Mom’s Viral Post Shows You Shouldn’t Visit Someone Who Just Gave Birth

Tiffany Koonter's response had me gobsmacked. Seven years of cutting off contact over a few days of waiting??? Seriously? Because seeing the kid at five days old instead of five hours was so heart-breaking? Are they planning to take this petty c**p to their graves?

Erin

Erin

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My mother and grandmother have always told me that it is impolite to visit someone that had just given birth unless you were invited and I have always followed that rule. I will watch the older spawn if needed (for my best girlfriend, I kept her older two until she got home) or I will send a meal over, and I will text and check in with them, but I DO NOT VISIT UNTIL INVITED. Then I go over to visit and take the little nugget and sniff its head and kiss its cheeks and bite its toes until told to stop.

My ex MIL, from Eastern Europe, was escorted from the hospital when she arrived within hours of my first son being born to take "her" baby home.

My mother and sister wanted to see my newborn baby and stay over for a couple days too, when I said no I got an earful from them. Including my (childless) sister telling me that having a baby was not an excuse to not let them stay over

Are yOU F****N KIDDING ME?! People get mad over such a simple request?!

Had my ex wife's mother show up to the birth of my daughter with my wife. Ok, fine, I can be polite....but then she decided she was staying for the birth. Which quickly turned into a "hell no!" and when I told her to leave she freaked out on me (I actually had to get security to take her out of the room). Even my ex was asking her why she thought it was ok to stay, and we hate each other!

I'm childfree by choice and happy with that but the idea of someone not respecting a new mother's wishes about spending time with her new baby that was literally just born... That just f*****g disgusts and horrifies me. There's boundaries that you just don't cross and when someone says they don't want visitors in a hospital for any reason (though especially new mums) you need to f*****g let go of what you want and give them what they want. No means No in all situations. New Mum says "No visitors" or "Wait a few days" you f*****g wait!

My oldest was a very difficult birth , both physically and emotionally. It was just myself and my husband, and he went back to work,so that he had more time to spend with us at home. It was hard hearing the woman across the hall getting visitors. My next two children were easier births, but we also had family there.We had moved closer and family had retired. I had also set boundaries. Mother in law was there to take care of older kids, clean, etc. not to take care of baby! Dad had spoken with her and it really never became an issue. It helps to have a great partner/ father.

Is this an American problem or does it exist in other countries, too? I wouldn't have dreamt to go into the HOSPITAL to visit a new mom and baby. Much lless walk straight into the delivery room. Wtf is wrong with people?? I feel very lucky that one of my closest freinds (who had a planned cesarian - which was painful but didn't leave her as gutwrenchingly exhausted as all my other friends) allowed me to visit her when the child was three days old. All other babies I saw at one or two weeks old.The seven years comment left me speechless. Honestly, who wants bitches like that in their lives, in the first place. Good riddance.

They had me on decent meds. I didn't care who visited me the 3 days per birth that I was in the hospital.

When I gave birth to my second child I was in and out of hospital inside 6hrs and back home to look after my new baby, my 17month old and my home. So .... ya know ... I would have been grateful for a couple of visitors to help share the load. With my first baby, I nearly died and my baby was in Special Baby Care unit. I had a very enthusiastic 'crowd' outside the window and had to insist the curtains be closed while I was giving birth. I smile with love that they were so keen to 'see' the delivery! I was horrified at the thought at the time of course. No woman wants to be seen like that. Meanwhile I thank the moon and the stars for them because when they went home they were called back to help with various things after my health deteriorated and my baby went into the special baby care unit. My husband couldn't be reached as he was in some kind of post birth coma (asleep at home). My husbands family and my mum were there for me when I really needed them. They did come around again when I eventually got to come home with my new baby and yes it was an exhausting day BUT I needed those guests and was grateful for their interest. It is far better than having no interest and no help. Lots of people do not have family who care, you should stop being so petty and ungrateful. I guarantee you won't be so resentful of their presence when you need a sitter, a break, some help.

Does she want some cheese with that whine?

I don't have kids, and I don't want any, so I thought new moms would appreciate having visitors in the room so they don't feel alone. This article proved me wrong! Also, I have a theory that people really want to see the baby as soon as possible because they're impatient. It is really hard to be patient. But that doesn't justify visiting if the mother doesn't allow.

No worries. After you have a kid I won't visit untill the kid can carry a conversation.

When my first baby was born, I had hubby in the room with me after I kicked my mom out because I wasn't at my best and didn't want to be swearing in front of her. She was upset & hurt that she couldn't be there during birth. However, all 20 of our closest immediate family was standing outside the room during birth. During mid-stitch of my lower bits, my doctor was called across the hall to assist with another birth. While she was away, the nurse pulled a blanket across me and invited the 20 family members into the room. Blood all over the floor, a needle literally sticking halfway through my lady parts and the placenta in a dish right between my legs (hidden by the blanket, but still.) Had visitors while the baby was barely 5 minutes old. After that fiasco, the next births were quieter and I found my voice to tell people to give me enough time to at least get the stitches finished up first. What an ordeal!!

