Guy Is Too Embarrassed To Let Anyone See Girlfriend’s ‘Childish’ Apartment, Drama Ensues
The first stages of sharing a living space can be tricky for any couple. After the initial excitement of moving in together and purchasing matching robes, you might suddenly notice a laundry list of pet peeves your significant other is guilty of. Or perhaps you start spending your days staring at their wall art that you simply despise…
One man, who’s currently staying at his girlfriend’s place, recently detailed on Reddit how much he can’t stand her decor. Now, he’s wondering if he was a jerk for telling her why he won’t invite colleagues over, so below, you can find the full story, as well as a conversation with Dr. Lee Baucom.
This man has been staying with his girlfriend while his apartment is being worked on
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
But apparently her decor is not up to his aesthetic standards, so he refuses to invite anyone over
Image credits: HorribleMeatloaf (not the actual photo)
Image credits: decordilemma (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, it’s quite common for couples to quarrel over interior design
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)
Compromise is crucial in all aspects of a healthy relationship. You and your partner might not see perfectly eye to eye on where you want to live, where you want to spend the holidays, which car you want to purchase, and what to make for dinner, but if you love each other and respect each other enough, you can always come to a decision. However, one topic in particular that seems to have many couples arguing is interior design. In fact, 60% of British couples admit to having fought over it. Thankfully, many of them are willing to bend on the issue though, as 70% say they could sacrifice a room to allow their partner space to decorate to their quirky heart’s desires.
Women do tend to call more of the shots in interior decorating, as 56% say they are completely in charge of their home’s design, compared to only one fifth of men. Men are even 5 times more likely to leave interior design completely up to their partners. But there are also certain items that are more likely to cause quarrels between couples. According to a survey from Mattress Online, when it comes to what the most hated interior features are in the bedroom, 38% of women mention sports memorabilia, while 26% of men can’t stand glam furniture.
Nearly a fifth of men are also bothered by having too many pillows, but both men and women equally agree that wall typography is a no-go. And in the living room, half of all men hate seeing fake plants or fruit, while a third of women don’t want to lay their eyes on any gaming equipment. 56% of people admit that they would consider hiding a piece of their partner’s furniture if they didn’t like it, and 40% say they would put off moving in with someone until they removed an ugly piece of home decor.
“The problem is not just her taste, it is her that is being rejected”
Image credits: Jack Sparrow (not the actual photo)
So what are you to do when you love your significant other but you’ve considered burning down the apartment just to eliminate that recliner they’ve had since college? To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to relationship coach and marriage expert Dr. Lee Baucom, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. “Our homes and our furnishings — our ‘things’ — are not just representatives of what we like. They are extensions of ourselves. We are attached to our decorations because they are a part of ourselves,” Dr. Baucom noted.
“Don’t like my taste? That is a rejection of me, too, which is why home remodels are often such points of disagreement. And why mixing homes when people move in together, becomes so touchy,” the relationship expert continued. “Who’s ‘self’ gets to stay and who’s ‘self’ is kicked to the curb. In this case, the girlfriend is feeling it. The problem is not just her taste. It is her that is being rejected. It is her that is being seen as immature, not just her furnishings.”
We also asked Dr. Baucom how couples can respect one another’s preferences and create a space that feels at home for both of them. “When a couple moves in together, being aware of both comfort and that the decor is part of the self, can lead to an open discussion about what is important and what is not,” he shared. “If the goal is blending lives together, the question is no longer about ‘your stuff versus my stuff,’ but how do we make it ‘our’ place?”
“He was not willing to be on her side, loving her for her personality, quirks and all”
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
As far as this particular couple, Dr. Baucom says that the OP missed the fact that rejecting the decor was insulting his girlfriend. “He thought it was just stuff. But it was ‘her.’ The interesting thing is he hides behind the ‘first impression’ excuse,” the relationship expert added. “In these gatherings, it is coworkers. They already know him. Also, he has done the same thing as she in the decor. He was seeing it as an extension of himself. It was his girlfriend’s. And at the root, he was not willing to be on her side, loving her for her personality, quirks and all. He was more worried about what people might think of him. He made her stuff all about him.”
“Stuff is never just stuff,” Dr. Baucom added. “We know that about our own ‘important stuff,’ but forget it when we think it is ‘just stuff’ for someone else. Being aware helps us see beneath the surface, to the inner life of other people.”
We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man was wrong to feel embarrassed of his girlfriend’s decor? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship drama, look no further than right here. And if you’d like to gain more insight or guidance on your own relationship, be sure to visit Dr. Baucom’s site, Save The Marriage, right here!
Readers were quick to side with the girlfriend, reminding the man that adults are allowed to have fun too
That subtle dog at autistic people being childish is disgusting Get rid of him lady he wants someone boring that he can show off to his colleagues
His post have been “AMAMMTA” (are me and my mom the asśholes?) And the answer is yes.
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I'm 41 and I have two entire display shelves next to my computer with cute figurines. My desk pen-holders are shaped like cats. I have a stuffed animal that I made sitting on my monitor. I have a vivarium of isopods on my desk. I have anime wall scrolls, cute kitten and fox artwork from an artist I like, and Star Trek posters on my walls. I have pillows on the couch shaped like dog and cat faces. I have pillows on the couch shaped like fruit and doughnuts. My mousepad is a Stormtrooper riding a horse, a la "Napoleon Crossing the Alps". I would spritz somebody with my Cat-Threatening Water Sprayer Bottle™ if they called my décor "childish" or "juvenile".
YTA. You don't love her at all. My husband has art that is not my favourite, but I recognize that it brings him joy and I celebrate his quirks because it's what makes him who he is. We lovingly tease each other over our art and music preferences but we are both genuinely proud of each other and encourage each other to seek out those things that make us happy. That's love. Cut your girlfriend loose.... she deserves better.
My hosue is awash in stuffed animals. All were gifts but one. They are "juvenile" to some, but ot me, treasured symbols of love. So.... she needs to dump this guy. Watch the internet if a woman calls a guy juvenile for having sports team stuff as a decorating theme.
He just described the coolest house I can imagine and says it's childish I think he's a bit of a bore and a tad dull like......I can't even........sheeesh
Legit. I would ask for a tour and be utterly enchanted at her style of decor. She sounds like a fun person who isn't afraid to express herself.
Load More Replies... This guy would flip out if he saw my house. I'm in my 40s with 3 grown kids. My house absolutely reflects my personality. We have a massive shelf that has D&D stuff, fairies, Harry Potter, Marvel, Peanuts, X-Files, etc. I have small plushies of the entire cast of Adventure Time sort of hidden around the house. Lady Rainicorn is nestled next to the DVD player in the living room. Gunther is nestled by some baskets on the ledge by the stairs. One bathroom is decked out in rubber ducks--the Breaking Bath duck being the focal point. The other bathroom is skeletons. I could go on. I decorate for myself, but I've gotten so many compliments when people are over. Everyone uses the same words, fun and cozy.
I hope she realizes that she should dump him, hard and fast. You don't want to be together with such a tight as#hole.
I think it's weird that he is seems to basically think it is "childish" to use the same decor as things he sees as "adult", but less popular specifics. For example "ocean theme" being ok, but it not being in that she went with deep ocean instead of the beach. Also that decorating with displays of butterflies and moths would be ok, but tarantulas, beetles, and stick bugs are "childish". I get that done people are creeped out by spiders and angler fish, but unless you have an actual phobia, getting scared from someone's apartment just because they have beetles and spiders properly displayed, sounds sort of childish to me, and that coworker whom talked with him later about it needs to take some self inventory. It kinda sounds like an "it's ok if it's popular." type of mentality, which screams middle school and high school to me.
