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“It Is My Room”: Mom Refuses To Accept That Daughter’s Guest Room Is Not Just Hers
“It Is My Room”: Mom Refuses To Accept That Daughter’s Guest Room Is Not Just Hers
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“It Is My Room”: Mom Refuses To Accept That Daughter’s Guest Room Is Not Just Hers

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When we’re growing up, our parents make the rules. They assign us chores, set a curfew, and tell us how to treat others. But things can get complicated if we become adults and they still insist on managing our lives.

A couple of days ago, a woman who goes by the nickname Meekotherogue online turned to the subreddit ‘Entitled Parents‘ to vent about her mom.

The lady sometimes visits her, and she’s OK with having her at home; however, the Redditor’s mom started claiming her guest room and calling it ‘her’ room.

Continue scrolling to read the woman’s story in her own words, which accentuates just how important it is to have healthy boundaries. Without them, everyday life becomes more difficult than it needs to be.

RELATED:

    Parents like to offer us guidance and support even after we grow up

    Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)

    But this woman said that her mother should back off a little instead

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    Image credits: Elina Fairytale / pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: meekotheroguea

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    Such overbearing parents can be difficult to interact with, but that doesn’t mean they should get a free pass

    According to Zoe Reyes, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety and trauma, overbearing parents often disregard your need for freedom and self-determination.

    “They may frequently dismiss your choices and label them as immature and dumb,” she said. “They may want to exert influence on every aspect of your life, and when you don’t allow that, they make their scorn apparent.”

    So what drives such frustrating behaviors as the one Meekotherogue described in her Reddit post?

    Anxiety is one probable cause. “Individuals who struggle with anxiety often try to control things within their environment … to feel a sense of control within themselves,” Reyes explained. “The problem with this is that these individuals end up alienating the people around them.”

    Another potential reason is fear. “Parents sometimes see themselves in you, catching glimpses of their own personalities and challenges as they watch you live your life,” the therapist continued. “They may be fearful of you making the very same mistakes they did at some point.”

    Whatever the explanation might be, it’s clear that Meekotherogue (and others who find themselves in similar situations) need to develop strong boundaries and be assertive.

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    Setting limits isn’t disrespectful in the slightest. On the contrary, it’s good to draw the line and ask your parents to respect your needs. Licensed clinical social worker and nurse Judith Aronowitz explained that some of the benefits for both sides include:

    • preventing resentment;
    • creating healthier and long-lasting attachments;
    • supporting autonomy and individuation;
    • allowing uniqueness and feeling true to oneself.

    Hopefully, the author of the text will manage to do it!

    Image credits: Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)

    The woman’s confession ignited an emotional discussion on parent-children boundaries

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

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    Gabija Saveiskyte

    Gabija Saveiskyte

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Hi there! I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. My job is to ensure that all the articles are aesthetically pleasing. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from all the relationship drama to lots and lots of memes and, my personal favorites, funny cute cats. When I am not perfecting the images, you can find me reading with a cup of matcha latte and a cat in my lap, taking photos (of my cat), getting lost in the forest, or simply cuddling with my cat... Did I mention that I love cats?

    What do you think ?
    Nigel Sulley
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm afraid I just don't see the issue of her saying it's her room.. she always uses it when she visits, you even said "technically true" when she mentioned nobody else has used it... and are guests not allowed to use your spare closet in your spare room? when on vacation and you are staying at a motel/ hotel, do you refer to that room as your room or do you always refer to it as the motel's room? Like "it's getting late, let's go back to the Holiday Inn's room"? I personally don't see any issues here at all.. sounds like an overreaction to me.

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If that's the only issue, it's an over-reaction. I suspect there's a history of the mother disrespecting the OP's boundaries, so yet another incident. The mother asked if anyone else has slept in "my room" - that sounds like a child who goes back and forth between divorced parents. The pouting may be her trying to regress to childhood. Some commenters in reddit think she's hoping to move in eventually.

    Load More Replies...
    Temporary Dork
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a hard time seeing going through a closet in a designated guest room as 'snooping'. Isn't that where guests can keep their stuff?

    Bogdan Chelariu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, guests can keep their stuff there, but so can OP, if she needs additional storage space, as it's her house! And if the mother started looking through OP's stuff as well, then that's called snooping!

    Load More Replies...
    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I sometimes stay at my brothers’ homes. When I’m there I always call them ‘my’ rooms for ease. They call them ‘your’ rooms, although we all know they are guest rooms. OP is a controlling person with some deep resentments. Needs counseling

    Sunny
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do you call it your room when you are back at your home?

