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“Choices Have Consequences”: Dad Cancels Kids’ Europe Trip After They Chose To Live With Mom
Divorce is never just about two people deciding they’d rather not share a Netflix account anymore. It’s a complex, often brutal, process of dismantling a life built together. The emotional shrapnel can linger for years, creating a new normal filled with separate houses, complicated schedules, and the constant, nagging question of what’s “fair.”
In this new reality, every decision, from holiday plans to weekend visits, is loaded with meaning, and kids, especially teenagers, start to exercise their own agency. But what happens when a parent decides that those choices come with tangible, costly consequences? One dad recently drew a very firm line in the sand, or rather, on a boarding pass to Europe.
More info: Reddit
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Divorce can turn family dynamics into a battlefield of resentment and hurt feelings faster than you can sign a prenup
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After a brutal, four-year custody battle, a father lost 50/50 custody of his teenage kids, squandering his life savings in the process
Image credits: anonymous
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He then planned a lavish European vacation with his new wife’s family and friends, but not his own children
Image credits: anonymous
Image credits: Bizon / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Even the kids’ cousin was allowed on the trip, making it clear that it wasn’t an ‘adults-only’ trip either
Image credits: anonymous
Image credits: benzoix / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When his kids asked why they couldn’t go, he tried to turn it into a learning experience, reminding them that they chose to live with their mother
Image credits: anonymous
He claimed he was teaching them a life lesson, but his children fired back, calling him out for his petty grievances
This dad’s story begins with a brutal, four-year custody war initiated by his ex-wife. To fight for 50/50 custody of his two teenagers, he drained his entire life savings of a staggering $165,000. Meanwhile, his ex-wife’s legal fees were comfortably covered by her wealthy father, setting the stage for a deeply uneven and emotionally draining battle.
Despite his fight, the battle was ultimately decided by his teenage kids in court. The older one clearly chose to live with mom, while the younger one, exhausted by the process, caved under the pressure and opted for a 70/30 split. The judge sided with their preferences, and the dad lost the equal custody he’d bankrupted himself for.
Fast forward to the present, where the dad and his new wife are planning a dream trip to Spain and France. The kids found out and, naturally, wanted in. Their hopes were dashed when he told them no, and their “it’s not fair” argument was supercharged when they learned their 15-year-old cousin was invited, proving it wasn’t an adults-only affair.
When his kids pressed the issue, the dad delivered a cold, hard dose of reality: “Choices have consequences. One of them is that you don’t get to join me on things like this.” His younger child shot back with a classic teenage zinger: “You’re just mad we have more fun at Mom’s house.” Now, the dad is left wondering if he’s teaching a fair life lesson or just being a bitter, punishing jerk.
Image credits: Julia M Cameron / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The dad’s painful situation reflects a difficult legal reality in many custody disputes involving teens. As DivorceNet explains, judges often give more weight to the preferences of older children, and his kids’ choice to live with their mom aligns with a common outcome. Data from the U.S. Census shows that about 80% of custodial parents are mothers, placing him in a large, though undoubtedly painful, demographic.
However, co-parenting experts would almost certainly agree that his reaction crosses a significant line. According to guidance from HelpGuide.org, a core principle of healthy co-parenting is to never put children in the middle. By explicitly linking the European vacation to the custody outcome, he is directly punishing them for a decision made in a high-pressure situation and making them bear the weight of his resentment.
This approach creates a toxic “good cop/bad cop” dynamic, which co-parenting coach Teresa Harlow warns against. The father is now being perceived as the disciplinarian or the “bad cop” who spoils the fun. By withholding this experience, he is not teaching a healthy lesson about consequences; he is teaching his children that his affection and generosity are conditional on their loyalty to him.
The internet had no problem telling him that he had messed up, but what do you think? Let us know your thoughts below!
The internet had mixed feelings, but most called for the mother to take the blame, not the children
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What do you think ?
Squirrelly Panda 2 months ago (edited)
Ex wife comes from money (her wealthy dad paid her legal bills) so I dont see how this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for the kids. Dad also supposedly spent his life savings on custody battle, yet can afford a luxury trip? That doesn't sound right. Seems like rage bait.That said, if true, dad is an ah for calling the kids "young adults" and punishing them by excluding them from the trip because they wanted to live at mom's. (Edit, spelling)
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 2 months ago
Gee, I wonder why the kids didn’t want to stay with him as much
BlackestDawn 2 months ago
But then that also shows the kids only wanted to go on the trip, not to go with their dad. We have practically nothing to go in general of how the kids have been treated. Sure I fully admit that OP handled it badly but I'm not keen on putting this as his standard behavior towards the kids.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
Not surprised they wanted to stay with their mom when Dad would rather punish them for custody testimony than have a relationship with his kids.
