Man Confesses 3.5 Y.O. Secret After Blowing Up On Wife Over Her Outfit, Divorce Commences
Finally being comfortable in one’s body is cause to celebrate, particularly after long, hard years of work. But unfortunately, entitlement, jealousy, and spite can poison the best events as one woman learned the hard way.
A netizen shared her surprise when her husband had a visceral, negative reaction to her “Barbiecore” outfits, causing him to fully skip their date. She was so shocked by his behavior that she turned to the internet for advice. But his outburst was just the tip of the iceberg it turned out, as she later shared a particularly devastating update to the entire saga.
Getting dressed up for a date night is a pretty normal thing to do
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
But one woman ended up getting yelled at by her husband who hated everything she put on
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Warner Bros. Pictures
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Imaginary_Guide8273
Jealousy is often irrational and unwarranted but can still create a lot of relationship tension
Given the couple’s past, both OP and the readers were quite justified in their confusion at the husband’s behavior. They go from being about to walk out the door to him throwing a hissy fit over every outfit his very accommodating wife was attempting to wear. More shrewd readers already noticed how it almost looked like he was going out of his way to sabotage the entire event, as, suddenly, he couldn’t even show her an acceptable outfit to wear. This creates some sort of bizarre universe where this man is married to a woman for around four years and vehemently hates all of her clothes. It would be absurd if true, so, reasonably, many commenters suggested that something else was going on.
Ultimately, even before OP shared an update to the story (which can be found below,) many readers pointed to the idea of jealousy as the main cause of the husband’s bizarre actions. However, this story doesn’t really fit classic definitions of jealousy, as those normally have three components, the partner, the other, the jealous partner, and a third party that is perceived as a rival by the jealous individual. As OP notes, there isn’t really a specific man her husband appears afraid of, particularly when they are going out together to pretty “safe” locations. Now, objective reality isn’t always necessary when it comes to passionate emotions like jealousy, unfortunately, there are all sorts of examples of controlling partners who see rivals everywhere, often a result of a poor self-image.
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
The husband’s behavior might point to deeper relational issues
Regardless, the jealous partner will often display very controlling and even aggressive behavior, exactly like OP’s husband who thought an outfit he didn’t like could somehow justify yelling at his wife. The jealous individual believes that these actions are somehow reasonable, as it’s for the good of both parties and thereby good for the relationship. One does not have to be an expert to see just how ridiculous this behavior is, particularly when the couple hasn’t even exited the house yet. It’s also a pretty effective tell that this man feels that any and all attention his wife might “generate” will make him look bad. If he has any shred of self-confidence, he might not see every possible man as a rival.
OP’s question about if she was in the wrong for “changing her clothes” multiple times misses the mark, as her husband’s outburst appears to just be waiting to happen. If it wasn’t her dress now, it would be something else later. This incident and the following update point to much more serious relationship issues below the surface. Of course, like any manipulative partner, he convinced her that his actions were a response to something she did. So even if he comes around to apologizing for “blowing up,” he can still maintain that it was an external trigger and not some unresolved psychological issue he has.
The other “smoking gun” so to speak, is mentioned by OP herself, that her husband has never tried to control her outfit up until this moment when it suddenly became a do-or-die situation. If jealousy is the explanation, this still doesn’t justify his actions at any level. There is always the possibility that he didn’t want to go with her and was seeking any excuse to get out of the situation. Regardless, he has some explaining to do, and OP, nor anyone else, should write this off as acceptable behavior.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
OP shared some more details in the comments
Most readers thought she was absolutely not at fault and gave her some suggestions for how to proceed
Later OP shared a devastating update
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Boris Ivas (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Imaginary_Guide8273
Commenters expressed their shock and disdain at the husband’s actions
He was so overwhelmed with working and doing household chores etc, helping his ill wife. But somehow he did manage to find the time to build a whole azz other relationship. What a mother bleepp
Far too few people actually mean the “in sickness or in health” part of the martial vows. My own divorce was a bit of a wake up call in that area.
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OP is ridiculously understanding. Sure you can't fault someone for falling out of love or falling in love, but you can sure as hell fault them for lying, cheating and being an a*****e. Yeah leaving her while she was sick would have been a super s****y thing to do, but it would have been better than lying for 3 years.
