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“She Wanted Everyone To Be Jealous Of Her”: 69 Bad Parents Who Should Have Been Child-Free
In an ideal world, every couple would agree on the question of if they should have kids. It’s not really the sort of thing one should compromise on. But, unfortunately, there are enough social pressures out there to make people end up being parents even when they didn’t really want to.
Someone asked “What made you realize your parents only had kids because they were expected to, not because they wanted to?” and people shared their somewhat sad stories. So get comfortable as you read through people’s uncomfortable revelations, upvote the most interesting and add your own to the comments down below.
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#1
Soon after having me, my mom wanted to get her tubes tied. The doctors refused because she was young and still had plenty of good years of babymaking ahead of her. So because of those doctors having the expectation that my mom should be having children, my brothers and sister exist.
I was planned. They were the kids who were born because of societal expectations.
One would hope in very nearly 50 years that hospitals are no longer allowed to turn women away for the surgery based entirely on how the doctor's feeling about it that day.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 2 hours ago
IMO doctors should have NO right ro "refuse" a procedure. If a grown-a$$, legally competent adult comes to a clinic and wants sterilization, just assume they have their own good reason and JUST DO IT. If necessary, make them sign a waiver that the doctor doesn't accept responsibility in case the patient changes their mind, but DO IT.
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#2
I was an accessory to my mom to make her look good, so she could brag about my accomplishments or show off how cute/pretty I was (she’s very superficial and I always had to look perfect) but she didn’t care about my emotional/mental health at all. She wanted to have the perfect family and everyone to be jealous of her, that was her life goal. The world revolved around her, all the time.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 hours ago
Ah, this is my mother to a T. She pushed me into acting and pushed my sister into singing and dancing. We were her vicarious dreams. She also forced me to take the high school equivalency test at age 13 and made me start college at age 14, just so she could brag to the world that she had a "genius" child who started college at 14. Unsurprisingly, I had massive burnout, crashed into deep depression, ended up with suícidal ideation at age 16, and my mom basically told me that depression "isn't real" and I "just needed to stop feeling bad". I'm 44 now and I have never forgotten how my mother destroyed my life and my sister's, all because she wanted to have two perfect daughters to brag about.
#3
My mom. She was extremely clear that she hates kids and wanted us to stop acting like kids and grow the hell up. The first time she told me this, I was 3. I remember she told me, "You're already 3. Can you stop being so immature???"
4th grade, I brought up that she's supposed to love me as my mother, and she said, "Nobody loves you. You need to figure it out and love yourself."
She also slapped my 2 year old nephew across the face in a restaurant for laughing like an idiot. Told my 5 year old to stop being an embarrassment in public.
Honestly, she should have never had kids and she's not safe around children.
WhyamIhere? 12 hours ago (edited)
My dad was like this: he told me to grow up at ten and that he wants to stop being my father already. If I was little and got hurt, I'd come crying to him, but he'd just shrug and say "what do you want me to do?" to a hurt toddler.
#4
I was more so explicitly told this at a young age rather than realized it later.
My dad would always say: “Your mom wanted 4 kids, I wanted none; so we compromised on two.” He would also often refer to us as, “Your kids” to my mom if we were misbehaving.
My mom definitely wanted to have kids but later expressed regret for how young she had us, and said the classic, “That’s just what you did back then.” We also never really formed that strong of a connection.
I would see how much my friend’s parents supported them and their interests and realized how different that was than in family, where everything I did was judged. I was really shocked in college when I learned that people talked with their parents on the phone. Overall just feeling tolerated rather than really cared for.
Ye Olde Dirty Grumpy 12 hours ago
My parents. My father barely survived Nam and raised me in the Spartan way so if I ever went to war, Id already be hardened. Or maybe he was just an alcoholic Ahole.
#5
My mom loved being a parent and you could tell, she wasn’t perfect but she tried, she cared and she apologized when she needed. Our father had 4 across two marriages, none of us have a close relationship with him. I’m no contact. He never showed to any of my performances, never learned my friends names. Only told me he was proud of me as a first gen immigrant college grad when I blatantly asked him. He was cold, distant, dismissive, and clearly hated children. We were not allowed to cry because it was deeply triggering to him and I’d get in trouble for hiding in the closet to cry. He shouldn’t have been a parent.
#6
I raised my sister, so when I turned into her mother at the age of 11. Being the first born, shouldn’t make you responsible for younger children, especially when you’re not even responsible for your own actions.