Yes he only cares about what people in the office will think. What a loser. I don't even think any opinion was his own just constantly disliking everything cause one person did or worrying about what the rest will think. If someone insulted my boyfriends apartment (hypothetically) I would say "really? Cause I think it's AWESOME Maybe you shouldn't come over again if you don't like it" but he only cares about looking cool when he looks like a real jerkoff
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on a positive note: now i know what my room has been missing
39yo here with a 47yo husband...we have an entire wall we call our Prince Shrine (complete with glittery purple backdrop and purple lighting), we have a small library with random figurines hiding throughout the shelves (Batman, Joker, dinosaur skeletons, Cerberus), the kitchen window has a gathering of triceratops, llama and Mario themed printed pillowcases, yes please, a whole room decorated with framed concert posters, and our love for video games is evident with the Goomba and Piranha Plant figurines next to all our systems. Our house is awesome and the guy in this story sounds sucky and boring.
That's awesome!! Funny I'm 36 and my husband is 43. We have a freddie mercury shrine. I can't imagine my husband making me get rid of all my Harry Potter decor... especially since he bought half of it and is not a Harry Potter fan.
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I'm 38 and have a full suit of armor in my living room next to my stuffed piranha beside my skull paintings. My family and friends really enjoy my eccentric decor tastes. Do what makes you happy!
Wouldn't be my choice of decor, but I would be enjoying while I was there because it sounds cool and fun.
Load More Replies... You are ABSOLUTELY THE A*****E! Your girlfriend sounds cool af. She deserves better than a petty jerk who acts ashamed of her, and your mom sucks too. Do your girlfriend a favor, and find someone who is less intelligent and hangs "live, laugh, love" s**t on their walls.
Live every moment...laugh every day..... love beyond words.... puke in this trashcan
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AITA for thinking my gf should completely get rid of her expensive and sentimental decor so I can have my colleagues over to her place?
My mom is obsessed with all things nautical. Granted we live on an island but the last time she set foot on a boat was in 1994. Still, when my parents were having the siding replaced on their house, mom wanted navy blue shutters with white anchor details. My dad, the most amazing man who has ever existed, LITERALLY MADE THEM FOR HER. Carved them with his own hands and power tools. They look friggin PHENOMENAL and are still on the house to this day. Support your partner's interests and indulge their sense of whimsy. Life is so much more fun when you do.
"but not insects like butterflies or moths" BRO what??? Just cause they're not the "pretty" insects??? This hits 🥲
Personally, I think tarantulas and beetles are gorgeous. And I love that she mocked the overused beach-themed bathroom by going deep ocean with it.
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Strong YTA. You want her to change her entire personality for you and your work? It’s her house, and she gets to decorate it however she wants. If you can’t live with that, maybe you should find someone else.
Does OP intend on never moving the relationship forward? Does he think once they move in to together he can just get her to love beige? He has so much more to worry about and he doesn't even realise it. I hope she finds the post, dumps his a**e and finds a guy who appreciates her
This guy, his coworkers, and his mother would stroke out if they saw my home. It's full of video game memorabilia, squishmallows, books, craft materials...and a human mandible. It was a gift from a friend when I graduated from college (majored in dental hygiene). Over the years people have seen it and commented on it but nobody has expected me to change my space to meet their standards. My husband and I have made things into "our" space and he accepts and loves my quirks and choices in decor. Fwiw, I'm a 46 yo married professional. Age gatekeeping is total BS. I hope this girlfriend (sounds like we'd be great friends) dumps this boring, judgey guy and finds a man who appreciates her personality.
A human mandible... does that mean hand? I did well in anatomy now I can't remember
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the demon villain from the Disney show Gravity Falls. he looks like this: https://i.redd.it/gomh9l80gcj91.jpg
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'Some weird triangle guy' DO YOU MEQN BILL CIPHER?? HE IS THE BEST WEIRD TRIANGLE GUY RESPECT HIM
Lady, ditch this dud, you are too cool for his lamness -find someone less uptight and controling.
When I read the title, I expected Barbie dream house decor with glitter. Instead she has realistic depictions of creatures that actually exist on planet earth instead of just fake drawn ones. Sounds like she appreciates the real stuff in life. Also, love me some Bill Cypher from gravity falls.
Dude: I love my girlfriend, I really do, that’s why I have to keep telling myself that over and over while insulting her taste in decorating.
What a jersey! I'm 36 and have my entire bedroom as a massive Harry Potter collage and the bathroom is Harry Potter too. My file cabinet is a collage of Harry Potter coloring pages. Her apartment sounds really cool! She needs to break up with him! He sounds REALLY BORING AND PEOPLE PLEASING OBSESSED and is going to end up diminishing her beautiful quirky light.
JERK*** my phone is passing me off with the auto correct
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Apparently there's some age limit where you have to stop liking certain things, because othewise it makes you 'juvenile' and it's not something that grown woman should like or (God forbid!) decorate her own home with. OP took as*holery to the next level. (Btw, girlfriend's taste sounds really cool)
This woman needs to get rid of that man. I see nothing wrong with her decor. Tarantulas freak me out but it's her apartment and she can decorate it however she pleases.
At least they aren't live!!! Haha then she could sic them on him and his finance buddies. *chaos ensues*
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Since my childhood, my favorite animal has been... the spotted hyena. Quite a surprising and peculiar choice, I must admit. I've gotten used to hearing that others don't necessarily appreciate them. No problem, to each their own, right? But as an adult, in my home, and more specifically, in my office, I've had the pleasure of having a beautiful smiling hyena plush sitting proudly there, along with two mini hyena plush toys as souvenirs from my visits to Beauval Zoo (France) and Thoiry Zoo (France again). I'm 28 years old, and anyone who would want to remove them from there would have to wait a long time! The irony of the story is that... I hate spiders. But I would never have the impoliteness or presumption to force anyone to change their preferences. And truly, this guy clearly is the immature child in this story.
40 years old and my flat is basically a celebration of rainbows. I'm not allowed to paint the walls (rental) but I am allowed to hang things on hooks. So everything is rainbows and a display cabinet of First Generation My Little Ponies. I also have a couple of childhood toys that I've kept. Literally everyone who has ever visited has commented on how colourful and homely it is.
Omg I miss the first generation ponies. My favorite was a clear one with dark blue glitter and shiny blue hair. Do you have that one?
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Seems weird to me to be bringing coworkers home as a formal thing. I've been in the homes of two coworkers, after I had considered them both friends over coworkers. The idea of "every month someone hosts the team at their personal home" seems like a weird boundary violation, to me.
She sounds awesome to me. I'm in my mid-40s and I'd be inviting people over specifically to show off how cool my gf is. Ok, fine, I'm lying about that last part because I'm a huge introvert and I'd never actually invite anyone over. 😆 *BUT* if i was willing to actually socialize with people, I would def invite them to that place, it sounds dope.
I'm not even into sea stuff, but I googled anglerfish nightlight and it's the coolest thing ever!
The lady sounds like she knows what makes her happy and surrounds herself with decorations that bring her joy. The BF sounds boring and seems to prioritize other people's image of him/his life over things that make him and the people closest to him happy. She needs to think about whether or not the BF sparks joy.
