Mom Ends Up Screaming After Kid’s Revenge: “Must Have Developmental Disabilities”
Interview With AuthorYour parents are supposed to be there for you, but while Reddit user Front-Restaurant2366 was growing up, his mom added a lot of unnecessary pressure and confusion.
In a heartfelt post shared on r/PettyRevenge, the man opened up about the emotional toll that came with her consistently trying to convince him—and everyone else—that he had a developmental disorder, despite thriving in school and daily life.
Even medical professionals couldn’t get her to change her mind.
It takes a while to figure out the sort of person you are and want to become
Image credits: Caseen Kyle Registos/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
And getting “diagnosed” with conditions you don’t have just makes things worse
Image credits: amenic181/ Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Front-Restaurant2366
An autism diagnosis can, indeed, be tricky, but it’s difficult to understand why the mom didn’t take the doctor’s word for it
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
We got in touch with the author of the post, and he told Bored Panda, “My mom is absolutely crazy, as I wrote in the post, but these things happen a lot with fellow Asian parents. My mom just happens to be one of the craziest.”
For those who might object, Front-Restaurant2366 added, “You can visit r/AsianParentStories for more stories about insane Asian parents. I’ll also say that it’s nothing uncommon in my country, as similar stuff happens in the families of my peers.”
The autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder affecting about 1.5% of the population.
It can look very different from person to person. Each individual exhibits a unique set of symptoms and different degrees of severity, which can make the diagnosis challenging.
One of the biggest issues is the co-occurrence of other disorders. Roughly 70% to 80% of autistic people with milder forms of ASD are also diagnosed with another psychiatric condition. More than half of young autistic children have four or more other conditions.
A 2020 paper showed the following rates of prevalence of the other psychiatric conditions found in autistic people:
- 20% had anxiety disorders;
- 11% had depressive disorders;
- 9% had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD);
- 5% had bipolar disorder;
- 4% had schizophrenia spectrum disorder.
ASD can manifest itself in a number of symptoms, ranging from mild to severe. The most common include:
- difficulty interpreting what others are thinking or feeling (including body language, facial expressions, and social cues);
- intense special interests;
- repetitive or ritualistic behaviors;
- trouble managing and regulating emotions;
- difficulty understanding idioms or nonliteral language;
- difficulty with conversational skills (keeping a conversation going or the natural give-and-take of a conversation);
- strict daily routines or becoming emotionally distressed when routines are changed;
- trouble with using vocal or emotional inflection while speaking.
But whether a diagnosis is given in childhood or adulthood, the important thing is getting it right.
Image credits: Hongwei FAN/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“As a neurodevelopmental disorder, autism can be challenging to diagnose. There are no physical differences or indications of autism. Instead, the child’s behavior, communication, and social skills are where to look for the presence of autism,” wrote David F. Velkoff, M.D., the medical director and co-founder of the Drake Institute of Neurophysical Medicine, and a leading expert in treating ADD/ADHD, and ASD.
“Parents, teachers, childcare workers, and others who regularly interact with the child are usually the first to notice delayed or atypical development. Active monitoring and regular check-ins will help make sure symptoms are identified as early as possible. One common misdiagnosis of autism, such as confusing it with ADHD, can best be avoided by tracking your child’s development and noting any and all symptoms.”
However, a mere opinion that someone has ASD is nowhere near enough to ascribe them to the diagnosis. “If signs of autism are present, your pediatrician may perform an autism evaluation,” Velkoff said. “They will look at your child’s development and whether they are reaching milestones along with peers and may observe how the child interacts with others. These processes … help rule out the presence of other conditions similar to autism.”
Part of the reason for autism misdiagnosis is that no lab test or brain scan can be used to definitively identify the condition. Maybe that’s why the Redditor’s mother couldn’t be convinced that her son is fine, too.
“Many of my elders tell me to ‘let it go’ and ‘move on’ when they hear stories about my mom,” the Redditor added. “They do love and support me, but they just genuinely think that’s how we deal with abuses like this. It’s so sad, but that’s how our elders approach things.”
As people started reacting to the story, its author joined the discussion in the comments
The mom has received a lot of criticism
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My mother does this, but using religion as the control mechanism. I am actually autistic, have now got a net worth that is a double figure multiple of hers (I'm not rich, she's just not very well off), but according to her, I'm useless, incapable and need her help urgently.
S**t like this boils my p**s as the parent of an actually autistic child. We were friends with someone who was always asking what our son was like etc, first we thought she was just interested but it turns out she was using us for information on how our son is so she could take that to a GP to get her own diagnosis, she was not autistic at all.
I mean, ASD is a spectrum, so it wouldn’t have been impossible for her to be on the spectrum (if you looked at me and my brother, most people would probably assume that only he has ASD (when in reality both of us do)), but the way you describe it does sound a bit off. I assume she was a fully capable, independent adult woman and ‘suddenly regressed’ when she went to the GP after she learnt more about your son’s ASD? But either way, the mom from OP’s story does have an unhealthy fixation on having an ASD child (or two, from what it sounds like about OP’s brother); in reality, I doubt she’d last a week with my brother.