Yayheterogeneity 10 hours ago
No, you shouldn't have to step up. Sorry for all the disfunctional adults around you.
#7
My mother is a catholic, she didn’t want any of us but had 5.
#8
My wife's grandma had a son, then decided she wanted another son, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, so she got pregnant, but it was a girl, then she gave up.
My wife calls her aunts by their number (It's a Chinese thing) so Aunt #4 and Aunt# 6 are coming to visit, etc.
Now get this, when the father passed away, he left EVERYTHING to his one son, but then the son passed away so now everything (house, business, etc) went to the son's wife. The 9 girls got nothing, and the son's wife has everything. How's what for fair?
#9
After my father passed, I discovered my parents definitely used me as a sort of "glue" to repair their failing marriage- something my father definitely held some resentments about.
#10
When I got to a certain age and realized that other girls' mom were actively spending time with them and my mom's interactions were just 'hi's & bye's'. Literally barely had a conversation with her from aged 10 on. She also acted very resentful and annoyed about every single thing having to do with me.
#11
My parents had to get married in 1960 because baby was on the way. Then they made the mistake of having two more. Terrible marriage. My father was a musician who drank a lot and was violent. He didn't want to be married and he was a terrible parent. My mother ended up being the breadwinner, and she still stayed in the marriage. All of it really [messed] us kids up and it's why I am a huge supporter of abortion.
#12
My mom for sure only had them because its what was expected.
She has always been a career focused woman, she was the only one in her family to go to university and graduate. She was extremely succesful working in big companies as a GM at 25.
She had a promotion to move to Cancun as GM for the Hilton hotels but she ended up getting married to my father due to some family stuff and trauma from her side.
She loves her kids, she is the best mom i could have, genuinely she is amazing but she also has a saviour complex and also has told me multiple times if we dont want kids to not have them. She apologizes from bringing us to this world and doesnt judge anyone who chooses to not have kids because of this.
I truly believe my mom shouldve been a child free businesswoman or maybe should have had her kids later in life with a nicer man and with a good career. She will never admit it but i think she wouldve been far happier.
#13
My mother told me to my face that she only wanted to have my older brother because she thought it would be a shame if my grandmother never got to meet any of her grandchildren (my grandmother had terminal cancer at the time). The rest of us kids she didn't want at all and only did it because she thought it was expected of her since she and my dad both come from families with a lot of kids.
I haven't talked to her in eight years, so in the end she got what she wanted.
#14
When I was 4, i started helping to raise my baby sister. My dad worked a ton and my mom would just check out. They were largely disengaged parents.
BeesEelsAndPups 12 hours ago (edited)
Oh. That was kinda normal when I was a kid. My mom worked full time, so did my step dad. I got home from school at 15:00, and go pick up my little brother from his school which let out at 15:30. If I missed my bus, he knew how to walk home, and we both had keys. I'd make dinner and we'd do his homework before either of my parents got home, usually around 19:00 to 20:00. But that was all my friends. After homework we'd all meet up, ride our bikes around the city, go to playground etc. Nobody was supervised, and if you had younger siblings, you took care of them.
#16
I read my mom’s online diary (with her permission) and realized that every time she and my dad hit rough patch, they just had another kid. Six kids later and they still got divorced.
BeesEelsAndPups 12 hours ago
Having kids puts a LOT of stress on a marriage. I can't imagine having them to fix one.
#17
Ummm the way I was raised. My "dad" left us alone and destitute with a single mother when I was like 6. My mom never showed much interest or affection, partly from her own trauma and partly because she was working so hard to survive. It didn't help that I looked just like my "dad." I'm convinced neither of them really wanted children.
#18
Because they had zero interest. They didn’t look at my homework once. The didn’t know 99% of my friends or any of the guys I was sleeping with. They blew off things like the national honor society award ceremony and left HS graduation early. They didn’t know what colleges I applied to and never knew my major. They visited me at school once and acted like it was a Herculean effort that caused serious suffering. The never called me on my birthday. They never knew where I worked or what I did for a living. They babysat my kid for a total of 3 hours and made no effort to see him. Of course, they were charming as hell and people would tell me they were jealous of me because of my wonderful parents.
#19
Gestures broadly at the resentment and neglect from both parties for the duration of my childhood. They both wanted to be doing anything but raising me. They got divorced, dad bounced and started a new life, mom realized that being a single mom in small town USA in the 80s sucked and she checked out with [illegal substances] and secret boyfriends that wanted nothing to do with me.
