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Mom Who Can’t Get Any Sleep Because Of Parenting Gets Slammed By Folks Online For “Canceling” Her Step-Daughter’s Weekend Visits
Growing up to be an adult means a lot of things. The one thing everyone megaloathes about it, though, is slowly but surely becoming a part of the Always Tired Club. Perhaps also becoming the president of it. And guess what happens when you have kids?
Needless to say, exhaustion can kick in really quickly. In fact, it can progress to such a degree that you can start prioritizing sleep over absolutely everything else in life. Like family obligations.
Well, an overly exhausted mother recently turned to the internet to talk about this very situation, and to ask who is the jerk here—her step-daughter who keeps coming in every other weekend, or the mom, who just can’t get no sleep.
More Info: Reddit
RELATED:
What do you do when sleep deprivation kicks in and you have kids to take care of? Well, there are many solutions…
Image credits: Dan Harrelson (not the actual image )
A mother of 3 kids—4 months, 2 years and 4 years—recently went to Reddit, specifically the Am I The A-Hole subreddit, to settle a dilemma she had. One that involves lack of sleep and an upset step-daughter.
In particular, she has her 13-year-old step-daughter come over every other week for a visit. This way, she gets to spend time with her biological dad and step-siblings.
However, there’s a bit of a problem. As you might have already guessed, the three other kids are still at an age that requires quite a bit of investment in terms of time and attention. Even more so if you have a kid that is super fussy and has rough nights on the regular: The 4-month-old.
… However, eliminating time with your step-daughter isn’t a solution as folks online have ruled for this mom of 3 and her husband
Image credits: u/National_Law_6665
Image credits: Lynda A (not the actual image)
It has become so bad that the parents are practically living on a prayer sleep-wise. They work all day, don’t get any sleep due to the baby experiencing colic pain, so the only time they can catch up on sleep is the weekend. This in turn means nearly no time for the teen daughter the dad has from another relationship.
Well, because this is seemingly happening often enough that the parents have to cancel their time with the step-daughter, she decided to get it off her shoulders and post her dissatisfaction on social media. According to OP, the daughter wrote “my dad and step mom can’t even take care of the kids they have. Yet they keep having more. So much for a reliable loving parent.”
Because they work all day, and don’t get to sleep all that much, they try to catch up on it over the weekend, but that means no time for the husband’s teen
Image credits: u/National_Law_6665
Image credits: storebukkebruse (not the actual image )
It didn’t take long for the husband’s family to start asking questions. The in-laws got involved and started blaming them for practically abandoning the 13-year-old. They also stopped helping them with the younger kids altogether.
OP’s stance is that you can only blame the circumstances—it’s not like anyone asked for a colicky baby. And so the question was passed on to the AITA community, which was of a different opinion.
Many came out to say that OP was, sadly, in the wrong. While they did understand that the colicky baby was surely not anyone’s fault, OP’s solution to the problem was unfair to the step-daughter. This effectively meant that her father is disappearing from her life, and that is not good.
The AITA community ruled that the parents are, sadly, in the wrong here, and that something has to be done
Others added that this sort of prioritizing might end up leading to an attitude that the kid is not wanted, which will lead to other, bigger issues in her development. One user even flipped the situation around and asked what if it was her 2 or 4-year-old that was in the 13-year-old’s shoes?
Yet others suggested perhaps trying to tag-team more, trying to solve the problem by one parent sleeping and the other looking after the kids, and vice versa, so there’s at least some balance in the family.
The post got some modest attention with nearly 6,000 upvotes and 2,300 comments and a handful of awards. And speaking of which, you can read the post with all of the comments in context here.
But, before you do that, tell us your thoughts on this. What solutions would you suggest to make this all work? Share your ideas in the comment section below!
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OmBoyGanesh 3 years ago
It’s funny when they post/pose their question thinking most redditors or commenters are going to be their flying monkeys. And it backfires!!
