Man Can’t Let Go That GF Had An Emergency C-Section, Is Upset She’s Sensitive About It
Interview With ExpertChildbirth, whichever form it takes, is the most powerful experience ever, and no one should be able to take that away from moms.
Unfortunately, in this story, a woman shared feeling less than after giving birth to her son because her boyfriend told her, on several occasions, that she took an ‘easy way out’ since she had to have an emergency C-section. Despite asking him to stop with such comments, he just got annoyed by it, which pushed her to turn to some guidance online.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with a doula and childbirth educator, Maeva Althaus, who kindly agreed to share her insights on the stigma surrounding C-sections.
Women should feel empowered and supported during and after pregnancy
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, this woman felt anything but because her partner accused her of taking an “easy way out,” as she had an emergency C-section
Image credits: Daniel Martinez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Choice_Writer9248
Image credits: George Dagerotip / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
About 46% of pregnancies involve unexpected complications
There’s no such thing as a “perfect” birth, except for the one that is safe and ends with a healthy mom and baby. That said, many moms (sometimes even their partners and family included) strive to have a natural experience without resorting to medical intervention. In reality, the risk of complications during birth is significant, with about 46% of pregnancies involving unexpected complications.
While having a positive mindset towards birth can help moms go into labor more relaxed and confident (which can make labor go faster and less painful, too!), forming an ideal image without keeping in mind the risks that it might come with can be damaging if it doesn’t go as expected.
Parents who prioritize ‘ideal’ birth may refuse necessary medical intervention, which can put both the baby’s and mom’s lives at risk. Moms’ mental health also can take a hit if the perfect image of birth they had in mind doesn’t materialize.
A doula and childbirth educator, Maeva Althaus, explains that this idealized view of birth comes from unrealistic societal expectations.
“We live in a society where women are held to some impossible standards and a culture that puts too much emphasis on performance and control. The unspoken pressure to have the “perfect” pregnancy, the “ideal” birth, a “fast” recovery can leave some women feeling like they failed,” she says.
“A lot of the thinking in the birth world is very binary: natural versus medical and “natural is best” can contribute to a sense of failure in women who had cesareans.”
Image credits: Christian Bowen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“The truth is that birth is unpredictable—and no one can control every outcome”
It’s important that the stigma surrounding C-sections is reduced, as necessary C-sections save lives, stresses Althaus.
“The conversation should focus on how systems can better support physiology and safety—not shame the outcome. Often there is this idea that a C-section is the “easy way out’ and that you ‘did not really give birth,’ but the truth is that birth is unpredictable—and no one can control every outcome.”
Focusing on health education and healthcare access that engage both men and women can help to dispel the myths and misinformation surrounding C-sections, which can be very harmful to moms’ and newborns’ lives.
“People should know that a C-section birth is a powerful, courageous, and often deeply emotional experience. As a doula, I know that a surgical birth requires just as much strength, presence, and support in the lead-up and after,” reassuringly concludes Althaus.
Readers were appalled by the boyfriend’s remarks, saying any form of childbirth is anything but easy, and sharing their own stories
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I know. Even if it wasn’t about a traumatic birth experience, who hears someone say “you’re upsetting me by saying that,” and keeps purposely upsetting them rather than apologising and stopping. He doesn’t care about her feelings at all.
Load More Replies...There is a simple name for someone who keeps trying to make a joke they find funny, but the object of their joke doesn't: He's a bully. He doesn't care about his wife's feelings at all, just that he can make his pathetic joke.
And he’s STILL doing it six months after the birth?! Something is wrong with this troglodyte. I’ve never given birth but I still know that recovering from surgery is HARD, and she was PREGNANT leading up to it, and now hasta carry a weight with her everywhere she goes while her muscles and nerves are trying to knit, and he’s NEEDLING her?! Whatever for? I truly hope she gets rid of him as she doesn’t need that аsshole in her life!