#20
You realize this as you grow older, especially if you’re from a culture where marriage and children are expected. A huge percentage of the time, people do things because society expects them to. I realized it at 6 or 7 I think, my dad passed away (never met him, my mom became a widow when she was pregnant months after their wedding).
I remember her saying during a car ride to one of my dad’s close friends that she wishes she never had me. I remember him replying and getting angry, saying that’s not something you should say in front of a child and my mom replying but it IS the truth, my life would’ve been much better without her, I could start over, etc.
That statement did mess me up and numerous countless times during my childhood I was shown that I was unwanted and unloved, which are feelings that I still struggle till this day into my adulthood. You could be the prettiest, cutest girl in the world, smart and kind hearted with all the good qualities but those false beliefs and programming run DEEP.
#21
When I told my mother that I didn't want kids and she responded that I had to have kids. When I asked her why she replied "Because that is just what you do at your age. You get married and start having babies." I kept trying to guide her to understand that this was an expectation placed on her and other women by her culture and society but the conversation basically kept going in circles. By the end of it I realized that my Mom had me and my siblings for no other reason than that. She just never questioned why she was supposed to live her life this way and never explored what she would have done if she hadn't.
#22
I asked my mom once why she got married, and she said, "Because I was 23 years old and the last of my friends to get married." I was born just over a year after they got married, and my mother was using an IUD when I was conceived, so obviously I was unplanned. And, I think that once they had me, they kind of shrugged and had two more without really thinking much about it.
#23
I’m estranged from my mom now because of her actions, but just generally being disinterested in me. Unless something I was doing could further her ego, she didn’t really care. She never played with me. She didn’t listen when I had things to share with her. I used to cry all the time because I thought she loved the dogs more than me. One day when I was little older, she told me she was going to abort me but my dad insisted she keep me.
#24
My parents had my sister, then fostered about a dozen kids. They almost adopted a couple of brothers, but their mom claimed them at the last moment. Mom really wanted another kid, so they tried and she had a few miscarriages. They finally had me. I'm 10.5 years younger than my sister.
My mom definitely wanted me, but my dad, not so much. He completely ignored me at home, in fact, I wasn't allowed in the same room as him except for dinner time. When I got a bit older he tried to involve me in some of his hobbies, but it was a thought of "If you can't keep up you get left behind". He gave up on trying to teach me to wind surf after the first lesson (even though it took him months and years to learn everything). Dirt biking lasted a bit longer, but he let me use his late 40's Yamaha TwinJet, an old street bike that was woefully under-powered. He would literally leave me behind, no map, no cell phones in those days. I would either turn around and find my way back to the car and wait or risk getting lost. I was about 11 years old.
One time we were dirt biking and I was way behind, but we were on familiar trails. I hit a root weird and crashed, the bike landed with the exposed exhaust on my leg. I was wearing jeans, but they has ridden up. I couldn't get the bike off from me, and so I just laid there, honking the horn. By the time my dad came back around the bike was fused to my leg, 3rd degree burns. He was a doctor, so when we got back he wrapped it in a cold towel and said it would be good. I still have a massive scar on my leg.
After that, he just stopped trying. When they got divorced I was 13 and he told my mom to take me and that he didn't want me. Mom thought if the two of us had alone time our relationship would get better, so she forced him to take me. It didn't get better, and he ended up kicking me out when I was 16 and he got remarried. I was a good kid too. I was quiet, did well in school, didn't talk back or make too much noise, he just didn't want me.
When I got a bit older he had always said he'd pay for my tuition for college, so I reached out to him, he said if I got straight A's he would give me 50% and Mom could cover the other 50% (which wasn't true, she left with nothing and worked part time, but oh well). I took his deal and when I gave him my first report card he said that he'd decided I was a bad investment and he wasn't going to help anymore. Not only that, him being a doctor meant that I didn't qualify for most financial aid. Mom helped as long as she could, but I had to take a 4 year break until his job no longer mattered and I qualified for FA. He graduated from med school with 0 debt because of his parents. I graduated with my bachelor's degree with $32K in debt after going to a public university. I know I'm not entitled, but it would have been nice to have his help. He later said his new wife had spent my college fund on Longaberger baskets and that those were at least useful.
Anyway, that's my sob story. He's [gone] now and my step-mom basically [ended] him. She [took] off with his money.
