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Family Learns The Power Of “No” The Hard Way After Showing Up Uninvited For Christmas Eve
Christmas is often seen as the family holiday of all family holidays. It’s the time when relatives gather under one roof, enjoy good food, and spread festive cheer, chaos and all. But that kind of celebration isn’t for everyone.
So when this Redditor clearly asked his family not to visit him over Christmas to see his newborn, he didn’t expect nine of them to show up unannounced on his doorstep at 1 a.m. Instead of backing down, he told them to leave right then and there, and let’s just say they did not take it well. Read the full story below.
RELATED:
The man repeatedly asked his family not to visit him on Christmas to see his newborn
Image credits: Karola G / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But they ignored him and arrived unannounced at 1 a.m., only to realize he meant exactly what he said
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karola G / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anonymous
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
What to do when family won’t take no for an answer
If we’re lucky, family are the people who support us the most and stay by our side in moments when no one else does. That kind of bond can feel deeply meaningful. But sometimes, it gets taken too far, turning into an unspoken rule that everyone should sacrifice everything for each other at all times, even when that stops being healthy.
When we grow up with that mindset, guilt often follows whenever we try to step away from it. That’s why it’s easy to understand why the author of this story felt conflicted after sending his family away in the middle of the night on Christmas, even as he stood by the line he had drawn.
Saying no is hard enough with strangers, and it can feel even harder when family is involved. Still, when those lines are ignored over and over without consequences, they stop carrying any real weight. For them to matter, they have to be enforced, even when doing so feels uncomfortable.
Without clear limits, repeated boundary violations often lead to growing resentment and long-term damage to family relationships, explains therapist Whitney Goodman, LMFT, founder of Calling Home and author of Toxic Positivity.
“Relationships without any boundaries are often unsuccessful and lead to more fighting, distance, or even complete rupture of the relationship,” Goodman told Wondermind. “If we want to remain in a relationship with people long term, we need to set new limits and communicate what we will tolerate and what we will not.”
So what do you actually do when your boundaries keep getting trampled over again and again? Licensed psychotherapist and boundaries expert Dr. Sharon Martin has some practical advice, starting with something that may sound obvious but still matters: consistency.
You can’t control how the other person reacts, and you can’t force them to change their behavior or suddenly respect what you’ve asked for. What you can control is how you respond each time your boundary is ignored. Staying firm sends a clear message that pushing, arguing, or going around your answer won’t change the outcome.
Martin also suggests writing things down. Keeping track of what happens and how you respond can help bring clarity to situations that often feel emotionally messy. It can reveal patterns, whether that’s moments when your response softens or situations where someone keeps ignoring your boundary no matter how clearly it’s been stated. Seeing it laid out can make decisions feel less reactive and more grounded.
Another hard truth, Martin points out, is that some people simply won’t respect boundaries, no matter how calmly or carefully they’re communicated. Accepting that can be painful, especially when family is involved, but it often leads to an honest decision about how much access that person should have to your life going forward.
She also recommends stepping back emotionally when the same issues keep repeating. That might mean changing how you respond or choosing not to engage in arguments that never lead anywhere. In some cases, people push limits because they’re looking for a reaction, and removing that response can take away their motivation to keep doing it.
In the end, it’s worth remembering that setting reasonable boundaries doesn’t make someone ungrateful or uncaring toward their family. It helps them decide what behavior they’re willing to live with and protects their peace when those lines are crossed. For this Redditor, that meant standing his ground on Christmas night. It led to a deeply uncomfortable conversation, but it also made one thing clear: he meant what he said.
Many readers felt the author did the right thing by sending his family away
Others, however, thought it was a cruel and insensitive move
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What do you think ?
Cold Eagle 5 days ago
All the YTAs have no concept of decency or the word No. Id like to think it is just they are so naive regarding a*****e relationships. But I suspect it's likely they are the ones forcing themselves on others. I despair for humanity.
WindySwede 5 days ago
The yta with the "I wouldn't do this to my worst enemy" feels like total pandacräp also. If someone you can't stand goes to your place in the middle of night noone in their right mind would open up their home?
Load More Replies...
KatSaidThat 5 days ago
W*F - it's a pandemic and you decide you and 8 others are just gong to show up on my doorstep to see my new baby after already being told no? Go sleep in your car and stay TF away from me. YTAs probably do the same. It's not being mean considering the circumstances. Again, it was during the pandemic, for those in the back who immediately deleted that sentence.
Lee Gilliland 5 days ago
It was the pandemic, I doubt the hotels were full.
Load More Replies...
