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If you’re a parent who’s lucky enough to have a “built-in babysitter” in the form of a close friend, sibling, mom, dad or neighbor, you’ve hit the parenting jackpot. Eliminating the stress of scrolling through websites and apps every time your little one needs to be watched for a few hours is a huge luxury. But it’s still important to make sure you don’t take advantage of your beloved babysitters.
One grandmother recently decided that she wouldn’t be providing free childcare any more, but her daughter refuses to start paying her. Below, you’ll find the full story the mother recently shared on Reddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left.
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This woman used to rely on her mother for last-minute babysitting
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
But now that her mom’s demanding to be paid, she’s wondering if she was wrong to keep her wallet closed
Image credits: Rido81 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: getDoor21
Most families enlist the help of a babysitter once or twice a month
Every family has their own individual needs and might require a babysitter more or less frequently than others, depending on the parents’ jobs, how many relatives live nearby, and what kinds of needs the children have. But according to Kidsit, the average family enlists the help of a babysitter once or twice a month, and the average American family spends about $1,000 a year on babysitters.
When bringing in someone outside of the family to babysit, there’s no question that they’re doing a job. They’ll be playing games with the kids, feeding them, making sure they’re safe, and they might even need to help them with homework, give them a bath, and put them to bed. UrbanSitter reports that the average rate for babysitting one child at a time in the US in 2022 was $20.57 per hour.
When deciding how much to pay your sitter, Parents.com says moms and dads should consider the babysitter’s experience, the number of kids they’ll be watching, how many hours they’ll be there, the level of responsibility, and the total time commitment, including their transportation and how often they’ll be needed.
Image credits: Lina Kivaka (not the actual photo)
There’s no question that taking care of children is a job, even if family members refuse payment
So why do some of us fail to consider the fact that babysitting is a job when our family members offer to help out? Well, some relatives might refuse to accept payment just to spend time with their grandchildren or nieces and nephews, and if the babysitting is only needed once in a while, it might not be seen as a burden at all. But according to Verywell Family, there are a few factors parents need to consider before enlisting their own parents to help with childcare.
They recommend discussing payment as an option before even scheduling your parents for help, as babysitting is a job. If your mom and dad aren’t well off or don’t have a lot of free time, it might make more sense to compensate them for their help. Assuming they don’t want payment can be presumptuous and lead to resentment.
It’s also recommended to keep their responsibilities simple. They’re older, and they probably don’t have the energy to be running around with kids for hours each week. Suggest calm activities that are safe and won’t wear them out, and don’t expect them to be watching your kids for too long at any given time.
Image credits: Markus Spiske (not the actual photo)
It’s important not to take advantage of relatives who are willing to help out with childcare
As much as your parents must love their grandchildren, Verywell Family also says it’s important to give them an out if they no longer have the time or desire to babysit for you. You should always have a plan B in place to make sure they don’t feel taken advantage of or obligated to reorganize their schedules around babysitting.
If you’re in need of alternatives to hiring your family members to babysit, parents can look into programs like Mom’s Day Out and babysitting co-ops, or reach out to other parents to see which babysitters they can recommend. If using family for childcare starts putting your relationships at risk, it might not be worth it anymore. And if literally paying them is the price you have to pay to ensure your children are in safe, capable hands while you’re out running errands, it might be well worth the cost.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother is being unreasonable by expecting her mom to babysit for free? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article, you can check out this one discussing whether or not to pay family members for childcare!
Image credits: Nikoline Arns (not the actual photo)
Some readers were unsure where they stood on the situation, noting that the mom didn’t share enough details
However, some thought the mother was being unreasonable by refusing to pay
And others noted that they would never expect compensation to watch a family member
What do you think ?
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
This one seems weird all round. I think one of the first commenters might have hit the nail on the head. This might be the grandmas way of saying "you're just using me as a babysitter, so pay me like one". There is a difference between asking a grandparent to look after a kid and expecting them to. When she says "at most twice a week" makes me think it's actually pretty frequent and potentially interrupting stuff grandma wants to do. This is grandmas way of pushing back without explicitly saying "no I won't watch your kid all the time" hoping the Mum will reduce the amount of babysitting she wants as a result. Seems to me (like most problems on Reddit) this would be solved by the two sitting down and having a sensible conversation. "Do you really need me to pay you, or is this about something else? Am I imposing too much?"