I fully agree. You can fall out of love and you can fall in love with someone else. But lying and cheating for 3 years is another thing. I wish her all the best. She's healthy now and has stable finances. She can move on and will eventually meet someone better.
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Someone cheated and then left me because there was a downturn in my health, luckily we never married so it made it easier logistically to extract myself but it still hurt like hell. They knew that my health would likely get worse and that the best case scenario was that it would stay the same, but still wanted to be with me, until they didn't want to deal with it anymore. They complained about visiting me in hospital because it cost so much in fuel and parking, even though I was quite happy not having visitors. I think op is still in a bit of shock, once she gets her head around what has happened, she will get angry and less understanding. Those of us who have been cheated on, would have guessed her husband was cheating before reading the update.
Oh, I feel you on this. 100% Using hospital parking fees as an excuse is particularly shîtty. Personally I never got definitive proof but I knew exactly to who/when my ex-husband cheated on me. It was one of the few times I left the house to go visit family, because I was experiencing a rare bit of good health. Funny his old high school girlfriend with marital problems of her own just happened to “stop by” on the first day I left the house in months. My chronic disability was in a good place when we first got together, but when I had a relapse 6 months after the wedding… well let’s just say the honeymoon was over quick. We were divorced within 3 years of getting married. So much for “in sickness and in health”
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Just because he has a reason for doing something s****y doesn't make it not s****y. He's not sorry, he's trying to justify himself to her and manipulate her into taking responsibility for his actions. Despicable.
What a horrid, deplorable person. I hate him. I hate this article it is so sad. I can't believe he did this to her. Why do these horrible men always find themselves the kindest most forgiving souls to ruin? He is horrible for everything he did for her. Bet its real easy to date while your partner is bedridden. I am So appalled he took her out to OPs birthday movie and dinner... clearly a movie SHE wanted to see. What did GF whine "but I wanted to see that movie!"? Makes me sick. Makes me hateful. I am so sorry for her but I hope she doesn't let him walk all over her anymore.
She is far too understanding imo. I am the person who became sick (not covid) and it is degenerative. I am not fully in a wheelchair, but it is coming. I told my wife that if it ever got to be too much for her and she needed an "out", I understood... but I talked with her about it. She has never decided to go and I try to make sure she feels appreciated and do things to make her happy as best I can. This guy just deciding unilaterally to destroy his marriage is definitively AH behavior.
What a d-bag. Sounds like there were no children involved and I'm thankful for that. Dodged a bullet Ma'am!
This husband is nothing but a giant douchebag. These last few years of my parents marriage have been filled with a lot of illness and a lot of hospital stays and guess what? Neither one of them has cheated. My dad is in a physical rehabilitation facility right now and my mom goes to see him every single day. My mom was in the hospital for ten days in 2014 and my dad was not trying to run around and find other women, he was by her side the whole time. This guy's excuse of being overwhelmed is just that, an excuse. If it is such an inconvenience for someone to take care of a sick spouse or deal with tough times then they don't need to be married. She is being way too understanding about this whole situation. I hope his affair partner is aware that this is going to happen to her too.
I find her reaction to being cheated on incredibly healthy and admirable. Good for her for being able to accept that the marriage was over and being willing and able to move forward without him.
It's very unhealthy, she blames herself and gives him silly excuses.
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""We'd only been married a few months when I got sick so it's not even like we had a lot of shared history to fall back on."". BUT they had been together for 5 years before getting married :(.. This is so sad.
Men are seven times more likely than women to leave their partner if their partner becomes ill. But really, cheaters cheat. They always have a reason that lets them believe it’s not their fault. Notice how his cheating is all LW’s fault like he had no agency.
Apparently women are 7x more likely to stay wih a partner who becomes sick or disabled as men.
Aww, he was lonely? Suck it up, and be a man. Stories like this infuriate me while making me so grateful for my husband. I was disabled over thirty years ago and my husband has stood by me every step of the way.
