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Hosts Demand MIL Replace The Thanksgiving Meal After Her ‘Generous Gesture’; She Agrees, Then Ghosts Them
Ah, Thanksgiving leftovers. It’s at least something to look forward to if you’ve spent hours sweating away in the kitchen to host an elaborate dinner for guests. A few meals sorted for the next few days, meaning you can finally relax and not worry about cooking.
That’s exactly what one couple thought when they hosted 30 people last week. The husband says they spent $1,500 on the feast, which included turkeys, turducken, ham, prime ribs, seafood, appetizers and sides. Imagine their horror when they realized their leftovers were gone. It turns out an entitled mother-in-law had taken it upon herself to give everything away to the guests – without bothering to ask first!
RELATED:
Cooking Thanksgiving dinner for 30 people is no joke, but at least there are the leftovers to look forward to…
Image credits: guillemd (not the actual image)
Or not, if your entitled MIL decides to give ALL the food away – without asking
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
Image credits: A_Dark_Song_
It turns out this is not the first time the MIL has ruffled the couple’s feathers
So what’s the deal with leftovers? Do they stay or do they go?
Many etiquette experts agree that under no circumstances should you just help yourself to leftovers without asking the hosts first. And when it comes to hosting, they say that while offering leftovers to guests is generous, you’re not obligated to do so.
“You should never, ever take other people’s leftovers home without the express encouragement of both your host and the contributor,” warns food site Southern Living. “Shoveling scoops of other guests’ leftover dishes onto your own to-go plate is a no-go. You are not a raccoon.”
But what if you brought a dish to the gathering and there’s some left over? Hate to break it to you, but it’s still a no-go.
“When you show up to an acquaintance’s dinner party, a friend’s holiday potluck, or a church luncheon, it’s generally assumed that your contribution is offered with no expectations of getting whatever is in that dish back,” notes the site, adding that leftovers should be left behind.
The team over at Food Republic agrees… They say even if it was a “Bring-Your-Own” gathering, the host has likely contributed their own food and drinks too. And they’ve put time and effort into cleaning and decorating. Whatever food you brought should be considered as compensation for their hard work and hospitality.
“Asking for your food back is rude,” warns Anna Goldfarb on food site, The Kitchn. “I know it can seem like you’re doing a favor — ‘Here, let me take that off your hands’ — but it can come across as being stingy.”
When in doubt, leave your leftovers behind. However, Food Republic’s experts say there are some exceptions to the unwritten rule.
“One is if the host insists,” reveals the site. “For example, at a potluck where an abundance of food is brought, the host may end the night by offering to pack Tupperware for guests. In this case, it’s courteous to take some leftovers, while ensuring there’s enough for others who may want them.”
They add that if you brought food in your own dishes, it’s polite to ask the host if they’d like you to package the leftovers for them to keep. “There’s always the chance they’ll politely decline and insist that you take the leftovers home,” notes Food Republic.
Another time it might be okay to leave a party with food is if you know it’s something your host, or their family, won’t/can’t touch or eat.
“If your host is a strict vegetarian and you brought your famous spicy meatball recipe — or if your host doesn’t drink, and the half-full bottle of wine you brought will be left to go sour on their counter — you might politely ask if they’d like you to take these items off their hands,” suggest the experts, adding that you should only do this if the host is someone you’re close to – and you’re a hundred percent sure it’s appropriate.
So how do you protect your leftovers if you’re hosting? Say it like it is, is what the experts advise.
“Honesty is your best policy,” notes The Kitchn. “If your guest asks to take home your turkey carcass, the one you’ve been looking forward to turning into velvety stock all week, tell them, respectfully, that you’d prefer if they didn’t. If they insist, you may have to yield, but make note (and maybe don’t invite them next year).”
The other option is to put any leftover food away quickly before anyone gets up from the table at the end of the meal. “Shove bowls and plates into microwaves and empty ovens! If the food’s out of sight, then guests are less likely to ask for it if they meander into your kitchen,” says Goldfarb.