Michael MacKinnon 5 days ago
So (checks summary), they travelled five hours at night, in a snowstorm, with kids in the car. Endangering peoples lives, then, to go to someone who has already said they shouldn't come to visit. And yet (according to the YTAs) it's the poster who's at wrong here, for not putting them up. Stunning. Just stunning.
Tiffany Saldana 5 days ago
I think all the YTAs are the ones showing up uninvited and crossing boundaries and didn't like so many people pointing out how awful that is.
Ronnie Beaton 5 days ago
Nine people show up on *my* doorstep at 1am, they get told where to go and what to do with themselves when they get there.
Emilu 5 days ago
Lol YTA/ESHs in this scenario = doormats. If you say no, then guess what? No means no, even if you decide to show up and try to say otherwise. Especially during the pandemic. Next thing it'd be be "oh, you got little cousin Freddy sick with Covid!" even though the OP and his family sound like they'd been upholding the restrictions. Trying to guilt the OP by showing up is tacky and they deserve to drive the five hours back in the snow, storms etc. And if they had an accident, that's on them because... hey, they weren't welcome in the first place!! 🤷🏽♀️🙄
Bookworm 5 days ago
It's been 5 years and OP deleted the account so no way to check for updates. He did the right thing. I hope he put them on low contact with clear boundaries of what was acceptable and what would result in fully going no contact. Starting with not being salty to him (do you really want your kid to think being treated poorly is ok because fAmiLy) and not coming over uninvited. Hopefully he, hubby, and son are happy regardless of what their relationship with his family currently is.
Tabitha 5 days ago (edited)
They weren’t interested in keeping the relationship with OP, presumably because he’s gay, until there was a grandchild in the picture that I bet they thought would never happen—-twisted curiosity and not love—-and I also bet they wanted to see two men be parents together so they could pick apart everything OP and his partner did, then try to take the baby from them or some such insane b******t that s****y parents and families do to family members who aren’t carbon copies of themselves. F**k them. They’re not really family, tbh, or they would respect OP’s boundaries, would have kept their relationship with him for all those years, and would’ve made arrangements that are acceptable to him and his partner for meeting the newest family members. Sometimes you just have to shrug off s****y blood relatives and make your own family out of people you truly love who truly love you, whether you’re related to them or not.
Load More Replies...
g90814 5 days ago
"the stable is over there, I think there's a couple of bales of straw and some mangers"
Janissary35680 5 days ago
"And don't mind the three old guys with the gifts. They took a wrong turn somewhere. Something about a star that I didn't quite get."
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 5 days ago
Parents setting this kind of thing up and then expect you to cave, even dragging innocent children into things, forcing others is why I went NC with my family. I'm solidly on OP 's side - where was he supposed to sleep people? How was he expected bto feed them?
Inservio Smurf 6 hours ago (edited)
I discovered in the pandemic that one of my former friends was an antivaxxer. The instant they revealed that, I threw them out and cut ties. My parents were in their eighties at the time, and I told the former friend I refused to risk my parents lives for one self-entitled moron. He showed up unannounced trying to circumvent lockdown, insisting covid was a hoax, so I had him arrested. He tries to get back in through mutual aquantainces now and then, which I'm ashamed to say felt satisfying. I wish I wasn't such a spiteful person, but I do not and will never, tolerate threats to my family.
Lisbeth Guz 4 days ago
My guess is that they planned an scenario where OP couldn't say no, and try to manipulate him through guilt.
Mark Childers 5 days ago
Someone shows up unexpectedly to my front door at 1:00 a.m., I'll keep sleeping. I don't answer my door for people I'm not expecting. And if someone things they're a guest who I haven't invited, we have problems. I've had too many issues with people trying to stay with me on their terms and all the time. My days of being a hotel are over. Luckily, I have several actual hotels very close to me, and they are all welcome to stay there.
Marno C. 5 days ago
As one commenter stated, there ARE hotels for Christmas. Lots of people travel for Christmas and can't or won't stay at the host's home. I've done it. Plus, with so many people travelling for the holidays, bad turns of weather often mean that folks can't progress in their journey and need somewhere to stay. Lots of hotels anticipate this and get walk-ins.
Lee Gilliland 5 days ago
Nope, you just said yes to something and you *will* regret it. This is my family.
Load More Replies... Cold Eagle 5 days ago
All the YTAs have no concept of decency or the word No. Id like to think it is just they are so naive regarding a*****e relationships. But I suspect it's likely they are the ones forcing themselves on others. I despair for humanity.
WindySwede 5 days ago
The yta with the "I wouldn't do this to my worst enemy" feels like total pandacräp also. If someone you can't stand goes to your place in the middle of night noone in their right mind would open up their home?