What a nonce! Her place sounds immense and like an extension of her personality! I hope she sees this and leaves him. He sounds like the controlling type who slowly belittles and manipulates partners. Gah, I can't YTA this post enough!!!
This guy sounds like an a55hole. It is so amazing that a woman who knows so much about insects and deep sea creatures, etc. has chosen to be with him for so long. And she has been letting him stay at her place, too? What does she see in such a closed minded judgmental person?
Oh my, he’d die if he saw my place then, and I’m even older!! His girlfriend sounds RAD! We could be friends, my only question is why is she settling for a square like him? YTA
Surely the one bonus of adulthood and your own income is you can get stuff you loved as a kid/ teen if that's still your thing?! The OP sounds like a young fogie who should go find a fellow boring accountant type (not saying all finance people are boring but seems his work team is!).
It's really too bad BF is more concerned with what his coworkers might think than realizing how much he enjoys her personality and intelligence. Following his reasoning, he might find a woman with a two bedroom apartment decorated from Home Goods, (I do like Home Goods.) No indicators of her interests, just a few neutral throw pillows and throws. He'd be bored but comfortable knowing no one would say anything. GF didn't decorate anticipating her guests wouldn't all be her friends and family who know and love her, but people she didn't need to consider when decorating her home.
YTA 100% her home is hers. It is her place to be herself and comfortable. If she can't do that at home, where can she do it??? I've never understood people (like my mom) who decorate their homes to impress other people.
Lol, I'm 41 and my decor is very childish. Squishmallows randomly placed throughout my house. My nook with my mass Tokidoki collection and random figures and plushies. I know my husband "secretly" rolls his eyes, but he loves me and doesn't really mind.
My husband hates Harry potter buy funds my collection and sleeps in a platform 9 3/4 bed surrounded by wall to wall scenes and drawings . He doesn't complain
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He's very uptight. The cartoon wall is awesome. Futurama and Gravity Falls are great! The triangle guy is Bill Cypher. The preserved animals do sound creepy to me. Taxidermy spooks me in a bad way. It reminds me of hunting. The bathroom decor sounds fun though. Normal beach scenes are overrated.
I was on a date with a guy and we were getting to know each other. He asked about my hobbies and I told him I was into music, tech, video games, cooking, urban exploration, and other fun stuff. Cartoons included. He told me, flat out, that video games and cartoons were childish. You know what his hobbies were, pleasing a woman orally. Lol, that's all he had to add to this. I told him I needed to jet to the bathroom and never returned.
Can we get pictures? Because her bathroom sounds *awesome.* From the ripe old age of 50-something, the only childish behavior I see is his trying to be sure he's in the popular crowd.
Girlfriend sounds awesome, I wish I could hang out with her. And I hope she dumps him.
This dude would HATE my house, it's geeky/horror overload! I have Doctor Who stuff everywhere, my husband has Star Wars stuff all over, I have Halloween decor out all year, I have a dinosaur themed bathroom (my kids bedroom is dino themed and they're 17), I have snarky inappropriate cross stitches on my wall, I have prints of vintage medical posters in nice frames I am almost 45 and my house is AWESOME, it's my dream decor
I think we should have an awesome bored panda party at her house! And not invite the boyfriend!!
I think some people get stuck with this idea of 'being an adult' and use it as a stick to beat other people with. To me being a decent human being of any age is based on how you treat people. If anyone invites me into their home and there's something I don't like, I keep my mouth shut. I have cuddly spiders and specimens because insects are amazing and if any partner of mine was ashamed they know where the door is.
I'll never understand this mindset, dating someone while looking down on them. Don't like what she's into, find someone else instead of making her think she's loved when she isn't
F**k this guy, he is the a*****e!!!! I have always done horror and anime themed decorations in our house. We have figures, statues, posters skulls, etc. sacttered throughout the house. My husband doesn't mind it since he likes the same things. Everyone that has come to our house gets a kick out of our decorations. Granted, most of my horror stuff, like posters and signed photos, are in our computer room. We even have a garden zombie out front and a skeleton that blends into our crepe myrtle out front. The delivery drivers are freaked at first buy them, but then they laugh and say how awesome that is. :) This girl is just showing what she likes and what interests her. If this dude is embarrassed by her decoration, then he needs to take a hike.
Living your life to meet someone else's standards you disagree with? That sounds like the MOST childish thing I can think of. LIving your life authentically with your interests, how you want to live it? So many adults never mature even close to that point.
1) the BF is a gatekeeping a*****e ("tHIs iSnT adUlt DeCOr". 2) his GF sounds awesome and has eclectic interests. 3) the decor sounds like the perfect conversation pieces/starters for a hosted work event, unlike some bland-a*s neo-modern apartment 4) if he's more concerned about how the apartment looks to co-workers do both of yourselves a favor and breakup. You don't love her for her and she deserves better.
Precisely why I left "working in Finance". What a douche. And his mother, cheeky AF. GF sounds awesome - eeeeeject!
He is a massive a-hole. I hate people like this who are too concerned about what others think they box themselves in with no personality & no individuality. If the decor isn’t sterile & white with a canvas of some orange circle on the wall, you’re “childish” Dude is miserable & clearly repressed. His mother is a jerk too, nothing shameful about being autistic but having interests doesn’t make you autistic.
They never said she was autistic? Regular adults can have interests too.
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My (51f) husband (57m) have a LOT of cat decor. Salvador Dali prints(love his art) lots of star wars figures and other things in our house. We could really care less what others think. We live here and we love it. He is totally tah! He needs to set her free. She deserves someone who appreciates her for who she. And it's not him.
My husband and I definitely have unconventional decor. Our second bedroom is an eccentric museum full of oddities he's found while thrifting; skulls, framed insects, dolls that look like they're Annabelle's cousin, random statues and portraits. It's a CLASH of different things. Our extra bathroom is dedicated to horror films with autographed photos from Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Exorcist, Devil's Rejects, etc. Honestly, I understand when a guest says that that one creeps them out but they don't have to be in there long. The fact is, adults can decorate however the hell they want to and OP needs to move along and let this awesome person live her best life (which she is).
Thank goodness I live somewhere, where people (especially colleges) don‘t give a hoot how you live or what you do in your free time. That‘s your business and yours alone
I am a 45 year old woman. Married, kids, entrepreneur. I have a room dedicated to the artist Shag (Josh Agle. Mid century modern art). My dining room is circus sideshow themed. Kitchen? Jesus and Schlitz. I don't give a single f*ck if people don't like my decor. I do, and that's all that matters. This guy is lame. Enjoy your beige life, dude!
Honestly my only concern would be if the spiders etc are ethically sourced. I otherwise don't see a problem, it's her apartment, who cares what she does if she's not hurting anyone?? Plus I don't think children tend to have their own houses to decorate so by definition she's not being childish
Yeah, that's kinda what I was wondering too. I myself collect bugs, but only ones I've found already dead
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Welcome to the reality of life as a couple. Your significant other will often have interests, habits and quirks you won't be into or fully understand. You don't need to share those interests, but you also can't try to shame them into being different. You can, however, vent about it jokingly with your work colleagues. Most of them won't judge you for having a quirky partner... they're likely to just open up about their own partner's quirks. The people who harshly judge you or your partner are simply the people you best avoid to begin with honestly.