Funny enough, his parents will skipped him and went to me, my sister, and my uncle. I used that to pay off my schooling. He and my step-mom threatened to sue.
#25
My mom very much wanted kids, my dad basically lost interest in us once he realized we weren't little clones of him who always did what he wanted.
#26
When as a kid I innocently asked my dad why he had a kid, he said "To pass on my bloodline."
My mom awkwardly laughed and, to spare my feelings, said "No, that wasn't the only reason."
"No," my dad insisted, "That's the *only* reason."
I'm not in the greatest of health now, so these genes weren't the best ones to prioritize passing on, honestly.
#27
Realizing other people actually called their parents when something good happened instead of hiding everything.
#29
"I want you to be my friend, not my daughter, not a kid". I was ten. She went from bad to worse with the years. Never even tried to be a friend though. I was a shoulder to cry on, I was replacement husband, never her daughter.
WhyamIhere? 12 hours ago
My father was the reverse; he'd justify doing horrible things to me because I was his kid, not his friend.
#30
My mom got pregnant with the first two while on birth control. The last one after my dad's vasectomy failed when he played a sport on the same day as his procedure... We then grew up hearing that if she had wanted kids, she wished it had been boys. They had 3 girls. I'm the oldest. I have major issues with my self esteem and self worth. One great joke they used to say all the time to sooo much laughter "We found you in a dumpster behind a hardware store." They wonder why we aren't close.
#31
I asked. My mother said, “well, everyone else was having kids.”
Excellent.
She said it with the same enthusiasm as “we bought a blue car cause they were popular.” My sisters and I do not speak to her now.
#32
I was an only child until i was 11. My mom miscarried 6 babies in 5 years.. then the doctor told her about this miracle called DES… it was extreme amounts of Estrogen, which actually enabled my mom to have my 3 little sisters. But years later they found that miracle was causing cancer … in women and daughters of DES mothers.. My mom passed from Ovarian Cancer, my three sisters have to be tested a lot to make sure they dont have cancer … my youngest sister had a hysterectomy to avoid cancer, I am lucky that i am not a DES daughter, but i am terrified for my sisters.. my mom went in for a routine surgery and when they opened her up she was full of cancer.. and she did all of that because she didn't want me to be an only child, my mom was a lonely only….
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 hours ago
I was adopted solely because my mother did not want her bio daughter to be an only child. She also thought that adopting a baby meant she could mould that baby into the perfect image of what she wanted. From the time I could toddle, I turned out to be the complete opposite from what she wanted - tomboy, played in the dirt, would catch lizards with my bare hands, picked up every insect I saw - she wanted a frilly froo-froo girly girl. She started telling me from age 6 or so that I should be grateful she adopted me, because I was going to end up being gutter trash just like my bio mom. As an aside, my sister is 6 years older than me and we are complete opposites from each other. We've never gotten along. We never played together as children - the age gap was too large. We didn't fight, but we barely had a sibling relationship. tl;dr It's okay to let your child be an only child - no child "needs" to have siblings. Don't have more children just so your current child isn't an only child.
#33
My mom wanted me. Right up until I had thoughts and opinions of my own. Then she realized she didn't want me.
#34
Not me but my mom (my mom loved being a mom and was the best). She was telling her mother about a show that she was taking my son to and her mom said "You know you don't have to do things like that." and she was genuinely surprised when my mom said "I know. I want to do things like this."
I think my mom always kind of knew that my grandmother had kids because it was expected, but that cemented the fact that she never really enjoyed the kids (or grand kids.) My grandparents took off to do international work the moment my youngest uncle was in university (all three of my uncles were in school at this point and my mom was married and had my brother.) They left my mom to hold down the fort for her brothers.
They loved all of us, I know that, but she did not enjoy kids.
#35
Three things that fit together
1. Finding out that my mom didn’t know she was pregnant until she was 6/7 months, while she was traveling the country with her new husband. The grandmas were so excited and prepared everything.
2. She handed baby me off to a waitress and wasn’t concerned when I was not brought back like 20 minutes later. My grandma’s were distraught and cried on the news channels to bring me back. Waitress was caught fleeing with me and her boyfriend. Family reports mom looked bothered I came back.
3. She had more kids with her next husband and none of us can point to a moment where she was ever maternal. We had clothes, toys, food, etc. But were never held and snuggled or comforted in any way.