Load More Replies... KatSaidThat 5 days ago
W*F - it's a pandemic and you decide you and 8 others are just gong to show up on my doorstep to see my new baby after already being told no? Go sleep in your car and stay TF away from me. YTAs probably do the same. It's not being mean considering the circumstances. Again, it was during the pandemic, for those in the back who immediately deleted that sentence.
Lee Gilliland 5 days ago
It was the pandemic, I doubt the hotels were full.
Load More Replies... Michael MacKinnon 5 days ago
So (checks summary), they travelled five hours at night, in a snowstorm, with kids in the car. Endangering peoples lives, then, to go to someone who has already said they shouldn't come to visit. And yet (according to the YTAs) it's the poster who's at wrong here, for not putting them up. Stunning. Just stunning.
Tiffany Saldana 5 days ago
I think all the YTAs are the ones showing up uninvited and crossing boundaries and didn't like so many people pointing out how awful that is.
Ronnie Beaton 5 days ago
Nine people show up on *my* doorstep at 1am, they get told where to go and what to do with themselves when they get there.
Emilu 5 days ago
Lol YTA/ESHs in this scenario = doormats. If you say no, then guess what? No means no, even if you decide to show up and try to say otherwise. Especially during the pandemic. Next thing it'd be be "oh, you got little cousin Freddy sick with Covid!" even though the OP and his family sound like they'd been upholding the restrictions. Trying to guilt the OP by showing up is tacky and they deserve to drive the five hours back in the snow, storms etc. And if they had an accident, that's on them because... hey, they weren't welcome in the first place!! 🤷🏽♀️🙄
Bookworm 5 days ago
It's been 5 years and OP deleted the account so no way to check for updates. He did the right thing. I hope he put them on low contact with clear boundaries of what was acceptable and what would result in fully going no contact. Starting with not being salty to him (do you really want your kid to think being treated poorly is ok because fAmiLy) and not coming over uninvited. Hopefully he, hubby, and son are happy regardless of what their relationship with his family currently is.
Tabitha 5 days ago (edited)
They weren’t interested in keeping the relationship with OP, presumably because he’s gay, until there was a grandchild in the picture that I bet they thought would never happen—-twisted curiosity and not love—-and I also bet they wanted to see two men be parents together so they could pick apart everything OP and his partner did, then try to take the baby from them or some such insane b******t that s****y parents and families do to family members who aren’t carbon copies of themselves. F**k them. They’re not really family, tbh, or they would respect OP’s boundaries, would have kept their relationship with him for all those years, and would’ve made arrangements that are acceptable to him and his partner for meeting the newest family members. Sometimes you just have to shrug off s****y blood relatives and make your own family out of people you truly love who truly love you, whether you’re related to them or not.
Load More Replies... g90814 5 days ago
"the stable is over there, I think there's a couple of bales of straw and some mangers"
Janissary35680 5 days ago
"And don't mind the three old guys with the gifts. They took a wrong turn somewhere. Something about a star that I didn't quite get."
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 5 days ago
Parents setting this kind of thing up and then expect you to cave, even dragging innocent children into things, forcing others is why I went NC with my family. I'm solidly on OP 's side - where was he supposed to sleep people? How was he expected bto feed them?
Inservio Smurf 6 hours ago (edited)
I discovered in the pandemic that one of my former friends was an antivaxxer. The instant they revealed that, I threw them out and cut ties. My parents were in their eighties at the time, and I told the former friend I refused to risk my parents lives for one self-entitled moron. He showed up unannounced trying to circumvent lockdown, insisting covid was a hoax, so I had him arrested. He tries to get back in through mutual aquantainces now and then, which I'm ashamed to say felt satisfying. I wish I wasn't such a spiteful person, but I do not and will never, tolerate threats to my family.
Lisbeth Guz 4 days ago
My guess is that they planned an scenario where OP couldn't say no, and try to manipulate him through guilt.
Mark Childers 5 days ago
Someone shows up unexpectedly to my front door at 1:00 a.m., I'll keep sleeping. I don't answer my door for people I'm not expecting. And if someone things they're a guest who I haven't invited, we have problems. I've had too many issues with people trying to stay with me on their terms and all the time. My days of being a hotel are over. Luckily, I have several actual hotels very close to me, and they are all welcome to stay there.
Marno C. 5 days ago
As one commenter stated, there ARE hotels for Christmas. Lots of people travel for Christmas and can't or won't stay at the host's home. I've done it. Plus, with so many people travelling for the holidays, bad turns of weather often mean that folks can't progress in their journey and need somewhere to stay. Lots of hotels anticipate this and get walk-ins.
Lee Gilliland 5 days ago
Nope, you just said yes to something and you *will* regret it. This is my family.
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