“Two Fronts Formed”: A Man’s Absence From A Wedding Causes Chaos, As The Reason He Didn’t Attend Splits The Family
The truth shall set you free, but it might also cause a great deal of infighting among those close to you. This was the experience of one internet user who wanted to detail the time being honest and ended up causing quite a stir.
A man shared his chaotic experience with texting his family after not being invited to his brother’s wedding. His sister-in-law-to-be had a somewhat traditional family that wouldn’t approve of a male guest bringing their boyfriend, so OP was asked to stay home. Not wanting to cause a stir, he complied, only to get confused texts from his parents asking him where he was. So he decided to tell them exactly why he couldn’t come.
Being truthful is almost always the right choice, but people might not always take information well
Image credits: Renate Vanaga (not the actual photo)
A man told his family why he wasn’t at his brother’s wedding and caused a massive argument
Some of his family thought the brother was out of line, and quickly two sides had formed
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)
Image source: Charming_Educator612
Honesty can be tricky, and unpleasant, but is almost always the best course of action in the long run
Despite any number of difficulties, pressure, conflict-aversion, and people-pleasing, honesty is generally the best practice. Our cultural history is chock-full of advice to just tell the truth, though normally this is tied into some dilemma. All sorts of classic scenarios, often involving confessing to a misdeed, where honesty will cause some punishment. Thinkers and creatives of all sorts have made appeals for people to avoid lying, from William Shakespeare, who wrote “No legacy is so rich as honesty” in Act 3, scene 5 of “All’s Well That Ends Well, though this doesn’t necessarily mean that the bard believed it himself. Thomas Jefferson once said that “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom,” so we can believe that he did absolutely believe in its virtues.
So to OP’s credit, he did the wise and honorable thing, though his situation was a lot more straightforward. In a perfect world, his brother would have stood up for him over his bride-to-be, but ultimately OP was reasonable enough to decide that this hill was not worth dying on. The sad truth is that a brother who wouldn’t take his side maybe wasn’t close enough to cause a marital battle over. After all, it was the bride’s family with the conservative beliefs, and it’s unlikely that just seeing an openly bi man would have changed their opinion. Similarly, it might even be hard to enjoy a wedding party if there are only bigoted people about, judging you from the sidelines.
Being confronted with your own words should be a cause for introspection, not anger
While there are a lot of details missing, it’s pretty telling that OP’s brother, having learned that OP simply told the parent’s exactly what was said to him, flipped out. Screaming at someone just for repeating exactly what you said should be a good time for introspection. If you tell someone something that you absolutely don’t want to be repeated, you should really think your actions through. OP’s brother, unfortunately, wanted to have his cake and eat it as well. He wanted to satisfy his wife’s demands and also maintain his standing as a good brother in front of his parents. Compromise is hard and when confronted with the consequences of his choices, he unloads his anger on the one person who decided to be reasonable.
Despite the lack of details we actually have about OP’s relationship with his brother, this experience might shed some light on why it seemingly wasn’t that hard for him to just skip the wedding. But it’s also heartwarming to see that OP’s family stood up for him so readily and surprising that the brother had caved to his wives’ family wishes so quickly. OP deserved better, but hopefully, this experience has shown him that most of his family is on his side, and would be happy to be with him.
Readers sympathized with OP who just wanted everyone to have a good day
Others shared similar stories with family drama
Love to hear that several people gave the religious shytes a hard time. That's what allies always should do. Make it unpleasant for the homophobes, sexists, racists, transphobes and everyone else like that.
The OP’s new sister in law is at the center of this. She let her parents railroad her into a church wedding she didn’t want, and she shielded them and their beliefs by requesting her soon to be brother in law not attend because it might make her parents mad. So she’s the wuss who wouldn’t tell her parents to go f*****g pound sand, that she was inviting her fiancé’s brother whether they like it or not. Then she got OP’s brother on board with placating HER parents and offending HIS. I don’t see that marriage lasting very long if his family is in the 21st century and hers in still in the Dark Ages. Not one single tiny speck of the fracas at the reception was OP’s fault. Brother’s? Yes. Sister in law’s? Yes. Sister in law’s backward homophobic family? Oh Hell to the YES!
I couldn’t have said it better myself. They could’ve fought for op’s right to be at the wedding but of course they’d rather placate bigots than the parents fighting for their child
Well, they allegedly forced her into all this but honestly I don't know if that's really true and not just an excuse to mask her own bigotry. It's one thing to stay quiet against grandma during a dinner party without actively excluding anyone. Demanding that your groom excludes his own family at your and thus for his own wedding is bigotry in and on itself. That's a bit too much to just chalk that up on wanting peace. That's definitely a choice that's been made here. And she choose to not only accept the bigotry of her parents but she choose to support and enable it by actively discriminating her BIL on her wedding. That's not on the parents, that's on her and her husband. It was their active choice. People who behave like bigots are bigots. And people who uninvite a close family member because he's bi are actively acting in a homophobic way. That's making them homophobes. That's how it is. No excuses can change that fact.
I agree with you, but realistically who is more important to you? Your parents or your soon to be brother in law? The wife was caught between a rock and a hard place. And considering the brother's apparent joy at not having to go it probably seemed like a win-win. Brother is happy not going, and bigoted parents never even need to meet him. Sometimes avoiding confrontation is the easier and better route.
Yeah, I was thinking that in a pragmatic sense, this could've worked out for everyone. On the other hand; tolerating intolerance only brings in more intolerance.
"who is more important to you? Your parents or your soon to be brother in law?" That choice is not just a choice of people, it's a choice about ethics and morals. The parents are WRONG, and the bride (and groom, now) should have stood up for what is right. And if I were the brother (or the groom, for that matter), choosing the parents' bigotry over the existence of the brother would have told me all I ever needed to know about the family.