Ron Baza 2 years ago
Fair. I’d add that we only have one side of the story too - and that nobody ever tells a story to emphasise the ways in which they’re the AH. My sympathies are with grandma.
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Brainmas 2 years ago
This is crazy. How often is she leaving her kid for at least a week that it has become a regular paid thing? She has a nanny and has her mom watch the kid sometimes multiple times a week? Can't take her kid to run errands? So clearly no one wants this poor kid around.
Nykky 2 years ago
I don't think the grandma doesn't want the kid around, but clearly the mother doesn't. The grandma just wants to be compensated for her time and money she spends on her granddaughter, because raising a kid takes a lot of time, effort, and money, which she most likely isn't earning anymore. If this mother barely has money for her kid, why is she going out with friends so often? The fact errands is in parenthesis tells me she doesn't wanna say what she's actually doing. The poor kid is just in the middle of their pissing match now
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Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Be honest. You didn't need to do "errands". Generations of parents have taken their kids along while doing actual errands.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago (edited)
She pays her mother $115/day. Let's be generous and say the kid sleeps 8 hours a days so the mother is working 16 hour days. That's ~$7/hour. Even if the mother is well off, that's less than minimum wage. Sure it'd be great of she did it for free but it really feels like something OP is not saying (or self-aware enough to realize) going on here. The mother pay request feels like a move someone makes when they feel their kindness is being taken advantage of. She says sometimes it's 1-2 times a week, which is actually a lot for it not being someone's child nor being paid. Especially if you have a nanny. And how often is that nanny unavailable? And how are other accommodations not able to be made when they're unavailable? And she says sometimes it's only 1-2 times per month? The kid is 8. And based on OP's entitlement this has presumably gone of for 8 years.
Tyranamar Seuss 2 years ago
That struck me too. Cost is usually $100 for the time they're asleep plus a regular wage - about $18/hr for each hour they're awake. Plus overtime. Mom has no idea how good she's got it. She should pay grandma and be grateful she has affordable childcare.
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Biliegh they/them 2 years ago
I'm not sure why Dorians comment got downvotes. We are literally in a recession..... Parents don't watch their kids they take care of them. Grandparents already raised their children. Their duty is done. Why do some automatically just assume that because you are family you HAVE to do what is asked if you?
Load More Replies...
Midoribird Aoi 2 years ago
Anyone who says NTA isn't getting the point. Op is telling her mother she needs to babysit, instead of asking her mother to babysit. Presuming and assuming, which is just taking advantage of another person, who maybe has better things to do than always be expected to watch a kid. That is the real message here.
Jennifer Clayton 2 years ago
What hasn't been mentioned by OP or any comments in the article is, what does the daughter do for her mother. "Family takes care of each other" means daughter needs to help her mom too. And if she's acting spoiled, her mother just figured out what she did wrong raising her. I bet the sudden change in conditions is because the mom asked her daughter for something she needed help with and got turned down. Then was told to babysit again.
Panda Kicki 2 years ago (edited)
My mom pushed me a lot about getting grandkids and how she wanted to babysit them and taking them out. Now she has had grandkids for 12 years and not offered to babysit a single time.Not even when I lost my baby before delivery and she just said "Oh, thats to bad" and I had to give birth to my dead baby alone as no other sitter was found (mum is retired and spends all time at home). At the funeral she did turn up, but the only words she uttered was that she didnt like the stairs to the parking lot and that it was a hassle walking from the car to the church (the priest and funeral service car had a parking right behind the church, prob meant we should have taken that one for her). She accepts visits from grandkids, if I arrange it all, and seems happy to sit and look at them, if they dont make to much sound or messes. I Wonder where that "my life goal is to be a granny" went.
Charm Hockaday 2 years ago
She was probably hoping you wouldn't have grandkids after realizing that she would be part of their life the way she wanted them to be.