Load More Replies...He has said she's making a fuss over nothing. If it is 'nothing' then why does he keep harping on about it?! He's a major jerk having been told this is not amusing, and hurtful, and yet he persists. A C-section is major abdominal surgery, and then on top of that you have all the normal new-born baby related things. It is not an easy option. If anyone thinks it is, then show them this video of a midwife explaining what's involved. (It is an educational video, and there are NO images of surgery.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_cSTcoasTU
The doctors cut through her epidermis, dermis, fat layers, abdominal wall *INTO HER ABDOMINAL CAVITY*, and also cut open her uterus (an organ that is not INTENDED to be CUT OPEN) and he thinks she "took the easy way out"? I want to slap him for her. I've never had children - never even been pregnant - but I'm secondhand enraged at OP's boyfriend for even having the audacity to "joke" about this. Let's let him get abdominal surgery - I know he doesn't have a uterus, but the doctors can cut through his skin, fat, and into his abdominal cavity - and then let's see what he says about it being "easy".
What the fk is it with men downplaying childbirth recently? Absolutely disgusting.
A birth is a birth, whether it's through the tunnel or through the sun roof. If having a c-section was the easy way then everyone would have them. I haven't had one myself but I've had numerous abdominal surgeries and the recovery is brutal, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through all of that and then have to care for a newborn the minute you leave hospital. OP's boyfriend doesn't sound mature enough to be in a relationship, let alone be a father. I'd give him an ultimation, which is something I never recommend, either he stops the jokes, or he's gone, it's hard enough looking after a baby without having to deal with your partner humiliating you.
Anyone who calls C-section "the easy way out" should have to watch the footage of that surgery from beginning to end, with no breaks.
I'd go with: "I was going to die. Our baby was going to die. Without that C-section, we were both going to die. Do you understand that? They literally had to cut my abdomen open, pull out my organs, and cut open my uterus, and pull our baby out. That could have killed both of us. It nearly did. The baby wasn't breathing. I was hemorraging, and the bloodloss nearly killed me. I had to be transfused, because I bled so much I was going to die. Then they had to staple my uterus back together, and put everything back inside me, and sew me up. My abdominal muscles were severed, I have massive internal scarring, as well as an 8 inch scar. Do you somehow think that was easy or safe? That needing emergency surgery to live through a childbirth that would have killed me, was lazy because I "didn't have to push"? Be grateful I'm alive to tell you you're a moron."
A c section is a surgery. Depending on multiple factors (the person going through it, the reasons of the surgery, how long have you been in labour before...) it can be easier/as bad/harder than a natural birth. People that didn't have the pleasure to have a mass of the size of a melon removed from their body, should refrain to comment/joking/criticize. They didn't earn the right.
Emergency c sections tend to be in the much harder to recover from column.
Load More Replies...Next time he says it I'd say, "Wow, I guess you don't want to have s*x with me, because as of now you will not be having s*x with me for at least a month. Every single time you make your lame joke, you'll be on a sexual time out for a month. Keep it up and you'll find yourself divorced." When you've been told repeatedly that your "joke" is hurtful and you do not stop, you are a POS sadist. This guy clearly doesn't have any value or respect for his wife, or he'd quit being such a profound AH.
I like the idea, but in practice someone that cares so little for his wife's feelings is just going to look somewhere else for it, if it's not available at home. Some people are just really unpleasant people.
Load More Replies...My partner has two children, one via c-section, the other vaginally. We have no plans for children but we’ve discussed her two births and she’d never go through the c-section route again if she could avoid it. It’s a rare sort of hell for a mother, if nothing else besides the major surgery there’s a couple of months of recovery during which picking your own baby up is discouraged because you’ve sliced through a load of muscles in your abdomen and you risk damaging the healing process. Imagine being a young Mum who needs help to carry her own newborn, that ain’t good at all. Add in that the birth is the culmination of 9 months of her body working its a*s off to produce a human and anyone who says there’s an ‘easy’ option is delusional.
I’m a twin. We’re C-section babies because my sister tried to come out first but she was coming out backwards. If my mum had decided she didn’t want a c-section because she didn’t want “the easy way out” or whatever, my sister would have died and I’d be an only child. 😂 uneducated, ignorant people who have no problem loudly spewing their hateful opinions are so annoying and embarrassing
She could ask him if he would prefer that the baby and possibly herself be left disabled or dead. What a poor excuse of a man
EASY?! Girl, no. I have had three c-sections. My first was after three days of labor and no progress. I can tell you I would rather have pushed and torn both holes than dealt with my abdomen being cut. Let's not forget you can't push to poop, lift anything, it itches and you can't scratch, it burns if you tirn too quickly. Oh, and I forgot the best part.... if you try to lay on your side you get this delightfully squidgy noise and it sounds and feels like your guts are about to fall out. Also, try breastfeeding after that! Did we mention hormones and cramps too? Those are fun regardless. People who dismiss any woman's birth experience need a hug in the face with a fist.