There is plenty of time to visit, that baby is there to stay, there is no need to rush, let the woman and family rest, adapt, get together. Call, ask if she needs help with anything, if she doesn't, stay away from the f* house for at least 40 days and visit later. No need to bombard the baby's fragile immune system with viruses and bacteria. The only exception to this for me would be those closest ones, parents and siblings, though after labour #3 and staph infection the baby had on her head, I would seriously limit even their visits. Sorry but at this point, my baby and I are top priority now, if you can't or don't want to understand that, screw you.

I looked forward to friends visiting, it can get pretty lonely between feedings! I was just so thrilled to have my baby, and I had no problem breastfeeding, so I guess I was just lucky. ( BTW having a doula to teach you breastfeeding is generally better than getting the advice from a nurse!)

should be visiting the mom first

I've heard stories of doctors having to throw MILs out of the labour/delivery room bc of disruptive behaviour. Childbirth is not a spectator sport! If you're not there to support the mother, then what are you doing there?

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My baby was in the NICU ward and I didnt want any visitors in the hospital because I was an absolute state and didnt want people to see me like that. I even had a midwife, a "professional" come in and talk to me like a child about how selfish I was being having no visitors! Then instead of going home and enjoying my new baby, I went home to a load of angry people demanding reasons why they weren't allowed to come to the hospital. Honestly people can be so entitled and having a baby really reveals how selfish others can be to a new mother.

I'm not a mother and never will be...but I sympathize with women who have to deal with families like this.... at the end of the day it's your child... they have no rights... also in this day and age having people around a newborn is dangerous...most would have come in off the streets where God knows what germs sticking to them.... its ignorance on the part of the visitor to think they should be upset that you dont want them in just yet....

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When I went to nursing school, I had intended to go into labor and delivery not because I wanted to work with the babies(like most people assumed), but because I wanted to protect the mamas. Everyone gets so focused on the baby that the mother is ignored, forgotten, or even talked down to. I was going to be the old battle ax nurse who stood in front of the door with my arms crossed, saying NO to sweet old Great Aunt Louisa who claimed it would be "just a quick visit". I had seen a good friend get not-so-good care from some of the nurses when she had her 2 children, both via unplanned C-section. I ended up on a different path, but I'm not dead yet...

The writer makes a good point - people should be considerate and caring of a new mom, ensuring that she has rest and privacy. But must these articles always have such a snarky tone? Friends and family are excited and joyful about new babies - instead of this angsty post, maybe just kindly say, "the new mom needs to rest for a few days but the moment we're up for visitors, we'll let you know."

Family and kinship can be extremely toxic! Most of the big family members think they are first, they know everything better and you should accept that. My Mom broke into our room when we first bath our first son and she tried to show how a baby should be bathed etc. etc. Then my wife said her to leave the room immediately and do not disturb us at all! She was right. Since then my Mom tries to do everything to ruin our small family, mocking my wife, use psychological terror, she acts like she knows everything better than my wife as a mom and we didn't even know our children well, tries to raise doubts in me toward my wife etc. etc. As a father and husband I'll do everything to protect my small family, to protect my wife and children but realizing after nearly 37 years that your parents are selfish and evil sociopaths is kinda sad. As a child I've never realized how toxic they were in my childhood.

I worry about that a lot. I have been married for two years and my mother in law is a nurse. Whenever we talk about children, she must talk about her huge experience with nurseries and how much she wants to be around to take care of my baby. I hate that idea.

I feel like anybody with an ounce of sense checks in with the partner or whoever is the birthgiver's immediate support and checks when/who/how long for visiting before showing up at the hospital? Isn't that the norm?

I was out sleep during both my births because I was tired and doped up. So, I needed someone to be there and if there were visitors again, I was sleep and doped up.

I had my first child in the hospital. My husband didn't have time to visit because he was building a roof on the house of friends. On sunday he finally came to visit only to run away immediately because he forgot he had something cooking on the stove. By the time I could go home he came to fetch me and the baby. But he stopped at his parents first to show us off. I was so tired! I just wanted to go home!

...why would you even want to see a brand new baby (unless it was yours)? They're a weird colour and their oversized heads are all squashed weird for the first little while! No thanks.

Say just NO for visitors. Or this is to easy? ;)

The younger your baby, the more facebook likes I will get when I post the picture of me and your baby on facebook. Stop being so selfish. You had this baby so I can get my likes!

Say just NO for visitors. Or this is to easy? ;)

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So you don't want anyone to visit, but you don't want to have to tell them you don't want visitors but you understand that other mothers do want people to visit? So everyone should just read your social media post to determine you r feelings on the matter?