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Mom Writes An Honest Poem At 4 A.M. About Her Husband Who Sleeps Instead Of Helping With The Baby
You can read every child-rearing book on the shelf and interview all the parents you know, but you can never be fully prepared for all of the life changes that come with your first baby. New mom Caroline Olling Andersen, however, found a brilliant way to deal with them. Writing poetry. (Facebook cover image: Monkey Business Images)
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Image credits: Caroline Olling Andersen
“My husband is a fantastic dad,” Caroline told Bored Panda. “He is an amazing primary school teacher, and he has always brought a lot of fun and humor to our relationship, which he now also brings to daddyhood.”
Image credits: Caroline Olling Andersen
My latest 4 a.m. poem titled, “Daddy’s Asleep:”
I love your daddy, I really do,
After all, without daddy, I wouldn’t have you.
But from midnight till sunrise, it’s just you and I.
And as each hour passes, I’m not gonna lie:
Mommy’s love slowly fades, becomes angry and weak,
Because no matter what, your dad is f*cking asleep!
The poem quickly started making headlines on the internet and attracted all sorts of attention. “After the poem went viral, I’ve read a lot of comments which have shamed him for not being more active at night and me for complaining about his inactivity,” Caroline, who also finds the time to manage a parenting blog called The Mommy Poet, added. “Truth is, we made a deal during my pregnancy that I’d take the night shift, because I’ve been blessed with long maternity leave. [This way,] he gets to sleep so he can be ready for his 10-12 hour day teaching 10-year-olds. That said, tiredness will still cause you a lot of passive aggressive feelings in the early hours at night – hence my poem, which was written at 4 am on a particularly tiring night (everything I wrote in that poem happened on that one night).”
At first, however, the sleepy dad wasn’t amused by the poem. “When I read the poem out loud to him the next morning, he didn’t find it particularly funny – though he was simultaneously trying to soothe our fuzzy daughter, so I might have chosen the wrong time to read him a mockery poem. It was only later that day, over ice cream and a sleeping daughter, that he read it out loud and laughed and said it was brilliant. He since suggested that we get a laptop for me so I have an appropriate platform to write during my early morning waves of creativity.”
“Parenthood is tough and rough and can really strain a relationship. We make a solid attempt to place our relationship very high on our list of priorities. My parents (happily married for 29 years)- have taught me that a marriage should be prioritized above the children. As my mother said – “Happy parents results in happy children”. As per the airplane instructions – “attend to yourself before helping your child.” So that means making sure we have date nights and take time each day to put the baby down and kiss and hug each other. A lot of people have misunderstood the tone of my poem as anger towards my husband. It’s meant to be read with humor and love for both him and my daughter.”
People had a lot to say about the poem
What do you think ?
Hans 6 years ago
Another of these pseudo-lovely public shaming of a pouse. If you really believe publicly criticising your loved-one is a good thing to do, spare us the photos that show the alleged love. If you cannot solve this issue between the two of you, or maybe with the help of close friends or family, you have a major issue anyway. Being told to the whole world how s****y you are on Twitter will surely not get you into the mood to change something for good. And besides, what you are going through has been faced by any parent in the history of mankind. Talking to each other and actively searching for solutions is the way out. And it might be as easy as having the man sleep next to the crib instead of the mother. (Of course, it can be much harder, too.)
A B C 6 years ago
Exactly my thoughts. Absolutely unnecessary shaming after agreeing on a deal stating he can sleep and she'll care for the child at night.
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Samhhain Cat 6 years ago
Childfree and single. F**k wasting my time on stupid s**t like this. Relationships take too much work and human beings aren't worth it. Especially I.
Load More Replies...
Mike 6 years ago
so the Mom has a long maternity leave, the Dad has to go to work in the mornings and they also had a deal that she would be the one getting up, but sure lets blame all the dads
Erin Ivy 6 years ago
It was done jokingly and loveingly not meant serious if you read the whole article
Load More Replies...