The fact he took his mistress out for the dinner and movie just showed where his heart really was, he already didn't care about his wife's feelings and was just trying to find a way not to go with her, his long list of excuses for why he cheated are just that, excuses, that ultimately don't hold water they're so full of holes, resenting your SO for something that they literally couldn't help just shows what kind of AH he really is
Before we were married, my husband had an accident and broke his leg. It was so serious, he almost had to have it amputated, but we got lucky, and he was sent to a fantastic surgeon, who repaired it. He was in a wheelchair for six months, and I looked after him. I didn't have to think about it, and I know he'd look after me. She had a lucky escape.
He never really loved her. Broke wedding vows, through sickness and in health. F*** this piece of s*** and move on. UNFORGIVABLE!
Wow. You got sick. He pretended to be there but then oh my D**k sorta lead me to another woman. Oh I love her. Oh let's have a fight I started so I can break up with you. But wait I'll just take my new girl to the movie. Good thing you didn't go dress back up an go see it yourself that night an catch them there tho. Wheeeffff. Ok so you get your bod back and energy and health an a nest egg. Divorce and be a strong solo Barbie. It hurts but hey you know the truth. Forgive him? No. He faked his love for you. Just ghost him an move on. Plenty of better men or just be a strong single woman. Be your best Barbie.
There's a guy -- Anthony DeLorenzo who founded infidelity.com -- who says that during a serious illness, 60% of men and 40% of women stray. I don't know if I strictly trust his numbers and I presume that he was looking at heterosexual couples, but it does seem like many people cannot handle the burdens of the "in sickness and health" vow and that this has been men moreso than women. Pretty sad.
There is SOMETHING more going on here. It reminds me a lot of my ex-husband. He was always like this, but especially on date night, EVERYTHING had to b just exactly all the ways he wanted. Hair, make up, clothes, etc. in the beginning, I liked it because I felt he was letting me know how to b attractive for him. But it, of course, turned into super controlling. To the point even, that if sex wasn't going to be involved, our plans were canceled. So if my cycle started just as we were leaving the house, he would say "well, that's that" and go change into his comfy clothes and start looking at dinner options at home. Didn't even matter if it was a special occasion like our anniversary
My partner has clinical depression and undiagnosed chronic illness that we don’t really understand. She struggles with basic stuff. I do almost all the cooking and I get help with the cleaning. On top of that I am autistic and cannot drive. I help to shower her and I do her hair. We’ve been together for just over a year. We aren’t married or even engaged. She’s been like this most of our relationship. I get support from my mum, her mum and my psychologist. There’s no way in hell I would consider cheating on her like this scumbag did.
I hope OP can see how badly she was treated and get angry about it. What a piece of work her ex is. I have had two periods of long-term illness and my husband was by my side through both. It was hard, hard on each of us, on our lives, on our relationship but never did we turn away from our partnership. Now I'm well and life is good and we can enjoy it together. Illness and disability come to us all at a certain point in life. It doesn't make any of us less-than or undeserving of care and support.
This is the exact same s**t my ex would do... he would fabricate some crazy Gaslighting scenario where I was the bad person to illustrate whatever scenario he had going on in his head. He treated me horribly on my birthday and for the entire week surrounding it while making it "my" fault. It was beyond humiliating and abusive.... it subsided. Then happened again, but worse. Much worse. Run. Absolutely save yourself from this sociopath. He is doing something wrong (like cheating for instance), and fabricating a scenario where he thinks his actions are "justified " in his s**t brain.
OP is much too kind to this lying, philandering piece of sewage. She should give him the divorce he wants, but he should pay for his years long lies and intimate antics with who knows how many women. Do they own a house? She gets the house. They've rebuilt their savings, she gets three quarters of it along with spousal support for at least there and a half years. She survived a deadly illness and he could have infected her with a social disease. Don't get even, get everything!
