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Dad Is Planning To Leave An Equal Inheritance To His Two Adult Kids And Now Teenage Stepson, His Kids Get Upset And The Internet Is On Their Side
Few things are as messy as inheritances. In fact, if there are problems in a family, it’s quite likely everything will be messy from that point on.
But, believe it or not, it’s not just about greed. Sometimes, it’s about fairness, or even justice. Money per se is not the destination, but rather a means, or mayhaps a complication, in the whole scheme of things.
This is exemplified in a recent Am I The A-Hole story posted by a father who thought dividing up the inheritance equally would be the best thing for everyone. But, alas, it ended in family drama.
More Info: Reddit
RELATED:
Few things are as messy as inheritances, but it’s not always about money—but rather about fairness and respect
Image credits: William Whyte (not the actual photo)
So, a 62-year-old dad of 2, biologically speaking, adult children—both in their early 30s—and a stepdad to another kid, a 12-year-old boy, has recently approached the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective.
You see, OP admits he wasn’t the best father figure with his 2 biological kids. Growing up, he would often prioritize work over family—having your own business demands certain sacrifices. So, their relationship was anything but a good one. It got better when the kids became adults, but you can bet there is some issue there, especially given that entrepreneurship had its ups and downs, begging the question “was it worth it?”
His relationship with his stepson, on the other hand, is great. And while 4 years later, it’s still not at the stage of “being a dad” to him just yet, being “a close uncle” seems like a win in his book for now.
A dad recently visited the AITA community to find out if giving equal parts of his inheritance to his kids was the right thing to do
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Given this context, OP started thinking more about his will. He had an idea to split his inheritance equally among his kids as follows: leaving about 60% of his assets to all three kids, each getting 20%. The wife will get about 30%. The business he has will be going to his biological kids, unless his wife or stepson decide to get involved in the future, but his biological kids would get majority stakes either way.
Having always prioritized his business, his biological kids felt it unfair that the stepson, who has been there just 4 years, is elevated to the same level as his actual kids
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Seems fair, right? Well, no, because there’s more nuance to that. Remember how we mentioned him admitting that he wasn’t the best of dads? His biological kids claim that they had to grow up with a “cold, emotionally and physically distant or unavailable father” who was too busy with the business so he could bring food to the table.
Later on, OP gave specific numbers on what the inheritance looked like, with 60% of being split into equal parts among the 3 kids
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
They went on to say that, unlike them, the stepson now sees the dad as a new person, one who doesn’t work as much, and they can all enjoy their luxurious life because the business is booming. But that is exactly the problem—this kid always got the good side of things.
It seems that it wasn’t about the money here—it was about reconciling relationships and being fair. Throughout the post, the dad acknowledged several times that he understood his biological children’s concerns and reasoning. Still, he felt like sharing it with the AITA community.
And they sided with his biological kids, you can say.
The community sided with the biological children, for a number of reasons, but mostly because it was surely unfair given the context
Folks online certainly saw the unfairness of the situation. Not only was it on a chronological degree, whereby his biological kids have spent their entire lives with the dad, and the stepson has only been in the picture for 4 years, but also considering how much different he was as a father figure to them versus the stepson.
Image credits: Enric Cruz López (not the actual photo)
Most agreed that while it is a nice gesture to include the stepson in the inheritance, he shouldn’t be considered an equal in it. Not now, at least. If he was to leave it equal, it would mean he’s “elevating” the stepson to a level equal to his actual children, and that is, if anything, disrespectful towards the kids.
The overall consensus was YTA, or you’re the a-hole, aimed at OP. An edit was also added to the post, whereby OP elaborated on how the will was originally planned out, and how he was reconsidering this whole deal.
You can read through the post in context here, and also have a go at some of our other AITA coverage here, here, and here. But don’t go just yet as we have a lot of questions for you, the most important of which is what are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comment section below!
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Beth L 3 years ago
Dad doesn't owe any of his kids anything. He could leave 100% to the local animal rescue if he wants! At least until the stepson is 18, stepdad should do his best to make sure his wife and her child aren't out in the cold if he dies suddenly. Yeah, that means the 30-somethings don't get the house. Assuming they're not currently homeless, they don't need it. Giving the wife and/or stepson a share of the business means they can afford to keep the electricity on. Bio kids are being selfish.
Jo V. 3 years ago
Omfg I was just wondering if I was the only one getting annoyed with everyone calling the dad the Ahole when his kids sound super entitled to something they didn't work for.