I've heard things like this from past co-workers' SOs, that certain themes of memorabilia "isn't allowed" in the main areas of their house and all I can think is "why did you marry them if you are that antagonist about their interests?" She sounds cool, he's a selfish jerk...so is his mother.
Good grief he'd be horrified by my house! Lol. I have an animal skull collection, fossilized animals, fairies and swords all over the place!
Just add, I'm 43 and my husband has collected a lot of these things for me
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I am a special Ed teacher, don’t love how autism was mentioned in that thread. However. I do understand the inquiry, as specific obsessions are typical. Regardless. I also understand where this dude is coming from, the decor is certainly not my cup of tea either. But clearly, he shouldn’t be dating her. You gotta love the whole person, you can’t pick and choose bits and pieces. As such, I personally would have ended the relationship once I saw her apt. Because that’s just a hard no for me. He should have done the same instead of stringing this person along knowing full well that there is a HUGE part of who she is that he is not okay with.
i'm about to be 36 and my room (besides being messier than any kid's) is full of video game stuff and nature finds and stuff i find cute or otherwise enjoy looking at. fill your life with the things you like, and f**k anyone who thinks you're "childish" for liking those things.
To quote Tom Baker as the Fourth Doctor - "There's no point being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes."
basically f**k right off outta my apartment. unless you are paying my rent, your opinions don't matter in my space. go stay in a hotel.
A guy I was dating criticized some of my decor (a series of paintings inspired by infectious diseases), and not just "I don't care for this", which is fine, but "You shouldnt have this on display". I immediately told him we were done, and none of his effusive apologies changed my position.
I hope she comes across this post so she can dump his a*s. What a tool. “Im a serious finance man, my girlfriend must become dull and boring like me”
My upstairs is not decorated great because we're not great at that. I do have cool otherworldly art in my bedroom. The basement is filled with Lego and we're (finally) finishing it with a TV room that will have a Babylon 5 navigation panel from the original set. My husband is recreating a computer panel from the original Lost in Space as well as one of the laser rifles from that show and we plan to finish it off with movie posters and TV memorabilia. We're pushing 60.
I was waiting for the shoe to drop and the embarrassing stuff to get listed after all the cool and awesome stuff. He is not only TA but a sheep that thinks all grownups should have the same painting of a daisy, a sunset and a "home sweet home" sign on the wall.
The reply from Acceptable-Ad-6784 hit the nail on the head. It's her space to decorate as she sees fit and it's his choice to not bring his colleagues there. It's obvious from the post that he's got a problem with it but he's never raised it until she pushed him about hosting the work do there. I think his phrasing about the decor is weird but at the same time, he's right. The decor is also a bit weird. Personally I think it sounds pretty cool, but it's not hard to imagine people being creeped out by the tarantula wall or the shark in the bathroom.
This guy sounds like a bore. If someone had Bill Cipher on their wall, I'd propose.
I understand her tastes might not match his. It's normal for a couple to have different preferences. But he is TA for telling her to change her decor and for judging her for not being "an adult". It's her place. He has no right to control her. In my opinion, OP and his coworker just sound pretentious and boring. The discussion might be different if they own the place together because that requires some compromise. But he's just staying there temporarily so he stepped out of bounds. His GF sounds awesome TBH.
For a person with such great taste, I can't help but assume this man likely did not show an ounce of his true self when they first met. She can do better.
Well you sure wouldn't like my toy collection, life size Betty Boop, bride of Frankenstein bust and sheep skull then
I’m a 31 year old adult woman, and my apartment is covered in vintage horror/sci fi movie posters, vintage car ads, bones/skulls/vertebra everywhere (even the stakes in my garden are bear ribs), tons of homemade art and art from my friends. And I have a thing for fabric tapestries and world maps so I have a handful of each all over the place. And an absolute ton of books. would never trade any of it for basic Walmart mass-produced “live laugh love” decor. We don’t all have to be exactly the same, that’s boring!
I am 37 and I have stuffed animals in my apartment and various other things like my shot glass collection. I also have a lot of cute knickknacks. This guy just sounds like a stuck up jerk. His girlfriend's apartment sounds cool.
Five bucks says she wasn't allowed to express what she liked growing up and now she's going all out.
YTA. First, you wrongly think there's only one way to be an adult. Apparently, your way involves ridding your life of everything that gives you joy solely to cater to other people's opinions. You have my pity. Second, you literally shît on all of your GF's interests in one fell swoop. Third, you demanded she conform to your narrow idea of adulthood. Personally, I'd boot you. You're depressing to be around, nasty to people you claim to care for, and worry too much about what others think of you.
And yes! She can decorate however she wants, but she needs to understand that not everyone has the same taste
That's probably why everyone doesn't live there
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Not only is OP TAH, his coworkers are too if they're "uncomfortable" going into this woman's home. If he had a room dedicated to sports memorabilia, that would be socially acceptable. If someone had a full blown library, that would be socially acceptable. Her collections are just as valid...and probably more fun (than the sports stuff- I'd live in a library if I could).
Not that this should change anything, but has he even asked her to explain her interest or relationship to her things? Why they are important to her? [Who’s ‘self’ gets to stay and who’s ‘self’ is kicked to the curb] These are possessive and should be "Whose ‘self’ gets to stay and whose ‘self’ is kicked to the curb".
What HUGE YTA here! I'm almost 47 & am obsessed with Halloween/spookies in general, Nightmare Before Christmas specifically. Right now, I'm at work in a light cotton, NBC pattered short white & black dress, wearing matching earrings. If someone didn't like that, I couldn't care less. I don't have much to make me happy, and living Halloween all year long is my biggest joy. My birthday is September 25th, so I begin fully decorating for Halloween September 1st, but I have year-round knick-knacks at work AND at home. Someone doesn't like it? Bye-bye!
Omg I can't belive this guys juvenile attitude 😂 seriously the insect wall would send me screaming out of the room but that's because I hate insects. I think thus will be a wake up for her that he is going to be controlling long term... hes showing a few red flags. As for decorating your home your way... that's what a home is - your space
YTA, there's nothing at all wrong with her decor. You are not the one for her, move on and allow her to find someone who will truly appreciate all she is. Your mother asking you that means absolutely nothing. After all, it is she who raised you with her beliefs, ya??
My brother is 75 and has a collection of dragons on display. He's a retired cop. Go ahead, diis his decor.
Her place sounds AMAZING and I'm jealous (even though I already have a place of my own with walls of artworks and various pop culture collectables plus a collection of medieval weaponry - it's kind of a combination of an art gallery, museum and nerd convention. And that's the way I like it). This guy's a jerk and she deserves better.
Well, since other people are going into details... I have two Monkey Island blankets, one on the armchair and one on the bed, a cabinet that looks like the TARDIS, prints of the covers of every book I've published on one wall (I call it the Wall Of Covers), a sword, axe and spear, a small collection of Funko Pop figurines on the shelf above the desk, a genuine Aztec Death Whistle (it cost a fortune), an Okami plushie, a Legend of Zelda shield, a Hannibal Lecter figurine, a phrenology bust/inkwell with a quill pen in it, and a dining table that only gets used when I have guests because it's usually covered with various drawings and craft projects.
Load More Replies... I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I'm just a little on his side. For me the problem is not the individual pieces, but the scale of it. One or two fun things? Yeah that's cool. A whole house where every room is stuff with this kind of thing? Annoying. I hate it when people need to constantly scream "Look at how quirky I am! Look! Look, dammit!"
