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Parents Keep Diminishing Daughter’s Work In Tech, She Doesn’t Want Them To Step In, Sparks Drama
Parents Keep Diminishing Daughter’s Work In Tech, She Doesn’t Want Them To Step In, Sparks Drama

Parents Keep Diminishing Daughter’s Work In Tech, She Doesn’t Want Them To Step In, Sparks Drama

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Most parents mean well, but some can have a hard time letting go once their kids grow up. Striking a balance between caring and interfering can be a challenge, especially if the parents think they always know best.

One woman recently turned to the internet for support after discovering her mom is planning on writing into the newspaper to share her career troubles. Horrified that she might become the object of public pity, she’s not sure how to get her mom to drop it. 

More info: Reddit

RELATED:

    Parents don’t always know best, as this unemployed twenty-something is finding out much to her dismay

    Young woman coding at office desk, focused on computer screens.

    Young woman coding at office desk, focused on computer screens.

    Image credits: ThisIsEngineering / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    After struggling to find a job, her mom has come up with the idea of sharing her tale of woe in the newspaper

    Woman in tech struggles with career challenges, mother wants to write about her “tragic story of shattered dreams.”

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    Text about personal job experience, mentioning tech support, trainee, and junior developer roles.

    Text describing job loss and coworkers' response, capturing a story of shattered dreams.

    Text reflecting a daughter's job search struggles and market challenges, related to a story of shattered dreams.

    Text describing helicopter parents' overprotective behavior, wanting names and numbers from party guests, shows extreme caution.

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    Elderly couple on a couch, smiling and looking at a laptop, discussing a daughter's story.

    Elderly couple on a couch, smiling and looking at a laptop, discussing a daughter's story.

    Image credits: Marcus Aurelius / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Neither of her parents support her career choice, but she doesn’t want to be the subject of public pity

    Text about disapproval of career path, highlighting a "tragic story of shattered dreams.

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    Text about teaching teenagers typing and using spreadsheets in high school.

    Text image about daughter's dreams being dismissed by parents, discussing future aspirations and parental pressure.

    Text discussing mother's wish to write about daughter's tragic story of shattered dreams for a newspaper.

    Text conversation about mom’s defensive response and cousin’s job struggles and depression.

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    Elderly woman contemplating writing about her daughter's shattered dreams in a kitchen setting.

    Elderly woman contemplating writing about her daughter's shattered dreams in a kitchen setting.

    Image credits: krakenimages.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    She’s tried to explain to her parents that she doesn’t think a letter to the newspaper is the best idea, but her helicopter mom is determined to send one anyway

    Text discussing concerns about being part of a diversity quota or gaining sympathy in career choices.

    Text describing a daughter's concern over privacy due to her mother's public sharing.

    Text message asking how to persuade mom to drop daughter's "tragic story" subject.

    Text detailing a layoff misunderstanding involving a manager and employee.

    Text excerpt about a manager's return, confrontation, and a dramatic ragequit.

    Group in heated discussion around a table, a woman appears troubled as others debate her "tragic story of shattered dreams.

    Group in heated discussion around a table, a woman appears troubled as others debate her "tragic story of shattered dreams.

    Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    In an update to her original post, the woman mentions that she’s since been hired, but her parents still aren’t happy with her new role

    Text about job referral and immediate hiring, related to a daughter's story of shattered dreams.

    Text about parental reactions to a daughter’s career choices, highlighting differing perspectives and misunderstandings.

    Text discussing a mom's confusing advice about relationships and her daughter's discomfort with sharing a "tragic story.

    Text about daughter's relief after her mom's letter on 'shattered dreams' wasn't published, checking Google for peace of mind.

    In the end, her overbearing mother’s letter never saw the light of day, leaving her to focus on her new job

    Some parents just don’t get it. OP is facing an unexpected battle—not with job hunting, but with her own mother. After losing her job, she hit a tough job market and has been struggling to land a new position. Instead of support, her mother has now decided to take things into her own hands by writing a letter to the paper about OP’s “shattered dreams.”

    OP tells the community that she’s worked hard to carve out a space in a male-dominated industry and isn’t looking for pity – she’s fought since day one to prove her worth in tech. But after being unexpectedly let go post-sick leave, she’s been stuck in an endless loop of job applications and interviews that go nowhere. 

    Her parents have never supported her career, insisting that teaching high schoolers is a “safer” path. Instead of encouraging her to keep pushing, they undermine her ambitions and guilt-trip her for not following their preferred career for her. And now, her mother is spending late nights writing a letter to the press about her “shattered dreams”.

    Despite numerous attempts to stop her, OP’s mother refuses to budge. She firmly believes that exposing her daughter’s struggles will force companies to give her a job out of pity. If the letter goes public, it could do more harm than good, so OP was left wondering—how do you stop a parent who just won’t take no for an answer?