Colin Bayler 6 years ago
Classy passive-aggressive jerk outing her husband on social media with pictures as an added bonus. There are better ways to handle these situations.
Mimi M 6 years ago
Very passive aggressive. She makes a fair deal with her husband (she is on leave, he teaches 10 hour days, thus she takes night shift by mutual agreement) - and then she stabs him in the back on social media. I'd be pissed if I was him.
anarkzie 6 years ago
This narrative of women complaining about having to look after their own children is getting boring. You don't want to breast feed in the middle of the night then don't have kids it's that simple. If a guy pressures you into it then be strong and say no, it's more often women deciding they want kids not the other way round anyway. Just stop complaining about the choices you made.
Dilly Millandry 6 years ago
Absolutely. It's very well known that sleep will be seriously fragmented and you will feel like a zombie at times. It ends.
Load More Replies...
Alex Bailey 6 years ago (edited)
Subject matter aside, it doesn't scan well. I find it hard to read and get the metre right. I know she wrote it at 4am but could have given it a bit of attention before sharing it. Makes me think she can't be that tired if she's writing poetry anyway. This is also a plan they both agreed in advance so why show resentment to all and sundry?
diane a 6 years ago
I thought the same about the metre - awkward in places.
Load More Replies...
Jovita A 6 years ago
As he said he has work to go to and to earn money to support his family.. So why he can't sleep? It would be the same way if she would work and he would be stay at home dad.. Why both of them need to be super tired and sleep deprived.. Of course the would be the moments when he will have to step in and help. But I'm tired of all that "Oh he is not waking up at 2 am to change diapers or he sleeps while I need to wake up 5 times to feed the baby". He does his part too, earning money to make sure his family has all it needs..
Francesca Annoni 6 years ago (edited)
When my first child was born my husband helped me every night, I woke up to breastfeed and sometimes it was him to feed the baby with my milk obtained with the breast pump .. most of the time it was him to change the diaper before to put him in the crib. During all this time he continued to work while I was on maternity leave. Helping me in this way has helped me not to fall into postpartum depression and above all a exhaustion by sleep deprivation, to recover first from birth and mastitis. Despite the first challenging year, one day he asked me "why don't we make another baby?". I know that my husband has certainly made a special effort to help me and that you can not ask all the fathers to behave this way, but sometime, just one night a week, the father could offer to change the baby or make him fall asleep again, to allow you to sleep 4 hours in a row instead of 2 at a time .. sometimes just a small gesture is enough to make the mothers understand that even the father is making his best and that after all it is a team work!
Load More Replies...
Kriel Kipjes 6 years ago
Because of sleep? Goodness you can sleep all day with a baby if you have maternity leave. They do nothing but sleep. They don't even make mess.
Load More Replies...
Ozacoter 6 years ago
Thats one of the main reasons why I wont have kids. I know that at the end it will come to me giving up my carreer and free time to take care of the baby... If my partner wont even clean or do the laundry he cant convince me that he will changhe diapers, wake up at night, do homework, make dinners...
Hans 6 years ago
Why do you imply that this is the way it must be? I truly believe that in a partnership you can find a fair share of duties, whatever that individually might be. A baby changes the life a lot, but it can actually change the life a lot for good. Having much less time for yourself, having many more duties and responsibilities, yet be happier than ever? Yes, that IS possible.
Load More Replies...
Hans 6 years ago
Another of these pseudo-lovely public shaming of a pouse. If you really believe publicly criticising your loved-one is a good thing to do, spare us the photos that show the alleged love. If you cannot solve this issue between the two of you, or maybe with the help of close friends or family, you have a major issue anyway. Being told to the whole world how s****y you are on Twitter will surely not get you into the mood to change something for good. And besides, what you are going through has been faced by any parent in the history of mankind. Talking to each other and actively searching for solutions is the way out. And it might be as easy as having the man sleep next to the crib instead of the mother. (Of course, it can be much harder, too.)
