“If You Have To Choose Between Me And The Baby, Save Me”: Emotional Plea By Mom To Her Husband Sparks Discussions
Interview
Raising children is a complex and often difficult task, but it is even more difficult to envision doing so without your partner. Taking care of an infant child while grieving for the loss of a loved one is an almost unimaginably painful endeavor. But if it were possible to make a choice during childbirth to save your partner or your newborn child – what would you choose?
This is the dilemma brought up by Anabel Morales in her viral TikTok.
TikTok user Anabel Morales touched upon a difficult question in her viral TikTok
Image credits: nd3000
In her TikTok video, Anabel shows herself in a hospital bed with her husband close to her. The caption in the video describes a difficult situation. In Anabel’s opinion, if her life was at risk during childbirth, she would like her husband to choose her life instead of their child’s. She further mentions that she wouldn’t want their first child to grow up without a mother or for her husband to raise two kids alone while grieving.
She has mentioned that she maintains this opinion “because I have a baby now, this is the way I think,” showing that having her first child gave her more perspective and changed her outlook.
Who gets priority in a “save the mother or the child” situation?
Image credits: anabelmoralezz
Bored Panda contacted Anabel to ask for more of her thoughts about this question. When asked whether she thinks she would approach this issue differently if she had more children or was somewhat older, she says, “I think my choice would be the same with more kids, but before I had my sons, I would have chosen my baby. I only say choose me now because I can’t leave him without a mom.”
Providing her input about why this issue is such a debated topic, Annabel Morales said that in her opinion, a lot of people don’t understand that even though she said “choose me” to her husband, she would still be heartbroken about the loss of her baby. Furthermore, she believes that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Image credits: anabelmoralezz
Watch the original video here:
@anabelmoralezz 😩😩 #trending #viral #pickme #husbandwife #laboranddelivery #savethemoms #foryou #foryoupage #fy #fyp #momsoftiktok ♬ original sound – Yahritza
Check out Anabel’s TikTok and give her a follow on IG!
People say that there is a clear procedure for when the mother’s life is at risk – the mom’s life is a priority
Although this situation may seem like something out of a movie, it happens more often than you’d think. It may also be the case that an operation must be performed to save the mother’s life, or else the mom and baby will die. In many countries, there is a standard procedure for this eventuality.
In a Quora discussion, users shared their experiences and stories about the topic. Most of the users mention that the standard procedure is to save the mother in most cases. In some situations, where an extremely difficult pregnancy is predictable, specific plans get made about who to save so that the question is not “up in the air” in the heat of the moment during pregnancy. They further mention that the mother gets prioritized as the baby has no agency by law until the umbilical cord is cut.
Image credits: anabelmoralezz
Image credits: anabelmoralezz
Others share experiences of situations they or people they know have been in
Nevertheless, people mention that they have been asked this question in the middle of a pregnancy. Usually the father of the family was questioned, in some cases the mother, if she was lucid at the time. Some mentioned that the one with the best chances of survival gets saved.
Christina M. Ward tells the story of her birth, during which the doctor pulled her father aside to ask him the question during her mother’s labor. Although her mother wasn’t supposed to be able to deliver children, against all odds, she managed to conceive. Her father told the doctor to “save the baby,” as she wouldn’t want to live if the child passed.
Considering the not-so-long-ago implications of COVID-19, a study was conducted analyzing whether the virus could infect the placenta itself. According to the lead author of the study, Alice Lu-Culligan, this phenomenon not only increases the risk for severe outcomes for the mother but is also highly dangerous for the fetus.
The commenters shared similar opinions to Anabel, expressing how difficult and sensitive it would be
Anabel’s video received more than 568 thousand likes, over 4000 comments, and nearly 9000 shares. What are your thoughts? Perhaps you have heard of someone in a similarly difficult situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.
This motherly martyrdom is getting ridiculous. Of course you save the grown woman over a not even yet born baby. I feel genuinely sad for the women who are surprised their husbands would choose them over the baby. How low do they rank themselves in the pecking order to be surprised by that. I can understand parental instincts taking over in a spontaneous and lonely life or death situation, eg driving the car off the road into a river and trying to save your child from drowning before you can save yourself. But with problems at birth we are talking about an actual decision made by someone whose life is not in danger (father) or, in this case, not yet (mother, talking about it beforehand).
Totally agree. It's sad this even needs to be said and discussed...this isn't handmaid's tale. It just shows how much women were and are treated as second class citizens.
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In what country is that question even a reality? It would never happen in Sweden that a partner gets that choice. The doctor will choose and the mother comes first. If not possible to save her, then the baby.
From my understanding Sweden isn't a trash country... & it's literally the opposite of the US.... LOL! SO yes. You're absolutely right to question how ridiculous this is... but I'm sure not that you know this is a common debate in the US ... it all makes more sense... because we are a country who values the "life" of an unborn, non existent, not yet formed, not yet a person but a cluster of cells/an eventual fetus... over the life of the woman who is carrying it.. because women are only meant for one thing... catering to men & birthing children. Our country is so f****d up... to be clear I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THESE THINGS! I'm a woman who values other women & their lives over that of a cluster of cells... the fact that this is even a discussion has always bothered me... I am a full grown living breathing person who has a life, friends, family, pets... I have goals & aspirations.. I have an identity that I created myself that I value over the life of anything growing inside me. Lol.
