not interested, so you're (and I don't mean you specifically) just wanting her number so you can harrass her into a date? Think how laid back and relaxed about it a guy would seem if he just gave her his number and said "call me"? He'd be no worse off than he would if he insisted on her number then she rejected him.
Mathias - men who ‘Conquer’ women because they ‘Allow’ it or are asking for it are called PREDATORS. If YOU want it more simple - if you give a woman your number and she doesn’t contact you it’s because she’s not interested.
It appears our friend Mathias here has read a couple of books about women - written by men of course - so he thinks he has everything figured out. And if an actual woman disagrees with him she is running amok. It's ok though - I'm sure Mathias is a very 'Nice Guy'
What kind of science is that? source please.
Mathias, you're an idiot. You're an entitled idiot. Do you really think a woman is a kind of slot machine, that if you keep slotting in "nice" into them, that a girlfriend will fall out?? A woman can like a guy real well without feeling obligated to have any kind of relationship with him! So just give her your phone number, and expect nothing. Let HER make the choice if she trusts you, if she want to take a chance on you, or maybe she just wants to be single at the moment!! She's not obligated to cater to your fragile ego, you know!! She does have a free mind of her own!!
Ew, ugh. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
KJ, so explain me: when a man gives the women the number and she calls him that's ok. But when a women gives the man the number and he calls her that is not ok and he is a predator. Where is the logic? You are very welcome to explain why you think it is that way, also be welcome to cite any source so I can read or listen into it - only one condition: it has to be scientific. For example clinical psychology or an expert in behavioural science who studied different species (and not only humans) over years like Andreas Paul did.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Angela Anderson: so you are saying that I have to call a women an entiteled idiot to respectuflly disagree, accuse her of many things and not explain why? I always thought that was rude, well seems like I learned from the wrong women, now I understand the reactions here. So what other swearwords should a man use when disagreeing with a women to be considered respectful? Also I always thought to judge the quality of a work by gender instead of its actual quality is sexism. Are you a sexist? In my country you would get in trouble with the law because sexisms is forbidden here and it doesn't matter wether it's done by a man or women because of gender equality.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Brima Gustafsson wow, what an emotional explosion, I feel the anger in you but that has nothing to with what I wrote. Fun thing is I now explained twice that it's the women making the choices and the man adapting to the womans choice. Yet you read something completely different. Please read again carefully especially my reply to RoraRora. Then feel free to discuss the topic in a civilised way. Or if you want to keep running amok that's fine it's your life and your choice to make it meaningful or a misery.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Delgada read any book about behavioral research that is not written by a social justice warrior. Easy to read, a bit dated but still good for beginners would be Desmond Morris, if you want to go deeper I can suggest the excellent book of Andreas Paul about apes and humans, or for example Jordan Peterson has all his university lectures online free to watch on youtube. Behavioural Science is in general not a 10 minutes read know it all topic but something you have to spend time with and go deep as there is no 1+1=2 like in maths but general patterns with a huge lot of influences that can falsify the results that makes it hard to sometimes impossible to know for sure.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
RaroaRaroa, if she has your number and doesn't contact you it can have 100 reasons of which only one is that she's not interested. But as said that's not how dating works. The women gives the guy her number because it is his job to prove to be a worthy partner, this has biological reasons no women wants a quitter to be the father of her children - after all it's the women who gets pregnant. So she offers the men the chance to prove himself. Part of that is that he calls her, he shows interest even if she makes it not totally easy for him all the time a lot of culture mixes in there too some cultures developed strictly to be followed rituals for that, in other places it's easy going follow your heart. But in every culture the man has to prove he is a good keep. It is the burden of the women to teach man they are not good enough by rejection, and man either learn from it, grow up to be a good partner, the rock to lean on. Or blame the messenger for their own faults.
Never believe a guy (or girl) who says "I'm a nice guy" or "trust me."
Or anyone.
or "I'm a nice girl" (would be weird to hear from a girl "I'm a nice guy"...unless he/she is trans or it's a roleplay something)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
By that logic you'd believe somebody that said they were awful and not to be trusted?
Oh my god. How can he possibly be so oblivious?
You're kidding, right? Guys like that are a dime a dozen. They're everywhere.
Just because we're in the middle of a crisis doesn't mean you should overprice the dudes. They're costly at a penny a dozen.