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“If You Have To Choose Between Me And The Baby, Save Me”: Emotional Plea By Mom To Her Husband Sparks Discussions
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“If You Have To Choose Between Me And The Baby, Save Me”: Emotional Plea By Mom To Her Husband Sparks Discussions

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Raising children is a complex and often difficult task, but it is even more difficult to envision doing so without your partner. Taking care of an infant child while grieving for the loss of a loved one is an almost unimaginably painful endeavor. But if it were possible to make a choice during childbirth to save your partner or your newborn child – what would you choose?

This is the dilemma brought up by Anabel Morales in her viral TikTok.

TikTok user Anabel Morales touched upon a difficult question in her viral TikTok

Image credits: nd3000

In her TikTok video, Anabel shows herself in a hospital bed with her husband close to her. The caption in the video describes a difficult situation. In Anabel’s opinion, if her life was at risk during childbirth, she would like her husband to choose her life instead of their child’s. She further mentions that she wouldn’t want their first child to grow up without a mother or for her husband to raise two kids alone while grieving. 

She has mentioned that she maintains this opinion “because I have a baby now, this is the way I think,” showing that having her first child gave her more perspective and changed her outlook.

Who gets priority in a “save the mother or the child” situation?

Image credits: anabelmoralezz

Bored Panda contacted Anabel to ask for more of her thoughts about this question. When asked whether she thinks she would approach this issue differently if she had more children or was somewhat older, she says, “I think my choice would be the same with more kids, but before I had my sons, I would have chosen my baby. I only say choose me now because I can’t leave him without a mom.”

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Providing her input about why this issue is such a debated topic, Annabel Morales said that in her opinion, a lot of people don’t understand that even though she said “choose me” to her husband, she would still be heartbroken about the loss of her baby. Furthermore, she believes that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Image credits: anabelmoralezz

Watch the original video here:

@anabelmoralezz 😩😩 #trending #viral #pickme #husbandwife #laboranddelivery #savethemoms #foryou #foryoupage #fy #fyp #momsoftiktok ♬ original sound – Yahritza

Check out Anabel’s TikTok and give her a follow on IG!

People say that there is a clear procedure for when the mother’s life is at risk – the mom’s life is a priority

Although this situation may seem like something out of a movie, it happens more often than you’d think. It may also be the case that an operation must be performed to save the mother’s life, or else the mom and baby will die. In many countries, there is a standard procedure for this eventuality.

In a Quora discussion, users shared their experiences and stories about the topic. Most of the users mention that the standard procedure is to save the mother in most cases. In some situations, where an extremely difficult pregnancy is predictable, specific plans get made about who to save so that the question is not “up in the air” in the heat of the moment during pregnancy. They further mention that the mother gets prioritized as the baby has no agency by law until the umbilical cord is cut. 

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Image credits: anabelmoralezz

Image credits: anabelmoralezz

Others share experiences of situations they or people they know have been in

Nevertheless, people mention that they have been asked this question in the middle of a pregnancy. Usually the father of the family was questioned, in some cases the mother, if she was lucid at the time. Some mentioned that the one with the best chances of survival gets saved.

Christina M. Ward tells the story of her birth, during which the doctor pulled her father aside to ask him the question during her mother’s labor. Although her mother wasn’t supposed to be able to deliver children, against all odds, she managed to conceive. Her father told the doctor to “save the baby,” as she wouldn’t want to live if the child passed.

Considering the not-so-long-ago implications of COVID-19, a study was conducted analyzing whether the virus could infect the placenta itself. According to the lead author of the study, Alice Lu-Culligan, this phenomenon not only increases the risk for severe outcomes for the mother but is also highly dangerous for the fetus.