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WonderWoman 3 years ago
OP owes his children NOTHING. That his bio children are *upset* and think $$ is warranted due to his earlier behavior is ridiculous and indicates that they are only involved for a payout. I hope OP leaves his entire estate to whomever he wants as he wants and not to be influenced by his greedy, selfish children.
ItsJess 3 years ago
Yeah tbh I think the biochildren are the AH in this scenario-greedy, entitled, and selfish. It's ok to feel like their stepbrother is not part of their family- he came into their lives when they were adults with loves of their own. But if OP feels compelled to provide for a child with whom he hopes to have a parental relationship, that's his business (and imo a lovely thing to do). How will the stepson feel if one day he finds out that the man he has come to regard as a father doesnt see him as equal to his biological children? I think OP sounds like a compassionate person who has recognized his new familial situation as a chance to grow and do better- he has the maturity and hindsight to see where he was lacking as a dad and to right that wrong. His adult biological children sound jealous and grabby. They are the AH in this situation. For context, I have a large family of steps and we have always regarded each other on equal footing- loving and making each other crazy equally.
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Bean 3 years ago
Pretty sure the bio son is gay (this is 100% based on modern family 😂)
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LFish 3 years ago
NTA 1. You are asking this BEFORE making the will. Thinking it through with sounding boards and intent is not an a.h. move. 2. I don't understand the common mentality that the inheritor should decide what's fair. It is in fact your money that you can do whatever you want with. You can donate it all to charity, give it to your dog, whatever you please. You need to do what feels right to you. The rest isn't really anybody else's business.
To Be Continued 3 years ago
Thinking that way will cause emotional harm to the inheritors.... Theyve a right to something if nothing more than a pen or $10 to buy a pen. Saying hey i dont owe u anything says hey i dont cherish anything about what youve been to me in my life. Its up to the inheritor to say "thats ok, i appreciate it but i dont need any of this"
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KC Anderson 3 years ago
Beth said exactly the truth. So yeah the kids had a $h!t dad growing up and he owns it. The fact they are getting SO worked up Over the amount of their inheritance makes me wonder if they stuck around to make sure they collected after he dies and not really to have a relationship. So your step brother gets an equal share. So what!!! The fact you are getting an inheritance is something most kids will never see. And that you are getting pissed and holding on to it again tells me the $$ is a bigger factor in your keeping a relationship with the father then if his business had failed or was so so and there want any $$ when he died. NTA. Not only do they get to get paid and it sounds quite handsomely when their father dies, they also get to take over majority stake in his company that by all accounts is making a lot of $$ so their inheritance goes beyond the $$ on the bank but if they are willing to work for it, it’s even more money from a successful business.
CL Rowan 3 years ago
They're getting so worked up over it BECAUSE after DECADES of being ignored, cheated out of childhood memories, (and barely getting by financially so they have money anxieties) PLUS putting in the physical & emotional work of establishing an adult relationship with their jerk of a father HE turns around and tosses it back in their faces by focusing that love (that they believe should be theirs by right) and gives it to a kid that HE barely knows! This is far more than a money issue~~the fact that it's about inheritance is a language that their *cough* 'father' can recognize. The stepped HAS both a Father & Mother. Kid can get his support (love & finance) through them. DAD is trying to buy affection from the kid on the cheap.
Load More Replies... Vira 3 years ago
I think this is one of those times where crowd-sourcing a judgment goes horribly wrong. Step-kids are still your children. Loving a person shouldn't have a time-requirement. I know that knowing someone for a certain amount of time is important, before changing a will, but 4+ years is plenty to include someone in a will. I think this whole thing where people over-value blood-relation clouds actual love, and loyalty. I imagine that step-kid would wonder for the rest of his life if his step-dad actually loved him, if he were treated as a second-class family member in the will. It would be a second blow to a kid who already had a terrible biological father growing up. Equal shares is fair, if the father cares about the kids equally. I think the bio kids stuck around for the money.
JMil 3 years ago
Bio-kids the AH's. It sounds like they will get a huge windfall of inheritance, yet they want X% more or it is unfair. Also, not enough emphasis on this: the bio kids get the business!!! A successful business, that brings in residual income year after year after year is worth much more than a slightly higher % upfront (exact numbers unknown, but this is what I gather, could be off depending on size of inheritance and amount of residual income).
Beth L 3 years ago
Dad doesn't owe any of his kids anything. He could leave 100% to the local animal rescue if he wants! At least until the stepson is 18, stepdad should do his best to make sure his wife and her child aren't out in the cold if he dies suddenly. Yeah, that means the 30-somethings don't get the house. Assuming they're not currently homeless, they don't need it. Giving the wife and/or stepson a share of the business means they can afford to keep the electricity on. Bio kids are being selfish.
