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Being a parent changes your life. Your child becomes the center of your universe, and caring for them becomes your number one priority. It’s not something you jump into if you’re not ready.
This man was self-aware enough to know he wasn’t ready to have a kid yet, so he chose not to pursue a relationship with a pregnant woman with whom he went on a first date. However, his decision backfired, as his friend who set him up began chastising him, almost to the point of harassment.
His frustrations prompted him to ask the AITAH subreddit whether he was wrong for his actions.
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Some men refuse to date pregnant women because of the complications it carries
Image credits: Prostock-studio/Envato (not the actual photo)
A man rejected a second date with a pregnant woman whom his friend set him up with
Image credits: leungchopan/Envato (not the actual photo)
However, his decision led to his friend and other colleagues ostracizing him
Image credits: Fighting_Wind6542
Stepfathers face immense challenges with the roles they inherit
The author’s apprehensions about being a stepdad to the child of a woman he barely knows are valid. The role comes with immense responsibilities and challenges that not every man is willing to face.
University of South Carolina counseling professor Dr. Joshua Gold is also a stepfather. In an article for The Conversation, he discussed how disciplining and being the “hard hand” to a woman’s children can be ineffective.
“Because stepfathers lack prior experience with the stepchildren, they haven’t developed the trust necessary to mete out discipline,” he wrote.
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There is also pressure to compensate for the biological dad’s absence. In his experience, Dr. Gold says any attempts to intervene between the children and their absentee father typically result in resentment toward the stepfather.
In such situations, the stepdad must step aside, especially if the biological dad is still involved. However, this complicates his role as the father figure, which may make him feel out of place.
According to statistics, blended families have a 74% failure rate. When this happens, the child bears the brunt of the fallout, as they typically go through depression and anxiety.
It is understandable for the author not to enter an obligation he is not ready and willing to take on. It is unfair for Richard to force the issue and resort to guilt-tripping. If anything, Richard should be giving the author a pat on the back for thinking rationally.
Most readers sided with the author, urging him to escalate matters to HR
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What do you think ?
BrownEyedPanda 9 months ago
NTA. Richard is a conniving bastard. He knew how awkward it would be when you found out that Sara was pregnant, and was hoping that you would just go with the flow, eventually marrying her. Bottom line: you're not the father, hence, it's not your responsibility to provide Sara and her baby a secure future. If that wasn't bad enough, Richard decides to involve a cast of thousands, figuratively. At your workplace. This is a matter for HR, considering that Richard is turning said workplace into a hostile environment with the harassment from him and the other employees. Avoid him like the plague, on and off the clock. Just keep informing those who ask about what's happening. The more the truth gets around, the smaller Richard will look in everyone's eyes.
TribbleThinking 9 months ago
Richard basically voluntold OP that OP would be the Chosen One to step up to the plate. Well, Richard's simply ended up upsetting Sarah by talking her into believing his fantasy outcome. And it seems only fair that Richard makes up for it by stepping up and being the one to fund the baby. After all, he firmly believes someone needs to.
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ॐBoyGanesh 9 months ago
What the F????? I’ve heard of “baby trapping,” but a male coworker trying to trap another male coworker for a friend seems batshít.
Tamra 9 months ago (edited)
There's a lot of blame to go around here, but none of it belongs to OP. All the "friends" of this woman who felt they needed to weigh in and convince her to keep a baby she didn't want, can now step up and financially support it. No? Then sit down and shut up. This baby HAS a father, and he needs to help raise it, divorce or no. This woman needs to hold off on dating until she gets a little more settled into her new life.
Vinnie 9 months ago
They were also unfair to Sara in making it sound as if it's easy to find a stepfather for the child. Richard is passing the buck onto some other man.
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BrownEyedPanda 9 months ago
NTA. Richard is a conniving bastard. He knew how awkward it would be when you found out that Sara was pregnant, and was hoping that you would just go with the flow, eventually marrying her. Bottom line: you're not the father, hence, it's not your responsibility to provide Sara and her baby a secure future. If that wasn't bad enough, Richard decides to involve a cast of thousands, figuratively. At your workplace. This is a matter for HR, considering that Richard is turning said workplace into a hostile environment with the harassment from him and the other employees. Avoid him like the plague, on and off the clock. Just keep informing those who ask about what's happening. The more the truth gets around, the smaller Richard will look in everyone's eyes.
TribbleThinking 9 months ago
Richard basically voluntold OP that OP would be the Chosen One to step up to the plate. Well, Richard's simply ended up upsetting Sarah by talking her into believing his fantasy outcome. And it seems only fair that Richard makes up for it by stepping up and being the one to fund the baby. After all, he firmly believes someone needs to.
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 9 months ago
What the F????? I’ve heard of “baby trapping,” but a male coworker trying to trap another male coworker for a friend seems batshít.
Tamra 9 months ago (edited)
There's a lot of blame to go around here, but none of it belongs to OP. All the "friends" of this woman who felt they needed to weigh in and convince her to keep a baby she didn't want, can now step up and financially support it. No? Then sit down and shut up. This baby HAS a father, and he needs to help raise it, divorce or no. This woman needs to hold off on dating until she gets a little more settled into her new life.
Vinnie 9 months ago
They were also unfair to Sara in making it sound as if it's easy to find a stepfather for the child. Richard is passing the buck onto some other man.
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