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19
Mom Asks If She’s A Jerk For Asking Childfree Coworker To Withdraw Her Christmas Holiday Request
The holidays are a special time of the year, and a huge part of what makes it so is the people that we get to spend it with.
However, a parent who goes on the British parenting forum ‘Mumsnet’ by the nickname Jessiejuju doesn’t know if she’s going to be able to do that.
Her manager said that either she or her colleague have to work on Christmas day and it was for the two women to decide who gets to do it.
But Jessiejuju confessed to the internet that it’s a hill she is willing to die on.
RELATED:
This mom wants to take Christmas Day off, so she asked her childfree coworker to cover her shift
Image credits: Liza Summer
But the woman has already planned to spend it with her family
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva
Image credits: Jessiejuju
While most of us spend Christmas Day excitedly opening presents, overindulging, and catching up with relatives, in the UK, around one million people are hard at work, just like Jessiejuju.
Usually, they’re carers and nurses, with over a quarter of a million Brits in these professions clocking in on 25 December.
Proportionally, though, those by far most likely to be working on Christmas Day are the clergy, as masses flock to services up and down the country. If anything, the percentage of them working is surprisingly low, as only one in two reported that they were working on Christmas day. But this number is still high when you compare it with the UK average of less than one in 35 working among those employed
It’s worth highlighting that UK employees are actually allowed time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant (a dependant is considered to be a spouse, partner, child, grandchild, parent, or someone who depends on receiving their care).
The government permits “a reasonable amount of time off” to handle these situations, and there’s no set amount, as the conditions depend on each individual case. For example, if someone’s child falls ill, they can take time off to go to the doctor and make care arrangements.
However, workers cannot have time off if they knew about a situation beforehand. Which, judging from the post, is the case with Jessiejuju.
The mom should be eligible to take unpaid parental leave, though, to look after her child’s welfare. Employee rights (like the right to pay, holidays, and returning to a job) are protected during parental leave.
From what we’ve gathered so far, it sounds like it’s the manager is the one who needs to solve this conflict instead of stepping away when they’re needed the most.
As her story was going viral, the mom provided more information in the comments
Here’s what people said about the whole ordeal
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
Just covering the bot here so nobody has to see it: You're totally right, and I understand why the mom is frustrated, but she still can't force her colleague to give up the approved day for her.
Load More Replies...
zovjraar me 3 years ago
they made the request in April but did not get approved for xmas day off. so they knew there was a possibility they would have to work that day. of course they can ask the coworker to help them, but if the coworker says no, they need to respect that and either go to work or call out and get disciplined for it.
just me 3 years ago
The same would hold true for the coworker, then. If they put in requests on the same day, don't decide between themselves, and management won't make a choice, they would both need to come in or face discussed action. If management said the decision would be NEED based it makes sense that OP expected the day off. This is a problem with management not being clear or timely.
Load More Replies...
Just_for_this 3 years ago
What erks me is that you've tried to do this the right way and you've had the door shut in your face because of it, someone who didn't care just wouldn't say a thing and feign illness without a word said. It's not the other employee's issue and it is so, so wrong for the manager to try and make it so. If there really is no one else and as OP says no one else to work the Manager and his manager above should be picking up the slack themselves as they SHOULD if someone called in sick and no willing to come in. In the UK the workplace cannot touch you if you need to take a day either as unpaid, sick leave or holiday for dependants as long as its not perpetual; (keep the receipts however) and to even threaten disciplinary over something like this would get them a huge slap from tribunal.
SMom 3 years ago
She should bring the kid to work with her, she doesn't say what kind of business it is, but not much will be busy xmas day. Bring things to keep the kid occupied.
Load More Replies...
Maiun 3 years ago
In the UK this is completely unacceptable. 1st It is not for you and your colleagues to work out it is for HR or management. You are both equally entitled to Christmas off. 2nd they should have a plan in place, eg what happens if whoever is scheduled to work has covid or a car accident and can't work? 3rd if you haven't already , join a Union. Unite is great for supporting workers or if you're in the NHS it would be UNISON etc. 4th both you and you colleague deserve time off, we would work Christmas one year then New Year the next is that an option in the future. 5th if possible think about looking for a new job in January, a work place that doesn't support its staff or follow employment law is not a good place to be, especially when your home life is also stressful. I too am the parent of an autistic child, I totally feel your panic, worry and frustration I wish you all the best.