Load More Replies...I raised an eyebrow when the mom said they couldn't be veterinarian because they have autism. My friend has Autism they went to college to become a vet, last time I check she was a vet's assistant.
Didn't she know there are tools like scissors especially designed for lefties? Ned Flanders had a shop full of things I seem to remember from an old Simpsons episode. Im sorry you didn't get to vetinary college but I hope you feel fulfilled by your eventual choices. She's bonkers, you most definitely are not.
Children on the spectrum need more encouragement, not less. They need to know that the world may view them as having a handicap, but then can work with that handicap and turn it into a skill that surpasses all their peers. I've seen people on the spectrum end up as doctors, vets, scientists, famous artists, musicians - all wildly successful. Not every child on the spectrum will achieve the same level, but they will achieve nothing if they're not encouraged properly.
I totally agree with you. The OP's mother is totally obsessed with simply the possible perceived weaknesses. There is nothing of encouraging the OP for any of their achievements and strengths. Even with a diagnosis or indeed any child without special needs, it should be a given of decent parenting that it involves a modicum of praise and encouragement for effort.
Load More Replies...I have ADD/ADHD, was diagnosed when i was 15, and while medication did help, the only effective meds (for me) are not available in Romania....so i've been unmedicated for....14 years now. I have two modes of operation.....if i'm interested in anything, i'm obsessive about it (or task oriented goals, once i start i do not stop until i'm done) if i'm not interested in something, i simply cannot muster the energy or willingness to engage. No matter how important....and i'm one of the lucky ones that also has depression as a result....so when those little things snowball, it feeds the depression spiral. It's not a "fun" or "quirky" thing, and it's not the same as being scatterbrained, or procrastinating, just the same that depression isn't the same as "i'm not smiling right now, or i lack motivation, depression sucks tee-hee!" Pisses me off to no end seeing fuckwits self diagnose, or diagnose others as a means of excusing their flaws.
Your ADD/ADHD summary perfectly describes my brother-in-law for abt 60 years - until he was, finally, properly diagnosed & got the right meds & the difference has been remarkable. I'm so sorry that you don't have access to the meds you need & you're brave to keep on persevering.
Load More Replies...You'd be shocked at how many similar cases I saw during my 30 years as a teacher. More and more every year. Parents "pathologizing" (making up a disease from) their children's every single personality trait, attitude, etc. They seek for professional help. The doctor tells them there's no health problem whatsoever. They ask for a second opinion. The second doctor "finds" something (usually Asperger's or school phobia) so the first doctor is discredited. Eventually, the second doctor gets a good reputation among parents because they can "find" what the kids are suffering from, so the number of children with fake/wrong diagnoses grows and grows.
My mother and my half sister shared their Munchausen's. First my mother used to tell me (UK) that my stepfather was dying and I should fly home (Saffa). Yeah... He lived many years after my "saying goodbye" and was very much alive and well when I did. Then she tried that with upscaling my sister's medical conditions - highlights including fragile syndrome X and a "tumour the size of a grapefruit on her ovary" while wishing me happy 40th. I stopped that buck by phoning the hospital and speaking to the consultant myself about the pea sized cyst seen on scan. She kept it up for a few years until she realised I was no longer playing ball. She passed the baton on to my h/sis when she herself became ill. And Kris took it with relish and kept emotionally blackmailing myself and my brother until we stopped listening to her and went directly to the doctors. The last time she tried, my brother forwarded the WA chat from the doctor into our chat. It was the last time she got to ...
... try that s**t because my mother did actually die a few weeks later. This was expected for someone who had first been resuscitated in 1992 and somehow beat all the olds to live another 30+years. I no longer have contact, my brother has the absolute bare minimum after she upscaled a "robbery" one night in a bid to get him to buy them a new car (he has worked himself into money, she has stayed in MLM and unemployment willingly).
Load More Replies...I'm autistic and I've worked in retail for years. Also in admin as I'm very organized and procedural (autism can be a huge benefit in that sort of role). I've been a waitress too, so lots of customer-facing roles. Autism is like a buffet restaurant. Every person gets a plateful, but some of the dishes/traits are those that have a big impact on others. Those people are considered "low-functioning" even though there is no basis whatsoever for that disdainful assessment. Some autistics have mostly traits that only cause themselves misery and the traits are mostly socially invisible. Those people are considered "high-functioning" even though there is no basis whatsoever for that dismissive assessment. A neurological difference can be life-limiting, whether others are aware of your traits or not. And self-identification is legitimate when done properly, as there are so few opportunities to be assessed by someone who actually knows what they're doing, particularly with girls.
My mother does this, but using religion as the control mechanism. I am actually autistic, have now got a net worth that is a double figure multiple of hers (I'm not rich, she's just not very well off), but according to her, I'm useless, incapable and need her help urgently.
S**t like this boils my p**s as the parent of an actually autistic child. We were friends with someone who was always asking what our son was like etc, first we thought she was just interested but it turns out she was using us for information on how our son is so she could take that to a GP to get her own diagnosis, she was not autistic at all.