Mark should feel lucky if he got to exit the marriage with anything other but the clothes he wears of he was my husband
Unfortunately divorce is statistically more common when it is the wife who is ill. Many doctors and nurses are aware of this and some will even include the information when discussing a serious diagnosis. Articles for reference: https://time.com/83486/divorce-is-more-likely-if-the-wife-not-the-husband-gets-sick/ https://www.today.com/today/amp/rcna24083 https://www.nicswell.co.uk/health-news/does-a-wifes-illness-lead-to-divorce
I was on my way out of a hellish 20 year marriage, with emotional, financial, verbal, & sexual abuse. Kids were grown and I was ready to leave. He was diagnosed with a serious, life threatening illness. I spent the next 8 years taking care of him through multiple surgeries, several long ICU stays, and him refusing to do anything the doctors advised to get his strength and health back. When he passed away after 8 years, my health was totally shot from the stress, I’m disabled now, can’t work, takes me three days to clean my house and then I’m in bed for at least that long, have to hire help for the yard work. But I took that vow of in sickness and in health seriously, I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d have walked out at that point. And I didn’t cheat even though he was accusing me of it daily. Now, if the tables had been turned there’s no way he’d have stuck around. A couple of times when I had surgery I had to have mom or a friend go with me because he couldn’t be bothered.
Pretty predictable that it comes out that he cheated. Pretty textbook. I've been that cowardly a*****e in previous relationships I wasn't happy in, minus the cheating, instead of just talking to my partner about things.
My first thought was that he's feeling insecure in his wife's recovered body. How is his body after all that?
Based on how understanding she is, it almost sounds like she doesn't love him as much as she thought she did either. I can't imagine being so OK and chill about this situation
If you want support, fine. There are other ways to get it than to take your baloney pony to the county fair. Call your buddies! See your parents! Hire a housekeeper, for frogs' sake! If this was the best idea he could come up with, he was thinking with the wrong head...
As a disabled person with a permanent illness, I find this absolutely disgusting. Marriage is meant to be 'in sickness and in health' and I highly doubt she would have done that to him if the roles were reversed. You tend to find out exactly who your partner really is when you are suddenly in an extremely vulnerable state, and it turns out he is an abusive pathological liar. I actually broke up with my ex-fiance ON my Birthday because he did something similar to this (and he wasn't having an affair). At no point should anyone excuse this behaviour. Being sick is not a choice and if they find it too hard to deal with, they need to stomach the backlash and just leave. She needs to stop blaming herself, no-one deserves this. And after 3yrs of lying, how can you ever trust that person again? It's just so sad that she is blaming her illness. The truth is that if he is capable of this, he always was. If it wasn't her getting long Covid, it would have been something else.
I have ME/CFS and tried hard to talk a NEW partner out of being with me because of it. Let alone someone I was seeing for 5 years of history before marriage! He wanted to be with me regardless. 2 1/2 years in and he has never batted an eye at my illness. Has learned about it, learned to recognise when I am better or worse and picks up the slack. This guy is a total AH. As soon as I read the first bit, my gut said cheating and picking a fight to make an excuse to end it. Why lie? It does no favours for anyone.
Perhaps it’s healthy for you to accept everything so early in this process. Don’t let him off the hook. Even IF everything happened unintentionally and got out of hand, the big reveal didn’t. It was cruel to set you up for a date night to celebrate your birthday knowing full well he wasn’t going. And then picking a fight you couldn’t win - especially with body image issues. Fight accomplished, he went on the real date night he had planned - dinner and the movie SHE picked. I am thrilled you have come out of these health issues. Stay strong and keep moving forward
It is just an all to human story. I can commiserate with that guy. I didn't cheat but I found just as destructive outlets. It is easy to take the high road and just say this guy was wrong (which he ultimately is) without trying to understand. People act like ending a marriage is a simple thing. It isn't.
No, marriage isn't simple or easy. And one of those not simple or easy things you might have to deal with is a chronically ill partner who needs care - and can no longer work, or housekeep, or cook, or take care of your sexual urges. And you know what you do then? You take care of them. Because that's what you promised to do when you got married. And you don't sneak around behind their back seeking ways to "replace" them. If you are struggling, you get therapy, not an affair.
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I think all those who call her husband an AH forgets, that she told us, that he was incredibly supportive during her decease. That is not AH behaviour.
He was so overwhelmed with working and doing household chores etc, helping his ill wife. But somehow he did manage to find the time to build a whole azz other relationship. What a mother bleepp
Far too few people actually mean the “in sickness or in health” part of the martial vows. My own divorce was a bit of a wake up call in that area.