#36
Well I wasn’t a firstborn for either of them but I was the first and only one from their union. My birthday was also 6 months after their anniversary (same year). I am not here because they felt having kids was the thing to do. That was probably the realization for a couple of my other siblings. I’m here because contraception was not readily available in the developing nation where they met and sometimes a hormone-addled swing is not in fact a miss.
#37
My dad wanted kids, but boys. He kept having more because he expected at least one would be a boy. He was wrong.
We've heard about this every time he got drunk and brought it up for as long as I can remember.
#38
My parents really weren't quite sure what to do. I am elderly and I was born before the days of readily available birth control and I'm not sure they would have used it anyway.
Their parenting was from a long-ago era, thinking that if they provided shelter, food and education, that would be enough. I can remember wanting to sit on my Mom's lap and her saying..."No no... don't do that." I don't ever remember getting a hug from them and they NEVER in a million years would say "I love you" or "love you."
They did their duty to the family and to society and that was it.
#39
I have no doubts that our parents love us, but I believe they decided to have kids because that is for them the natural order of things. They however didn't really wanna spend time us though or get to know us. They never took us on any trips (except on vacation every now and then), talked about our hobbies, dreams etc. They were interested only in how is school going etc. It may sound ungrateful, but they usually gave me gifts I didn't much like, because they didn't pay attention to who I am. Whenever I tried to organise something for us all, they would always find excuses not to do it or not to go. I have wanted to invite my mom to a cafe, restaurant, shopping or to my flat numerous times and I realised she has always had an excuse not to come. ALWAYS. Some time ago I bought some tickets to cinema for us all and my dad cancelled at a last moment, honestly saying that he is too lazy to go. Our relationship is good, I visit my parents often. But we speak mostly about some superficial stuff e.g. how is work etc. But they never cared to get to know us better or to have a more meaningful relationships with their kids.
#40
I realised when my mother told me for the first time she should have aborted me.
She got pregnant by accident. Was advised by everyone to have an abortion but I think was too scared that her (very Catholic) family will find out if she had one.
#41
Not quite the same but my parents had me for my sister. She was an accident but I was planned, for her, to be her playmate. They didn't want me for me, they wanted someone to entertain her. Needless to say she's a horrible person and I spent the majority of my life wishing I had never been born and a good portion of adulthood grieving the person I might have been if I was properly wanted and loved. I don't even know why they thought it was a good idea to tell me they only had me for her.
#42
My parents were married 25 years and had 4 kids. My dad left when I was 10, didn’t pay child support or ever visit. That was a big indicator he didn’t like us. Would call *sometimes* on my birthday, which was a signal that he barely liked me. Kind of always suspected my mom didn’t like hanging out with me because she never elected to hang out and never invited me to do fun things with her, either. Reading my oldest brother’s journals from when he was little and reading that our parents told him that having kids will “ruin your life” was the start of the truth. Reading my mom’s journal was the next step and, boy, that was the nail in the coffin. I don’t talk to either of my parents now. It’s way better off to have my own “found family” made up of folks who genuinely like me *and* love me.
#43
After my mother [passed away]. My father other than being responsible and realizing he was my life line got clean and took care of me. There wasn’t a bond and never was a one created. I appreciate his effort and taking responsibility but thats where it stops. I feel nothing and I’m pretty sure it’s mutual. It’s the same way he acts with his grandchildren. It’s ok though, I’m making up for it with my children.
#44
My father wanted babies. He never cared about kids or young adults. Once they could walk or talk he lost interest. My mother on the other hand never really cared about having kids at all but thought it was her duty as the wife to provide such babies for my father. After the 5th she was done and secretly got her tubes tied. My father didn’t find out she had her tubes tied until he was in his 50s, two decades after she had it done.
I know all this because my mother is happy to tell everyone these days.
#45
When I realized they prepared me for survival, not for life.
Food, school, clothes, rules - all the basic responsibilities were there. But emotional support, curiosity about who I actually was as a person, comfort when I struggled, interest in my inner world… none of it existed.
It felt less like being raised and more like being maintained.
#46
The fact that both of my parents seemed annoyed any time they had to actually parent me. Dad was a workaholic. He cared but was very old fashioned and figured my Mom was happy being the primary parent. She wasn't. She also cared more about her career and was pretty hostile whenever I was less than the perfect child. And even sometimes when I was. And also, I had a lot of health issues as a kid (still do) so yea... I grew up feeling very resented for just existing.