The commenters shared similar opinions to Anabel, expressing how difficult and sensitive it would be

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Anabel’s video received more than 568 thousand likes, over 4000 comments, and nearly 9000 shares. What are your thoughts? Perhaps you have heard of someone in a similarly difficult situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This motherly martyrdom is getting ridiculous. Of course you save the grown woman over a not even yet born baby. I feel genuinely sad for the women who are surprised their husbands would choose them over the baby. How low do they rank themselves in the pecking order to be surprised by that. I can understand parental instincts taking over in a spontaneous and lonely life or death situation, eg driving the car off the road into a river and trying to save your child from drowning before you can save yourself. But with problems at birth we are talking about an actual decision made by someone whose life is not in danger (father) or, in this case, not yet (mother, talking about it beforehand).

serena_6 avatar
Snow_White
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree. It's sad this even needs to be said and discussed...this isn't handmaid's tale. It just shows how much women were and are treated as second class citizens.

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kicki avatar
Panda Kicki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In what country is that question even a reality? It would never happen in Sweden that a partner gets that choice. The doctor will choose and the mother comes first. If not possible to save her, then the baby.

ejcargeaux avatar
Sherman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From my understanding Sweden isn't a trash country... & it's literally the opposite of the US.... LOL! SO yes. You're absolutely right to question how ridiculous this is... but I'm sure not that you know this is a common debate in the US ... it all makes more sense... because we are a country who values the "life" of an unborn, non existent, not yet formed, not yet a person but a cluster of cells/an eventual fetus... over the life of the woman who is carrying it.. because women are only meant for one thing... catering to men & birthing children. Our country is so f****d up... to be clear I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THESE THINGS! I'm a woman who values other women & their lives over that of a cluster of cells... the fact that this is even a discussion has always bothered me... I am a full grown living breathing person who has a life, friends, family, pets... I have goals & aspirations.. I have an identity that I created myself that I value over the life of anything growing inside me. Lol.

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sallyjkerr avatar
Gourdeous
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had a series of strokes, related to the pregnancy, plus a premature labour at 35 weeks, where they KEPT THE BABY IN COOKING. Only by persistence and a very sensible neurologist did I eventually get a C-section at 37 weeks. They kept saying 'for the good of the baby'. Frankly, I'm more important than an unknown baby when I have a life threatening condition caused by the pregnancy and another child at home who needs me

Load More Comments
miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This motherly martyrdom is getting ridiculous. Of course you save the grown woman over a not even yet born baby. I feel genuinely sad for the women who are surprised their husbands would choose them over the baby. How low do they rank themselves in the pecking order to be surprised by that. I can understand parental instincts taking over in a spontaneous and lonely life or death situation, eg driving the car off the road into a river and trying to save your child from drowning before you can save yourself. But with problems at birth we are talking about an actual decision made by someone whose life is not in danger (father) or, in this case, not yet (mother, talking about it beforehand).

serena_6 avatar
Snow_White
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree. It's sad this even needs to be said and discussed...this isn't handmaid's tale. It just shows how much women were and are treated as second class citizens.

Load More Replies...
kicki avatar
Panda Kicki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In what country is that question even a reality? It would never happen in Sweden that a partner gets that choice. The doctor will choose and the mother comes first. If not possible to save her, then the baby.

ejcargeaux avatar
Sherman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From my understanding Sweden isn't a trash country... & it's literally the opposite of the US.... LOL! SO yes. You're absolutely right to question how ridiculous this is... but I'm sure not that you know this is a common debate in the US ... it all makes more sense... because we are a country who values the "life" of an unborn, non existent, not yet formed, not yet a person but a cluster of cells/an eventual fetus... over the life of the woman who is carrying it.. because women are only meant for one thing... catering to men & birthing children. Our country is so f****d up... to be clear I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THESE THINGS! I'm a woman who values other women & their lives over that of a cluster of cells... the fact that this is even a discussion has always bothered me... I am a full grown living breathing person who has a life, friends, family, pets... I have goals & aspirations.. I have an identity that I created myself that I value over the life of anything growing inside me. Lol.

Load More Replies...
sallyjkerr avatar
Gourdeous
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had a series of strokes, related to the pregnancy, plus a premature labour at 35 weeks, where they KEPT THE BABY IN COOKING. Only by persistence and a very sensible neurologist did I eventually get a C-section at 37 weeks. They kept saying 'for the good of the baby'. Frankly, I'm more important than an unknown baby when I have a life threatening condition caused by the pregnancy and another child at home who needs me

Load More Comments
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