Alexandra 2 months ago
As I read it, the children want to have an international holiday, just that. They don't want to reconnect with their father, they are apparently not interested in him if he has nothing to offer them except himself. I'm not sure I want to travel and pay for people who don't want to have anything to do with me except for when they can get something from me. Do they visit their father regularly? Are they interested in him at all? Yes, they are his kids and family as such, but family, I think, is more than just blood, it's behaviour. If you are never interested in one parent except for when they have something you want, what does that make you?
lenka 2 months ago
Except... they are CHILDREN. It is his job as the parent to set an example. If he wants to establish a healthy relationship with his kids then punishing them like this wont get him there. Is it more important to be RIGHT or is it more important to have a relationship? I think this petty punishment behavior is EXACTLY WHY the kids didn't want to spend time with him.
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J R 2 months ago (edited)
This feels like petty punishment. I get why he's hurt, but they are kids, not adults. They were even younger when they made a decision. And quite frankly, kids make decisions based on frivolous reasons that adults would think are unwise. I remember times when I thought I liked my dad better because he bought more snacks at the grocery store, and my mom would get mad over it. As an adult, I realize she was right and he was spending money they couldn't afford. But as a kid, I didn't understand that. I have no idea why the kids chose to live with their mom. Maybe they were right, maybe wrong. But the dad taking his hurt out on them isn't going to mend things.
Vinnie 2 months ago (edited)
"You’re young adults now. [...] choices have consequences." - The young adults are 14 and 16. They chose their mom 4 years ago. The math tells me that OP is so old that he worked in a factory and also did jail time before the age of 10. Buddy, times have changed. The 19th century called and they want their "miniature adult" mindset back.
Squirrelly Panda 2 months ago (edited)
Ex wife comes from money (her wealthy dad paid her legal bills) so I dont see how this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for the kids. Dad also supposedly spent his life savings on custody battle, yet can afford a luxury trip? That doesn't sound right. Seems like rage bait.That said, if true, dad is an ah for calling the kids "young adults" and punishing them by excluding them from the trip because they wanted to live at mom's. (Edit, spelling)
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 2 months ago
Gee, I wonder why the kids didn’t want to stay with him as much
BlackestDawn 2 months ago
But then that also shows the kids only wanted to go on the trip, not to go with their dad. We have practically nothing to go in general of how the kids have been treated. Sure I fully admit that OP handled it badly but I'm not keen on putting this as his standard behavior towards the kids.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
Not surprised they wanted to stay with their mom when Dad would rather punish them for custody testimony than have a relationship with his kids.
Alexandra 2 months ago
As I read it, the children want to have an international holiday, just that. They don't want to reconnect with their father, they are apparently not interested in him if he has nothing to offer them except himself. I'm not sure I want to travel and pay for people who don't want to have anything to do with me except for when they can get something from me. Do they visit their father regularly? Are they interested in him at all? Yes, they are his kids and family as such, but family, I think, is more than just blood, it's behaviour. If you are never interested in one parent except for when they have something you want, what does that make you?
lenka 2 months ago
Except... they are CHILDREN. It is his job as the parent to set an example. If he wants to establish a healthy relationship with his kids then punishing them like this wont get him there. Is it more important to be RIGHT or is it more important to have a relationship? I think this petty punishment behavior is EXACTLY WHY the kids didn't want to spend time with him.
Load More Replies... J R 2 months ago (edited)
This feels like petty punishment. I get why he's hurt, but they are kids, not adults. They were even younger when they made a decision. And quite frankly, kids make decisions based on frivolous reasons that adults would think are unwise. I remember times when I thought I liked my dad better because he bought more snacks at the grocery store, and my mom would get mad over it. As an adult, I realize she was right and he was spending money they couldn't afford. But as a kid, I didn't understand that. I have no idea why the kids chose to live with their mom. Maybe they were right, maybe wrong. But the dad taking his hurt out on them isn't going to mend things.
Vinnie 2 months ago (edited)
"You’re young adults now. [...] choices have consequences." - The young adults are 14 and 16. They chose their mom 4 years ago. The math tells me that OP is so old that he worked in a factory and also did jail time before the age of 10. Buddy, times have changed. The 19th century called and they want their "miniature adult" mindset back.
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