Since I assume she lives alone (he's staying there temporarily) I doubt she's screaming for anyone to "look at how quirky she is" she's just living her life.
Load More Replies...
Hoo boy. If he saw my place, he'd give birth to a herd of Guernseys. I collect (GASP!) BARBIES! (Dum-dum du-u-u-um!) I fully intend to display them any way I can. That poor guy needs a life. His GF has her place decorated in HER style, because it's HER place, not his. OP needs to apologize, suck it up, and shut up. That, or break up and pack up. Let him go find someone as shallow as he, and leave his girlfriend to find someone who appreciates her for who she is in the here-and-now.
YTA. If he's that worried about her (hella cool-sounding) insect display - what even? Making his co-workers think less of him for having a quirky gf? Which would make them sh*tty people - then just say to them "Hey, my gf's decor is kind of unusual and quirky." But also realise that just as there are people like his mum, who think it's strange, there will equally be people who think it's really cool and interesting. Branding someone you supposedly care about "childish" for celebrating their love for animation just shows that you do not understand or appreciate their personality and interests
I really want to see her apartment. The bathroom sounds awesome!
You have to grow up a bit to accept yourself and a bit more to be oke with showing it to people you let into your life, it took me getting very ill (it puts things into perspective) to take the step of having more of me in my living room, never going back. I have Respect for everyone who is grown up enough to show themselves and put there happiness before what some random stranger might think someday.
Depends on HOW he told her. She kept pushing and wanted to know why. So he finally told her. He's entitled to his opinion. How many women walk into a man's place and complain about how THEY decorated? And most of them tend to not take their feelings into consideration. So why is he the AH here?
Of course there can be clashes. One of my good friends is really into anime and he had his whole room decorated with anime posters, dvds, action figures of big boobed girls, replica weapons. No girl that came over ever liked his place and when he finally got a steady girlfriend she asked him to get rid of most of that stuff. It's totally normal to have a different taste and not like certain elements in someone's house.
I feel OP used poor wording for a sticky conversation. He did not lie to her, but he was not very tactful in his delivery. I would say nobody is the asshōle, there just needs to be a deeper conversation and perhaps an apology from OP for his poor choice of words.
That subtle dog at autistic people being childish is disgusting Get rid of him lady he wants someone boring that he can show off to his colleagues
His post have been “AMAMMTA” (are me and my mom the asśholes?) And the answer is yes.
Load More Replies... I'm 41 and I have two entire display shelves next to my computer with cute figurines. My desk pen-holders are shaped like cats. I have a stuffed animal that I made sitting on my monitor. I have a vivarium of isopods on my desk. I have anime wall scrolls, cute kitten and fox artwork from an artist I like, and Star Trek posters on my walls. I have pillows on the couch shaped like dog and cat faces. I have pillows on the couch shaped like fruit and doughnuts. My mousepad is a Stormtrooper riding a horse, a la "Napoleon Crossing the Alps". I would spritz somebody with my Cat-Threatening Water Sprayer Bottle™ if they called my décor "childish" or "juvenile".
YTA. You don't love her at all. My husband has art that is not my favourite, but I recognize that it brings him joy and I celebrate his quirks because it's what makes him who he is. We lovingly tease each other over our art and music preferences but we are both genuinely proud of each other and encourage each other to seek out those things that make us happy. That's love. Cut your girlfriend loose.... she deserves better.
My hosue is awash in stuffed animals. All were gifts but one. They are "juvenile" to some, but ot me, treasured symbols of love. So.... she needs to dump this guy. Watch the internet if a woman calls a guy juvenile for having sports team stuff as a decorating theme.
He just described the coolest house I can imagine and says it's childish I think he's a bit of a bore and a tad dull like......I can't even........sheeesh
Legit. I would ask for a tour and be utterly enchanted at her style of decor. She sounds like a fun person who isn't afraid to express herself.
Load More Replies... This guy would flip out if he saw my house. I'm in my 40s with 3 grown kids. My house absolutely reflects my personality. We have a massive shelf that has D&D stuff, fairies, Harry Potter, Marvel, Peanuts, X-Files, etc. I have small plushies of the entire cast of Adventure Time sort of hidden around the house. Lady Rainicorn is nestled next to the DVD player in the living room. Gunther is nestled by some baskets on the ledge by the stairs. One bathroom is decked out in rubber ducks--the Breaking Bath duck being the focal point. The other bathroom is skeletons. I could go on. I decorate for myself, but I've gotten so many compliments when people are over. Everyone uses the same words, fun and cozy.
I hope she realizes that she should dump him, hard and fast. You don't want to be together with such a tight as#hole.
I think it's weird that he is seems to basically think it is "childish" to use the same decor as things he sees as "adult", but less popular specifics. For example "ocean theme" being ok, but it not being in that she went with deep ocean instead of the beach. Also that decorating with displays of butterflies and moths would be ok, but tarantulas, beetles, and stick bugs are "childish". I get that done people are creeped out by spiders and angler fish, but unless you have an actual phobia, getting scared from someone's apartment just because they have beetles and spiders properly displayed, sounds sort of childish to me, and that coworker whom talked with him later about it needs to take some self inventory. It kinda sounds like an "it's ok if it's popular." type of mentality, which screams middle school and high school to me.
Yes he only cares about what people in the office will think. What a loser. I don't even think any opinion was his own just constantly disliking everything cause one person did or worrying about what the rest will think. If someone insulted my boyfriends apartment (hypothetically) I would say "really? Cause I think it's AWESOME Maybe you shouldn't come over again if you don't like it" but he only cares about looking cool when he looks like a real jerkoff
Load More Replies... on a positive note: now i know what my room has been missing
39yo here with a 47yo husband...we have an entire wall we call our Prince Shrine (complete with glittery purple backdrop and purple lighting), we have a small library with random figurines hiding throughout the shelves (Batman, Joker, dinosaur skeletons, Cerberus), the kitchen window has a gathering of triceratops, llama and Mario themed printed pillowcases, yes please, a whole room decorated with framed concert posters, and our love for video games is evident with the Goomba and Piranha Plant figurines next to all our systems. Our house is awesome and the guy in this story sounds sucky and boring.
That's awesome!! Funny I'm 36 and my husband is 43. We have a freddie mercury shrine. I can't imagine my husband making me get rid of all my Harry Potter decor... especially since he bought half of it and is not a Harry Potter fan.
Load More Replies... I'm 38 and have a full suit of armor in my living room next to my stuffed piranha beside my skull paintings. My family and friends really enjoy my eccentric decor tastes. Do what makes you happy!
Wouldn't be my choice of decor, but I would be enjoying while I was there because it sounds cool and fun.
Load More Replies... You are ABSOLUTELY THE A*****E! Your girlfriend sounds cool af. She deserves better than a petty jerk who acts ashamed of her, and your mom sucks too. Do your girlfriend a favor, and find someone who is less intelligent and hangs "live, laugh, love" s**t on their walls.
Live every moment...laugh every day..... love beyond words.... puke in this trashcan
Load More Replies... AITA for thinking my gf should completely get rid of her expensive and sentimental decor so I can have my colleagues over to her place?