Of course, this might not work if you have an entitled mother-in-law intent on handing out your leftovers to all and sundry.
Many agreed that the MIL was out of line, and some even felt she should be banned from future gatherings
A shocking number of people had similar stories to tell
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What do you think ?
Jalunney 21 hours ago (edited)
I know he meant we're entertaining guests but the typo of we're entering guests put a whole new spin on the story.
Binky Melnik 13 hours ago
Seriously, how is this any different from going through your closet and giving your clothes away? That food belongs to the HOSTS, and someone else can’t decide for themselves what to do with it. I’d phone EVERY SINGLE PERSON who got food, apologize profusely, and ask them to save it for me and I’ll come pick it up the next day. This oughtta be something for which one can be arrested because giving away peoples’ things is sooo wrong!
Load More Replies...
Ace 19 hours ago
There's been a lot of these recently, mostly involving entitled MiLs, but it remains incomprehensible to me. In no circumstances, unless explicitly offered, would it be acceptable to take away leftover food from the home of someone who's hosted you to dinner. Doesn't matter if it's thanksgiving or Christmas or any other special day. Is this really as normal a thing in America as the recent flurry of cases would make it seem?
Binky Melnik 13 hours ago
No, it’s not, unless younger generations are doing it for some weird reason. It’s ALWAYS been the hostess who offers and bags up food for people to take, and keeping the lion’s share for her own family to eat for the next few days. Maybe it’s changing now, but giving away things that don’t belong to you is SO wrong that I can’t imagine a lotta people doing it!
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 20 hours ago
I had to look it up: the blanked word is "sl@ved", certainly not what went through my mind. Anyway, as someone once observed: how come there are so many lovely beautiful brides, yet so many horrible mothers-in-law?
Janissary35680 19 hours ago
Was that the same person who lamented "I see so many eager and brilliant kids all around and wonder where all the brain-dead adults come from"?
Load More Replies...
Vinnie 10 hours ago (edited)
The car story sounded as if MIL viewed the car as a living thing: "Oh no, I want the BMW to go to a good home." For all she knew, it may have been bought by someone who immediately crashed it.
Load More Replies... Kelly Scott 11 hours ago
Why do people put themselves through this c**p? My own mother did nothing but b***h when she had to make Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners (and wouldn't allow anyone to help because "they would do it wrong") and you could add my dad b******g at Christmas because had to put up the "goddam tree" every year. I asked my mom once why they put themselves through this year after year when they so obviously didn't want to, and she said, "Because it's tradition." Well, s***w tradition. I got sucked into that for a couple years when I was younger and being invited to holiday dinners and I finally put my foot down and said "No more!" Now I stay home, don't get dressed, eat what takeout I bought the day before (or the day before that), watch a movie on the computer, and don't get my blood pressure up. It was just me and the dog, now just me and the cat. The peace is indescribable.
RomanceRadish 13 hours ago
Giving away large quantities was not appropriate. Perhaps checking with the hosts on a case-by-case basis on a small scale would be acceptable. For example, "Aunt Edna lives alone and doesn't move around the kitchen very well, would you be ok with me fixing up a to-go box to help her out for tomorrow's lunch?" etc. She also gave tote bags away without asking!
Vinnie 10 hours ago
The Aunt Edna example shows kindness. The MIL had no business acting as if all the guests were needy.
Load More Replies... greenideas 14 hours ago
There is something primal that snaps in me if you f**k with my food. OP's reaction seems mild.
Kate Johnson 10 hours ago
Sound like the MIL is an overbearing narcissist who needs to be put on a long time out.
