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Nurse Warns In-Laws She Won’t Host Christmas, They Act Surprised When There’s No Celebration
Interview With Expert
Many consider Christmas dinners occasions in themselves. Some would even prepare lavish spreads for the evening, which would require a ton of effort. However, life and adulting obligations can sometimes get in the way, and such plans fail to push through.
This is what happened to a full-time nurse, who wasn’t able to cook Christmas dinner for her husband and in-laws. It became a problem for her mother-in-law, who expected her to put together a feast for the celebration.
Out of exhaustion and a sense of urgency, she served some leftover pizza, which led to full-blown family drama.
RELATED:
For many people, the holidays can be a season of family drama
Image credits: DC_Studio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
For this woman, her mother-in-law became her primary source of stress
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
She was forced to serve something modest last-minute, which became a bigger problem
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Out of sheer frustration, the woman vented online
Image credits: Aita50607_0790__
A mother-in-law’s sense of entitlement may be due to her inability to see her child as a full-grown adult
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
While personality disorders may be one root cause of having a sense of entitlement, it’s not always the case. According to licensed social worker JudeTrefer-Wolff, it could also be due to their inability to see their child as a full-grown adult who lives their own life.
“A need to remain the authority figure in a son’s life, even when that is no longer appropriate, can make a mother-in-law feel that her son’s wife is in the wrong, simply because, to her, boundaries are a symbol of being pushed out,” she told Bored Panda.
Generational beliefs can sometimes be at play, which are steeped in hierarchy, tradition, and misguided loyalty, according to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Nick Bach. As he explained, a mother-in-law may feel abandoned and struggle as to whether she is worth having in her son’s life.
What made this story more frustrating for the woman is that her husband sided with his mother. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Justin Perry, that makes the situation much worse, especially in the long term.
“Typically, conflict between MILs and DILs has more to do with the relationship between the DIL’s husband and his mother,” Perry said. “These husbands often have not ‘grown up’ enough to set boundaries with their mothers and fully commit to their wives.”
Being in the tough spot she is in, how does the author handle her entitled mother-in-law? Perry believes this is more of a marital issue where the husband must “grow up enough to stand up” for his wife. Therefore, he advises focusing on the spousal relationship instead of engaging in conflict with the mother-in-law.
Meanwhile, Dr. Bach stresses the importance of professional help, particularly to address specific issues such as conflict avoidance, communication, people-pleasing, and fear of confrontation.
For her sake, it may help the author to get into therapy, especially since it does not look like she has anyone on her side. A professional can help guide her through the turmoil and provide practical strategies to communicate with her husband.
Most people sided with the author
However, a few people found a way to fault her
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What do you think ?
Jaya 12 hours ago
What an AH that husband is. And the mom too. And why on earth does everyone still expect women to always carry the mental load and organizational load, of buying presents and cooking special dinners? The husband has hands and a brain, he can cook and buy presents!
Binky Melnik 8 hours ago (edited)
ANYONE who speaks to me like that in my home is gonna be told to leave and NEVER come back, and if they don’t move, I’ll call the police and say I have trespassers. It was GROTESQUE reading the things they said to and about her. And I cannot stand her “husband,” though I’m unsure that’s the correct term as he seems to have no balls. MiL needed to be fed a bag of d***s. The nerve of those people! (I’m still laughing, though, about the “YTA” with his “Why didn’t you tell your husband to order food? Why didn’t you tell them? Why didn’t you order a crapload of food instead of working to pay down your debt?” It’s apparently ALL ON HER because the others don’t have brains with which to think! 😆)
Load More Replies...
Nikole 11 hours ago
I loathe people who show up without notice, especially when they expect to be catered to.
The Other Guest 10 hours ago
$5 says that hubby invited them & just didn't tell OP.
Load More Replies...
Drop Bear from Hell 7 hours ago
The YTA f*cktards are in full bloom I see. How ridiculous are these people?
Len Hill 11 hours ago
Totally agree with the comments that you're NTA. One thing I don't get though, is buying gifts for adults outside you and your husband. Dont do that. Christmas gifts are for children, not every hanger-on. Especially when times are tough, adults don't need a Christmas gift, kids do.
Carrie Laughs 9 hours ago
My family would so disagree, but I'd love to do it your way. I've tried suggesting that we even just do a secret santa, to ease the burden (large family of adults only) but nope! We all end up just buying each other things we don't want. I tried suggesting things that don't get kept (bath stuff, chocolates) so we don't end up with just more tat to find house room for. Sigh.
Load More Replies...
Julia Cargile 2 hours ago
It's articles like this one which remind me I'm glad I don't have a husband anymore but I was lucky to have a fabulous MIL.