Lorna Lay 3 years ago
Right!? Gotta love it when delusional entitled a**hats post about their bad behavior expecting to get a pat on the back.
Load More Replies...
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
Wow. It sure was a mistake for Dad to crank out three more kids if he didn't have time for the child who already existed. There is no excuse for kicking his eldest to the curb, just because he met another, meaner woman. Hope that the daughter gets infinite love from the side of the family that cares about her, and that karma eats these two jackasses alive.
Nathan Wolfe 3 years ago
They're a**holes, not monsters. A monster would be my father, who flatout refused to spend time with me unless I specifically sought it out (and even then, he'd cancel or flat out forget more often than not). I remember crying myself to sleep wondering what I did to make him hate me as old as 9. At 14, I realized he didn't hate me. I just simply didn't matter to him. Here, at least the AH parents know the daughter is taken care of, and in their sleep deprived states, know that they couldn't give her the attention and care she needs. Dont get me wrong, they ARE a**holes, but at least its the better option to having her over and neglecting her.
Load More Replies...
Alessandra Hayes 3 years ago
Here is a point that seems to be missing. This 13 yr old in theory has two homes. You don’t get invited to come home, you just go home. The father and his new wife don’t view their house as her home or this wouldn’t even be an issue. They are the assholes. She is thirteen, how much engagement does she really need? This also probably means that none of her favorite things that occupy her in her mother’s HOME exist in their house. If it did, she would be doing whatever she does in her other space there while they slept and recovered because that is how life would be if she actually lived there.
Ramona Jackson 3 years ago
It's vitally for a girl to have a relationship with her father, especially at this age. The 13YO is NOT TA but her father and stepmother are absolutely AHs.
Load More Replies...
Alison Hell 3 years ago
It would be nice to know what the outcome of this is or what the stepmother had to say after this. And why does BP have to tell the story themselves AND have the actual post on here....
Honu 3 years ago
Looks like the post is only 3 days old, but sometimes people update after awhile. r/BestOfRedditorUpdates is a good sub for finding them. I noticed in OPs comments that she said, "My husband tried to call my step daughter today. When she didn’t answer my husband tried to go and talk to her. He saw her through the window and she didn’t answer the door. He ended up calling her mom They have a really good co-parenting. My husbands ex said, their daughter asked to go back to the judge and have my husbands visitation taken away. My step daughter doesn’t want to go back to our house." Poor girl.
Load More Replies...
Joss 3 years ago (edited)
It's not just cancelling "visits" - that is one of her two homes where her father, step mother, and siblings also live. Cancelling on her is telling a 13 year old child she can't come home and not allowing her the time to bond with and know her siblings. It's locking her out of the family and communicating quite clearly that she will never be a real part of it and that her father moved on from his parent-child relationship with his first daughter as well as from his romantic relationship with his first wife. If you take on the step parent role, you really need to be ok with actually taking on that role, you can't just plan to ship the kids off to boarding school the way the evil step parent does in the movies. Aside from being completely wrong from a parenting perspective, they're also being quite inconsiderate to the ex, who is having babysitting duties dumped on her regardless of what plans she might have and whether it's convenient for her to make last minute changes.
Ramona Jackson 3 years ago
Stepmother clearly feels stepdaughter isn't part of the family. Those 3 kids she has with that man are SIBLINGS, not step-relatives. This woman is a selfish person.
Load More Replies...
Stacey Rae 3 years ago
This sleepless period will get better. 3 young children is a lot to deal with. It is temporary. But so is the step daughters childhood. Make the time and apologize.
Magpie 3 years ago
She said that her in-laws have stopped helping with the younger kids. Were they taking them overnight weekly, or just coming to the house to help out? If they were taking the younger ones, why couldn't they take the 13yr old? She's their granddaughter (although my parents would've taken her even if she was a step-granddaughter). If the in-laws are capable and willing, can they take the baby overnight once a week, if she's not breastfeeding? That would give the parents at least one night to catch up on sleep. Where is this mom's family? Can they afford either (or both) parent to take extended time off work so at least one isn't adding the exhaustion of a job to baby-exhaustion? Or go part-time until the colic passes, which is normally by 4mos? There are so many things they could try, but it sounds like they went straight to dumping the 13yr old. 13yr olds aren't that much work so keeping her away has really no benefit.
