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18 Y.O. Leaves Parents’ Home In Fury After Learning Her Uncle Nearly Became Her Dad, Which Explains Why He Distanced Himself From Them
There is no easy way to deal with wanting to be a dad, but not being able to be one.
It’s even harder when you stumble upon that one chance to become a dad and it goes south really quickly when you find out your wife had an affair and the kid isn’t yours.
And it’s even-even harder when you find out the other guy is your brother. And you know you will have to live with it because this is your family.
A Redditor has recently opened up about this situation with the AITA community.
More Info: Reddit
RELATED:
There is no easy way of dealing with wanting to be a dad, but not being able to be one. And it’s even harder when you find out you’ll be one, and then it’s taken away from you
Image source: Courtney Carmody (not the actual photo)
The story goes that OP always wanted to be a father. And when his girlfriend of 11 years finally said that she was pregnant, he was ecstatic. You see, OP has fertility problems, so the chances of him fathering his own children were next to nothing. But not impossible.
However, after a little girl was born, right before signing the birth certificate, OP found out the kid wasn’t really his. Adding salt to the wound, he also found out that the other guy was actually his brother. One DNA test later, this was verified.
A Redditor recently opened up about his situation, whereby he told his niece how she almost was his daughter, but an affair determined otherwise
Image source: username52819101js
The ex ended up marrying his brother and raising the daughter. Fast forward 18 years later, OP is 42 years old and well off. And since he doesn’t have any biological commitments, he has ended up helping out some of his younger relatives pay for college. Except for one: Lily, his now 18-year-old niece, his brother’s and ex’s daughter.
So, it didn’t take long for her to take initiative. She asked why he wasn’t offering to help her financially with the future of her education. At first, he came back with how her parents are actually well off enough to be able to fund her studies, but then he added how she expects him to be OK with watching his ex, her mother, and his brother, who had an affair with his ex, “play happy family” in front of him.
During a family gathering, the niece approached OP regarding her college funding, but he, having always distanced himself from them all, told her the truth
Image source: username52819101js
Image source: Jérémi Joslin (not the actual photo)
She got quiet. In fact, she stayed that way for the rest of the day and vanished at some point. That evening, OP got a call, picking up the phone to the sound of yelling—his ex accusing him of being a homewrecker. Turns out, Lily’s parents never told her anything about anything that had happened in the family. OP was the first one to tell her how it was. Apparently, she vanished to live with her boyfriend. Hence the call. And accusations.
OP did start feeling somewhat guilty, but as it had affected her more than he thought it would. On the other hand, she’s a grown-up, and she deserves to know the truth.
There was a brief update hitting on several nuances. But the main one was explaining what it feels like having to see a child that looks like him, has the name he gave, being raised by the woman he loved for over a decade. If anything, it’s not good for him on a mental level.
After the story took off, OP provided a brief update and explained several things, most notably how he feels about it
Image source: username52819101js
Image source: username52819101js (not the actual photo)
Well, folks online were supportive of OP. Some agreed that the parents should have told her about the distancing and the situation in general. Others explained that, by the looks of things, OP didn’t treat Lily harshly, nor did he show any resentment, nor should he feel any guilt about sharing his kindness with some and not others.
After reading some of the comments, OP decided to get in touch with Lily and talk to her about it. If she’s willing, of course. OP promised to provide an update, if he’s able to, and as of this article, there was none. Bored Panda also reached out to OP to comment on the situation.
Folks thought OP is not wrong for being truthful with his niece about something that her parents should have told her long ago
The post ended up garnering 14,000 upvotes with a good handful of Reddit awards. You can check out the post in context here, or any other of our articles covering Am I The A-Hole posts here. But don’t go anywhere as we’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation. What do you think the parents should have done? What about OP? Leave us a comment in the comment section below!
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Emma 3 years ago
He just NOW came out with an update on the situation. He and Lily met up to talk and he came clean about everything. And she came clean and told him the story she heard growing up. Apparently her parents told her that her uncle had a “miracle baby” also called Lily and she died shortly after her birth. And that’s why he never liked being around Lily, because she reminded him too much of the “daughter who died”. Wow…. What a terrible thing for those parents to say. That already makes them worse than they already were. But anyway, he had been going to therapy for years and the therapist was the one to suggest to keep himself at a distance from Lily and her parents. But now that Lily is a legal adult she wants to have a relationship with her uncle and he’s agree to it since he will no longer have to see her parents again. And also, the rest of the family had decided to break off contact with the parents as well.
GayBoi 3 years ago
That last sentence made me so fricking happy- It's good to know that everything ended better than it started 😊
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Kusotare 3 years ago
I fully understand your complex feelings for and about Lily, and I don't blame you for having them. I do hope, however, that you can continue to remind yourself that Lily is also an innocent victim of your brother's and ex's perfidy. Maybe you don't need to pay for her college, but it'd be good karma for you to build a positive relationship with her, especially since she now feels betrayed by her parents.