Load More Replies... When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had a series of strokes, related to the pregnancy, plus a premature labour at 35 weeks, where they KEPT THE BABY IN COOKING. Only by persistence and a very sensible neurologist did I eventually get a C-section at 37 weeks. They kept saying 'for the good of the baby'. Frankly, I'm more important than an unknown baby when I have a life threatening condition caused by the pregnancy and another child at home who needs me
I love how the title says it has people are debating and literally no one is disagreeing
Ohhh I sadly know some people who would totally disagree. I told my husband the same thing. I do agree it's a personal choice and no one but the actual couple should say anything, non of their business
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It's not his choice to make, the doctors are supposed to prioritize the mother. And I really don't understand this " Aww, he said he would choose me, how sweet!" It should go without saying. If your partner sees you as a disposable incubator for delivering his kids, you shouldn't be with him.
It reminds me of the hypothetical "If Mommy and I were both drowning and you could save only one of us, who would you pick?" My answer would be, "I hope to save you both, but if I had to choose one of you, it would be Mommy. When we got married, I made her a promise: I would choose her. Over me, over my family, over myself, and over you. I would feel bad about myself and very sad for a long time, but it's a promise I made long before you were born." Glad I'm not a parent? Me, too.
I get that you're trying to argue that in this situation, the mom should be saved, but I think that this situation is fundamentally different than the one being discussed, in your hypothetical case, the child has already become a separate individual with their own interests so I think there's no right or wrong answer. In the article, the child is still a fetus and thus has no moral status yet so the decision to save the mother should not even be a question. As a side note, I don't think it's healthy to prioritize your wife over everything, I get that she's important and all, but there has to be boundaries.
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1000000% agree, especially if there's other kids. The kids and husband need their mother/spouse. However, I think it's a choice I would never want to have to make
Because in such a situation she is probably in a coma or anesthesized
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The way many people still see women only as a kind of decorative flesh bag that is supposed to live as a servant to a man and only exists to birth his children is utterly revolting. I am truly horrified that this sentiment has such a strong foothild in a countries that ar considered to be 'first world' or 'deeveloped'. No, the are not if they treat half their population like that.
My mom chose my older brother. Luckily they are both alive, but during labour the doctors were worried. My mom said “Save the baby. I have already lived some of my life. I gave life to him, I’m not going to take that away to save myself.” She now has 5 kids and helps foster babies with medical needs. Do whatever you want, I was just sharing her story
This is NOT an issue in the US. During the birthing process there are doctors and nurses for the mother AND the baby. NO one needs to choose. I came very close to dying with my last pregnancy, because of sudden complications. Both my son and I were saved. No one asked my husband to pick one of us.
Before my daughter was born I would have said that the baby should be saved rather than me. After I had her, if I was in the situation where it was a choice between me and another baby I would have chosen me. I never want to put my daughter through the agony of losing a parent. I lost my dad when I was 10 and it still hurts 38 years later. If you are a good parent your child needs you. Having children is a gift. Staying with your child if there is the chance that you can is the best thing you can ever do.
honestly its better to save the mother. they can always have another child but replacing the one u love is impossible. even if u find someone else to take her place they will never b her and the child u already have will never see the new woman as their real mom. that pain will live with u forever. yes the pain of losing a child will stick with u but at least the woman u love is still in this world and u can try again.
I've heard a thing that's somewhat related that I'm not sure is true or not. In a life or death situation the mother will tend to save the children over the father but the father will tend to save the mother over the children. I can't imagine it being as cut and dried as saving the mother over a baby during birth and I'm sure there would be other mitigating circumstances.
I'm British Protestant, and my wife was Irish Catholic. She put the same question to me in 1980 with our first child (we went on to have 3). Apparently at that time in Ireland the ruling was that you sacrificed the mother to save the child, and she didn't know if the same rule automatically applied in England.
Because it is a very real reality of pregnancy that things can go very wrong very quickly, and in the US it can get super dicey and you could end up dead since you were just the incubator.
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Okay Dr Zico. It's time to stop scamming the audience with your "herbal herbs" lol. Ultimate fail.
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This motherly martyrdom is getting ridiculous. Of course you save the grown woman over a not even yet born baby. I feel genuinely sad for the women who are surprised their husbands would choose them over the baby. How low do they rank themselves in the pecking order to be surprised by that. I can understand parental instincts taking over in a spontaneous and lonely life or death situation, eg driving the car off the road into a river and trying to save your child from drowning before you can save yourself. But with problems at birth we are talking about an actual decision made by someone whose life is not in danger (father) or, in this case, not yet (mother, talking about it beforehand).
Totally agree. It's sad this even needs to be said and discussed...this isn't handmaid's tale. It just shows how much women were and are treated as second class citizens.