Load More Replies... OP is ridiculously understanding. Sure you can't fault someone for falling out of love or falling in love, but you can sure as hell fault them for lying, cheating and being an a*****e. Yeah leaving her while she was sick would have been a super s****y thing to do, but it would have been better than lying for 3 years.
I fully agree. You can fall out of love and you can fall in love with someone else. But lying and cheating for 3 years is another thing. I wish her all the best. She's healthy now and has stable finances. She can move on and will eventually meet someone better.
Load More Replies... Someone cheated and then left me because there was a downturn in my health, luckily we never married so it made it easier logistically to extract myself but it still hurt like hell. They knew that my health would likely get worse and that the best case scenario was that it would stay the same, but still wanted to be with me, until they didn't want to deal with it anymore. They complained about visiting me in hospital because it cost so much in fuel and parking, even though I was quite happy not having visitors. I think op is still in a bit of shock, once she gets her head around what has happened, she will get angry and less understanding. Those of us who have been cheated on, would have guessed her husband was cheating before reading the update.
Oh, I feel you on this. 100% Using hospital parking fees as an excuse is particularly shîtty. Personally I never got definitive proof but I knew exactly to who/when my ex-husband cheated on me. It was one of the few times I left the house to go visit family, because I was experiencing a rare bit of good health. Funny his old high school girlfriend with marital problems of her own just happened to “stop by” on the first day I left the house in months. My chronic disability was in a good place when we first got together, but when I had a relapse 6 months after the wedding… well let’s just say the honeymoon was over quick. We were divorced within 3 years of getting married. So much for “in sickness and in health”
Load More Replies... Just because he has a reason for doing something s****y doesn't make it not s****y. He's not sorry, he's trying to justify himself to her and manipulate her into taking responsibility for his actions. Despicable.
What a horrid, deplorable person. I hate him. I hate this article it is so sad. I can't believe he did this to her. Why do these horrible men always find themselves the kindest most forgiving souls to ruin? He is horrible for everything he did for her. Bet its real easy to date while your partner is bedridden. I am So appalled he took her out to OPs birthday movie and dinner... clearly a movie SHE wanted to see. What did GF whine "but I wanted to see that movie!"? Makes me sick. Makes me hateful. I am so sorry for her but I hope she doesn't let him walk all over her anymore.
She is far too understanding imo. I am the person who became sick (not covid) and it is degenerative. I am not fully in a wheelchair, but it is coming. I told my wife that if it ever got to be too much for her and she needed an "out", I understood... but I talked with her about it. She has never decided to go and I try to make sure she feels appreciated and do things to make her happy as best I can. This guy just deciding unilaterally to destroy his marriage is definitively AH behavior.
What a d-bag. Sounds like there were no children involved and I'm thankful for that. Dodged a bullet Ma'am!
This husband is nothing but a giant douchebag. These last few years of my parents marriage have been filled with a lot of illness and a lot of hospital stays and guess what? Neither one of them has cheated. My dad is in a physical rehabilitation facility right now and my mom goes to see him every single day. My mom was in the hospital for ten days in 2014 and my dad was not trying to run around and find other women, he was by her side the whole time. This guy's excuse of being overwhelmed is just that, an excuse. If it is such an inconvenience for someone to take care of a sick spouse or deal with tough times then they don't need to be married. She is being way too understanding about this whole situation. I hope his affair partner is aware that this is going to happen to her too.
I find her reaction to being cheated on incredibly healthy and admirable. Good for her for being able to accept that the marriage was over and being willing and able to move forward without him.
It's very unhealthy, she blames herself and gives him silly excuses.
Load More Replies... ""We'd only been married a few months when I got sick so it's not even like we had a lot of shared history to fall back on."". BUT they had been together for 5 years before getting married :(.. This is so sad.
Men are seven times more likely than women to leave their partner if their partner becomes ill. But really, cheaters cheat. They always have a reason that lets them believe it’s not their fault. Notice how his cheating is all LW’s fault like he had no agency.
Apparently women are 7x more likely to stay wih a partner who becomes sick or disabled as men.