Load More Replies...
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Years ago I knew a guy who was a single dad to a really sweet teenage boy. Then he got remarried and the stepmother had a baby, and shortly after that she declared that she didn't want the son in the house now they had a new baby. The poor kid was essentially forced to move out and join the army. I was only a kid myself at the time and I remember thinking "Why would you do that?? It's so unfair!"
IamMe 3 years ago
Lack of sleep is no excuse. She's thirteen, so it's not like she'd be a lot of extra work. And, they still have to get up with their 2yo and 4yo, right? I doubt step mom ships her own kids out on the weekend. But, that's just it. She doesn't consider this girl her child. Dad should stick up for his daughter.
Glitterati 3 years ago
Agreed. The 13 year old would probably be able to help them a bit by playing with the little ones (if she wanted to of course).
Load More Replies...
Conan Maschingon 3 years ago
what a fucken idiot, of course the daughter is upset, just because his daughter is there does not mean the baby will stop crying so it's clear that the step mom does not want her there because it's clear that you will not be catching up on sleep anyway
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 3 years ago
If the 13 years old daughter would be the couple's daughter would they put her out of the house because they're tired and need the extra time to sleep.? Poor stepdaughter. 😢😢
Boerenhond 3 years ago
Why even get another baby? It's not the first one, that they can come up with: we had no idea it would be so hard. He has a kid already, who he sees way too little. I could understand it if he was not allowed to see her, that he wants a replacement, but if even 1 day is too much effort, my goodness.
Load More Replies... OmBoyGanesh 3 years ago
It’s funny when they post/pose their question thinking most redditors or commenters are going to be their flying monkeys. And it backfires!!
Lorna Lay 3 years ago
Right!? Gotta love it when delusional entitled a**hats post about their bad behavior expecting to get a pat on the back.
Load More Replies... Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
Wow. It sure was a mistake for Dad to crank out three more kids if he didn't have time for the child who already existed. There is no excuse for kicking his eldest to the curb, just because he met another, meaner woman. Hope that the daughter gets infinite love from the side of the family that cares about her, and that karma eats these two jackasses alive.
Nathan Wolfe 3 years ago
They're a**holes, not monsters. A monster would be my father, who flatout refused to spend time with me unless I specifically sought it out (and even then, he'd cancel or flat out forget more often than not). I remember crying myself to sleep wondering what I did to make him hate me as old as 9. At 14, I realized he didn't hate me. I just simply didn't matter to him. Here, at least the AH parents know the daughter is taken care of, and in their sleep deprived states, know that they couldn't give her the attention and care she needs. Dont get me wrong, they ARE a**holes, but at least its the better option to having her over and neglecting her.
Load More Replies... Alessandra Hayes 3 years ago
Here is a point that seems to be missing. This 13 yr old in theory has two homes. You don’t get invited to come home, you just go home. The father and his new wife don’t view their house as her home or this wouldn’t even be an issue. They are the assholes. She is thirteen, how much engagement does she really need? This also probably means that none of her favorite things that occupy her in her mother’s HOME exist in their house. If it did, she would be doing whatever she does in her other space there while they slept and recovered because that is how life would be if she actually lived there.
Ramona Jackson 3 years ago
It's vitally for a girl to have a relationship with her father, especially at this age. The 13YO is NOT TA but her father and stepmother are absolutely AHs.
Load More Replies... Alison Hell 3 years ago
It would be nice to know what the outcome of this is or what the stepmother had to say after this. And why does BP have to tell the story themselves AND have the actual post on here....