My mom is obsessed with all things nautical. Granted we live on an island but the last time she set foot on a boat was in 1994. Still, when my parents were having the siding replaced on their house, mom wanted navy blue shutters with white anchor details. My dad, the most amazing man who has ever existed, LITERALLY MADE THEM FOR HER. Carved them with his own hands and power tools. They look friggin PHENOMENAL and are still on the house to this day. Support your partner's interests and indulge their sense of whimsy. Life is so much more fun when you do.
"but not insects like butterflies or moths" BRO what??? Just cause they're not the "pretty" insects??? This hits 🥲
Personally, I think tarantulas and beetles are gorgeous. And I love that she mocked the overused beach-themed bathroom by going deep ocean with it.
Load More Replies... Strong YTA. You want her to change her entire personality for you and your work? It’s her house, and she gets to decorate it however she wants. If you can’t live with that, maybe you should find someone else.
Does OP intend on never moving the relationship forward? Does he think once they move in to together he can just get her to love beige? He has so much more to worry about and he doesn't even realise it. I hope she finds the post, dumps his a**e and finds a guy who appreciates her
This guy, his coworkers, and his mother would stroke out if they saw my home. It's full of video game memorabilia, squishmallows, books, craft materials...and a human mandible. It was a gift from a friend when I graduated from college (majored in dental hygiene). Over the years people have seen it and commented on it but nobody has expected me to change my space to meet their standards. My husband and I have made things into "our" space and he accepts and loves my quirks and choices in decor. Fwiw, I'm a 46 yo married professional. Age gatekeeping is total BS. I hope this girlfriend (sounds like we'd be great friends) dumps this boring, judgey guy and finds a man who appreciates her personality.
A human mandible... does that mean hand? I did well in anatomy now I can't remember
Load More Replies... the demon villain from the Disney show Gravity Falls. he looks like this: https://i.redd.it/gomh9l80gcj91.jpg
Load More Replies... 'Some weird triangle guy' DO YOU MEQN BILL CIPHER?? HE IS THE BEST WEIRD TRIANGLE GUY RESPECT HIM
Lady, ditch this dud, you are too cool for his lamness -find someone less uptight and controling.
When I read the title, I expected Barbie dream house decor with glitter. Instead she has realistic depictions of creatures that actually exist on planet earth instead of just fake drawn ones. Sounds like she appreciates the real stuff in life. Also, love me some Bill Cypher from gravity falls.
Dude: I love my girlfriend, I really do, that’s why I have to keep telling myself that over and over while insulting her taste in decorating.
What a jersey! I'm 36 and have my entire bedroom as a massive Harry Potter collage and the bathroom is Harry Potter too. My file cabinet is a collage of Harry Potter coloring pages. Her apartment sounds really cool! She needs to break up with him! He sounds REALLY BORING AND PEOPLE PLEASING OBSESSED and is going to end up diminishing her beautiful quirky light.
JERK*** my phone is passing me off with the auto correct
Load More Replies... Apparently there's some age limit where you have to stop liking certain things, because othewise it makes you 'juvenile' and it's not something that grown woman should like or (God forbid!) decorate her own home with. OP took as*holery to the next level. (Btw, girlfriend's taste sounds really cool)
This woman needs to get rid of that man. I see nothing wrong with her decor. Tarantulas freak me out but it's her apartment and she can decorate it however she pleases.
At least they aren't live!!! Haha then she could sic them on him and his finance buddies. *chaos ensues*
Load More Replies... Since my childhood, my favorite animal has been... the spotted hyena. Quite a surprising and peculiar choice, I must admit. I've gotten used to hearing that others don't necessarily appreciate them. No problem, to each their own, right? But as an adult, in my home, and more specifically, in my office, I've had the pleasure of having a beautiful smiling hyena plush sitting proudly there, along with two mini hyena plush toys as souvenirs from my visits to Beauval Zoo (France) and Thoiry Zoo (France again). I'm 28 years old, and anyone who would want to remove them from there would have to wait a long time! The irony of the story is that... I hate spiders. But I would never have the impoliteness or presumption to force anyone to change their preferences. And truly, this guy clearly is the immature child in this story.
40 years old and my flat is basically a celebration of rainbows. I'm not allowed to paint the walls (rental) but I am allowed to hang things on hooks. So everything is rainbows and a display cabinet of First Generation My Little Ponies. I also have a couple of childhood toys that I've kept. Literally everyone who has ever visited has commented on how colourful and homely it is.
Omg I miss the first generation ponies. My favorite was a clear one with dark blue glitter and shiny blue hair. Do you have that one?
Load More Replies... Seems weird to me to be bringing coworkers home as a formal thing. I've been in the homes of two coworkers, after I had considered them both friends over coworkers. The idea of "every month someone hosts the team at their personal home" seems like a weird boundary violation, to me.
She sounds awesome to me. I'm in my mid-40s and I'd be inviting people over specifically to show off how cool my gf is. Ok, fine, I'm lying about that last part because I'm a huge introvert and I'd never actually invite anyone over. 😆 *BUT* if i was willing to actually socialize with people, I would def invite them to that place, it sounds dope.
I'm not even into sea stuff, but I googled anglerfish nightlight and it's the coolest thing ever!
The lady sounds like she knows what makes her happy and surrounds herself with decorations that bring her joy. The BF sounds boring and seems to prioritize other people's image of him/his life over things that make him and the people closest to him happy. She needs to think about whether or not the BF sparks joy.
What a nonce! Her place sounds immense and like an extension of her personality! I hope she sees this and leaves him. He sounds like the controlling type who slowly belittles and manipulates partners. Gah, I can't YTA this post enough!!!
This guy sounds like an a55hole. It is so amazing that a woman who knows so much about insects and deep sea creatures, etc. has chosen to be with him for so long. And she has been letting him stay at her place, too? What does she see in such a closed minded judgmental person?
Oh my, he’d die if he saw my place then, and I’m even older!! His girlfriend sounds RAD! We could be friends, my only question is why is she settling for a square like him? YTA
Surely the one bonus of adulthood and your own income is you can get stuff you loved as a kid/ teen if that's still your thing?! The OP sounds like a young fogie who should go find a fellow boring accountant type (not saying all finance people are boring but seems his work team is!).
It's really too bad BF is more concerned with what his coworkers might think than realizing how much he enjoys her personality and intelligence. Following his reasoning, he might find a woman with a two bedroom apartment decorated from Home Goods, (I do like Home Goods.) No indicators of her interests, just a few neutral throw pillows and throws. He'd be bored but comfortable knowing no one would say anything. GF didn't decorate anticipating her guests wouldn't all be her friends and family who know and love her, but people she didn't need to consider when decorating her home.
YTA 100% her home is hers. It is her place to be herself and comfortable. If she can't do that at home, where can she do it??? I've never understood people (like my mom) who decorate their homes to impress other people.
Lol, I'm 41 and my decor is very childish. Squishmallows randomly placed throughout my house. My nook with my mass Tokidoki collection and random figures and plushies. I know my husband "secretly" rolls his eyes, but he loves me and doesn't really mind.
My husband hates Harry potter buy funds my collection and sleeps in a platform 9 3/4 bed surrounded by wall to wall scenes and drawings . He doesn't complain
Load More Replies... He's very uptight. The cartoon wall is awesome. Futurama and Gravity Falls are great! The triangle guy is Bill Cypher. The preserved animals do sound creepy to me. Taxidermy spooks me in a bad way. It reminds me of hunting. The bathroom decor sounds fun though. Normal beach scenes are overrated.