First child was breech, and c-section. In the hospital for 5 days with the c-section. 2nd was v-back with a 9lb 2oz baby. In the hospital overnight. The c-section is major abdominal surgery. No driving, no stairs, for a month while all those cut abdominal muscles heal. The vaginal birth is normal. He's an a*s.
If it wasn't a big deal, than why can't he stop bringing it up? If it's not a big deal, then why can't he make this one small change to his behavior for someone he supposedly cares about?
My bestie had a C-section. Sure, it's the easy way out if you don't want to climb stairs, bend over/down too much, and have a husband/partner that can oversee looking after the kid whilst you're doubled over in pain. Otherwise, not so much. Hope she dumped that jerk.
Probably should not have had a child with a man-child, but now you either deal with it or leave him.
Someone mentioned kicking him in the nerts. Cup check his a*s randomly and mock him for being a little weenie. Do it in front of "the guys". Or drop him because this is effing gross.
"How about I slice open your belly, stick my hand in there, rummage around. Then we'll sit down and talk about c-sections again" F*****g loser!
What's the joke, a*****e? Exactly what is the 'funny' part? Which makes you laugh harder, the idea of a woman having a huge surgical incision or the idea of a woman having to labor hard for hours with no relief? Is it that amusing to you that your wife will be nearly incapacitated and still have to carry around an infant? I'll bet the thought that your wife could have died on the table or could still develop a severe infection just thigh-slappin' hilarious to you! Maybe you're just pissed that you couldn't be in the room to watch the literal blood and guts show instead of being present and able to watch your wife painfully labor for your satisfaction. Dump his sorry a*s.
My mom was in labor with me for about 19 hours. She had my brother 9 years earlier no issues. But I wouldn’t come out. Turns out the cord was wrapped around my neck an the doctor had fouls out by reaching in a feeling where I was. This was 1969. They got me out and I was blue. Brought me back. So being born dead and brought back is like the start of a Stephen king story for sure. But then she could have had a c section but my dad demanded the doctor let her push. Idk what that was about
It’s a major f****** operation. How would he like the walls of his stomach sliced open with weeks of recovery. It’s definitely no joke.
My mother was in labour for 48 hours, but said after seeing the women who had C-sections, she was glad she didn't have one. At least she could walk after I was born. (And this was in '69, pre the 'bikini cut'!)
1st kid, scheduled c-section, breech. 2nd kid, 9lb 2 Oz v- back. I'll take the v-birth ANY day.
What a complete an utter A$$HOLE. A real man is there to love and support his wife or girlfriend. To be her constant source of safety, love and comfort especially in a situation like this. It was an emergency and either way there is nothing "easy" about childbirth. I cant type all the things I want to but I am so sorry you had/have to deal with this moron and perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship. You just gave him a beautiful child and things could have easily went sideways. Thankfully they didn't and I am happy to hear you are both well. Im actually dumbfounded he has the audacity to joke about this. Shove a bowling ball up his A$$ and tell him this is but a fraction of all that you went thru and see if he thinks its still easy.
You must have dug really deep up your a$$ to pull that out, which is a medical miracle, considering how deeply your head is lodged in the same orifice.
Load More Replies...I know. Even if it wasn’t about a traumatic birth experience, who hears someone say “you’re upsetting me by saying that,” and keeps purposely upsetting them rather than apologising and stopping. He doesn’t care about her feelings at all.
Load More Replies...There is a simple name for someone who keeps trying to make a joke they find funny, but the object of their joke doesn't: He's a bully. He doesn't care about his wife's feelings at all, just that he can make his pathetic joke.