Bertha Madott 5 hours ago
I am Italian background. Huge meals for every family party. Generosity is part of the Italian mindset. But…. We divide things equitably so that everyone gets a meal (or part). Especially the hosts
Shoopyfloop Roundbird 8 hours ago
I always host and send everyone out wirh a container of leftovers. We buy meal prep containers to give out. Last time i had a family member not only fill the container i gave but also the tim tray they brought their side dish in. Hubby and i had no turkey left over not even for a sandwhich. No sides left either. I feel for op on this one.
tori Ohno 11 hours ago
I'd be in tears and screaming at the same time if someone did that to me. After a giant holiday meal, I don't have the money to go buy more food to eat they next week, I'd demand the person take me shopping NOW, or order a giant take out meal(s) from a restaurant that's open on Thanksgiving.
tameson 11 hours ago
I don't understand this at all. We always make up a plate for someone who couldn't make it (like because they were sick) or offer people a portion of some dish they particularly liked. We have never had anyone just box up some leftovers and take them. We have cherished plans for those leftovers! Corn bread stuffing waffles with cranberry sauce. Green chile turkey sandwiches. And, best of all, turkey soup and turkey mole! Don't touch my Thanksgiving leftovers without permission unless you want to be struck off my Christmas rum ball gift list.
Spittnimage 14 hours ago
To crazycatlady: When mother went to lay down you should've taken your food back and put it in your car.
Crystalwitch60 16 hours ago
Dam w*f is with those mil,s seriously WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM ! like im basically a mother in law now , n ligit NOTHING LIKE THAT I adore both my kids n my daughter fiancé I couldn’t even begin to consider this kinda shite , it’s disgusting , dam glad uk don’t do thanks giving m n i dint have a mil , or extended family 😂i could not handle all this c**p of a Xmas either
Cee Cee 16 hours ago
I do so loathe family gatherings. Here (UK) it's generally only Christmas when families get together. Obviously other cultures have big get togethers Eid for example. Anyway I haven't done Christmas for years. It's far too commercialised. I do give presents to my kind neighbours, posh biscuits to the wonderful staff at my pharmacy and the same to my mechanic. I donate to the food bank and pet food bank and make a donation to an animal charity. This left overs thing is not something I've come across this side of the pond.
Papa 15 hours ago
I very much enjoy family gatherings, because the people in my family are for the most part kind and considerate, and there is never any drama, but you do you.
Load More Replies... Jalunney 21 hours ago (edited)
I know he meant we're entertaining guests but the typo of we're entering guests put a whole new spin on the story.
Binky Melnik 13 hours ago
Seriously, how is this any different from going through your closet and giving your clothes away? That food belongs to the HOSTS, and someone else can’t decide for themselves what to do with it. I’d phone EVERY SINGLE PERSON who got food, apologize profusely, and ask them to save it for me and I’ll come pick it up the next day. This oughtta be something for which one can be arrested because giving away peoples’ things is sooo wrong!
Load More Replies... Ace 19 hours ago
There's been a lot of these recently, mostly involving entitled MiLs, but it remains incomprehensible to me. In no circumstances, unless explicitly offered, would it be acceptable to take away leftover food from the home of someone who's hosted you to dinner. Doesn't matter if it's thanksgiving or Christmas or any other special day. Is this really as normal a thing in America as the recent flurry of cases would make it seem?
Binky Melnik 13 hours ago
No, it’s not, unless younger generations are doing it for some weird reason. It’s ALWAYS been the hostess who offers and bags up food for people to take, and keeping the lion’s share for her own family to eat for the next few days. Maybe it’s changing now, but giving away things that don’t belong to you is SO wrong that I can’t imagine a lotta people doing it!
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 20 hours ago
I had to look it up: the blanked word is "sl@ved", certainly not what went through my mind. Anyway, as someone once observed: how come there are so many lovely beautiful brides, yet so many horrible mothers-in-law?
Janissary35680 19 hours ago
Was that the same person who lamented "I see so many eager and brilliant kids all around and wonder where all the brain-dead adults come from"?
Load More Replies... Vinnie 10 hours ago (edited)
The car story sounded as if MIL viewed the car as a living thing: "Oh no, I want the BMW to go to a good home." For all she knew, it may have been bought by someone who immediately crashed it.