Load More Replies... Ken Beattie 2 years ago
This one seems weird all round. I think one of the first commenters might have hit the nail on the head. This might be the grandmas way of saying "you're just using me as a babysitter, so pay me like one". There is a difference between asking a grandparent to look after a kid and expecting them to. When she says "at most twice a week" makes me think it's actually pretty frequent and potentially interrupting stuff grandma wants to do. This is grandmas way of pushing back without explicitly saying "no I won't watch your kid all the time" hoping the Mum will reduce the amount of babysitting she wants as a result. Seems to me (like most problems on Reddit) this would be solved by the two sitting down and having a sensible conversation. "Do you really need me to pay you, or is this about something else? Am I imposing too much?"
Ron Baza 2 years ago
Fair. I’d add that we only have one side of the story too - and that nobody ever tells a story to emphasise the ways in which they’re the AH. My sympathies are with grandma.
Load More Replies... Brainmas 2 years ago
This is crazy. How often is she leaving her kid for at least a week that it has become a regular paid thing? She has a nanny and has her mom watch the kid sometimes multiple times a week? Can't take her kid to run errands? So clearly no one wants this poor kid around.
Nykky 2 years ago
I don't think the grandma doesn't want the kid around, but clearly the mother doesn't. The grandma just wants to be compensated for her time and money she spends on her granddaughter, because raising a kid takes a lot of time, effort, and money, which she most likely isn't earning anymore. If this mother barely has money for her kid, why is she going out with friends so often? The fact errands is in parenthesis tells me she doesn't wanna say what she's actually doing. The poor kid is just in the middle of their pissing match now
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Be honest. You didn't need to do "errands". Generations of parents have taken their kids along while doing actual errands.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago (edited)
She pays her mother $115/day. Let's be generous and say the kid sleeps 8 hours a days so the mother is working 16 hour days. That's ~$7/hour. Even if the mother is well off, that's less than minimum wage. Sure it'd be great of she did it for free but it really feels like something OP is not saying (or self-aware enough to realize) going on here. The mother pay request feels like a move someone makes when they feel their kindness is being taken advantage of. She says sometimes it's 1-2 times a week, which is actually a lot for it not being someone's child nor being paid. Especially if you have a nanny. And how often is that nanny unavailable? And how are other accommodations not able to be made when they're unavailable? And she says sometimes it's only 1-2 times per month? The kid is 8. And based on OP's entitlement this has presumably gone of for 8 years.
Tyranamar Seuss 2 years ago
That struck me too. Cost is usually $100 for the time they're asleep plus a regular wage - about $18/hr for each hour they're awake. Plus overtime. Mom has no idea how good she's got it. She should pay grandma and be grateful she has affordable childcare.
Load More Replies... Biliegh they/them 2 years ago
I'm not sure why Dorians comment got downvotes. We are literally in a recession..... Parents don't watch their kids they take care of them. Grandparents already raised their children. Their duty is done. Why do some automatically just assume that because you are family you HAVE to do what is asked if you?
Load More Replies... Midoribird Aoi 2 years ago
Anyone who says NTA isn't getting the point. Op is telling her mother she needs to babysit, instead of asking her mother to babysit. Presuming and assuming, which is just taking advantage of another person, who maybe has better things to do than always be expected to watch a kid. That is the real message here.
Jennifer Clayton 2 years ago
What hasn't been mentioned by OP or any comments in the article is, what does the daughter do for her mother. "Family takes care of each other" means daughter needs to help her mom too. And if she's acting spoiled, her mother just figured out what she did wrong raising her. I bet the sudden change in conditions is because the mom asked her daughter for something she needed help with and got turned down. Then was told to babysit again.
Panda Kicki 2 years ago (edited)
My mom pushed me a lot about getting grandkids and how she wanted to babysit them and taking them out. Now she has had grandkids for 12 years and not offered to babysit a single time.Not even when I lost my baby before delivery and she just said "Oh, thats to bad" and I had to give birth to my dead baby alone as no other sitter was found (mum is retired and spends all time at home). At the funeral she did turn up, but the only words she uttered was that she didnt like the stairs to the parking lot and that it was a hassle walking from the car to the church (the priest and funeral service car had a parking right behind the church, prob meant we should have taken that one for her). She accepts visits from grandkids, if I arrange it all, and seems happy to sit and look at them, if they dont make to much sound or messes. I Wonder where that "my life goal is to be a granny" went.
Charm Hockaday 2 years ago
She was probably hoping you wouldn't have grandkids after realizing that she would be part of their life the way she wanted them to be.
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