    In an update to her original post, OP explains how the manager that originally let her go made a mistake and has since gone on to move to another company and recommend OP to its owner, who hired her on the spot. Despite this, her parents still think it’s a bad idea, but her mom’s letter never made it public anyway.

    Woman typing on a laptop at a round table, glass of water nearby, focusing on a story about shattered dreams.

    Woman typing on a laptop at a round table, glass of water nearby, focusing on a story about shattered dreams.

    Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    Considering her mother was bent on the letter to the press idea, what’s the best way for OP to deal with her in future? We went looking for answers. 

    In her article for Choosing Therapy, Michelle Risser points out some signs of a controlling mother, including rigid rules and expectations, zero respect for privacy, constant criticism, endless unsolicited advice, and being overly involved in decision making. 

    In her article for PsychCentral, Marissa Moore writes that coping with overbearing parents can be challenging but suggests a few ways to deal with a helicopter parent, including using ‘I statements’, setting healthy boundaries, limiting what you share, recognizing what is your responsibility and what isn’t, and resorting to family therapy if you’re hitting a brick wall.

    We think it’s high time OP sat her parents down for a serious talk about lines in the sand, especially which ones shouldn’t be crossed. After all, at her age she’s perfectly capable of making her own decisions, especially when it comes to her career.

    How would you handle the situation if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she’ll ever be able to get through to her mother? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

    In the comments, readers expressed their sorrow that the woman had to deal with such controlling parents and urged her to leave home as soon as possible

    Screenshot of a comment saying 'YIKES' with reaction to a story about a daughter's shattered dreams.

    Comment on helicopter parents linked to daughter's story.

    Comment questions mom's letter to a paper about daughter's "tragic story" to influence career change.

    Comment about a mother's letter on daughter's shattered dreams story, causing daughter to be mortified.

    Comment on discussing daughter's tragic story, suggesting to inform newspaper of non-consent.

    User comment advising on improving relationship with parents by moving out.

    Comment about daughter’s reaction to mom’s story plan, expressing hope she distanced from her parents.

    Comment on overprotective parents and writing daughter's story in newspaper.

    Comment discussing a mother's actions affecting her daughter's job applications.

    Comment discussing parental criticism and daughter's desire for independence.

    Comment discussing daughter's reaction to mom's story about shattered dreams.

    Text about a daughter being mortified as her mom writes to the paper about her shattered dreams and job issues.

    Comment on helicopter parenting discussing a child's independence and personal success.

    Reddit comment about employment termination laws in the United States.

    Reddit comment about parental worry and outdated roles in parenting discussions.

    Reddit comment discussing junior dev roles and job market challenges in tech industry.

    Poll Question

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    Ivan Ayliffe

    Ivan Ayliffe

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    After twenty years in advertising, I've decided to try my hand at journalism. I'm lucky enough to be based in Cape Town, South Africa and use every opportunity I get to explore everything it has to offer, both indoors and out. When I'm not reading, writing, or listening to podcasts, I spend my time swimming in the ocean, running mountain trails, and skydiving. While I haven't travelled as much as I'd like, I did live in !ndia, which was an incredible experience. Oh, and I love live music. I hope you enjoy my stories!

    Read less »
    Ivan Ayliffe

    Ivan Ayliffe

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    After twenty years in advertising, I've decided to try my hand at journalism. I'm lucky enough to be based in Cape Town, South Africa and use every opportunity I get to explore everything it has to offer, both indoors and out. When I'm not reading, writing, or listening to podcasts, I spend my time swimming in the ocean, running mountain trails, and skydiving. While I haven't travelled as much as I'd like, I did live in !ndia, which was an incredible experience. Oh, and I love live music. I hope you enjoy my stories!

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hi! Here at Panda's I'm responsible for Photo Editing and all of the things surrounding it. I love finding great, moody or even dramatic photos to fit the story. Besides that, I'm a proud owner of 3 cats with the silliest names and a bazillion plants<3You can find me at a makeup counter with headphones swatching all of the sparkly eyeshadows

    Read less »

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Hi! Here at Panda's I'm responsible for Photo Editing and all of the things surrounding it. I love finding great, moody or even dramatic photos to fit the story. Besides that, I'm a proud owner of 3 cats with the silliest names and a bazillion plants<3You can find me at a makeup counter with headphones swatching all of the sparkly eyeshadows

    What do you think ?
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor OP, with parents like that! Hope she can move out soon.

    Marnie
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder where OP lives. I'm a female software developer and have run across very few people who seem to discriminate against women. I realize I just might have gotten lucky - or could be a regional thing.

    Joanne Wright
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Congratulatons on your new job!! I hope you will be able to move out soon :-)

    Load More Comments
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor OP, with parents like that! Hope she can move out soon.

    Marnie
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder where OP lives. I'm a female software developer and have run across very few people who seem to discriminate against women. I realize I just might have gotten lucky - or could be a regional thing.

    Joanne Wright
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Congratulatons on your new job!! I hope you will be able to move out soon :-)

    Load More Comments
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