Scrapiechick 3 years ago
I feel that as she knew there was a distinct possibility that she may not get the day off back in April that its unfair to expect her colleague to give up the one day off they appear to have off over the holiday period due to the ops having booked 2 weeks off. I understand that this is being phrased as a situation of need rather than want, and that non verbal, physical care needing austictic children can be hard to find childcare for but 7 months is a lot of time to organise something in case she didn't gwt the day off as she seems to have expected.
Furious George 3 years ago
It really sounds like this person had a lot of time to plan for this if she wasn't approved for Christmas. I get everyone suggesting that she is in a "dire" situation, but it is only dire because she didn't make alternative plans during the preceeding 8 months that she was aware this was an issue. Normally I would say this is a management issue if op had been approved and that was being taken away, but it sounds like op just assumed that something would magically take care of this and now it's her childless coworker's problem, despite the fact that she also knows that the coworker always requests Christmas off.
Magpie 3 years ago
Well, if the coworker always requests Christmas off then she should definitely work it. Seems like it is unfair to get every Christmas off. OP requested the time off early in the year; her manager said Christmas would be dealt with in November, based on needs. This is the manager's fault and responsibility. Finding childcare for a disabled non-verbal child is not easy. It can be prohibitively expensive (she will make no money working this shift, and actually have to pay at least £65 in addition); finding someone willing to care for a non-verbal disabled child can be difficult; leaving a child with disabilities with a stranger usually causes that child considerable and cruel stress and anxiety; this child is unable to report any abuse by the caregiver. Her situation warrants consideration and compassion.
Load More Replies...
Caro Caro 3 years ago
I feel sorry for her. She's struggling, tried to arrange things and now this!!! I have to admit that as a colleague I would have taken her shift OR as the boss I would have tried to help her like taken over the shift /pay the money for the carer or something like that.
Michele Boyd 3 years ago (edited)
You and the co-work both requested the time off back in April all days were approved except Christmas..the OP knew it was a possibility that she would not get the day off and should have planned accordingly and it was unfair for you to assume just because you have a special needs kid and the co-worker does not have kid's that you are entitled…and you are asking the internet to show you sympathy to you in this situation however as the age old saying goes “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on their’s.” You had 7 months to get something in place just in case you had to work…You asked she said no that’s that!
Michele Boyd 3 years ago
You also could have arranged for a caregiver to come in weeks in advance so that your child could get familiar with the caregiver just in case…
Load More Replies...
LordSiravant 3 years ago
If anyone's the jerk here, it's the manager for forcing this situation on the both of you and making you guys choose who gets to spend Christmas with your families. You both have an equal right to enjoy the holidays, kids or no kids, and the manager is a jerk for putting you two through a Sadistic Choice, as the internet calls it.
Monica Renee 3 years ago
The fact that the manager told them that they would have to work if they couldn’t convince the childless coworker to change their plans makes me think they didn’t actually have their request in since April. Sounds like the coworker had their request in first which is why the manager left it up to them to sort out.
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
Just covering the bot here so nobody has to see it: You're totally right, and I understand why the mom is frustrated, but she still can't force her colleague to give up the approved day for her.
Load More Replies... zovjraar me 3 years ago
they made the request in April but did not get approved for xmas day off. so they knew there was a possibility they would have to work that day. of course they can ask the coworker to help them, but if the coworker says no, they need to respect that and either go to work or call out and get disciplined for it.
just me 3 years ago
The same would hold true for the coworker, then. If they put in requests on the same day, don't decide between themselves, and management won't make a choice, they would both need to come in or face discussed action. If management said the decision would be NEED based it makes sense that OP expected the day off. This is a problem with management not being clear or timely.