Load More Replies... In what country is that question even a reality? It would never happen in Sweden that a partner gets that choice. The doctor will choose and the mother comes first. If not possible to save her, then the baby.
From my understanding Sweden isn't a trash country... & it's literally the opposite of the US.... LOL! SO yes. You're absolutely right to question how ridiculous this is... but I'm sure not that you know this is a common debate in the US ... it all makes more sense... because we are a country who values the "life" of an unborn, non existent, not yet formed, not yet a person but a cluster of cells/an eventual fetus... over the life of the woman who is carrying it.. because women are only meant for one thing... catering to men & birthing children. Our country is so f****d up... to be clear I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THESE THINGS! I'm a woman who values other women & their lives over that of a cluster of cells... the fact that this is even a discussion has always bothered me... I am a full grown living breathing person who has a life, friends, family, pets... I have goals & aspirations.. I have an identity that I created myself that I value over the life of anything growing inside me. Lol.
Load More Replies... When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had a series of strokes, related to the pregnancy, plus a premature labour at 35 weeks, where they KEPT THE BABY IN COOKING. Only by persistence and a very sensible neurologist did I eventually get a C-section at 37 weeks. They kept saying 'for the good of the baby'. Frankly, I'm more important than an unknown baby when I have a life threatening condition caused by the pregnancy and another child at home who needs me
I love how the title says it has people are debating and literally no one is disagreeing
Ohhh I sadly know some people who would totally disagree. I told my husband the same thing. I do agree it's a personal choice and no one but the actual couple should say anything, non of their business
Load More Replies... It's not his choice to make, the doctors are supposed to prioritize the mother. And I really don't understand this " Aww, he said he would choose me, how sweet!" It should go without saying. If your partner sees you as a disposable incubator for delivering his kids, you shouldn't be with him.
It reminds me of the hypothetical "If Mommy and I were both drowning and you could save only one of us, who would you pick?" My answer would be, "I hope to save you both, but if I had to choose one of you, it would be Mommy. When we got married, I made her a promise: I would choose her. Over me, over my family, over myself, and over you. I would feel bad about myself and very sad for a long time, but it's a promise I made long before you were born." Glad I'm not a parent? Me, too.
I get that you're trying to argue that in this situation, the mom should be saved, but I think that this situation is fundamentally different than the one being discussed, in your hypothetical case, the child has already become a separate individual with their own interests so I think there's no right or wrong answer. In the article, the child is still a fetus and thus has no moral status yet so the decision to save the mother should not even be a question. As a side note, I don't think it's healthy to prioritize your wife over everything, I get that she's important and all, but there has to be boundaries.
Load More Replies... 1000000% agree, especially if there's other kids. The kids and husband need their mother/spouse. However, I think it's a choice I would never want to have to make
Because in such a situation she is probably in a coma or anesthesized
Load More Replies... The way many people still see women only as a kind of decorative flesh bag that is supposed to live as a servant to a man and only exists to birth his children is utterly revolting. I am truly horrified that this sentiment has such a strong foothild in a countries that ar considered to be 'first world' or 'deeveloped'. No, the are not if they treat half their population like that.
My mom chose my older brother. Luckily they are both alive, but during labour the doctors were worried. My mom said “Save the baby. I have already lived some of my life. I gave life to him, I’m not going to take that away to save myself.” She now has 5 kids and helps foster babies with medical needs. Do whatever you want, I was just sharing her story
This is NOT an issue in the US. During the birthing process there are doctors and nurses for the mother AND the baby. NO one needs to choose. I came very close to dying with my last pregnancy, because of sudden complications. Both my son and I were saved. No one asked my husband to pick one of us.
Before my daughter was born I would have said that the baby should be saved rather than me. After I had her, if I was in the situation where it was a choice between me and another baby I would have chosen me. I never want to put my daughter through the agony of losing a parent. I lost my dad when I was 10 and it still hurts 38 years later. If you are a good parent your child needs you. Having children is a gift. Staying with your child if there is the chance that you can is the best thing you can ever do.
honestly its better to save the mother. they can always have another child but replacing the one u love is impossible. even if u find someone else to take her place they will never b her and the child u already have will never see the new woman as their real mom. that pain will live with u forever. yes the pain of losing a child will stick with u but at least the woman u love is still in this world and u can try again.
I've heard a thing that's somewhat related that I'm not sure is true or not. In a life or death situation the mother will tend to save the children over the father but the father will tend to save the mother over the children. I can't imagine it being as cut and dried as saving the mother over a baby during birth and I'm sure there would be other mitigating circumstances.
I'm British Protestant, and my wife was Irish Catholic. She put the same question to me in 1980 with our first child (we went on to have 3). Apparently at that time in Ireland the ruling was that you sacrificed the mother to save the child, and she didn't know if the same rule automatically applied in England.
Because it is a very real reality of pregnancy that things can go very wrong very quickly, and in the US it can get super dicey and you could end up dead since you were just the incubator.
Load More Replies... Okay Dr Zico. It's time to stop scamming the audience with your "herbal herbs" lol. Ultimate fail.
Load More Replies... 
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