This Police Department Posts Comedy Gold On Twitter, And Here Are 30 Of Their Funniest Tweets

And don't crime - LOL I'm dead!

LOL! Don't expect that to show up on your paycheck!!

Go hard or go home

hahaahahahaa excellent

Pretend winter lol

great chat. thx

Easy enough to diagnose: cr@p for brains thinks they can profit off of others in a crisis.

lmao....this makes me want to move to Lawrence.

Crime is always banned in Lawrence.

People shoot at tornadoes? How pickle-brained can one get?

Ah, if only people wouldn't crime ... ... you'd have to find another job

And doesn't scare the tellers lol

And not steal toilet paper. Just an idea

You need to ban doing crime again

I actually had to explain this to a math professor..who teaches physics. He was tailgating my husband through snow and ice packed roads. We had studded tires, he had all weather tires with four wheel drive. I said "Look, you may have four wheel drive, but you still have the same tires as everyone else and those tired slide on ice when you step on the brakes. And given the fact that we have studded tires which allow us better stopping power, you should really put some distance between you and the car in front of you." He looked at me like I was crazy. He finally apologized and left. I mentioned it to the chair of the math department (who I was friends with.) He said "Yeah..he's not really the kind of man to apply his vast mathematical knowledge to real world situations." He's also horrible at remembering people since I took his statistics class after that encounter and passed with flying colors. LOL.

I don't know how expensive a DUI is, but compared to the risk, it's not expensive enough. It should be considered attempted murder.

Good job and just saying...

Burn on Riley County lol

St Patrick's Day?

It's foolish to hoard food that doesn't keep. Unless you have a big freezer - or a large, hungry family - that ground beef will go bad long before you can eat it all.

You have to pitch even lower for this public.

I'm wondering what will happen to these weird hoarders in 6 months...

Animal control: You handle your picnics, we'll handle the bears.

Have 4-wheel drive? Great... being able to go doesn't give you the ability to stop.

I stopped a friend who started saying "I know sober driving is the best, but..." ... But nothing, there is no "but" that really works.

Oink oink :-)

Not a joke in Texas. For some culture groups it is common to shot off a gun during new years. We have had multiple people hit by stray bullets because of these idiots. It got so bad the last few years, news stations are reminding people of the laws and penalties of discharging in public.

Life on the road isn't the same as Grand Theft Auto Video games. Grow up if your going to risk driving for real.

Thanks for the update, I was wondering how that turned out.

Any weather, day or night, is excellent for not going into a road rage. Keep your cool because Karma is omnipresent and a real b!tch.

Go for something easy to pick up drunk people it saves time and energy ! Then wash hands with soap and hot water !

So true it happens !

Harlan County disagrees...

Some people live under the impression that road signs and traffic laws do not apply to them. It's usually the same people that drive trailertrash tractors. Or as Lawrence Police calls them: "Suburbitanks"

I accidentally went the wrong way down a one way. It was dark and the street lights were dim. I was so embarrassed.

just thinking about bonging smirnoff ice makes me want to vomit!