IDK_Something 3 years ago
I agree, but I can't imagine how I would react in his situation! I think he has handled it more graciously than I could. Also, thanks for the new word - perfidy!!
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VeninTheNonBinaryRogue 3 years ago
Yeah, none of this was her fault yet she still has consequences from it :(
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Bjarne McDonald 3 years ago
NTA. But also Lily is genetically 25 % your blood, like the older nephew that you gave a possibility to go to college. So maybe treat them alike and be the better person.
kallie barrett 3 years ago
Not a fan of Lily asking for cash like that. She may have been resentful, but you just don't go to a relative demanding college tuition, regardless if he gave others tuition. She should have asked her parents if that was a good option before doing it that way. Though she may have never learned the truth.
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Levi Little 3 years ago
Being ecstatic to be a father and it suddenly being ripped from you... It's a pain that still keeps me up at night. I loved that little boy as if he were my own, and to this day, I still care even if I can't be a part of their lives. Maybe I'll see them again some day... But can't hope for the past
Bryan Alexander 3 years ago
I found it disgusting that the ex-wife accused you of being a homewrecker when you told Lily, given that has been the role of her and your brother for the past 19 years.
Christopher Crosby 3 years ago
Very hard to handle but treating her different is causing her damage, im sure she feels all alone now. That would not sit well with me. Knowing i let the cat out of the bag.. be the better person and straighten it out, because rite now she is feeling betrayed by everyone and thats not fair to her she did nothing.
Jeanette Maldonado 3 years ago
I don't understand why would Lily ask him to pay for her education when her parents could afford and they only had her? He clearly said he helped the other nephews and nieces because they actually needed the help. Instead Lily should be happy her cousin got the help they needed and be grateful she has parents that can help her. He doesn't need to give Lily money because he spoke the truth.it was her choice to move out not his You shouldn't have to give money to anyone for telling the truth to make things better. He does need healing from this betrayal and it doesn't look like his brother and ex have any remorse. Relationships should not be built on money. No amount of money can heal this situation.
David Dazo 3 years ago
It wasn't about the money for her.. She wanted the same love from her Uncle that the rest got.. She never had a relationship with him and he seems cool.. Own business single and successful.. Never let his shirt coming if no kids stop him f om changing little kids lives.. She just wanted to know he loved her equally even if his Fake lilly baby died.. So many people who read this story only see the money and not the pain both people felt because they obviously had a connection since he did talk to her and care for her while in the womb..
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Jennifer Gantt 3 years ago
I think you were wrong in the way you treated your niece all those years. Yes, I understand that you were hurt. But Lily was a child and was not responsible for the affairs of the adults. I am sure that you know the difference between right and wrong. If you wanted to hurt her parents in an effort to make you feel better then you should have went after them directly. You should have never treated a child that way no matter what. I can't tell you how to feel about the hurt and betrayal but I can say you should have never let your feelings run over into the relationship with your niece. Children have enough to deal with without us adults adding to it. You keep looking at how you feel but think about how Lily felt all these years being outcast by her uncle.
David Dazo 3 years ago
So your saying if your man slept with your sister and got her pregnant and then told you it was his right as it was being born in front of the family you would have stuck around?? Stop pretending like your so high and mighty.. You know you would have lost it.. You would never come around and be mad at anyone who still talks to them.. You would never come to family events out of humility and be super distant to your sister and your BF's little family especially if they got married and everyone went!!! Man all you woman and men in these comments are straight up liars!!!
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Deborah B 3 years ago
Lily is still his niece, and from her perspective, the difference in treatment is unfair and cold, and she is innocent in all of this. He has no obligation to her, but he could have been kinder, instead of making her the target of his bitterness. He could have lead with "I'm not close to you your parents. There is a reason for this, something your parents did that really hurt me. It's not your fault, but it affects how I feel about you, and it means I see paying for your college as your parents' job, and not something I should help with." Then, if she wanted to know more he could have explained that he had been dating a girl since they were teens, got engaged, was overjoyed to become a father after fearing he couldn't, had held his baby girl and named her Lily. Then learned that Lily wasn't his, his fiancee was cheating, with his brother. That when he sees her parents, he still feels betrayed, and hurt. And say "I see that this hurts you, and I'm sorry, but I just can't."
Emma 3 years ago
He just NOW came out with an update on the situation. He and Lily met up to talk and he came clean about everything. And she came clean and told him the story she heard growing up. Apparently her parents told her that her uncle had a “miracle baby” also called Lily and she died shortly after her birth. And that’s why he never liked being around Lily, because she reminded him too much of the “daughter who died”. Wow…. What a terrible thing for those parents to say. That already makes them worse than they already were. But anyway, he had been going to therapy for years and the therapist was the one to suggest to keep himself at a distance from Lily and her parents. But now that Lily is a legal adult she wants to have a relationship with her uncle and he’s agree to it since he will no longer have to see her parents again. And also, the rest of the family had decided to break off contact with the parents as well.