Hopefully SiL gains some confidence to stand up for not just herself but others too
I feel bad for the groom and his wife to some extent. They talked openly with the brother about the reasons beforehand and everyone was on board. If he'd said "But I really want to be there" and they denied him I'd call them AHs but there was nothing underhanded about this. The biggest failure was not letting the parents know in advance. The groom going off at his brother afterwards was understandable, misplaced anger and he shouldn't have done it but it's understandable.
This is the first time I wish we got an update, because this is just sad.
Bigots will remain bigots. Eventually they will die. At their funerals, the minister will say “We are all born with God’s love. But they lived their lives with hate. Good riddance.”
Well if Christians actually read the Bible and understood it, they wouldn't be able to do a fraction of the s**t they do in the name of their believe. Hell it would be enough if they read the 10 commandments "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain" meaning don't say you do this in the for god or because of god. Because god didn't tell you anything, god gave you free will so whatever you do you do because of you and only you are responsible for it. BUT you will be judged by god. Now we go a bit more modern so people have an easier time understanding that: remember these instant karma videos we all love so much? That's in the biblical sense gods judgement ;) But truly: if you spread misery you attract misery that what the bible means with gods judgement - and that's what happened at the wedding. Read the feking book you believe in! As a non believer I can generally recommend it, it's actually a great book, if you manage to translate it to modern meaning.
look at OP's reddit profile and you can see some updates https://www.reddit.com/user/Charming_Educator612/ Note that the older update is 2nd in the list.
Someone in the comments has sent a link to the update!
Love to hear that several people gave the religious shytes a hard time. That's what allies always should do. Make it unpleasant for the homophobes, sexists, racists, transphobes and everyone else like that.
The OP’s new sister in law is at the center of this. She let her parents railroad her into a church wedding she didn’t want, and she shielded them and their beliefs by requesting her soon to be brother in law not attend because it might make her parents mad. So she’s the wuss who wouldn’t tell her parents to go f*****g pound sand, that she was inviting her fiancé’s brother whether they like it or not. Then she got OP’s brother on board with placating HER parents and offending HIS. I don’t see that marriage lasting very long if his family is in the 21st century and hers in still in the Dark Ages. Not one single tiny speck of the fracas at the reception was OP’s fault. Brother’s? Yes. Sister in law’s? Yes. Sister in law’s backward homophobic family? Oh Hell to the YES!
I couldn’t have said it better myself. They could’ve fought for op’s right to be at the wedding but of course they’d rather placate bigots than the parents fighting for their child
Well, they allegedly forced her into all this but honestly I don't know if that's really true and not just an excuse to mask her own bigotry. It's one thing to stay quiet against grandma during a dinner party without actively excluding anyone. Demanding that your groom excludes his own family at your and thus for his own wedding is bigotry in and on itself. That's a bit too much to just chalk that up on wanting peace. That's definitely a choice that's been made here. And she choose to not only accept the bigotry of her parents but she choose to support and enable it by actively discriminating her BIL on her wedding. That's not on the parents, that's on her and her husband. It was their active choice. People who behave like bigots are bigots. And people who uninvite a close family member because he's bi are actively acting in a homophobic way. That's making them homophobes. That's how it is. No excuses can change that fact.
I agree with you, but realistically who is more important to you? Your parents or your soon to be brother in law? The wife was caught between a rock and a hard place. And considering the brother's apparent joy at not having to go it probably seemed like a win-win. Brother is happy not going, and bigoted parents never even need to meet him. Sometimes avoiding confrontation is the easier and better route.
Yeah, I was thinking that in a pragmatic sense, this could've worked out for everyone. On the other hand; tolerating intolerance only brings in more intolerance.
"who is more important to you? Your parents or your soon to be brother in law?" That choice is not just a choice of people, it's a choice about ethics and morals. The parents are WRONG, and the bride (and groom, now) should have stood up for what is right. And if I were the brother (or the groom, for that matter), choosing the parents' bigotry over the existence of the brother would have told me all I ever needed to know about the family.
Hopefully SiL gains some confidence to stand up for not just herself but others too
I feel bad for the groom and his wife to some extent. They talked openly with the brother about the reasons beforehand and everyone was on board. If he'd said "But I really want to be there" and they denied him I'd call them AHs but there was nothing underhanded about this. The biggest failure was not letting the parents know in advance. The groom going off at his brother afterwards was understandable, misplaced anger and he shouldn't have done it but it's understandable.
This is the first time I wish we got an update, because this is just sad.
Bigots will remain bigots. Eventually they will die. At their funerals, the minister will say “We are all born with God’s love. But they lived their lives with hate. Good riddance.”
Well if Christians actually read the Bible and understood it, they wouldn't be able to do a fraction of the s**t they do in the name of their believe. Hell it would be enough if they read the 10 commandments "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain" meaning don't say you do this in the for god or because of god. Because god didn't tell you anything, god gave you free will so whatever you do you do because of you and only you are responsible for it. BUT you will be judged by god. Now we go a bit more modern so people have an easier time understanding that: remember these instant karma videos we all love so much? That's in the biblical sense gods judgement ;) But truly: if you spread misery you attract misery that what the bible means with gods judgement - and that's what happened at the wedding. Read the feking book you believe in! As a non believer I can generally recommend it, it's actually a great book, if you manage to translate it to modern meaning.
look at OP's reddit profile and you can see some updates https://www.reddit.com/user/Charming_Educator612/ Note that the older update is 2nd in the list.
Someone in the comments has sent a link to the update!