    Load More Replies...
    brittany
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my bio mom did this when we had our condo. she bought a bed for it and dresser and everything. then we got pregnant and that bed was the first thing to go bc we had to have a crib and changing table. pretty sure she was hella salty we decided to have a kid before she ever got to stay in the room

    Bob Russick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Make the room a shrine to someone controversial. A little altar and lots of incense.

    Ash
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    full-sized statue of baphomet... y'know, the things you mom DEFINITELY wants to spend the night staring at!

    Load More Replies...
    Ima Manimal
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’d repurpose the room. Home office with a daybed. Plant room. Or redecorated in a style that you know she would hate

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would be more than thrilled if my mom was still around to call my den her room if she was staying here. OP and her mother must not have had a normal relationship when she was growing up to make this mountain out of a mole hill. And that's really too bad.

    Miah Shawn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apparently the mom has a history or boundary stomping. The dumb little childish pouting is what makes me thing op isn't just being dramatic and soon the straw will break the camels back. Even mole hills can become mole hills when stuff keeps getting piled on.

    Load More Replies...
    Jude Laskowski
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with the people who say you should repurpose the room into something else, maybe a real office or workout room. Put enough stuff in it so the room does not in any way resemble a guest room. I definitely see mom planning to move in at some point.

    Rafis Poulio
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People walk over your boundaries only if you let them. Stop letting her into your home. Protect your boundaries and cut off those who don't respect them.

    Susan Hess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You’re fortunate that your mom is still here. Maybe just ignore her words

    Load More Comments
    Nigel Sulley
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm afraid I just don't see the issue of her saying it's her room.. she always uses it when she visits, you even said "technically true" when she mentioned nobody else has used it... and are guests not allowed to use your spare closet in your spare room? when on vacation and you are staying at a motel/ hotel, do you refer to that room as your room or do you always refer to it as the motel's room? Like "it's getting late, let's go back to the Holiday Inn's room"? I personally don't see any issues here at all.. sounds like an overreaction to me.

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If that's the only issue, it's an over-reaction. I suspect there's a history of the mother disrespecting the OP's boundaries, so yet another incident. The mother asked if anyone else has slept in "my room" - that sounds like a child who goes back and forth between divorced parents. The pouting may be her trying to regress to childhood. Some commenters in reddit think she's hoping to move in eventually.

    Load More Replies...
    Temporary Dork
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a hard time seeing going through a closet in a designated guest room as 'snooping'. Isn't that where guests can keep their stuff?

    Bogdan Chelariu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, guests can keep their stuff there, but so can OP, if she needs additional storage space, as it's her house! And if the mother started looking through OP's stuff as well, then that's called snooping!

    Load More Replies...
    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I sometimes stay at my brothers’ homes. When I’m there I always call them ‘my’ rooms for ease. They call them ‘your’ rooms, although we all know they are guest rooms. OP is a controlling person with some deep resentments. Needs counseling

    Sunny
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do you call it your room when you are back at your home?

    Load More Replies...
    brittany
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my bio mom did this when we had our condo. she bought a bed for it and dresser and everything. then we got pregnant and that bed was the first thing to go bc we had to have a crib and changing table. pretty sure she was hella salty we decided to have a kid before she ever got to stay in the room

    Bob Russick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Make the room a shrine to someone controversial. A little altar and lots of incense.

    Ash
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    full-sized statue of baphomet... y'know, the things you mom DEFINITELY wants to spend the night staring at!

    Load More Replies...
    Ima Manimal
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’d repurpose the room. Home office with a daybed. Plant room. Or redecorated in a style that you know she would hate

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would be more than thrilled if my mom was still around to call my den her room if she was staying here. OP and her mother must not have had a normal relationship when she was growing up to make this mountain out of a mole hill. And that's really too bad.

    Miah Shawn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apparently the mom has a history or boundary stomping. The dumb little childish pouting is what makes me thing op isn't just being dramatic and soon the straw will break the camels back. Even mole hills can become mole hills when stuff keeps getting piled on.

    Load More Replies...
    Jude Laskowski
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with the people who say you should repurpose the room into something else, maybe a real office or workout room. Put enough stuff in it so the room does not in any way resemble a guest room. I definitely see mom planning to move in at some point.

    Rafis Poulio
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People walk over your boundaries only if you let them. Stop letting her into your home. Protect your boundaries and cut off those who don't respect them.

    Susan Hess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You’re fortunate that your mom is still here. Maybe just ignore her words

    Load More Comments
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