Woman Prohibits MIL From Taking Her 9 Y.O. Daughter To Church “Purity Ball,” Gets Called A Jerk

NTA. Purity balls are a gross way to sexualize children or ostracize them. I was once told by a church member that a sexual assault I faced as a child meant I was impure and that I didn't have much to bring a husband. I was EIGHT. These things teach girls that sex is shameful and that is their only worth.

I'm a Baptist, and while I've heard of a Purity ball, I do NOT agree with them. We don't need MORE of the Christian Taliban trope, thank you, and this just adds to it. And at nine years old?!? Gross!!

How come boys aren't expected to be "pure"?

Since she has already gotten excited about dress shopping, why don't you go ahead with that part of the plan but then you and your hubby take her someplace nice, like a dinner or show/movie?

Yes, let's continue to make girls and women 100% responsible for gatekeepers sex. Sigh.

As someone who was dragged to religious groups for kids in my youth (no asking the parents; they just got a bunch of kids on these buses collected from the neighbourhood, drove them to a small church & expected every kid to participate & behave), this whole “purity” thing seems dodgy. That’s probably where the indoctrination begins & then the poor kids are expected to carry on or else be threatened with “excommunication” & all sorts. Even if you want your child to have a little faith, it has to be consentual on all sides & the child should know what he/she is really getting involved in. Definitely don’t agree with the MIL trying to do that without the mother’s knowledge or consent. 😐

Ok going to say it again just divorce already. Husband is Mommies little tart and does s**t behind wife's back. Relationship will not last like this and he will side with Mom. Also Church should not allow anyone to sign someone else's progeny to anything. Don't give two c**p if she is her Grandmother she is not a parent or legal guardian.

"I really liked sundays to smoke weed and play video games with my husband". Seriously?! You'd let your daughter get indoctrinated by a religion with views that you're against so you can get high?! And isn't that against the standards of your husband's upbringing? My husband is a Christian and I am atheist. I would not mind him teaching them about his religion, but I would want to be there every step of the way to know whats being put in their head and I also disagreed when he opted for a Christian school. Religion should be taught by parents and not by school or by anyone else in my opinion. Having your kid brainwashed by your MIL so you can get some down time is very selfish!

Daddy-daughter dances are cute and fun. Purity dances sound creepy. I'm religious and have never heard of them.

Ugh, definitely on the mother's side here. That whole "purity culture" nonsense is incredibly backwards and harmful. Next the grandma would probably have tried to get the kid to wear one of those promise rings or whatever the hell they're called.

So many things... I'm personally still stuck at "purity ball"... never heard of them, wish I'd never heard of them... so many questions!

Nope. NTA. I don't do anything with my grandkids without my daughter's approval, right down to the movies we watch together when they're over for a visit.

Purity Balls are weird.. but I would let the daughter go since she was already told she could. This mother can’t have her cake and eat it too. She enjoys her Sundays being child free so she can smoke weed and play video games all day (she commented this 🙄). If she doesn’t want her child involved in the church with grandma, watch your kid on Sundays and every other day.

A purity ball? That’s creepy enough. But making a promise to your FATHER (caps for emphasis). That is just sick. And she’s only 9 years old. Why are they even addressing this subject at that age. That entire issue is not for public consumption. It’s private and it’s a choice. By the time she does get married I foresee issues with sex. Even though it would be with her husband. It’s already been impressed on them that “Good girls don’t do it”. That’s the only part they’ll hear. MIL is brainwashing her at a very impressionable age. Hubby should never have hidden it. He did because he knew you’d be upset. Yep. Let’s get it all set up to the point where you can’t put an end to it without being the bad guy. What you guys were doing with your Sunday time makes his view rather hypocritical. But that’s just me.