Honu 3 years ago
Looks like the post is only 3 days old, but sometimes people update after awhile. r/BestOfRedditorUpdates is a good sub for finding them. I noticed in OPs comments that she said, "My husband tried to call my step daughter today. When she didn’t answer my husband tried to go and talk to her. He saw her through the window and she didn’t answer the door. He ended up calling her mom They have a really good co-parenting. My husbands ex said, their daughter asked to go back to the judge and have my husbands visitation taken away. My step daughter doesn’t want to go back to our house." Poor girl.
Load More Replies... Joss 3 years ago (edited)
It's not just cancelling "visits" - that is one of her two homes where her father, step mother, and siblings also live. Cancelling on her is telling a 13 year old child she can't come home and not allowing her the time to bond with and know her siblings. It's locking her out of the family and communicating quite clearly that she will never be a real part of it and that her father moved on from his parent-child relationship with his first daughter as well as from his romantic relationship with his first wife. If you take on the step parent role, you really need to be ok with actually taking on that role, you can't just plan to ship the kids off to boarding school the way the evil step parent does in the movies. Aside from being completely wrong from a parenting perspective, they're also being quite inconsiderate to the ex, who is having babysitting duties dumped on her regardless of what plans she might have and whether it's convenient for her to make last minute changes.
Ramona Jackson 3 years ago
Stepmother clearly feels stepdaughter isn't part of the family. Those 3 kids she has with that man are SIBLINGS, not step-relatives. This woman is a selfish person.
Load More Replies... Stacey Rae 3 years ago
This sleepless period will get better. 3 young children is a lot to deal with. It is temporary. But so is the step daughters childhood. Make the time and apologize.
Magpie 3 years ago
She said that her in-laws have stopped helping with the younger kids. Were they taking them overnight weekly, or just coming to the house to help out? If they were taking the younger ones, why couldn't they take the 13yr old? She's their granddaughter (although my parents would've taken her even if she was a step-granddaughter). If the in-laws are capable and willing, can they take the baby overnight once a week, if she's not breastfeeding? That would give the parents at least one night to catch up on sleep. Where is this mom's family? Can they afford either (or both) parent to take extended time off work so at least one isn't adding the exhaustion of a job to baby-exhaustion? Or go part-time until the colic passes, which is normally by 4mos? There are so many things they could try, but it sounds like they went straight to dumping the 13yr old. 13yr olds aren't that much work so keeping her away has really no benefit.
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Years ago I knew a guy who was a single dad to a really sweet teenage boy. Then he got remarried and the stepmother had a baby, and shortly after that she declared that she didn't want the son in the house now they had a new baby. The poor kid was essentially forced to move out and join the army. I was only a kid myself at the time and I remember thinking "Why would you do that?? It's so unfair!"
IamMe 3 years ago
Lack of sleep is no excuse. She's thirteen, so it's not like she'd be a lot of extra work. And, they still have to get up with their 2yo and 4yo, right? I doubt step mom ships her own kids out on the weekend. But, that's just it. She doesn't consider this girl her child. Dad should stick up for his daughter.
Glitterati 3 years ago
Agreed. The 13 year old would probably be able to help them a bit by playing with the little ones (if she wanted to of course).
Load More Replies... Conan Maschingon 3 years ago
what a fucken idiot, of course the daughter is upset, just because his daughter is there does not mean the baby will stop crying so it's clear that the step mom does not want her there because it's clear that you will not be catching up on sleep anyway
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 3 years ago
If the 13 years old daughter would be the couple's daughter would they put her out of the house because they're tired and need the extra time to sleep.? Poor stepdaughter. 😢😢
Boerenhond 3 years ago
Why even get another baby? It's not the first one, that they can come up with: we had no idea it would be so hard. He has a kid already, who he sees way too little. I could understand it if he was not allowed to see her, that he wants a replacement, but if even 1 day is too much effort, my goodness.
Load More Replies... You May Like 45 Signs Of Unhappiness, As Shared By People On The Internet 81 People Share The Scariest Posts That Made Them Question Reality The Horror Of Sleep Paralysis Hallucinations Revealed In 46 Dark Drawings
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