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Hey Pandas, Did I Make The Right Choice By Ending My Perfect Relationship?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
So, to start, I’m a 26-year-old female, and I’m dating a 26-year-old male. We have been dating for a month now, and things have been going great. The connection we have is amazing. I haven’t connected with anyone like this in a very long time. We’ve both said we wish we could have met earlier so we wouldn’t be in this situation. This could just be the rose-colored glasses since it’s still pretty new, but hey, for some people it works, and for others, it doesn’t, right? I can see both sides.
Now, here’s the situation and what I need advice on: We ended up having a conversation about something that I’m not entirely sure how it came up, but it was one of those random, deep conversations you have with someone. It was mentioned that he has plans to move out of state by the age of 30 and that he has a great job opportunity, which would involve training out of state for possibly a month. This might happen by the end of this year.
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My problem, as the over-thinker that I am, is that I started to question what this means for us
Image credits: Lucia Macedo (not the actual photo)
If that happens, what will happen to our relationship? Would we still be able to make things work? Would it turn into a long-distance relationship? Do we want to try long-distance? Would he come back after the training, or would he decide to move, and this would all be over? If things grow deeper between us, would I want to move? Basically, I have a million questions about where our relationship fits into all of this.
Honestly, this information would have been great to know before we even started dating
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
It would have saved us both the headache and potential heartbreak if things don’t work out. But, of course, it didn’t happen that way, and here we are. I would never ask anyone to stay in a place where they feel limited in following their dreams, and I wouldn’t want my partner to do that to me. So asking him to stay was never an option.
Unless it could have been? I also feel like if he did stay, things would turn sour later. He might blame me for not allowing him to follow his dreams, and I would feel awful making him stay. Logically, asking him to stay is out of the question.
We both talked and came to the conclusion that we should end things now before either of us gets hurt, so it doesn’t feel like one person is just stringing the other along
Image credits: Khamkéo (not the actual photo)
But is this really the best option? I think that because it’s still very fresh and new, I want someone to feed into my delusions and say that everything will work out and that we should stay together and see where things go since we don’t know exactly where things will end up. We compared our situation to the relationship in La La Land, where two people part ways, end up with different partners, and might meet again in the future. That’s a painful thought. I also hope that by ending things now, we might cross paths later and try again.
My question for advice is: Was this the best choice, or could we have tried to see where things would go? I want to continue my grieving process for someone I cared for and for what could have been the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
The dilemma of pursuing opportunities while maintaining personal connections is a common theme in many relationships. Navigating these challenges often requires weighing personal ambitions against the bonds we’ve built. For those grappling with such decisions, exploring how others have integrated technology into their lives to stay connected despite distances can provide insightful parallels.
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What do you think ?
lenka 1 year ago (edited)
I am a little confused. You have been dating for one month and you broke up because he might go out of state for training for one month? Or are you more concerned about his plans to maybe possibly move out of state in 4 years time? You are clearly an over thinker :-) (I hope that comes across as kindly as I mean it) You made all your decisions about your future without him in it because you have not even been together long enough to imagine a future with him in it. I think you jumped the gun, but maybe take it as a lesson for next time... not everything can be planned out in advance. In life, and definitely in love, you sometimes just have to be open to possibilities and accept things for what they are, and have a little faith in yourself to make good decisions when they need to made (not anticipatory). It MIGHT mean heartbreak if you decide to go separate ways. It might also mean an adventure with the love of a lifetime.
Binny Tutera 1 year ago
OP, you have known him for only a month. That is a very short time. Let him go away for the month, and when he returns you can get together and decide if you are still interested in being a couple. Or maybe you two will decide to be just friends.
Skara Brae 1 year ago
You've only been dating for one month. If you really think month apart (as long as you are communicating) will be too hard, then will the connection you feel be strong enough to withstand inevitable disagreements in the future? On a different topic, how are you going to maintain a relationship when he moves away by age 30? Will you be willing to move with him? Money is significant in a relationship. Can you get a similar or better job if you move there? Have you only lived in one town/city? If so, I have lived in 12 different towns and cities, and have always found interesting and unique people and places in each of them.