They would celebrate my wins. And they'd step up to find me professional help (medical or therapy) if I reached a stage of emergency. But as soon as I wasn't obviously dying, it was back to ignoring and resenting me. I had a very unhappy childhood and 20yrs of off and on therapy has saved my life, but it doesn't undo the damage already done. As an adult, my relationship with my parents has improved but mostly it's only good when I don't ask them or need them for much. I'm glad they are still around and I love them both, but neither of them were involved parents with me. Therapists taught me my values and how to be a functional adult more than my parents did.
#48
When I asked my mom why her and my dad had my middle sister and I so young and she said it seemed like the thing to do.
#49
Nothing, really. My parents made it clear from day one that my sibling and I were an unfortunate side effect of the awesome [intimacy] they deserved to have.
#51
My dad explicitly said, often, that he’d never wanted children and that my mother tricked him into it. And y’know, that may be true— but I came along after several years of marriage, and my two sisters came along in the following decade, so maybe take some ownership in your part there, dad.
My mother claimed she always wanted children, was so grateful to have kids, it was her dream; but she very clearly hated having kids. She had no patience for us and wanted us out of her hair about 80% of the time. Literally everything we needed was a burden to her personally.
We grew up with two uncles (opposite sides of the family) who never had children of their own, but doted on us kids. Both my parents would constantly point out how much nicer the uncles’ houses were than ours, how they could afford fancy vacations and new cars, and generally how much better their lives were, “because they didn’t have kids!” They often reminded us that if we wanted to have a nice life, “don’t have kids.”
We’re all estranged from my father now, but naturally my mother was shocked to her core when NONE of her kids wanted children of their own. I really thinks she just wants us to suffer like she did. Sorry, but to quote Bart Simpson, “this cycle of jerks ends here.”
#52
Bad marriage or I should say forced marriage. Mom loved someone who is a struggling graduate. Her parents wanted to get her married to a well educated man. Unfortuantely, this well educated man was a sadist and eventually mom divorced him. They were never happy in this marriage but had kids out of expectation and societal pressure.
I decided long back that I will never bring new life into this world. I would rather stay single than bend to societal pressure to marry or have kids.
#53
Well they explicitly told me so…that’s when I realized.
I really try to have empathy for their generation, but it’s difficult for me to understand how people can bring children into this world without much forethought…to me, the decision to have children is extremely serious, and one of the biggest considerations you will have in life. Frankly, though I try, I do sometimes struggle to empathize with people who feel differently.
#54
My mother in law straight up told me that if she’d had a choice, she probably wouldn’t have had children (she has three grown sons). That was quite a conversation to have over our morning coffee.
#55
It was one time when my mom and I were talking about the declining birth rate and how it's a choice now to have kids. She said that it was different back then and having children is just the natural step in life that they all had to take.
#56
My dad never came to any of our concerts or school functions. Truly even made a point not to, for example: I went to a high school that was about a 20-ish minute drive away from our house. I was the lead in a musical and we had three evening performances. My dad drove me in, dropped me off, and came back to pick me up every evening. Didn't even stay for ONE performance, literally spent extra on gas to not be there.
There were other things, but I'll never forget how far he went to be uninvolved.
#57
Having breakfast with my father and step mother(birth mom no doubt wanted us) and he said "If I had to do it all over again I'd never have kids"
Me: thanks.
#58
My mom didn't plan any of us. Our dad's were all terrible husbands and fathers, mom was always running from them. Or they were running away from responsible adulting. It was a chaotic mess and my mom was always depressed because of it all. There are so many people with the same crazy background as me, whats amazing is having 2 people who stick together grow together and love each other through the years and dedicate themselves to having a happy healthy family. Thats gotta exist out there somewhere right?
#59
My mom didn't plan me. She didn't want to have kids with my dad, but she ended up having me. When I was 5 she saw me often telling everyone that I wanted a brother or sister like all my friends. Eventually my mom had my sister because she felt she had to because of pressure from me and everyone. Then she divorced my dad and remarried, and after that she started talking about wanting to have kids for the first time. I was 18 when I learned this. I feel bad for my mom to have to go through that and I feel bad for being a part of that pressure at the time.
#60
My mom who was married with 3 kids by 24 told me (and my siblings) not to get married before 30.
#61
I told my Mum I didn’t want to have children and she said “don’t have them if you don’t want them, you’ll really resent them” more emphatically than I would have liked.