A B C 6 years ago
Exactly my thoughts. Absolutely unnecessary shaming after agreeing on a deal stating he can sleep and she'll care for the child at night.
Load More Replies... Samhhain Cat 6 years ago
Childfree and single. F**k wasting my time on stupid s**t like this. Relationships take too much work and human beings aren't worth it. Especially I.
Load More Replies... Mike 6 years ago
so the Mom has a long maternity leave, the Dad has to go to work in the mornings and they also had a deal that she would be the one getting up, but sure lets blame all the dads
Erin Ivy 6 years ago
It was done jokingly and loveingly not meant serious if you read the whole article
Load More Replies... Colin Bayler 6 years ago
Classy passive-aggressive jerk outing her husband on social media with pictures as an added bonus. There are better ways to handle these situations.
Mimi M 6 years ago
Very passive aggressive. She makes a fair deal with her husband (she is on leave, he teaches 10 hour days, thus she takes night shift by mutual agreement) - and then she stabs him in the back on social media. I'd be pissed if I was him.
anarkzie 6 years ago
This narrative of women complaining about having to look after their own children is getting boring. You don't want to breast feed in the middle of the night then don't have kids it's that simple. If a guy pressures you into it then be strong and say no, it's more often women deciding they want kids not the other way round anyway. Just stop complaining about the choices you made.
Dilly Millandry 6 years ago
Absolutely. It's very well known that sleep will be seriously fragmented and you will feel like a zombie at times. It ends.
Load More Replies... Alex Bailey 6 years ago (edited)
Subject matter aside, it doesn't scan well. I find it hard to read and get the metre right. I know she wrote it at 4am but could have given it a bit of attention before sharing it. Makes me think she can't be that tired if she's writing poetry anyway. This is also a plan they both agreed in advance so why show resentment to all and sundry?
diane a 6 years ago
I thought the same about the metre - awkward in places.
Load More Replies... Jovita A 6 years ago
As he said he has work to go to and to earn money to support his family.. So why he can't sleep? It would be the same way if she would work and he would be stay at home dad.. Why both of them need to be super tired and sleep deprived.. Of course the would be the moments when he will have to step in and help. But I'm tired of all that "Oh he is not waking up at 2 am to change diapers or he sleeps while I need to wake up 5 times to feed the baby". He does his part too, earning money to make sure his family has all it needs..
Francesca Annoni 6 years ago (edited)
When my first child was born my husband helped me every night, I woke up to breastfeed and sometimes it was him to feed the baby with my milk obtained with the breast pump .. most of the time it was him to change the diaper before to put him in the crib. During all this time he continued to work while I was on maternity leave. Helping me in this way has helped me not to fall into postpartum depression and above all a exhaustion by sleep deprivation, to recover first from birth and mastitis. Despite the first challenging year, one day he asked me "why don't we make another baby?". I know that my husband has certainly made a special effort to help me and that you can not ask all the fathers to behave this way, but sometime, just one night a week, the father could offer to change the baby or make him fall asleep again, to allow you to sleep 4 hours in a row instead of 2 at a time .. sometimes just a small gesture is enough to make the mothers understand that even the father is making his best and that after all it is a team work!
Load More Replies... Kriel Kipjes 6 years ago
Because of sleep? Goodness you can sleep all day with a baby if you have maternity leave. They do nothing but sleep. They don't even make mess.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 6 years ago
Thats one of the main reasons why I wont have kids. I know that at the end it will come to me giving up my carreer and free time to take care of the baby... If my partner wont even clean or do the laundry he cant convince me that he will changhe diapers, wake up at night, do homework, make dinners...
Hans 6 years ago
Why do you imply that this is the way it must be? I truly believe that in a partnership you can find a fair share of duties, whatever that individually might be. A baby changes the life a lot, but it can actually change the life a lot for good. Having much less time for yourself, having many more duties and responsibilities, yet be happier than ever? Yes, that IS possible.
Load More Replies...
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