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There’s no room for entitlement and laziness in healthy relationships. Genuine partnerships revolve around mutual respect, healthy boundaries, and a give-and-take dynamic. It’s beyond frustrating when you put in far more effort than your partner while they can’t even pull their weight. Especially when it comes to such super-sensitive topics as money and chores.
Internet user u/Artistic_Answer94 vented on the ‘Am I Overreacting’ online forum about the parasitic relationship between her and her boyfriend. She revealed how she finally snapped and called out her unemployed partner for refusing to look for a job or help out around the house, while she’s funding his slob lifestyle.
Keep scrolling for the full story and the internet’s advice for the distraught young woman. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from her.
RELATED:
Losing your job can be devastating… but if you quit and intentionally refuse to look for work, you’re placing an awful amount of stress on your partner’s shoulders
Image credits: Satura_ / envato (not the actual photo)
A young woman turned to the net for relationship advice. She shared how she’s been supporting her unemployed, lazy boyfriend for nearly a year. Here’s the full scoop
Image credits: dvatri / envato (not the actual photo)
She finally had enough and snapped, calling out his entitled behavior. However, he was having none of it
Image credits: Artistic_Answer94
There is no alternative to open and honest communication when setting healthy boundaries
There’s an abyss between the amount of effort that the author of the online post puts in and what her boyfriend does. There’s clearly an imbalance dynamic that’s unfair to the young woman.
She works, pays the bills, cleans, buys the groceries, looks after her sibling, and takes care of the dogs. And he… well, he sometimes cooks for them.
Meanwhile, he’s been unemployed for nearly a year. Furthermore, as it turns out, he has some savings from a previous settlement that he never used to support himself or his girlfriend.
Instead, he allows her to be the sole breadwinner.
So, it’s no wonder that the woman finally snapped.
However, no matter how emotionally sensitive these discussions are, you’re usually best off not judging or criticizing your significant other, even if you’re completely in the right.
If they feel attacked, they’ll get defensive, and then they’ll be less likely to change their behavior.
So, it’s best to explain how their behavior affects you. Then, set out very clear expectations for the future. There’s no need for ambiguity. If you need them to step up and help financially, they need to know this. The same goes for pitching in around the home.
In essence, you’re setting healthy boundaries for a relationship based on mutual respect, not one-sided effort.
Unemployment doesn’t impact ‘just’ your finances. It also affects your relationship dynamics and can cause psychological distress
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Financial stability is vital. However, losing your job is far more than just a financial question. Marriage.com explains that unemployment impacts how couples see each other and creates psychological distress. Job loss can make you feel less attracted to your partner.
It’s important that you support your partner until they can find a new job, without belittling them or broadcasting their job loss to their family and friends.
“If your husband keeps losing jobs and you are the primary breadwinner in your home, it may shift the way you think. If you and your partner share a bank account, you may start to feel protective over the money you’ve earned. You may feel like your spouse should no longer have access to spending your hard-earned income,” Marriage.com explains.
“Your budget is likely much stricter than before, and you want to ensure everything is for your bills. Just be careful about the way you’re speaking to your spouse. Try not to come off as though you are the big boss of the house or treat them like a child with an allowance.”
You can, as a supportive partner, help your significant other look for a new job, remind them that you love them, and encourage them to be productive in other ways.
For example, you might suggest that they clean the house and pitch in with chores, exercise to take care of their body, focus more on childcare, and stay active in other ways, so they feel productive.
Naturally, all of this works only as long as your partner is genuinely putting in the effort to look for employment and be useful around the house. If they don’t lift a finger to help, you need to talk with them about your expectations.
Failing that, you may need to reach out to a couple’s therapist or reconsider the relationship entirely. Life’s too short to be stuck with a partner who disrespects you daily.
But what do you think, Pandas? What would you do if you were in the young woman’s shoes, stuck with providing for an entitled, lazy boyfriend? How do you balance work and chores with your significant other in a fair way in your relationship? Tell us what you think in the comments below.
A lot of people wanted to weigh in with their advice. Here’s what they told the woman
One person had a similar story to share with the internet
Some folks thought the woman was to blame for letting the situation deteriorate so much
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spacer 3 months ago
i know love can blind you to alot of things but cmon op had barely dated the guy for a year. its not like they were a married couple and he happened to lose his job - he quit! i would have given him 3 months and then he would be on his own. at least show signs of active job searching. i doubt the guy even had a thought to spare for those type of things and was hoping for a free ride. if the nephew hadnt come into the picture he might even had succeded for a while longer.