I was on a date with a guy and we were getting to know each other. He asked about my hobbies and I told him I was into music, tech, video games, cooking, urban exploration, and other fun stuff. Cartoons included. He told me, flat out, that video games and cartoons were childish. You know what his hobbies were, pleasing a woman orally. Lol, that's all he had to add to this. I told him I needed to jet to the bathroom and never returned.
Can we get pictures? Because her bathroom sounds *awesome.* From the ripe old age of 50-something, the only childish behavior I see is his trying to be sure he's in the popular crowd.
Girlfriend sounds awesome, I wish I could hang out with her. And I hope she dumps him.
This dude would HATE my house, it's geeky/horror overload! I have Doctor Who stuff everywhere, my husband has Star Wars stuff all over, I have Halloween decor out all year, I have a dinosaur themed bathroom (my kids bedroom is dino themed and they're 17), I have snarky inappropriate cross stitches on my wall, I have prints of vintage medical posters in nice frames I am almost 45 and my house is AWESOME, it's my dream decor
I think we should have an awesome bored panda party at her house! And not invite the boyfriend!!
I think some people get stuck with this idea of 'being an adult' and use it as a stick to beat other people with. To me being a decent human being of any age is based on how you treat people. If anyone invites me into their home and there's something I don't like, I keep my mouth shut. I have cuddly spiders and specimens because insects are amazing and if any partner of mine was ashamed they know where the door is.
I'll never understand this mindset, dating someone while looking down on them. Don't like what she's into, find someone else instead of making her think she's loved when she isn't
F**k this guy, he is the a*****e!!!! I have always done horror and anime themed decorations in our house. We have figures, statues, posters skulls, etc. sacttered throughout the house. My husband doesn't mind it since he likes the same things. Everyone that has come to our house gets a kick out of our decorations. Granted, most of my horror stuff, like posters and signed photos, are in our computer room. We even have a garden zombie out front and a skeleton that blends into our crepe myrtle out front. The delivery drivers are freaked at first buy them, but then they laugh and say how awesome that is. :) This girl is just showing what she likes and what interests her. If this dude is embarrassed by her decoration, then he needs to take a hike.
Living your life to meet someone else's standards you disagree with? That sounds like the MOST childish thing I can think of. LIving your life authentically with your interests, how you want to live it? So many adults never mature even close to that point.
1) the BF is a gatekeeping a*****e ("tHIs iSnT adUlt DeCOr". 2) his GF sounds awesome and has eclectic interests. 3) the decor sounds like the perfect conversation pieces/starters for a hosted work event, unlike some bland-a*s neo-modern apartment 4) if he's more concerned about how the apartment looks to co-workers do both of yourselves a favor and breakup. You don't love her for her and she deserves better.
Precisely why I left "working in Finance". What a douche. And his mother, cheeky AF. GF sounds awesome - eeeeeject!
He is a massive a-hole. I hate people like this who are too concerned about what others think they box themselves in with no personality & no individuality. If the decor isn’t sterile & white with a canvas of some orange circle on the wall, you’re “childish” Dude is miserable & clearly repressed. His mother is a jerk too, nothing shameful about being autistic but having interests doesn’t make you autistic.
They never said she was autistic? Regular adults can have interests too.
Load More Replies... My (51f) husband (57m) have a LOT of cat decor. Salvador Dali prints(love his art) lots of star wars figures and other things in our house. We could really care less what others think. We live here and we love it. He is totally tah! He needs to set her free. She deserves someone who appreciates her for who she. And it's not him.
My husband and I definitely have unconventional decor. Our second bedroom is an eccentric museum full of oddities he's found while thrifting; skulls, framed insects, dolls that look like they're Annabelle's cousin, random statues and portraits. It's a CLASH of different things. Our extra bathroom is dedicated to horror films with autographed photos from Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Exorcist, Devil's Rejects, etc. Honestly, I understand when a guest says that that one creeps them out but they don't have to be in there long. The fact is, adults can decorate however the hell they want to and OP needs to move along and let this awesome person live her best life (which she is).
Thank goodness I live somewhere, where people (especially colleges) don‘t give a hoot how you live or what you do in your free time. That‘s your business and yours alone
I am a 45 year old woman. Married, kids, entrepreneur. I have a room dedicated to the artist Shag (Josh Agle. Mid century modern art). My dining room is circus sideshow themed. Kitchen? Jesus and Schlitz. I don't give a single f*ck if people don't like my decor. I do, and that's all that matters. This guy is lame. Enjoy your beige life, dude!
Honestly my only concern would be if the spiders etc are ethically sourced. I otherwise don't see a problem, it's her apartment, who cares what she does if she's not hurting anyone?? Plus I don't think children tend to have their own houses to decorate so by definition she's not being childish
Yeah, that's kinda what I was wondering too. I myself collect bugs, but only ones I've found already dead
Load More Replies... Welcome to the reality of life as a couple. Your significant other will often have interests, habits and quirks you won't be into or fully understand. You don't need to share those interests, but you also can't try to shame them into being different. You can, however, vent about it jokingly with your work colleagues. Most of them won't judge you for having a quirky partner... they're likely to just open up about their own partner's quirks. The people who harshly judge you or your partner are simply the people you best avoid to begin with honestly.
I've heard things like this from past co-workers' SOs, that certain themes of memorabilia "isn't allowed" in the main areas of their house and all I can think is "why did you marry them if you are that antagonist about their interests?" She sounds cool, he's a selfish jerk...so is his mother.
Good grief he'd be horrified by my house! Lol. I have an animal skull collection, fossilized animals, fairies and swords all over the place!
Just add, I'm 43 and my husband has collected a lot of these things for me
Load More Replies... I am a special Ed teacher, don’t love how autism was mentioned in that thread. However. I do understand the inquiry, as specific obsessions are typical. Regardless. I also understand where this dude is coming from, the decor is certainly not my cup of tea either. But clearly, he shouldn’t be dating her. You gotta love the whole person, you can’t pick and choose bits and pieces. As such, I personally would have ended the relationship once I saw her apt. Because that’s just a hard no for me. He should have done the same instead of stringing this person along knowing full well that there is a HUGE part of who she is that he is not okay with.
i'm about to be 36 and my room (besides being messier than any kid's) is full of video game stuff and nature finds and stuff i find cute or otherwise enjoy looking at. fill your life with the things you like, and f**k anyone who thinks you're "childish" for liking those things.
To quote Tom Baker as the Fourth Doctor - "There's no point being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes."
basically f**k right off outta my apartment. unless you are paying my rent, your opinions don't matter in my space. go stay in a hotel.
A guy I was dating criticized some of my decor (a series of paintings inspired by infectious diseases), and not just "I don't care for this", which is fine, but "You shouldnt have this on display". I immediately told him we were done, and none of his effusive apologies changed my position.
I hope she comes across this post so she can dump his a*s. What a tool. “Im a serious finance man, my girlfriend must become dull and boring like me”
My upstairs is not decorated great because we're not great at that. I do have cool otherworldly art in my bedroom. The basement is filled with Lego and we're (finally) finishing it with a TV room that will have a Babylon 5 navigation panel from the original set. My husband is recreating a computer panel from the original Lost in Space as well as one of the laser rifles from that show and we plan to finish it off with movie posters and TV memorabilia. We're pushing 60.
I was waiting for the shoe to drop and the embarrassing stuff to get listed after all the cool and awesome stuff. He is not only TA but a sheep that thinks all grownups should have the same painting of a daisy, a sunset and a "home sweet home" sign on the wall.
