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16 Dads Get Raw And Honest About Their Experience In The Delivery Room
Article created by: Justinas Keturka
A 2020 study of over 300 fathers present during labor and birth in a German hospital suggested that it was "beneficial" for close to 80% of fathers, 85% of mothers, and over 70% of their relationships — even though 36% of the men felt fear and close to 15% were overwhelmed by the situation, over 90% were happy to be there.
Expanding on these numbers, let's take a look at a Reddit post by user Sakuramochi_Chan, who asked dads on the platform who were there with their partners in the delivery room to describe the experience.
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#1
Most people here are describing the events...so I'll skip the stories of my wife have two accidentally 'natural and lain killer free' births (under two very different circumstances) and, I'm going to try to describe the emotional impact.
The mother has 9 months building a gradually increasing connection the baby; carrying, little kicks, hiccups and burps. For the father, there honestly is a bit of a detachment.
For me, all that happened in one exact moment when I heard my daughter cry for the first time. All emotions wrapped into one exact moment in time.
For the mother, its a nurturing build of love and connection.
For the father, it's a bomb.
I froze, I didn't respond when spoken to, and I cried.
It was a big moment for me, and all I have to do is close my eyes and I can recreate the sound of the first time I heard her voice, etched in my memory like a laser engraved vinyl record.
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#2
Wife almost bled out - she kept telling me to make sure my daughter was ok and all I could think about was I may only have another minute with my wife.
#3
My firstborn was born on my birthday. My main memory is my exhausted wife turning to me after the baby was born and saying “Next year you get an ice cream cake.”
#4
It was simultaneously horrifying and miraculous.
The pain she went through and the amount of blood and amniotic fluid that was pushed out of her … it was astounding.
That this tiny little human came out whole and was ours. Was someone we created. And now we are responsible for trying to help him become a decent human.
#5
26 hours in labor. Two hours of my wife just pushing (while in agonizing pain) to get the baby out. I was a whole mess from hour 12 and on. So, I was basically miserable for the last 14 hours.
I wasn’t mentally prepared. As soon as I saw him come out and he started crying, I erupted into tears like a baby myself. Most emotional moment of my entire existence. It was magical and I’m just glad I didn’t pass out before I could witness his birth.
#6
First and only time i cried out of happiness. And its burned into my memory which doesn't happen very often. (Im 24)
#7
My wife and I have two kids. Each delivery room experience was different, though ended up great with happy, healthy kids and mom.
Kid 1 was about 5 hours of pushing. Some people say that the happiest day of their life is the birth of their child. My happiest day was my wedding day because I spent so much time worrying about the pain my wife was going through giving birth. When we got to the hospital for a planned delivery from her doctor's advice, she was already so far dilated that it was too late for drugs. She hadn't felt much pain yet, so we thought "maybe this will be easy."
Wrong.
My wife was pushing for hours, with some breaks in between. It was exhausting and stressful to watch. There was so much pressure pushing the baby out that my son had a somewhat bloodshot eye when he was born (he was fine). The nurses and I got bored with the routine of regular pushing that we were turning our attention to the TV in between while she rested, so I think of my son's birth when I see Guy Fieri. When the head was visible, they told me I could touch him before he came out and I said, "Um, I think I'll wait. I'm good."
The baby finally came out at about 11:30 PM. A newborn looks so much bigger than you imagine. How did that thing survive in my wife?! He had the cord around his neck, and they told me I could cut it, but I didn't want to risk anything. He was perfectly healthy. My wife was in tears, and, looking around at the blood in the room, I thought it was because she was in excruciating pain, but she said she was just so happy. The endorphins helped her and she was at peace and ended up fine.
Women are amazing and tough and if anyone ever calls my wife weak, I'll fight them for that day alone.
The hospital experience after that was actually really good! The nurses were great, my wife got everything she needed, people could visit. No complaints.
Our second son was a much easier birth. It was like a Hollywood movie in that she felt contractions, we went to the hospital, they got her the drugs, and the baby came out with relative ease.
Both kids were in great health, wife recovered well, but I developed a massive amount of respect for any woman who has given birth.
#8
During the actual birth, especially with your first child, you experience almost every emotion simultaneously. Joy for the new addition, fear/worry that something will go wrong, pride for how amazing my wife is, helplessness for not being able to really help my wife more than say encouraging words or holding a leg. It's emotionally exhausting, all while on very little sleep.
10/10 cool experience though.
#9
At about 4:00am my wife woke me up. She said her contractions signaled it was time to go. I snagged our bags and helped her to the car.
It was a stressful drive as the contractions were intense for my wife. When we got to the hospital they said they didnt immediately have a bed so they wanted her to wait a little. We wandered over to a Starbucks for a refeshment. However the contractions were so intense I had to carry my wife back to the hospital.
By the time we got a bed, my wife was crying from the pain and I was getting irritated with the nurses. They finally gave her something to lessen the pain so she could think again. Once she was herself again, she requested an epidural. That helped a lot and her pain was nearly gone.