Tabitha 3 months ago
I wish modern women would stop lowering their standards just to have a man—-any man—-around, no matter how much of a POS deadbeat freeloader he is. OP deserves a much better man in her life. They are out there, you just have to not move in together too soon and keep separate homes until you’re absolutely positive he will not turn into a deadbeat freeloader taking advantage of you—-and please ladies, do NOT have children with such worthless men! I know you hear the clock ticking and your nesting urge is strong, but please pick someone with much better DNA to pass on to your kids, ffs! Do not end up tied to a worthless deadbeat your whole life because you had a child with him. Do not get pregnant so you can completely sever your ties with him, and find someone better to have your babies with.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 3 months ago (edited)
My husband is from the UK, and after a lot of talk and weighing the pros and cons, it was decided it was easier for him to move to the US than for me to move to the UK (I had pets who would end up in quarantine for a while, and furniture I was not going to sell, while he had no pets and furniture he wasn’t attached to). Of course, for the first few months after we got married, before he got his work permit and green card, he was unemployed, and at home while I was at work. He was chomping at the bit to be able to get a job and start earning money so we could move to a bigger place, but was way later by the usual bureaucratic red tape. I can tell you that man never just sat around doing nothing and expecting me to come home and start a second shift of housework and cooking, which I would never do anyway. Let me tell you, the house was clean, meals were cooked, and our pets were taken care of without me having to lift a finger, though of course, I pulled my weight and pitched in to the cleaning and cooking. Even after he started working, he still pulled his weight with cooking and cleaning, and still, does now, almost 25 years later. OP’s boyfriend has NO excuse for not pitching in and at the very least taking care of the house and the cooking while OP works full time to support him and everyone else living there. She should be coming home to a clean house, dinner in the oven, and the dogs fed and walked. My husband did it almost a quarter of a century ago, when men in my generation usually didn’t, so this guy can do it now, when men are supposed to be more enlightened.
spacer 3 months ago
i know love can blind you to alot of things but cmon op had barely dated the guy for a year. its not like they were a married couple and he happened to lose his job - he quit! i would have given him 3 months and then he would be on his own. at least show signs of active job searching. i doubt the guy even had a thought to spare for those type of things and was hoping for a free ride. if the nephew hadnt come into the picture he might even had succeded for a while longer.
Tabitha 3 months ago
I wish modern women would stop lowering their standards just to have a man—-any man—-around, no matter how much of a POS deadbeat freeloader he is. OP deserves a much better man in her life. They are out there, you just have to not move in together too soon and keep separate homes until you’re absolutely positive he will not turn into a deadbeat freeloader taking advantage of you—-and please ladies, do NOT have children with such worthless men! I know you hear the clock ticking and your nesting urge is strong, but please pick someone with much better DNA to pass on to your kids, ffs! Do not end up tied to a worthless deadbeat your whole life because you had a child with him. Do not get pregnant so you can completely sever your ties with him, and find someone better to have your babies with.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 3 months ago (edited)
My husband is from the UK, and after a lot of talk and weighing the pros and cons, it was decided it was easier for him to move to the US than for me to move to the UK (I had pets who would end up in quarantine for a while, and furniture I was not going to sell, while he had no pets and furniture he wasn’t attached to). Of course, for the first few months after we got married, before he got his work permit and green card, he was unemployed, and at home while I was at work. He was chomping at the bit to be able to get a job and start earning money so we could move to a bigger place, but was way later by the usual bureaucratic red tape. I can tell you that man never just sat around doing nothing and expecting me to come home and start a second shift of housework and cooking, which I would never do anyway. Let me tell you, the house was clean, meals were cooked, and our pets were taken care of without me having to lift a finger, though of course, I pulled my weight and pitched in to the cleaning and cooking. Even after he started working, he still pulled his weight with cooking and cleaning, and still, does now, almost 25 years later. OP’s boyfriend has NO excuse for not pitching in and at the very least taking care of the house and the cooking while OP works full time to support him and everyone else living there. She should be coming home to a clean house, dinner in the oven, and the dogs fed and walked. My husband did it almost a quarter of a century ago, when men in my generation usually didn’t, so this guy can do it now, when men are supposed to be more enlightened.
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