And he’s STILL doing it six months after the birth?! Something is wrong with this troglodyte. I’ve never given birth but I still know that recovering from surgery is HARD, and she was PREGNANT leading up to it, and now hasta carry a weight with her everywhere she goes while her muscles and nerves are trying to knit, and he’s NEEDLING her?! Whatever for? I truly hope she gets rid of him as she doesn’t need that аsshole in her life!
Load More Replies...He has said she's making a fuss over nothing. If it is 'nothing' then why does he keep harping on about it?! He's a major jerk having been told this is not amusing, and hurtful, and yet he persists. A C-section is major abdominal surgery, and then on top of that you have all the normal new-born baby related things. It is not an easy option. If anyone thinks it is, then show them this video of a midwife explaining what's involved. (It is an educational video, and there are NO images of surgery.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_cSTcoasTU
The doctors cut through her epidermis, dermis, fat layers, abdominal wall *INTO HER ABDOMINAL CAVITY*, and also cut open her uterus (an organ that is not INTENDED to be CUT OPEN) and he thinks she "took the easy way out"? I want to slap him for her. I've never had children - never even been pregnant - but I'm secondhand enraged at OP's boyfriend for even having the audacity to "joke" about this. Let's let him get abdominal surgery - I know he doesn't have a uterus, but the doctors can cut through his skin, fat, and into his abdominal cavity - and then let's see what he says about it being "easy".
What the fk is it with men downplaying childbirth recently? Absolutely disgusting.
A birth is a birth, whether it's through the tunnel or through the sun roof. If having a c-section was the easy way then everyone would have them. I haven't had one myself but I've had numerous abdominal surgeries and the recovery is brutal, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through all of that and then have to care for a newborn the minute you leave hospital. OP's boyfriend doesn't sound mature enough to be in a relationship, let alone be a father. I'd give him an ultimation, which is something I never recommend, either he stops the jokes, or he's gone, it's hard enough looking after a baby without having to deal with your partner humiliating you.
Anyone who calls C-section "the easy way out" should have to watch the footage of that surgery from beginning to end, with no breaks.
I'd go with: "I was going to die. Our baby was going to die. Without that C-section, we were both going to die. Do you understand that? They literally had to cut my abdomen open, pull out my organs, and cut open my uterus, and pull our baby out. That could have killed both of us. It nearly did. The baby wasn't breathing. I was hemorraging, and the bloodloss nearly killed me. I had to be transfused, because I bled so much I was going to die. Then they had to staple my uterus back together, and put everything back inside me, and sew me up. My abdominal muscles were severed, I have massive internal scarring, as well as an 8 inch scar. Do you somehow think that was easy or safe? That needing emergency surgery to live through a childbirth that would have killed me, was lazy because I "didn't have to push"? Be grateful I'm alive to tell you you're a moron."
A c section is a surgery. Depending on multiple factors (the person going through it, the reasons of the surgery, how long have you been in labour before...) it can be easier/as bad/harder than a natural birth. People that didn't have the pleasure to have a mass of the size of a melon removed from their body, should refrain to comment/joking/criticize. They didn't earn the right.
Emergency c sections tend to be in the much harder to recover from column.
Load More Replies...Next time he says it I'd say, "Wow, I guess you don't want to have s*x with me, because as of now you will not be having s*x with me for at least a month. Every single time you make your lame joke, you'll be on a sexual time out for a month. Keep it up and you'll find yourself divorced." When you've been told repeatedly that your "joke" is hurtful and you do not stop, you are a POS sadist. This guy clearly doesn't have any value or respect for his wife, or he'd quit being such a profound AH.
I like the idea, but in practice someone that cares so little for his wife's feelings is just going to look somewhere else for it, if it's not available at home. Some people are just really unpleasant people.
Load More Replies...My partner has two children, one via c-section, the other vaginally. We have no plans for children but we’ve discussed her two births and she’d never go through the c-section route again if she could avoid it. It’s a rare sort of hell for a mother, if nothing else besides the major surgery there’s a couple of months of recovery during which picking your own baby up is discouraged because you’ve sliced through a load of muscles in your abdomen and you risk damaging the healing process. Imagine being a young Mum who needs help to carry her own newborn, that ain’t good at all. Add in that the birth is the culmination of 9 months of her body working its a*s off to produce a human and anyone who says there’s an ‘easy’ option is delusional.