Aww, he was lonely? Suck it up, and be a man. Stories like this infuriate me while making me so grateful for my husband. I was disabled over thirty years ago and my husband has stood by me every step of the way.
The fact he took his mistress out for the dinner and movie just showed where his heart really was, he already didn't care about his wife's feelings and was just trying to find a way not to go with her, his long list of excuses for why he cheated are just that, excuses, that ultimately don't hold water they're so full of holes, resenting your SO for something that they literally couldn't help just shows what kind of AH he really is
Before we were married, my husband had an accident and broke his leg. It was so serious, he almost had to have it amputated, but we got lucky, and he was sent to a fantastic surgeon, who repaired it. He was in a wheelchair for six months, and I looked after him. I didn't have to think about it, and I know he'd look after me. She had a lucky escape.
He never really loved her. Broke wedding vows, through sickness and in health. F*** this piece of s*** and move on. UNFORGIVABLE!
Wow. You got sick. He pretended to be there but then oh my D**k sorta lead me to another woman. Oh I love her. Oh let's have a fight I started so I can break up with you. But wait I'll just take my new girl to the movie. Good thing you didn't go dress back up an go see it yourself that night an catch them there tho. Wheeeffff. Ok so you get your bod back and energy and health an a nest egg. Divorce and be a strong solo Barbie. It hurts but hey you know the truth. Forgive him? No. He faked his love for you. Just ghost him an move on. Plenty of better men or just be a strong single woman. Be your best Barbie.
There's a guy -- Anthony DeLorenzo who founded infidelity.com -- who says that during a serious illness, 60% of men and 40% of women stray. I don't know if I strictly trust his numbers and I presume that he was looking at heterosexual couples, but it does seem like many people cannot handle the burdens of the "in sickness and health" vow and that this has been men moreso than women. Pretty sad.
There is SOMETHING more going on here. It reminds me a lot of my ex-husband. He was always like this, but especially on date night, EVERYTHING had to b just exactly all the ways he wanted. Hair, make up, clothes, etc. in the beginning, I liked it because I felt he was letting me know how to b attractive for him. But it, of course, turned into super controlling. To the point even, that if sex wasn't going to be involved, our plans were canceled. So if my cycle started just as we were leaving the house, he would say "well, that's that" and go change into his comfy clothes and start looking at dinner options at home. Didn't even matter if it was a special occasion like our anniversary
My partner has clinical depression and undiagnosed chronic illness that we don’t really understand. She struggles with basic stuff. I do almost all the cooking and I get help with the cleaning. On top of that I am autistic and cannot drive. I help to shower her and I do her hair. We’ve been together for just over a year. We aren’t married or even engaged. She’s been like this most of our relationship. I get support from my mum, her mum and my psychologist. There’s no way in hell I would consider cheating on her like this scumbag did.
I hope OP can see how badly she was treated and get angry about it. What a piece of work her ex is. I have had two periods of long-term illness and my husband was by my side through both. It was hard, hard on each of us, on our lives, on our relationship but never did we turn away from our partnership. Now I'm well and life is good and we can enjoy it together. Illness and disability come to us all at a certain point in life. It doesn't make any of us less-than or undeserving of care and support.
This is the exact same s**t my ex would do... he would fabricate some crazy Gaslighting scenario where I was the bad person to illustrate whatever scenario he had going on in his head. He treated me horribly on my birthday and for the entire week surrounding it while making it "my" fault. It was beyond humiliating and abusive.... it subsided. Then happened again, but worse. Much worse. Run. Absolutely save yourself from this sociopath. He is doing something wrong (like cheating for instance), and fabricating a scenario where he thinks his actions are "justified " in his s**t brain.
OP is much too kind to this lying, philandering piece of sewage. She should give him the divorce he wants, but he should pay for his years long lies and intimate antics with who knows how many women. Do they own a house? She gets the house. They've rebuilt their savings, she gets three quarters of it along with spousal support for at least there and a half years. She survived a deadly illness and he could have infected her with a social disease. Don't get even, get everything!