Jo V. 3 years ago
Omfg I was just wondering if I was the only one getting annoyed with everyone calling the dad the Ahole when his kids sound super entitled to something they didn't work for.
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 3 years ago
OP owes his children NOTHING. That his bio children are *upset* and think $$ is warranted due to his earlier behavior is ridiculous and indicates that they are only involved for a payout. I hope OP leaves his entire estate to whomever he wants as he wants and not to be influenced by his greedy, selfish children.
ItsJess 3 years ago
Yeah tbh I think the biochildren are the AH in this scenario-greedy, entitled, and selfish. It's ok to feel like their stepbrother is not part of their family- he came into their lives when they were adults with loves of their own. But if OP feels compelled to provide for a child with whom he hopes to have a parental relationship, that's his business (and imo a lovely thing to do). How will the stepson feel if one day he finds out that the man he has come to regard as a father doesnt see him as equal to his biological children? I think OP sounds like a compassionate person who has recognized his new familial situation as a chance to grow and do better- he has the maturity and hindsight to see where he was lacking as a dad and to right that wrong. His adult biological children sound jealous and grabby. They are the AH in this situation. For context, I have a large family of steps and we have always regarded each other on equal footing- loving and making each other crazy equally.
Load More Replies... Bean 3 years ago
Pretty sure the bio son is gay (this is 100% based on modern family 😂)
Load More Replies... LFish 3 years ago
NTA 1. You are asking this BEFORE making the will. Thinking it through with sounding boards and intent is not an a.h. move. 2. I don't understand the common mentality that the inheritor should decide what's fair. It is in fact your money that you can do whatever you want with. You can donate it all to charity, give it to your dog, whatever you please. You need to do what feels right to you. The rest isn't really anybody else's business.
To Be Continued 3 years ago
Thinking that way will cause emotional harm to the inheritors.... Theyve a right to something if nothing more than a pen or $10 to buy a pen. Saying hey i dont owe u anything says hey i dont cherish anything about what youve been to me in my life. Its up to the inheritor to say "thats ok, i appreciate it but i dont need any of this"
Load More Replies... KC Anderson 3 years ago
Beth said exactly the truth. So yeah the kids had a $h!t dad growing up and he owns it. The fact they are getting SO worked up Over the amount of their inheritance makes me wonder if they stuck around to make sure they collected after he dies and not really to have a relationship. So your step brother gets an equal share. So what!!! The fact you are getting an inheritance is something most kids will never see. And that you are getting pissed and holding on to it again tells me the $$ is a bigger factor in your keeping a relationship with the father then if his business had failed or was so so and there want any $$ when he died. NTA. Not only do they get to get paid and it sounds quite handsomely when their father dies, they also get to take over majority stake in his company that by all accounts is making a lot of $$ so their inheritance goes beyond the $$ on the bank but if they are willing to work for it, it’s even more money from a successful business.
CL Rowan 3 years ago
They're getting so worked up over it BECAUSE after DECADES of being ignored, cheated out of childhood memories, (and barely getting by financially so they have money anxieties) PLUS putting in the physical & emotional work of establishing an adult relationship with their jerk of a father HE turns around and tosses it back in their faces by focusing that love (that they believe should be theirs by right) and gives it to a kid that HE barely knows! This is far more than a money issue~~the fact that it's about inheritance is a language that their *cough* 'father' can recognize. The stepped HAS both a Father & Mother. Kid can get his support (love & finance) through them. DAD is trying to buy affection from the kid on the cheap.
Load More Replies... Vira 3 years ago
I think this is one of those times where crowd-sourcing a judgment goes horribly wrong. Step-kids are still your children. Loving a person shouldn't have a time-requirement. I know that knowing someone for a certain amount of time is important, before changing a will, but 4+ years is plenty to include someone in a will. I think this whole thing where people over-value blood-relation clouds actual love, and loyalty. I imagine that step-kid would wonder for the rest of his life if his step-dad actually loved him, if he were treated as a second-class family member in the will. It would be a second blow to a kid who already had a terrible biological father growing up. Equal shares is fair, if the father cares about the kids equally. I think the bio kids stuck around for the money.
JMil 3 years ago
Bio-kids the AH's. It sounds like they will get a huge windfall of inheritance, yet they want X% more or it is unfair. Also, not enough emphasis on this: the bio kids get the business!!! A successful business, that brings in residual income year after year after year is worth much more than a slightly higher % upfront (exact numbers unknown, but this is what I gather, could be off depending on size of inheritance and amount of residual income).
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