I was falsely accused of a sexual comment when I was 14, by another girl who was a known liar. I was kicked out of that cult by the 9 "elders" who chose to deny my side of the story, which I didn't even know about until their "inquisition". It was the major blessing in my life to be free of religion and I NEVER went back. My cruel father beat me into a coma for telling the truth. He wanted me to lie and accept punishment so he could retain his position as an elder. To this day, I absolutely will not discuss religion, politics, sexuality issues. I was that horribly, emotionally wounded.

I think this mother and her husband need to have a serious conversation about boundaries with Howe mother in law. As her daughter gets older, she will really start picking up on what the church is teaching their congregation. If she doesn’t agree with their teachings then they need to draw that line now.

When they start including boys in the purity balls and purity rings i might change my mind . But indoctrination into this purity ideal at 10 is a way to give girls the wrong idea about sex. It's ok for the boys to have sex and enjoy it but girls must stay pure for their huabands. Yeah creep as hell

NTA one single bit. You are the parent and what your MIL is doing is GROOMING your daughter to be an obedient woman at her freaky Christian church. I understand that letting your daughter do something to bond with her grandma is a good thing. Next Sunday, go with them and see what its all about so you can actually say what details you are not comfortable with. Then talk to your daughter about your concerns and get her take on it…what she's adopted as belief, or if its just entertainment. Then, when you've gathered evidence for your (spot-on in my book) instincts, get on the same page with your husband and tell the MIL she can take her to a park, a museum, afternoon tea, a hike for bonding instead of the freaky church with Purity Balls. Don't mince words, tell her it goes against YOUR beliefs and you are the parents.

Isn't a ball a dance? Who do they dance with? And don't the Baptists view dancing as one step away from sex? Why aren't the boys required to be pure for their bride? Would the boys promise their virginity to their mothers? Gross is a good word to describe this. Yuk.

Purity Culture: A belief system that places a higher value on what a woman has or has not done with what she has between her legs than what she does with what she has between her ears and holds in her heart.

Op is an AH for letting her girl be indoctrinated with a religion she seems to know nothing about and not discussing this with her husband beforehand. They should have decided at the beginning how they are going to raise the girl. Mil should have found a different type of bonding ( baking cookies? Gardening?). And she let this happen so that she could smoke weed? Wtf.

The Dollop podcast did an episode about purity balls. I grew up going to church, but I'd never heard of them until then. They sound disgusting. There are incestuous undertones to the idea, since basically it means a girl's vagina belongs to her parents (mostly to dad) until marriage, also implying that she's property while at the same time sexualizing children. That it's a fun little party just normalizes the whole thing to young minds. Purity balls need to be outlawed. If you want her to actually have some 'innocent' fun, let her dress up and take her to Chuck E Cheese with some friends.

I had never heard of a purity ball before reading this post. What on god's green earth is the reason for this? It sounds like a way to teach little girls that their "virginity" is the only thing about them that has any value. Kudos to the OP for refusing to allow this fanatic MIL to subject her daughter to this backward thinking. It's sick.

Don't let your children be groomed into religious hate, bigotry, misogyny and lies. Run far, run fast from the christian nuttery in America today. The southern baptist's just published a 200 page list of all the pedophiles they found running their churches and I haven't talked about the catholic church and their priests. Talk about groomers.

Maybe because i was in z pretty good chruch,but purity ball was fun for me. I didn't feel like i was being brainwash. Or sexualixed. Then again my parents talked about the birds and the bees when i was young so i knew how to be safe. I think the idea of keeping yourself pure(not having sex outside of marraige) is a good thing. As a result ive never gotten pregnat or deal with the emotional distress (i have a habbit of getting attached easily). Its nice to think that a guy is willing to wait till marriage to be intimate. It makes me feel like a person not a tool (i use to be used a lot growing up by so called friends nothing sexual thank god but still hurt) but ya i think everyones the a**hole. Mom for letting her daughter go to something she didnt agree with. There are many other ways to bond and have alone time then church if you dont want her to go. And husband for keeping this a secret. Not to mention MIL for going against parents wishes persay.

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