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
Way too much thought about what might be versus what is now. A month apart is nothing and completely normal in any relationship, especially a new one. 4 years from now is open to so many changes in priorities between Now and then for both of you, it's hardly worth bothering about. My niece had made job lined up in Hayman Island but met her husband at the same time, she just knew, so let the job go. He had a family obligation to go cross-country to manage a business for his brother for 6 months. He wanted her with him, it was smack bang in the middle of the out back and she is a city girl but her instincts said go, she did, they thrived, married and have 3 beautiful girls today. It's perfect when the choice of not proceeding isn't an option....so is this really perfect? Only you know. BTW she is no follower or pushover, she is very successful in her own career and they are very equal in their home and family responsibilities.
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
I don't think you know anywhere near enough after dating for a month to know how it will stand up to the pressures of a long-distance relationship. Certainly don't stand in the way of his dream, that will cause long-term resentment; is there no option for the OP to move as well, if that situation arises? Again, a month isn't long enough to know if that's a good idea; you really have to know someone for a year, to see what they're like in each season.
Orysha 1 year ago
You gave up your "perfect" relationship after one month because he had to leave for one month? That doesn't sound perfect to me. You're asking yourself too many questions : it might not work but I think it's worth giving it a try instead of fantasising a potential future about it. What if in the future he's perfectly happy with his wife and children, doesn't want to try it again, and you are not happy at that point in your own life? Both of you should have tried harder. I love this piece of advice given by Gibbs to M Palmer : "Sometimes you have to fight to have a family" Sometimes you have to fight for giving your relationship any chance. Ending it was the easiest way but not the best in my opinion.
Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
Fellow panda: I encourage you to try the long distance relationship. Make plans, such as how you'll stay in touch. When you communicate, do talk about what's going on in your life. It's okay to also say you miss the other person. Express affection in a way that feels good to you (When we were apart for 2 months, I had drawings of myself in my letters and he wrote what he liked about me). I also want to add that you have technological advantages now with online meetings.
Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
As for breaking up now: it can free both of you to meet someone else. You might find yourselves comparing new partners to the one you broke with. If he comes back and you've broken up, will you get back together? Or will you feel you missed an opportunity for a relationship? I think you're wise to let him take a great opportunity. If he does move out of state later on, will you be able to go with him? For now, I'd focus on the month away.
Load More Replies... Occam's Chainsaw 1 year ago
There are so few things that feel better than new love, so why are you throwing it away so fast? There are no guarantees, ever. EVERYTHING is ALWAYS a maybe. No matter what, we always end up grieving the people we love, whether it's at the end of a lifetime together, or at the end of the first year. The only thing you are accomplishing is skipping all of the joy you could have in the meantime. Neither of you knows yet what you would want if he gets a job offer that prompts him to move, and you won't find out if you call it quits. Maybe it will end and it will hurt, but doesn't it hurt now anyway? Maybe he won't want to leave. Maybe you will want to go with him. Maybe you'll break up for completely unrelated reasons. But if you let the fear of future grief be a reason not to get involved, you may as well stop dating, because it is going to happen. I married the love of my life, and someday our time will be up, but I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
Crouching hippo hidden panda 1 year ago
This is a strange one. I think im wired too differently to understand their perspective at all. With modern technology its absolutely not hard to date long distance for a month. And why are they worrying about something four years away after only a month together? Sounds very immature and clingy.
Blayze Infyrno 1 year ago
All I will say is that for the first year of my relationship we lived in separate provinces and carried on with letters and expensive long distance phone calls. After that, we followed each other around for a couple of years until we were sure about us, and then we got married. Still married 28 years later.
lenka 1 year ago (edited)
I am a little confused. You have been dating for one month and you broke up because he might go out of state for training for one month? Or are you more concerned about his plans to maybe possibly move out of state in 4 years time? You are clearly an over thinker :-) (I hope that comes across as kindly as I mean it) You made all your decisions about your future without him in it because you have not even been together long enough to imagine a future with him in it. I think you jumped the gun, but maybe take it as a lesson for next time... not everything can be planned out in advance. In life, and definitely in love, you sometimes just have to be open to possibilities and accept things for what they are, and have a little faith in yourself to make good decisions when they need to made (not anticipatory). It MIGHT mean heartbreak if you decide to go separate ways. It might also mean an adventure with the love of a lifetime.