GayBoi 3 years ago
That last sentence made me so fricking happy- It's good to know that everything ended better than it started 😊
Load More Replies... Kusotare 3 years ago
I fully understand your complex feelings for and about Lily, and I don't blame you for having them. I do hope, however, that you can continue to remind yourself that Lily is also an innocent victim of your brother's and ex's perfidy. Maybe you don't need to pay for her college, but it'd be good karma for you to build a positive relationship with her, especially since she now feels betrayed by her parents.
IDK_Something 3 years ago
I agree, but I can't imagine how I would react in his situation! I think he has handled it more graciously than I could. Also, thanks for the new word - perfidy!!
Load More Replies... VeninTheNonBinaryRogue 3 years ago
Yeah, none of this was her fault yet she still has consequences from it :(
Load More Replies... Bjarne McDonald 3 years ago
NTA. But also Lily is genetically 25 % your blood, like the older nephew that you gave a possibility to go to college. So maybe treat them alike and be the better person.
kallie barrett 3 years ago
Not a fan of Lily asking for cash like that. She may have been resentful, but you just don't go to a relative demanding college tuition, regardless if he gave others tuition. She should have asked her parents if that was a good option before doing it that way. Though she may have never learned the truth.
Load More Replies... Levi Little 3 years ago
Being ecstatic to be a father and it suddenly being ripped from you... It's a pain that still keeps me up at night. I loved that little boy as if he were my own, and to this day, I still care even if I can't be a part of their lives. Maybe I'll see them again some day... But can't hope for the past
Bryan Alexander 3 years ago
I found it disgusting that the ex-wife accused you of being a homewrecker when you told Lily, given that has been the role of her and your brother for the past 19 years.
Christopher Crosby 3 years ago
Very hard to handle but treating her different is causing her damage, im sure she feels all alone now. That would not sit well with me. Knowing i let the cat out of the bag.. be the better person and straighten it out, because rite now she is feeling betrayed by everyone and thats not fair to her she did nothing.
Jeanette Maldonado 3 years ago
I don't understand why would Lily ask him to pay for her education when her parents could afford and they only had her? He clearly said he helped the other nephews and nieces because they actually needed the help. Instead Lily should be happy her cousin got the help they needed and be grateful she has parents that can help her. He doesn't need to give Lily money because he spoke the truth.it was her choice to move out not his You shouldn't have to give money to anyone for telling the truth to make things better. He does need healing from this betrayal and it doesn't look like his brother and ex have any remorse. Relationships should not be built on money. No amount of money can heal this situation.
David Dazo 3 years ago
It wasn't about the money for her.. She wanted the same love from her Uncle that the rest got.. She never had a relationship with him and he seems cool.. Own business single and successful.. Never let his shirt coming if no kids stop him f om changing little kids lives.. She just wanted to know he loved her equally even if his Fake lilly baby died.. So many people who read this story only see the money and not the pain both people felt because they obviously had a connection since he did talk to her and care for her while in the womb..
Load More Replies... Jennifer Gantt 3 years ago
I think you were wrong in the way you treated your niece all those years. Yes, I understand that you were hurt. But Lily was a child and was not responsible for the affairs of the adults. I am sure that you know the difference between right and wrong. If you wanted to hurt her parents in an effort to make you feel better then you should have went after them directly. You should have never treated a child that way no matter what. I can't tell you how to feel about the hurt and betrayal but I can say you should have never let your feelings run over into the relationship with your niece. Children have enough to deal with without us adults adding to it. You keep looking at how you feel but think about how Lily felt all these years being outcast by her uncle.
David Dazo 3 years ago
So your saying if your man slept with your sister and got her pregnant and then told you it was his right as it was being born in front of the family you would have stuck around?? Stop pretending like your so high and mighty.. You know you would have lost it.. You would never come around and be mad at anyone who still talks to them.. You would never come to family events out of humility and be super distant to your sister and your BF's little family especially if they got married and everyone went!!! Man all you woman and men in these comments are straight up liars!!!
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 years ago
Lily is still his niece, and from her perspective, the difference in treatment is unfair and cold, and she is innocent in all of this. He has no obligation to her, but he could have been kinder, instead of making her the target of his bitterness. He could have lead with "I'm not close to you your parents. There is a reason for this, something your parents did that really hurt me. It's not your fault, but it affects how I feel about you, and it means I see paying for your college as your parents' job, and not something I should help with." Then, if she wanted to know more he could have explained that he had been dating a girl since they were teens, got engaged, was overjoyed to become a father after fearing he couldn't, had held his baby girl and named her Lily. Then learned that Lily wasn't his, his fiancee was cheating, with his brother. That when he sees her parents, he still feels betrayed, and hurt. And say "I see that this hurts you, and I'm sorry, but I just can't."
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