I mean, ASD is a spectrum, so it wouldn’t have been impossible for her to be on the spectrum (if you looked at me and my brother, most people would probably assume that only he has ASD (when in reality both of us do)), but the way you describe it does sound a bit off. I assume she was a fully capable, independent adult woman and ‘suddenly regressed’ when she went to the GP after she learnt more about your son’s ASD? But either way, the mom from OP’s story does have an unhealthy fixation on having an ASD child (or two, from what it sounds like about OP’s brother); in reality, I doubt she’d last a week with my brother.
Load More Replies...I raised an eyebrow when the mom said they couldn't be veterinarian because they have autism. My friend has Autism they went to college to become a vet, last time I check she was a vet's assistant.
Didn't she know there are tools like scissors especially designed for lefties? Ned Flanders had a shop full of things I seem to remember from an old Simpsons episode. Im sorry you didn't get to vetinary college but I hope you feel fulfilled by your eventual choices. She's bonkers, you most definitely are not.
Children on the spectrum need more encouragement, not less. They need to know that the world may view them as having a handicap, but then can work with that handicap and turn it into a skill that surpasses all their peers. I've seen people on the spectrum end up as doctors, vets, scientists, famous artists, musicians - all wildly successful. Not every child on the spectrum will achieve the same level, but they will achieve nothing if they're not encouraged properly.
I totally agree with you. The OP's mother is totally obsessed with simply the possible perceived weaknesses. There is nothing of encouraging the OP for any of their achievements and strengths. Even with a diagnosis or indeed any child without special needs, it should be a given of decent parenting that it involves a modicum of praise and encouragement for effort.
Load More Replies...I have ADD/ADHD, was diagnosed when i was 15, and while medication did help, the only effective meds (for me) are not available in Romania....so i've been unmedicated for....14 years now. I have two modes of operation.....if i'm interested in anything, i'm obsessive about it (or task oriented goals, once i start i do not stop until i'm done) if i'm not interested in something, i simply cannot muster the energy or willingness to engage. No matter how important....and i'm one of the lucky ones that also has depression as a result....so when those little things snowball, it feeds the depression spiral. It's not a "fun" or "quirky" thing, and it's not the same as being scatterbrained, or procrastinating, just the same that depression isn't the same as "i'm not smiling right now, or i lack motivation, depression sucks tee-hee!" Pisses me off to no end seeing fuckwits self diagnose, or diagnose others as a means of excusing their flaws.
Your ADD/ADHD summary perfectly describes my brother-in-law for abt 60 years - until he was, finally, properly diagnosed & got the right meds & the difference has been remarkable. I'm so sorry that you don't have access to the meds you need & you're brave to keep on persevering.
Load More Replies...You'd be shocked at how many similar cases I saw during my 30 years as a teacher. More and more every year. Parents "pathologizing" (making up a disease from) their children's every single personality trait, attitude, etc. They seek for professional help. The doctor tells them there's no health problem whatsoever. They ask for a second opinion. The second doctor "finds" something (usually Asperger's or school phobia) so the first doctor is discredited. Eventually, the second doctor gets a good reputation among parents because they can "find" what the kids are suffering from, so the number of children with fake/wrong diagnoses grows and grows.
My mother and my half sister shared their Munchausen's. First my mother used to tell me (UK) that my stepfather was dying and I should fly home (Saffa). Yeah... He lived many years after my "saying goodbye" and was very much alive and well when I did. Then she tried that with upscaling my sister's medical conditions - highlights including fragile syndrome X and a "tumour the size of a grapefruit on her ovary" while wishing me happy 40th. I stopped that buck by phoning the hospital and speaking to the consultant myself about the pea sized cyst seen on scan. She kept it up for a few years until she realised I was no longer playing ball. She passed the baton on to my h/sis when she herself became ill. And Kris took it with relish and kept emotionally blackmailing myself and my brother until we stopped listening to her and went directly to the doctors. The last time she tried, my brother forwarded the WA chat from the doctor into our chat. It was the last time she got to ...
... try that s**t because my mother did actually die a few weeks later. This was expected for someone who had first been resuscitated in 1992 and somehow beat all the olds to live another 30+years. I no longer have contact, my brother has the absolute bare minimum after she upscaled a "robbery" one night in a bid to get him to buy them a new car (he has worked himself into money, she has stayed in MLM and unemployment willingly).
Load More Replies...I'm autistic and I've worked in retail for years. Also in admin as I'm very organized and procedural (autism can be a huge benefit in that sort of role). I've been a waitress too, so lots of customer-facing roles. Autism is like a buffet restaurant. Every person gets a plateful, but some of the dishes/traits are those that have a big impact on others. Those people are considered "low-functioning" even though there is no basis whatsoever for that disdainful assessment. Some autistics have mostly traits that only cause themselves misery and the traits are mostly socially invisible. Those people are considered "high-functioning" even though there is no basis whatsoever for that dismissive assessment. A neurological difference can be life-limiting, whether others are aware of your traits or not. And self-identification is legitimate when done properly, as there are so few opportunities to be assessed by someone who actually knows what they're doing, particularly with girls.
































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