Mark should feel lucky if he got to exit the marriage with anything other but the clothes he wears of he was my husband
Unfortunately divorce is statistically more common when it is the wife who is ill. Many doctors and nurses are aware of this and some will even include the information when discussing a serious diagnosis. Articles for reference: https://time.com/83486/divorce-is-more-likely-if-the-wife-not-the-husband-gets-sick/ https://www.today.com/today/amp/rcna24083 https://www.nicswell.co.uk/health-news/does-a-wifes-illness-lead-to-divorce
I was on my way out of a hellish 20 year marriage, with emotional, financial, verbal, & sexual abuse. Kids were grown and I was ready to leave. He was diagnosed with a serious, life threatening illness. I spent the next 8 years taking care of him through multiple surgeries, several long ICU stays, and him refusing to do anything the doctors advised to get his strength and health back. When he passed away after 8 years, my health was totally shot from the stress, I’m disabled now, can’t work, takes me three days to clean my house and then I’m in bed for at least that long, have to hire help for the yard work. But I took that vow of in sickness and in health seriously, I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d have walked out at that point. And I didn’t cheat even though he was accusing me of it daily. Now, if the tables had been turned there’s no way he’d have stuck around. A couple of times when I had surgery I had to have mom or a friend go with me because he couldn’t be bothered.
Pretty predictable that it comes out that he cheated. Pretty textbook. I've been that cowardly a*****e in previous relationships I wasn't happy in, minus the cheating, instead of just talking to my partner about things.
My first thought was that he's feeling insecure in his wife's recovered body. How is his body after all that?
Based on how understanding she is, it almost sounds like she doesn't love him as much as she thought she did either. I can't imagine being so OK and chill about this situation
If you want support, fine. There are other ways to get it than to take your baloney pony to the county fair. Call your buddies! See your parents! Hire a housekeeper, for frogs' sake! If this was the best idea he could come up with, he was thinking with the wrong head...
As a disabled person with a permanent illness, I find this absolutely disgusting. Marriage is meant to be 'in sickness and in health' and I highly doubt she would have done that to him if the roles were reversed. You tend to find out exactly who your partner really is when you are suddenly in an extremely vulnerable state, and it turns out he is an abusive pathological liar. I actually broke up with my ex-fiance ON my Birthday because he did something similar to this (and he wasn't having an affair). At no point should anyone excuse this behaviour. Being sick is not a choice and if they find it too hard to deal with, they need to stomach the backlash and just leave. She needs to stop blaming herself, no-one deserves this. And after 3yrs of lying, how can you ever trust that person again? It's just so sad that she is blaming her illness. The truth is that if he is capable of this, he always was. If it wasn't her getting long Covid, it would have been something else.
I have ME/CFS and tried hard to talk a NEW partner out of being with me because of it. Let alone someone I was seeing for 5 years of history before marriage! He wanted to be with me regardless. 2 1/2 years in and he has never batted an eye at my illness. Has learned about it, learned to recognise when I am better or worse and picks up the slack. This guy is a total AH. As soon as I read the first bit, my gut said cheating and picking a fight to make an excuse to end it. Why lie? It does no favours for anyone.
Perhaps it’s healthy for you to accept everything so early in this process. Don’t let him off the hook. Even IF everything happened unintentionally and got out of hand, the big reveal didn’t. It was cruel to set you up for a date night to celebrate your birthday knowing full well he wasn’t going. And then picking a fight you couldn’t win - especially with body image issues. Fight accomplished, he went on the real date night he had planned - dinner and the movie SHE picked. I am thrilled you have come out of these health issues. Stay strong and keep moving forward
It is just an all to human story. I can commiserate with that guy. I didn't cheat but I found just as destructive outlets. It is easy to take the high road and just say this guy was wrong (which he ultimately is) without trying to understand. People act like ending a marriage is a simple thing. It isn't.
No, marriage isn't simple or easy. And one of those not simple or easy things you might have to deal with is a chronically ill partner who needs care - and can no longer work, or housekeep, or cook, or take care of your sexual urges. And you know what you do then? You take care of them. Because that's what you promised to do when you got married. And you don't sneak around behind their back seeking ways to "replace" them. If you are struggling, you get therapy, not an affair.
Load More Replies... I think all those who call her husband an AH forgets, that she told us, that he was incredibly supportive during her decease. That is not AH behaviour.
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