Load More Replies... Just_for_this 3 years ago
What erks me is that you've tried to do this the right way and you've had the door shut in your face because of it, someone who didn't care just wouldn't say a thing and feign illness without a word said. It's not the other employee's issue and it is so, so wrong for the manager to try and make it so. If there really is no one else and as OP says no one else to work the Manager and his manager above should be picking up the slack themselves as they SHOULD if someone called in sick and no willing to come in. In the UK the workplace cannot touch you if you need to take a day either as unpaid, sick leave or holiday for dependants as long as its not perpetual; (keep the receipts however) and to even threaten disciplinary over something like this would get them a huge slap from tribunal.
SMom 3 years ago
She should bring the kid to work with her, she doesn't say what kind of business it is, but not much will be busy xmas day. Bring things to keep the kid occupied.
Load More Replies... Maiun 3 years ago
In the UK this is completely unacceptable. 1st It is not for you and your colleagues to work out it is for HR or management. You are both equally entitled to Christmas off. 2nd they should have a plan in place, eg what happens if whoever is scheduled to work has covid or a car accident and can't work? 3rd if you haven't already , join a Union. Unite is great for supporting workers or if you're in the NHS it would be UNISON etc. 4th both you and you colleague deserve time off, we would work Christmas one year then New Year the next is that an option in the future. 5th if possible think about looking for a new job in January, a work place that doesn't support its staff or follow employment law is not a good place to be, especially when your home life is also stressful. I too am the parent of an autistic child, I totally feel your panic, worry and frustration I wish you all the best.
Scrapiechick 3 years ago
I feel that as she knew there was a distinct possibility that she may not get the day off back in April that its unfair to expect her colleague to give up the one day off they appear to have off over the holiday period due to the ops having booked 2 weeks off. I understand that this is being phrased as a situation of need rather than want, and that non verbal, physical care needing austictic children can be hard to find childcare for but 7 months is a lot of time to organise something in case she didn't gwt the day off as she seems to have expected.
Furious George 3 years ago
It really sounds like this person had a lot of time to plan for this if she wasn't approved for Christmas. I get everyone suggesting that she is in a "dire" situation, but it is only dire because she didn't make alternative plans during the preceeding 8 months that she was aware this was an issue. Normally I would say this is a management issue if op had been approved and that was being taken away, but it sounds like op just assumed that something would magically take care of this and now it's her childless coworker's problem, despite the fact that she also knows that the coworker always requests Christmas off.
Magpie 3 years ago
Well, if the coworker always requests Christmas off then she should definitely work it. Seems like it is unfair to get every Christmas off. OP requested the time off early in the year; her manager said Christmas would be dealt with in November, based on needs. This is the manager's fault and responsibility. Finding childcare for a disabled non-verbal child is not easy. It can be prohibitively expensive (she will make no money working this shift, and actually have to pay at least £65 in addition); finding someone willing to care for a non-verbal disabled child can be difficult; leaving a child with disabilities with a stranger usually causes that child considerable and cruel stress and anxiety; this child is unable to report any abuse by the caregiver. Her situation warrants consideration and compassion.
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 3 years ago
I feel sorry for her. She's struggling, tried to arrange things and now this!!! I have to admit that as a colleague I would have taken her shift OR as the boss I would have tried to help her like taken over the shift /pay the money for the carer or something like that.
Michele Boyd 3 years ago (edited)
You and the co-work both requested the time off back in April all days were approved except Christmas..the OP knew it was a possibility that she would not get the day off and should have planned accordingly and it was unfair for you to assume just because you have a special needs kid and the co-worker does not have kid's that you are entitled…and you are asking the internet to show you sympathy to you in this situation however as the age old saying goes “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on their’s.” You had 7 months to get something in place just in case you had to work…You asked she said no that’s that!
Michele Boyd 3 years ago
You also could have arranged for a caregiver to come in weeks in advance so that your child could get familiar with the caregiver just in case…
Load More Replies... LordSiravant 3 years ago
If anyone's the jerk here, it's the manager for forcing this situation on the both of you and making you guys choose who gets to spend Christmas with your families. You both have an equal right to enjoy the holidays, kids or no kids, and the manager is a jerk for putting you two through a Sadistic Choice, as the internet calls it.
Monica Renee 3 years ago
The fact that the manager told them that they would have to work if they couldn’t convince the childless coworker to change their plans makes me think they didn’t actually have their request in since April. Sounds like the coworker had their request in first which is why the manager left it up to them to sort out.
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