DIL Bewildered And Hurt To Find Out She’s Been Excluded From MIL’s Weekly Lunches For A Year

As much as you hope your in-laws will become as close as your blood relatives, there’s really no telling how different families might mix. After all, even direct family members don’t always see eye to eye, so there’s always room for drama.

One woman was hurt to learn her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law had been meeting for a weekly lunch for a year and hadn’t thought to invite her along even once. Devastated and confused, she turned to netizens for advice.   

More info: Mumsnet

Relationships with in-laws can sometimes be tricky, as this woman found out in a rather painful way

Woman in colorful outfit and sunglasses sitting outside at a cafe, not invited to family lunches.

Image credits: Shay Gordon / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The woman thought they had a good relationship, so she was hurt to find out she’d been excluded from a weekly girls’ lunch by her mother-in-law and three sisters-in-law 

Text image about feeling hurt by MIL excluding DIL from family lunches.

Text about relationship between MIL and DIL, highlighting she felt lucky to have her.

Text showing a woman helping her unwell mother-in-law with chores during her maternity leave.

Woman sweeping a kitchen floor, helping during family illness.

Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)

She mentions that she’d helped her mother-in-law out on numerous occasions, so she can’t understand why she’d never been invited in a year of lunches

Text message about not being invited to family lunches despite helping MIL during illness.

Text message expressing frustration about being ignored by sisters-in-law on family WhatsApp group.

Text expressing confusion and hurt over not being invited to family lunches despite helping MIL during illness.

Women enjoying lunch together, sharing berries and wine, with a MIL and DIL bonding moment during a family gathering.

Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

She also says that she’s often ignored on the family WhatsApp group when trying to arrange meetups with their kids

Text expressing exclusion from family lunches despite helping during illness.

Text about feeling upset and choosing not to attend family lunches in a small town.

Image credits: Sacredhandbag

Her husband has offered to have a word with his mother, but she’s told him she’s not interested for now and instead turned to netizens for a sense check

OP begins her story by telling the community that her husband has two brothers and a sister. She adds that she’s always had a good relationship with her mother-in-law. 

She goes on to say that her mother-in-law hasn’t been well recently, so she’s been helping her out with chores and even spent a whole day at her place to be there for a delivery that couldn’t be missed.

OP then says she’s just found out that her mother-in-law and three sisters-in-law have been meeting for lunch every Tuesday for the past year but haven’t extended an invitation to her even once. She goes on to say her texts are also typically ignored on the family WhatsApp group when she tries to suggest meetups with their kids.

She tells the readers that this discovery has left her feeling deeply hurt and the fact that everyone but her had been invited makes it extra painful. 

OP concludes her post by saying that her husband has offered to speak to his mom but that she’s not interested – she just wants to know from netizens whether or not she’s being unreasonable to feel hurt. 

If you’ve ever been left out of social occasions, you might be able to relate. OP is probably right to feel disappointed, but what’s the best way for her to move forward? We went looking for answers. 

Woman in gray hoodie looking pensive, sitting on a sofa, in bright natural light, pondering family lunch exclusion.

Image credits: olganosova / Freepik (not the actual photo)

In her article for PsychCentral, Hope Gillette writes that, when someone close to you hosts an event without inviting you, it can feel like an insult. According to Gillette, you might wonder if you did something wrong, or if there’s something about you that kept you from being invited.

“When people you like or want to feel close to exclude you from activities and invites, they’re signaling — intentionally or unintentionally — that you’re not important to them,” says Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist in Long Beach, California.

In an article for VeryWellMind, Dr. Michael Kane says the possibility of being left out is linked to our hardwired need for belonging and connection. 

“As social creatures, humans thrive on inclusion. When we sense exclusion, whether that’s real or perceived, it can trigger feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or even loneliness,” states Kane.

Our confidence can take a major blow from repeatedly being left out, so expanding our self-confidence is essential in overcoming these worries and creating a healthier concept of self.

OP’s in-laws did her dirty by leaving her out, but hopefully she can recover from the insult. It’s certainly going to make things awkward the next time her mother-in-law needs a favor, though.

What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she should talk it out with her mother-in-law, or go no-contact? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

In the comments, most readers agreed that the woman was well within her rights to feel hurt and slammed her in-laws for being so rude

Text conversation about family lunches and offering help, addressing feelings of being hurt and distancing oneself.

Comment suggesting daughter or other daughters-in-law help during illness, not only one daughter-in-law.

Text screenshot discussing peculiar Tuesday family lunches and feelings of exclusion.

“Comment advises a woman on dealing with being excluded from family lunches, mentioning her DH should speak up.”

Text from Screamingabdabz discussing family issue about being excluded from lunches.

Text discussing being left out of family lunches with mother-in-law.

Comment expressing support for woman helping MIL during illness and later uninvited to family lunches.

Comment about family exclusion and MIL issues shared by a user named Kiwi83.

Text exchange about a woman helping her mother-in-law during illness, not invited to family lunches, causing hurt feelings.

Text discussing potential reasons a woman isn't invited to family lunches despite helping MIL during illness.

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