18 Y.O. Leaves Parents’ Home In Fury After Learning Her Uncle Nearly Became Her Dad, Which Explains Why He Distanced Himself From Them
There is no easy way to deal with wanting to be a dad, but not being able to be one.
It’s even harder when you stumble upon that one chance to become a dad and it goes south really quickly when you find out your wife had an affair and the kid isn’t yours.
And it’s even-even harder when you find out the other guy is your brother. And you know you will have to live with it because this is your family.
A Redditor has recently opened up about this situation with the AITA community.
More Info: Reddit
There is no easy way of dealing with wanting to be a dad, but not being able to be one. And it’s even harder when you find out you’ll be one, and then it’s taken away from you
Image source: Courtney Carmody (not the actual photo)
The story goes that OP always wanted to be a father. And when his girlfriend of 11 years finally said that she was pregnant, he was ecstatic. You see, OP has fertility problems, so the chances of him fathering his own children were next to nothing. But not impossible.
However, after a little girl was born, right before signing the birth certificate, OP found out the kid wasn’t really his. Adding salt to the wound, he also found out that the other guy was actually his brother. One DNA test later, this was verified.
A Redditor recently opened up about his situation, whereby he told his niece how she almost was his daughter, but an affair determined otherwise
Image source: username52819101js
The ex ended up marrying his brother and raising the daughter. Fast forward 18 years later, OP is 42 years old and well off. And since he doesn’t have any biological commitments, he has ended up helping out some of his younger relatives pay for college. Except for one: Lily, his now 18-year-old niece, his brother’s and ex’s daughter.
So, it didn’t take long for her to take initiative. She asked why he wasn’t offering to help her financially with the future of her education. At first, he came back with how her parents are actually well off enough to be able to fund her studies, but then he added how she expects him to be OK with watching his ex, her mother, and his brother, who had an affair with his ex, “play happy family” in front of him.
During a family gathering, the niece approached OP regarding her college funding, but he, having always distanced himself from them all, told her the truth
Image source: username52819101js
Image source: Jérémi Joslin (not the actual photo)
She got quiet. In fact, she stayed that way for the rest of the day and vanished at some point. That evening, OP got a call, picking up the phone to the sound of yelling—his ex accusing him of being a homewrecker. Turns out, Lily’s parents never told her anything about anything that had happened in the family. OP was the first one to tell her how it was. Apparently, she vanished to live with her boyfriend. Hence the call. And accusations.
OP did start feeling somewhat guilty, but as it had affected her more than he thought it would. On the other hand, she’s a grown-up, and she deserves to know the truth.
There was a brief update hitting on several nuances. But the main one was explaining what it feels like having to see a child that looks like him, has the name he gave, being raised by the woman he loved for over a decade. If anything, it’s not good for him on a mental level.
After the story took off, OP provided a brief update and explained several things, most notably how he feels about it
Image source: username52819101js
Image source: username52819101js (not the actual photo)
Well, folks online were supportive of OP. Some agreed that the parents should have told her about the distancing and the situation in general. Others explained that, by the looks of things, OP didn’t treat Lily harshly, nor did he show any resentment, nor should he feel any guilt about sharing his kindness with some and not others.
After reading some of the comments, OP decided to get in touch with Lily and talk to her about it. If she’s willing, of course. OP promised to provide an update, if he’s able to, and as of this article, there was none. Bored Panda also reached out to OP to comment on the situation.
Folks thought OP is not wrong for being truthful with his niece about something that her parents should have told her long ago
The post ended up garnering 14,000 upvotes with a good handful of Reddit awards. You can check out the post in context here, or any other of our articles covering Am I The A-Hole posts here. But don’t go anywhere as we’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation. What do you think the parents should have done? What about OP? Leave us a comment in the comment section below!
He just NOW came out with an update on the situation. He and Lily met up to talk and he came clean about everything. And she came clean and told him the story she heard growing up. Apparently her parents told her that her uncle had a “miracle baby” also called Lily and she died shortly after her birth. And that’s why he never liked being around Lily, because she reminded him too much of the “daughter who died”. Wow…. What a terrible thing for those parents to say. That already makes them worse than they already were. But anyway, he had been going to therapy for years and the therapist was the one to suggest to keep himself at a distance from Lily and her parents. But now that Lily is a legal adult she wants to have a relationship with her uncle and he’s agree to it since he will no longer have to see her parents again. And also, the rest of the family had decided to break off contact with the parents as well.
That last sentence made me so fricking happy- It's good to know that everything ended better than it started 😊
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I fully understand your complex feelings for and about Lily, and I don't blame you for having them. I do hope, however, that you can continue to remind yourself that Lily is also an innocent victim of your brother's and ex's perfidy. Maybe you don't need to pay for her college, but it'd be good karma for you to build a positive relationship with her, especially since she now feels betrayed by her parents.
I agree, but I can't imagine how I would react in his situation! I think he has handled it more graciously than I could. Also, thanks for the new word - perfidy!!
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Yeah, none of this was her fault yet she still has consequences from it :(
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He just NOW came out with an update on the situation. He and Lily met up to talk and he came clean about everything. And she came clean and told him the story she heard growing up. Apparently her parents told her that her uncle had a “miracle baby” also called Lily and she died shortly after her birth. And that’s why he never liked being around Lily, because she reminded him too much of the “daughter who died”. Wow…. What a terrible thing for those parents to say. That already makes them worse than they already were. But anyway, he had been going to therapy for years and the therapist was the one to suggest to keep himself at a distance from Lily and her parents. But now that Lily is a legal adult she wants to have a relationship with her uncle and he’s agree to it since he will no longer have to see her parents again. And also, the rest of the family had decided to break off contact with the parents as well.
That last sentence made me so fricking happy- It's good to know that everything ended better than it started 😊
Load More Replies... I fully understand your complex feelings for and about Lily, and I don't blame you for having them. I do hope, however, that you can continue to remind yourself that Lily is also an innocent victim of your brother's and ex's perfidy. Maybe you don't need to pay for her college, but it'd be good karma for you to build a positive relationship with her, especially since she now feels betrayed by her parents.
I agree, but I can't imagine how I would react in his situation! I think he has handled it more graciously than I could. Also, thanks for the new word - perfidy!!
Load More Replies... Yeah, none of this was her fault yet she still has consequences from it :(
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