Just an hour later she was completely dilated and the pain was back again. But now she could start pushing. I timed each of her contractions but by this time she knew what her body was doing and was in sync with the timing. She squeezed my hand until it l bruised and pushed.
Lots of stuff happened her. The baby's heartbeat got low, my wife tore and bled. After laboring for 7 hours, at 11:15am, our son was born. He was purple at first as he adjusted to being outside, but quickly turned normal pink color. My wife was exhausted but still needed to push out the placenta. She later told me that was easy. Our son was placed on her chest and the doctor worked to fix the tear and stop her bleeding.
Just some points from an outside perspective. You need to be your partner's advocate, defender, and supporter. That's your entire role in this. Have your partner write up a birth plan ahead of time and be ready to defend it against doctors and nurses. I had to raise my voice to get my wife some pain medication and a bed. I didnt like it, but I'd do it again to protect her.
Once everything is settled, snag a nice treat for the doctors and nurses. We bought them some indian food and a cheesecake in appreciation. They upgraded her recovery room.
#10
I got to deliver my youngest son believe it or not. It was one of the coolest experiences of my life.
#11
I was white as a ghost and scared for the first one. You would have thought I was holding an alien. Nothing prepares you for that. Second was more relaxed. I watched football on the tv, she pushed me away and asked for her mom. I tried to help, but didn't get to do the ice chips and holding her hand. I cut the cord. First one to hold him. Both were amazing and memorable. I wouldn't change a thing.
#12
I watched the doctors perform a c section on my wife for the birth of our twins. Nothing could've prepared me for the gore I was about to see. It was wild. Didn't make me nauseous or anything thankfully. Nonetheless seeing both of my girls for the first time was incredible. I cried a whole lot. Holding them was an amazing feeling. It was interesting because after they got my first daughter, I heard the doctor say "where is she?" when looking for my second daughter in the womb. Had me a but nervous for a sec. She was just absolutely refusing to leave mom's belly because she was hiding and hanging on for dear life. It's ironic because now she is very independent and has always been ready to take on the world.
#13
My son was born third of January 2019. Wife was induced but baby still wasn't playing ball. Wife was having contractions as she should but he was having none of it. His pulse started dropping to an emergency c section was decided on. I was put in scrubs and sat in the room with wife while she was operated on. Her canular fell out and I got blood all over my scrubs. So I looked like an extra from Mad Max at this stage.
Wife was out her face and not doing so great. I was holding her hand, curtain is up so can't see what's going on. Baby suddenly screams loud - I'm very happy with this it was a strong and definitive yell which was great. We weigh him, he cuddles my wife etc. I'm then told to take him out to a recovery room while wife is sewn up.
There are loads of happy families in there all together. I'm alone, covered in blood and holding my beautiful son who is wrapped in a towel and blankets. He's not moving around much. Eventually a consultant and trainee take him from me and tell me he needs to be in ICU immediately as he is not looking clever. So I abandon waiting for wife and follow him up there. He goes under a light, then goes into the ICU and they're not happy either. They're putting hooks under his scalp, I ask about this and they say they can't find brain activity. They ask if I want to hold him, I say no I don't want to bond anymore if he is possibly brain-dead.
The rest is a bit of a haze, running up and down three flights of stairs to help wife express, then bring it to son, up and down. Blacked out a couple times doing this for 5 or 6 hours then went home to sleep when I could do no more.
Came in at 5 or 6 next morning to find wife with okay baby in her arms down in ICU room. Thank Christ. Really really difficult time but really made a man of me. Love my wife and son to bits even more so worrying I would lose both of them that day. Also his name tag outside - we hadn't agreed yet but I wanted to call him frank. The name tag had been changed at my wife's request to say Frank instead of just Baby -Surname- which was wonderful.
Was extremely pleased and not anxious at all taking them both home a week or two later when it had died down.
#14
It was incredible, breathtaking, amazing, and terrifying. Being the first person my daughter saw and making eye contact with her when she came out was an out of body experience. I have a great picture from about three minutes after she was born where I’m holding her and we’re staring at each other and it looks like she’s sticking her tongue out at me.
I wasn’t anxious about the moment going in, but when it happened, it was like my entire life would now be summed up as before and after that exact moment.
Now, the 55 hours of waiting was much less existentially awesome. That was pure torture. Wife was in pain, unable to rest, nurses checking on her every half hour, constant prodding and poking, lots of trips to the little refreshment area to get ice.
Looking back, it was such a crazy experience. You can’t really describe it in a way that does it justice.
#15
Louise from Bob's Burgers said it best. "It was like an angry softball pushing it's way out of a coin purse".
#16
Probably one of the most important and memorable days of my life. When the baby came out I was overcome with emotion and the bond formed between my wife and I through the experience is something that I don’t think could be achieved in any other way.
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