I’m a twin. We’re C-section babies because my sister tried to come out first but she was coming out backwards. If my mum had decided she didn’t want a c-section because she didn’t want “the easy way out” or whatever, my sister would have died and I’d be an only child. 😂 uneducated, ignorant people who have no problem loudly spewing their hateful opinions are so annoying and embarrassing
She could ask him if he would prefer that the baby and possibly herself be left disabled or dead. What a poor excuse of a man
EASY?! Girl, no. I have had three c-sections. My first was after three days of labor and no progress. I can tell you I would rather have pushed and torn both holes than dealt with my abdomen being cut. Let's not forget you can't push to poop, lift anything, it itches and you can't scratch, it burns if you tirn too quickly. Oh, and I forgot the best part.... if you try to lay on your side you get this delightfully squidgy noise and it sounds and feels like your guts are about to fall out. Also, try breastfeeding after that! Did we mention hormones and cramps too? Those are fun regardless. People who dismiss any woman's birth experience need a hug in the face with a fist.
First child was breech, and c-section. In the hospital for 5 days with the c-section. 2nd was v-back with a 9lb 2oz baby. In the hospital overnight. The c-section is major abdominal surgery. No driving, no stairs, for a month while all those cut abdominal muscles heal. The vaginal birth is normal. He's an a*s.
If it wasn't a big deal, than why can't he stop bringing it up? If it's not a big deal, then why can't he make this one small change to his behavior for someone he supposedly cares about?
My bestie had a C-section. Sure, it's the easy way out if you don't want to climb stairs, bend over/down too much, and have a husband/partner that can oversee looking after the kid whilst you're doubled over in pain. Otherwise, not so much. Hope she dumped that jerk.
Probably should not have had a child with a man-child, but now you either deal with it or leave him.
Someone mentioned kicking him in the nerts. Cup check his a*s randomly and mock him for being a little weenie. Do it in front of "the guys". Or drop him because this is effing gross.
"How about I slice open your belly, stick my hand in there, rummage around. Then we'll sit down and talk about c-sections again" F*****g loser!
What's the joke, a*****e? Exactly what is the 'funny' part? Which makes you laugh harder, the idea of a woman having a huge surgical incision or the idea of a woman having to labor hard for hours with no relief? Is it that amusing to you that your wife will be nearly incapacitated and still have to carry around an infant? I'll bet the thought that your wife could have died on the table or could still develop a severe infection just thigh-slappin' hilarious to you! Maybe you're just pissed that you couldn't be in the room to watch the literal blood and guts show instead of being present and able to watch your wife painfully labor for your satisfaction. Dump his sorry a*s.
My mom was in labor with me for about 19 hours. She had my brother 9 years earlier no issues. But I wouldn’t come out. Turns out the cord was wrapped around my neck an the doctor had fouls out by reaching in a feeling where I was. This was 1969. They got me out and I was blue. Brought me back. So being born dead and brought back is like the start of a Stephen king story for sure. But then she could have had a c section but my dad demanded the doctor let her push. Idk what that was about
It’s a major f****** operation. How would he like the walls of his stomach sliced open with weeks of recovery. It’s definitely no joke.
My mother was in labour for 48 hours, but said after seeing the women who had C-sections, she was glad she didn't have one. At least she could walk after I was born. (And this was in '69, pre the 'bikini cut'!)
1st kid, scheduled c-section, breech. 2nd kid, 9lb 2 Oz v- back. I'll take the v-birth ANY day.
What a complete an utter A$$HOLE. A real man is there to love and support his wife or girlfriend. To be her constant source of safety, love and comfort especially in a situation like this. It was an emergency and either way there is nothing "easy" about childbirth. I cant type all the things I want to but I am so sorry you had/have to deal with this moron and perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship. You just gave him a beautiful child and things could have easily went sideways. Thankfully they didn't and I am happy to hear you are both well. Im actually dumbfounded he has the audacity to joke about this. Shove a bowling ball up his A$$ and tell him this is but a fraction of all that you went thru and see if he thinks its still easy.
You must have dug really deep up your a$$ to pull that out, which is a medical miracle, considering how deeply your head is lodged in the same orifice.
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