Load More Replies... Kelly Scott 11 hours ago
Why do people put themselves through this c**p? My own mother did nothing but b***h when she had to make Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners (and wouldn't allow anyone to help because "they would do it wrong") and you could add my dad b******g at Christmas because had to put up the "goddam tree" every year. I asked my mom once why they put themselves through this year after year when they so obviously didn't want to, and she said, "Because it's tradition." Well, s***w tradition. I got sucked into that for a couple years when I was younger and being invited to holiday dinners and I finally put my foot down and said "No more!" Now I stay home, don't get dressed, eat what takeout I bought the day before (or the day before that), watch a movie on the computer, and don't get my blood pressure up. It was just me and the dog, now just me and the cat. The peace is indescribable.
RomanceRadish 13 hours ago
Giving away large quantities was not appropriate. Perhaps checking with the hosts on a case-by-case basis on a small scale would be acceptable. For example, "Aunt Edna lives alone and doesn't move around the kitchen very well, would you be ok with me fixing up a to-go box to help her out for tomorrow's lunch?" etc. She also gave tote bags away without asking!
Vinnie 10 hours ago
The Aunt Edna example shows kindness. The MIL had no business acting as if all the guests were needy.
Load More Replies... greenideas 14 hours ago
There is something primal that snaps in me if you f**k with my food. OP's reaction seems mild.
Kate Johnson 10 hours ago
Sound like the MIL is an overbearing narcissist who needs to be put on a long time out.
Bertha Madott 5 hours ago
I am Italian background. Huge meals for every family party. Generosity is part of the Italian mindset. But…. We divide things equitably so that everyone gets a meal (or part). Especially the hosts
Shoopyfloop Roundbird 8 hours ago
I always host and send everyone out wirh a container of leftovers. We buy meal prep containers to give out. Last time i had a family member not only fill the container i gave but also the tim tray they brought their side dish in. Hubby and i had no turkey left over not even for a sandwhich. No sides left either. I feel for op on this one.
tori Ohno 11 hours ago
I'd be in tears and screaming at the same time if someone did that to me. After a giant holiday meal, I don't have the money to go buy more food to eat they next week, I'd demand the person take me shopping NOW, or order a giant take out meal(s) from a restaurant that's open on Thanksgiving.
tameson 11 hours ago
I don't understand this at all. We always make up a plate for someone who couldn't make it (like because they were sick) or offer people a portion of some dish they particularly liked. We have never had anyone just box up some leftovers and take them. We have cherished plans for those leftovers! Corn bread stuffing waffles with cranberry sauce. Green chile turkey sandwiches. And, best of all, turkey soup and turkey mole! Don't touch my Thanksgiving leftovers without permission unless you want to be struck off my Christmas rum ball gift list.
Spittnimage 14 hours ago
To crazycatlady: When mother went to lay down you should've taken your food back and put it in your car.
Crystalwitch60 16 hours ago
Dam w*f is with those mil,s seriously WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM ! like im basically a mother in law now , n ligit NOTHING LIKE THAT I adore both my kids n my daughter fiancé I couldn’t even begin to consider this kinda shite , it’s disgusting , dam glad uk don’t do thanks giving m n i dint have a mil , or extended family 😂i could not handle all this c**p of a Xmas either
Cee Cee 16 hours ago
I do so loathe family gatherings. Here (UK) it's generally only Christmas when families get together. Obviously other cultures have big get togethers Eid for example. Anyway I haven't done Christmas for years. It's far too commercialised. I do give presents to my kind neighbours, posh biscuits to the wonderful staff at my pharmacy and the same to my mechanic. I donate to the food bank and pet food bank and make a donation to an animal charity. This left overs thing is not something I've come across this side of the pond.
Papa 15 hours ago
I very much enjoy family gatherings, because the people in my family are for the most part kind and considerate, and there is never any drama, but you do you.
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