Rick Murray 25 minutes ago (edited)
My mother was a nurse. At home (in Maryland in the 60s), her mother (not a nice person and a chain smoker) forced her to come from night shift to aid in preparing the Christmas meal. When it was done, and she was sitting there - having been up for something like twenty hours - her mother asked "So what fun things did you do on Christmas morning?". Well, I laid out two bodies and sat with a woman dying of lung cancer from smoking in her final moments. "GO TO YOUR ROOM! I will not have you disrespect me in my own house." It's not your house, you don't even have a job, it's dad's house. "GET! OUT!". Mom came to the the UK just a few months later and only went back for a year to introduce me as a toddler to her family (it didn't go well) and to her mom's funeral. And the best bit? She wasn't lying, that is EXACTLY what she did on that Christmas morning, because people don't stop dying because it's an arbitrarily special day.
Crystalwitch60 26 minutes ago (edited)
Erm ytas again didn’t bloody read it , order in in they yelled at her , erm they aren’t able to afford that all the time , ffs , and she’s in one of the most needed professions to . N this was during the pandemic to , mil shouldn’t have even been at the house ffs !! wonders why no one asked mil is she’s ever worked in her life ,lol ,cos she’s a right entitled biatch as needs putting back in her bloody cage ! ,OP NTA but ur lazy husband is 100% along with his inhuman mother to ! Kick em all to the kerb ,n have a lovely happy quiet life away from them xx oh n yes he could have cooked for his wife who’s been working long soul destroying hours ffs
Jaya 12 hours ago
What an AH that husband is. And the mom too. And why on earth does everyone still expect women to always carry the mental load and organizational load, of buying presents and cooking special dinners? The husband has hands and a brain, he can cook and buy presents!
Binky Melnik 8 hours ago (edited)
ANYONE who speaks to me like that in my home is gonna be told to leave and NEVER come back, and if they don’t move, I’ll call the police and say I have trespassers. It was GROTESQUE reading the things they said to and about her. And I cannot stand her “husband,” though I’m unsure that’s the correct term as he seems to have no balls. MiL needed to be fed a bag of d***s. The nerve of those people! (I’m still laughing, though, about the “YTA” with his “Why didn’t you tell your husband to order food? Why didn’t you tell them? Why didn’t you order a crapload of food instead of working to pay down your debt?” It’s apparently ALL ON HER because the others don’t have brains with which to think! 😆)
Load More Replies... Nikole 11 hours ago
I loathe people who show up without notice, especially when they expect to be catered to.
The Other Guest 10 hours ago
$5 says that hubby invited them & just didn't tell OP.
Load More Replies... Drop Bear from Hell 7 hours ago
The YTA f*cktards are in full bloom I see. How ridiculous are these people?
Len Hill 11 hours ago
Totally agree with the comments that you're NTA. One thing I don't get though, is buying gifts for adults outside you and your husband. Dont do that. Christmas gifts are for children, not every hanger-on. Especially when times are tough, adults don't need a Christmas gift, kids do.
Carrie Laughs 9 hours ago
My family would so disagree, but I'd love to do it your way. I've tried suggesting that we even just do a secret santa, to ease the burden (large family of adults only) but nope! We all end up just buying each other things we don't want. I tried suggesting things that don't get kept (bath stuff, chocolates) so we don't end up with just more tat to find house room for. Sigh.
Load More Replies... Julia Cargile 2 hours ago
It's articles like this one which remind me I'm glad I don't have a husband anymore but I was lucky to have a fabulous MIL.
Rick Murray 25 minutes ago (edited)
My mother was a nurse. At home (in Maryland in the 60s), her mother (not a nice person and a chain smoker) forced her to come from night shift to aid in preparing the Christmas meal. When it was done, and she was sitting there - having been up for something like twenty hours - her mother asked "So what fun things did you do on Christmas morning?". Well, I laid out two bodies and sat with a woman dying of lung cancer from smoking in her final moments. "GO TO YOUR ROOM! I will not have you disrespect me in my own house." It's not your house, you don't even have a job, it's dad's house. "GET! OUT!". Mom came to the the UK just a few months later and only went back for a year to introduce me as a toddler to her family (it didn't go well) and to her mom's funeral. And the best bit? She wasn't lying, that is EXACTLY what she did on that Christmas morning, because people don't stop dying because it's an arbitrarily special day.
Crystalwitch60 26 minutes ago (edited)
Erm ytas again didn’t bloody read it , order in in they yelled at her , erm they aren’t able to afford that all the time , ffs , and she’s in one of the most needed professions to . N this was during the pandemic to , mil shouldn’t have even been at the house ffs !! wonders why no one asked mil is she’s ever worked in her life ,lol ,cos she’s a right entitled biatch as needs putting back in her bloody cage ! ,OP NTA but ur lazy husband is 100% along with his inhuman mother to ! Kick em all to the kerb ,n have a lovely happy quiet life away from them xx oh n yes he could have cooked for his wife who’s been working long soul destroying hours ffs
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