#62
My whole life my mother told us how our father had to talk her into having kids,though to her credit she always followed this with something like "and I'm glad he did because you are one of the best choices I've ever made."
So I always figured our dad really wanted us. Which made it strange how little he ever involved himself with us. Only recently he told me that mom had talk *him* into having kids. And now I wonder what actually happened. But our general lack of parenting makes a lot of sense now realizing they both felt they'd been talked into kids by the other and then divorced when we were 6and 3.
#63
I think my mom had me because my father wanted a child. I was a way to keep him. But I was born the wrong gender. My father, while I was maleable and saw him as a God, love me dearly. My mother resented that. She made sure to tell me I was a handicap, several times. I was a sickly child, too intelligent for my own good.
Meanwhile, I grew up. I finally saw my father as an egotistical, fallible human and he can't stand it. I became fiercely independent. We no longer speak.
I speak almost daily with my mother, mostly to check if she's alive and well. Our conversations usually last less than a minute. She asks about me, but has no real interest in the answers, so I'm always fine, no news.
We aren't close, even if she might think otherwise.
Yes, they are still married and yes, their marriage [is bad]. I'm sure at some point the idea of me might have been wanted. But I don't think I ever really was.
#64
My mom said she ended her maternity leave early. She asked her doctor to go back to work cause i cried too much. I dont think you should tell your kids stories like that haha.
#65
I asked my mom about her choice to have kids and she told me she “only had them because your dad wanted them” and that she would’ve had more free time and money if we didn’t exist. Then of course my dad wanted kids to go to the zoo with, do the “fun” parts, but not teenagers or adults who have their own opinions.
#66
Dealing with a Narcissistic dad who didn’t support us for who we are but who he thought we were supposed to be. Then when things got hard he checked out. He’s much happier with his second wife now that all of us are grown.
I’m still dealing with the anxiety of always trying to get his approval and never getting the love I wanted. I’m a dad myself now and I’ll be my kids biggest cheerleaders.
#67
They didn't come up with a girl name, not even for fun, then proceeded to take at least a year before settling on a spelling. That's something you do for the family pet, not a human being.
#68
I didn’t realize this was true for my dad until my 20s. Once my mom divorced him when I was 12, he basically divorced his kids too. Told me “the phone goes both ways”. Turned back into being an alcoholic. Would talk bad about her. Never truly did anything for his kids emotionally. Needless to say, we are no contact now. Saddest part, is there was no major fallout. I just stopped reaching out and so did he. And now it’s been years. I now realize all my dad’s kids, were obligations and societal expectations. He never wanted to actually be a dad.
#69
My mom had kida because she forgot her birth control and told us often while we grew up. She did not want us.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 hours ago
When I was 6 and found out I was adopted, my mom started saying things to me like "you should be grateful we adopted you" and "you're going to be gutter trash just like your mother" (meaning my bio mom) and "you're going to end up an alcoholic júnkíe just like your mother". I was also told I was adopted ONLY because my mom wanted a sibling for my sister - my adoptive parents' bio child. My mom didn't want her to be an only child, so they adopted me. When I got to my teen years, she would tell me "I wish we never adopted you" and "I should have left you in the gutter in Iowa". Good times. She still says things like that to me today - she's 82 and I'm 44. (My dad was a great dad, but he was too cowardly and meek to push back against my mom.) My mom probably never should have had her bio kid, let alone adopted another kid.
Gerry Higgins 12 hours ago
I realized it when I got old enough to see the difference between how my friend's moms behaved and how mine did.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 hours ago
When I was 6 and found out I was adopted, my mom started saying things to me like "you should be grateful we adopted you" and "you're going to be gutter trash just like your mother" (meaning my bio mom) and "you're going to end up an alcoholic júnkíe just like your mother". I was also told I was adopted ONLY because my mom wanted a sibling for my sister - my adoptive parents' bio child. My mom didn't want her to be an only child, so they adopted me. When I got to my teen years, she would tell me "I wish we never adopted you" and "I should have left you in the gutter in Iowa". Good times. She still says things like that to me today - she's 82 and I'm 44. (My dad was a great dad, but he was too cowardly and meek to push back against my mom.) My mom probably never should have had her bio kid, let alone adopted another kid.
Gerry Higgins 12 hours ago
I realized it when I got old enough to see the difference between how my friend's moms behaved and how mine did.
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