Woman Never Realized She Had Pretty Privilege Until She Lost It And It Made Her Life Harder

People are biased, and even if you deny it, human beings tend to judge others based on how they look. The so-called ‘pretty privilege’ and halo effect have very real, tangible effects on people’s lives. Often, it’s only after losing the privileges that you had that you realize they existed in the first place.

Redditor u/Cool-Wear-8826 opened up on the ‘Confession’ subreddit about how she became a better person when she lost her pretty privilege and later regained it. Her honest post went viral, and a lot of internet users found it very relatable. You’ll find the full story as you scroll down. We reached out to the author of the story, u/Cool-Wear-8826, and she was kind enough to answer our questions and shed some light on the sensitive topic. Read on for Bored Panda’s full interview with her.

Pretty privilege is a cognitive bias where attractive people get preferential treatment from others

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)

A woman shared how her perspective about life changed after she lost and then regained her pretty privilege

Image credits: Ahmed/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The author shared a small update as her story started getting more and more attention online

Image credits: Cool-Wear-8826

“We need more empathy and kindness in our lives, and it’s important to treat each and every person as if they matter, because they truly do”

The author opened up to Bored Panda that she had no idea that her post would get so incredibly popular. “I was just trying to get something off my chest and it turns out that quite a lot of people identified with my experience,” u/Cool-Wear-8826 said.

“I think it resonated with so many people for a couple of reasons; deep down we all know there is a difference between the ‘pretty people’ and the ‘ordinary’ people, from the history of Helen of Troy to Hollywood’s beloved privileged stars. Also, so many of us have been discriminated against or for any number of reasons, but especially for the way we look, that it’s almost universal,” she shared her thoughts.

“One of the things that struck me was the sheer amount of similar stories that people shared with me online in response to my post. Some said that they had experienced the same thing, and it was good to know they weren’t alone. Some said they even were moved to tears and felt as if they had been seen. And some shared their struggles with accepting becoming less seen as they age and how it has affected them. I appreciated all of these stories and want to let them know how much they meant to me.”

We asked the author for her thoughts about what could help anyone with pretty privilege become better, kinder, more empathetic people.

Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

“I think the first thing for anyone with pretty privilege to do is to make an effort to notice when this is happening. Then one can realize that they are being treated differently, preferentially, to others for the simple reason of looking a certain way at a certain age. This isn’t fair, and it isn’t right, but that’s the way our society is,” u/Cool-Wear-8826 told us.

“It might help to think, how can I change this? Sometimes it’s by simply treating everyone equally, or it could mean going out of your way to acknowledge and be kind to people not conventionally pretty, someone with a visible disability, or an elderly person, all kinds of people that are regularly discriminated against.”

The author recommends studying mindfulness, “which helps allow one to be aware of the world around us and how we interact with it. This can allow us to be more aware of the privileges we have. Also, the next time you receive special treatment, as yourself, why? And, what can I do to help make this world more fair?”

According to u/Cool-Wear-8826, everyone will experience the loss of this privilege as they age, “whether we like it or not.” It’s unavoidable.

“This isn’t fair or right either, but it exists. I know I’m going to experience this discrimination again as I get older, and I think I’m ok with that. As long as I have my chosen family and good friends, that’s what really matters. I guess I’ll end with the fact that the world isn’t fair, and that is unfortunate,” she said.

“We need more empathy and kindness in our lives, and it’s important to treat each and every person as if they matter, because they truly do.”

Human beings tend to assume that someone attractive is also more intelligent, capable, and confident, even if they aren’t

Pretty privilege is a form of cognitive bias. According to Verywell Mind, it gives “unearned advantages and preferential treatment to those perceived as attractive, according to societal norms.”

Someone who is constantly exposed to this stereotyping and discrimination can make excluded individuals feel like they need to ‘fix’ something about themselves through dieting, medication, treatments, or surgeries. This, in turn, “perpetuates the cycle of pretty privilege, making it harder for us to recognize diverse beauty and personal worth beyond physical appearance.”

Pretty privilege is, in essence, rooted in the halo effect. The latter refers to human beings having more positive initial impressions about an entire individual based on a single attribute, such as physical appearance.

In a nutshell, people tend to assume that someone who is beautiful is also smart, skilled, capable, kind, virtuous, ethical, etc., even if they aren’t.

Image credits: Ilana Blankitny/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Verywell Mind notes that people are more likely to view those who have symmetrical faces as more attractive, healthy, intelligent, friendly, and confident. Meanwhile, individuals with asymmetric faces are seen as more anxious.

People who have pretty privilege can have an easier life and are given access to more opportunities in life. For example, they may find it easier to make friends, get invitations to events, and take part in various activities.

Furthermore, conventionally attractive human beings tend to get a boost to their self-esteem and confidence because they often get compliments and positive reinforcement. The opposite is also true: if you don’t have pretty privilege, your self-esteem may suffer, and you might feel inadequate because you get less positive feedback.

Individuals who constantly compare themselves to others (for example, celebrities or strangers) damage their self-image and self-esteem, leading to serious issues such as social isolation, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression.

That being said, people who have pretty privilege can start doubting their abilities and worth if their successes are often linked to their appearance, rather than their effort, skills, or intelligence.

Pretty privilege is so widespread and ingrained in society that it can even affect your job opportunities

There’s another aspect to pretty privilege. If you look good, then it’s easier to get opportunities, but if you don’t match the standards that society expects of you, it can negatively affect even something as sensitive as your career.

For example, not wearing makeup can make it harder to get a job. During an earlier interview, New Yorker Melissa Weaver shared her thoughts on this with Bored Panda. She mentioned that pretty privilege has always existed.

“People’s preconceived notions about appearance stem from what they grew up hearing and what society says is ‘acceptable’. I don’t think anyone would say skills aren’t important, but there are people who think for someone to be the ‘full package’ employee, they need to have skills and meet a certain standard of appearance,” she said.

Image credits: Ahmet Kurt/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

According to Weaver, many people, especially women, have been treated differently due to their appearance.

There is an “unspoken, unconscious bias,” and some individuals have even voiced their opinions that “makeup is expected for a woman to look professional.”

Have you ever had pretty privilege, dear Pandas? If so, how did it affect your life? How did things change if you temporarily lost it and regained it like the author of the viral story did? Do you think that pretty privilege is a cognitive bias that affects you personally, or do you find ways to see a person’s worth beyond just their appearance? What other privileges do you think you have?

It’s an important topic, so if you have some opinions or experiences that you’d like to share, scroll down to the bottom of this post to leave a comment.

The story went viral. Many people wanted to share their thoughts about and personal experiences with pretty privilege

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