The reply from Acceptable-Ad-6784 hit the nail on the head. It's her space to decorate as she sees fit and it's his choice to not bring his colleagues there. It's obvious from the post that he's got a problem with it but he's never raised it until she pushed him about hosting the work do there. I think his phrasing about the decor is weird but at the same time, he's right. The decor is also a bit weird. Personally I think it sounds pretty cool, but it's not hard to imagine people being creeped out by the tarantula wall or the shark in the bathroom.
This guy sounds like a bore. If someone had Bill Cipher on their wall, I'd propose.
I understand her tastes might not match his. It's normal for a couple to have different preferences. But he is TA for telling her to change her decor and for judging her for not being "an adult". It's her place. He has no right to control her. In my opinion, OP and his coworker just sound pretentious and boring. The discussion might be different if they own the place together because that requires some compromise. But he's just staying there temporarily so he stepped out of bounds. His GF sounds awesome TBH.
For a person with such great taste, I can't help but assume this man likely did not show an ounce of his true self when they first met. She can do better.
Well you sure wouldn't like my toy collection, life size Betty Boop, bride of Frankenstein bust and sheep skull then
I’m a 31 year old adult woman, and my apartment is covered in vintage horror/sci fi movie posters, vintage car ads, bones/skulls/vertebra everywhere (even the stakes in my garden are bear ribs), tons of homemade art and art from my friends. And I have a thing for fabric tapestries and world maps so I have a handful of each all over the place. And an absolute ton of books. would never trade any of it for basic Walmart mass-produced “live laugh love” decor. We don’t all have to be exactly the same, that’s boring!
I am 37 and I have stuffed animals in my apartment and various other things like my shot glass collection. I also have a lot of cute knickknacks. This guy just sounds like a stuck up jerk. His girlfriend's apartment sounds cool.
Five bucks says she wasn't allowed to express what she liked growing up and now she's going all out.
YTA. First, you wrongly think there's only one way to be an adult. Apparently, your way involves ridding your life of everything that gives you joy solely to cater to other people's opinions. You have my pity. Second, you literally shît on all of your GF's interests in one fell swoop. Third, you demanded she conform to your narrow idea of adulthood. Personally, I'd boot you. You're depressing to be around, nasty to people you claim to care for, and worry too much about what others think of you.
And yes! She can decorate however she wants, but she needs to understand that not everyone has the same taste
That's probably why everyone doesn't live there
Load More Replies... Not only is OP TAH, his coworkers are too if they're "uncomfortable" going into this woman's home. If he had a room dedicated to sports memorabilia, that would be socially acceptable. If someone had a full blown library, that would be socially acceptable. Her collections are just as valid...and probably more fun (than the sports stuff- I'd live in a library if I could).
Not that this should change anything, but has he even asked her to explain her interest or relationship to her things? Why they are important to her? [Who’s ‘self’ gets to stay and who’s ‘self’ is kicked to the curb] These are possessive and should be "Whose ‘self’ gets to stay and whose ‘self’ is kicked to the curb".
What HUGE YTA here! I'm almost 47 & am obsessed with Halloween/spookies in general, Nightmare Before Christmas specifically. Right now, I'm at work in a light cotton, NBC pattered short white & black dress, wearing matching earrings. If someone didn't like that, I couldn't care less. I don't have much to make me happy, and living Halloween all year long is my biggest joy. My birthday is September 25th, so I begin fully decorating for Halloween September 1st, but I have year-round knick-knacks at work AND at home. Someone doesn't like it? Bye-bye!
Omg I can't belive this guys juvenile attitude 😂 seriously the insect wall would send me screaming out of the room but that's because I hate insects. I think thus will be a wake up for her that he is going to be controlling long term... hes showing a few red flags. As for decorating your home your way... that's what a home is - your space
YTA, there's nothing at all wrong with her decor. You are not the one for her, move on and allow her to find someone who will truly appreciate all she is. Your mother asking you that means absolutely nothing. After all, it is she who raised you with her beliefs, ya??
My brother is 75 and has a collection of dragons on display. He's a retired cop. Go ahead, diis his decor.
Her place sounds AMAZING and I'm jealous (even though I already have a place of my own with walls of artworks and various pop culture collectables plus a collection of medieval weaponry - it's kind of a combination of an art gallery, museum and nerd convention. And that's the way I like it). This guy's a jerk and she deserves better.
Well, since other people are going into details... I have two Monkey Island blankets, one on the armchair and one on the bed, a cabinet that looks like the TARDIS, prints of the covers of every book I've published on one wall (I call it the Wall Of Covers), a sword, axe and spear, a small collection of Funko Pop figurines on the shelf above the desk, a genuine Aztec Death Whistle (it cost a fortune), an Okami plushie, a Legend of Zelda shield, a Hannibal Lecter figurine, a phrenology bust/inkwell with a quill pen in it, and a dining table that only gets used when I have guests because it's usually covered with various drawings and craft projects.
Load More Replies... I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I'm just a little on his side. For me the problem is not the individual pieces, but the scale of it. One or two fun things? Yeah that's cool. A whole house where every room is stuff with this kind of thing? Annoying. I hate it when people need to constantly scream "Look at how quirky I am! Look! Look, dammit!"
Since I assume she lives alone (he's staying there temporarily) I doubt she's screaming for anyone to "look at how quirky she is" she's just living her life.
Load More Replies... Hoo boy. If he saw my place, he'd give birth to a herd of Guernseys. I collect (GASP!) BARBIES! (Dum-dum du-u-u-um!) I fully intend to display them any way I can. That poor guy needs a life. His GF has her place decorated in HER style, because it's HER place, not his. OP needs to apologize, suck it up, and shut up. That, or break up and pack up. Let him go find someone as shallow as he, and leave his girlfriend to find someone who appreciates her for who she is in the here-and-now.
YTA. If he's that worried about her (hella cool-sounding) insect display - what even? Making his co-workers think less of him for having a quirky gf? Which would make them sh*tty people - then just say to them "Hey, my gf's decor is kind of unusual and quirky." But also realise that just as there are people like his mum, who think it's strange, there will equally be people who think it's really cool and interesting. Branding someone you supposedly care about "childish" for celebrating their love for animation just shows that you do not understand or appreciate their personality and interests
I really want to see her apartment. The bathroom sounds awesome!
You have to grow up a bit to accept yourself and a bit more to be oke with showing it to people you let into your life, it took me getting very ill (it puts things into perspective) to take the step of having more of me in my living room, never going back. I have Respect for everyone who is grown up enough to show themselves and put there happiness before what some random stranger might think someday.
Depends on HOW he told her. She kept pushing and wanted to know why. So he finally told her. He's entitled to his opinion. How many women walk into a man's place and complain about how THEY decorated? And most of them tend to not take their feelings into consideration. So why is he the AH here?
Of course there can be clashes. One of my good friends is really into anime and he had his whole room decorated with anime posters, dvds, action figures of big boobed girls, replica weapons. No girl that came over ever liked his place and when he finally got a steady girlfriend she asked him to get rid of most of that stuff. It's totally normal to have a different taste and not like certain elements in someone's house.
I feel OP used poor wording for a sticky conversation. He did not lie to her, but he was not very tactful in his delivery. I would say nobody is the asshōle, there just needs to be a deeper conversation and perhaps an apology from OP for his poor choice of words.
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