Binny Tutera 1 year ago
OP, you have known him for only a month. That is a very short time. Let him go away for the month, and when he returns you can get together and decide if you are still interested in being a couple. Or maybe you two will decide to be just friends.
Skara Brae 1 year ago
You've only been dating for one month. If you really think month apart (as long as you are communicating) will be too hard, then will the connection you feel be strong enough to withstand inevitable disagreements in the future? On a different topic, how are you going to maintain a relationship when he moves away by age 30? Will you be willing to move with him? Money is significant in a relationship. Can you get a similar or better job if you move there? Have you only lived in one town/city? If so, I have lived in 12 different towns and cities, and have always found interesting and unique people and places in each of them.
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
Way too much thought about what might be versus what is now. A month apart is nothing and completely normal in any relationship, especially a new one. 4 years from now is open to so many changes in priorities between Now and then for both of you, it's hardly worth bothering about. My niece had made job lined up in Hayman Island but met her husband at the same time, she just knew, so let the job go. He had a family obligation to go cross-country to manage a business for his brother for 6 months. He wanted her with him, it was smack bang in the middle of the out back and she is a city girl but her instincts said go, she did, they thrived, married and have 3 beautiful girls today. It's perfect when the choice of not proceeding isn't an option....so is this really perfect? Only you know. BTW she is no follower or pushover, she is very successful in her own career and they are very equal in their home and family responsibilities.
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
I don't think you know anywhere near enough after dating for a month to know how it will stand up to the pressures of a long-distance relationship. Certainly don't stand in the way of his dream, that will cause long-term resentment; is there no option for the OP to move as well, if that situation arises? Again, a month isn't long enough to know if that's a good idea; you really have to know someone for a year, to see what they're like in each season.
Orysha 1 year ago
You gave up your "perfect" relationship after one month because he had to leave for one month? That doesn't sound perfect to me. You're asking yourself too many questions : it might not work but I think it's worth giving it a try instead of fantasising a potential future about it. What if in the future he's perfectly happy with his wife and children, doesn't want to try it again, and you are not happy at that point in your own life? Both of you should have tried harder. I love this piece of advice given by Gibbs to M Palmer : "Sometimes you have to fight to have a family" Sometimes you have to fight for giving your relationship any chance. Ending it was the easiest way but not the best in my opinion.
Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
Fellow panda: I encourage you to try the long distance relationship. Make plans, such as how you'll stay in touch. When you communicate, do talk about what's going on in your life. It's okay to also say you miss the other person. Express affection in a way that feels good to you (When we were apart for 2 months, I had drawings of myself in my letters and he wrote what he liked about me). I also want to add that you have technological advantages now with online meetings.
Vinnie 1 year ago (edited)
As for breaking up now: it can free both of you to meet someone else. You might find yourselves comparing new partners to the one you broke with. If he comes back and you've broken up, will you get back together? Or will you feel you missed an opportunity for a relationship? I think you're wise to let him take a great opportunity. If he does move out of state later on, will you be able to go with him? For now, I'd focus on the month away.
Load More Replies... Occam's Chainsaw 1 year ago
There are so few things that feel better than new love, so why are you throwing it away so fast? There are no guarantees, ever. EVERYTHING is ALWAYS a maybe. No matter what, we always end up grieving the people we love, whether it's at the end of a lifetime together, or at the end of the first year. The only thing you are accomplishing is skipping all of the joy you could have in the meantime. Neither of you knows yet what you would want if he gets a job offer that prompts him to move, and you won't find out if you call it quits. Maybe it will end and it will hurt, but doesn't it hurt now anyway? Maybe he won't want to leave. Maybe you will want to go with him. Maybe you'll break up for completely unrelated reasons. But if you let the fear of future grief be a reason not to get involved, you may as well stop dating, because it is going to happen. I married the love of my life, and someday our time will be up, but I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
Crouching hippo hidden panda 1 year ago
This is a strange one. I think im wired too differently to understand their perspective at all. With modern technology its absolutely not hard to date long distance for a month. And why are they worrying about something four years away after only a month together? Sounds very immature and clingy.
Blayze Infyrno 1 year ago
All I will say is that for the first year of my relationship we lived in separate provinces and carried on with letters and expensive long distance phone calls. After that, we followed each other around for a couple of years until we were sure about us, and then we got married. Still married 28 years later.
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